


The Persistent Traveler

by candycandy (telltail_heart)



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alpha Charles, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Space, Boxing, Charles has feelings, Charles is broken, Charles is protective, Charles' POV, Charles' clothes are way too tight, Chasing erik, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik can't resist forever, Erik is the chief of engineering, First Time, First Time Meeting, Flashbacks, Frenemies, Jealousy, Logan is a ass, Lust at First Sight, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Naval theme, Omega Erik, POV Erik, Seduction, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Weight training, charles has blue balls, charles is buff, erik has victorian ideals, sensual massage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 98,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4612314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telltail_heart/pseuds/candycandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik is the Chief of Engineering, aboard the starship Poseidon where he’s spent the last 10 years of his life dedicated to his job over all other desires. That is until he receives his newest crew member, Lieutenant Commander Charles Xavier, who proves to be more persistent than a black hole at getting what he wants, which to Erik’s utter confusion appears to be him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The heat is on

**Author's Note:**

> In this fic Erik's an omega and Charles is an alpha, which I've never written, but it was fun all the same, and in space! 
> 
> I've also never written a space fic, but after watching Space Station 76, I ended up with the same theme. So the ship is pretty much like a modern setting, but in space. I really liked that about the movie, (although It's 70's themed, which this story isn't.) most of the future I've made up or borrow and changed from either books, or movies as a big sci-fi fan, but i've kept it all pretty much modern cause that's the feel I want, in space lol. Enjoy!
> 
> *some chapter revision has occurred, and will continue as I write the fic*

 

 

 

 

The lift opened and Erik let out a sigh of relief that it was empty. This was a good sign and exactly what he wanted: he wouldn’t have to suffer through sharing it for his descent to engineering. He loathed the thought when he was like this...  He would have been more than happy to stay alone in his quarters until his heat was over, but that wasn't an option. His job was waiting for him and that was more important than his comfort, or the crews for that matter...   

It proved to be good that he was alone... Annoyance was souring his existence to an exaggerated degree, and he realized as he stood in a brooding silence, the temperature of the ship was the cause. Instead of being the perfectly regulated 15 degrees, it was hovering somewhere around 20, and it was clear to Erik that someone had tampered with the sensors... _again_.

Fanning himself with his hand, he wondered if anyone would notice the temperature dropping in all common rooms to a crisp 5. He had the means to do it and was tempted, but it would be a pointless expulsion of effort when he could alter the heat in his office and then stay there for the majority of his shift.

He cursed the ineffectiveness of his  _heat_ regulators. No matter what brand he got they never stopped the hot flashes completely, and he already knew it was going to be an uncomfortable day what with all the alphas around him in engineering. He didn’t need the added annoyance of the ship helping him to burn up. That was his biggest worry—not that he might draw unwanted attention from the later sex... due to his state.  No, his men would no doubt remain professional, as would he. His inhibitions had never became compromised— thankfully his suppressants worked that well at least.

Erik held the position of head engineer on the Starship Poseidon, and so he was accomplished in his professional endeavours that was clear, yet when it came to his personal ones, he had failed years ago if he was honest… He had no personal relationships that extended past friendship, and strove to keep it that way. So it could be said, he didn't have a life that could be viewed as normal, or sane, when everyone desires a mate, and intimacy…  There were exceptions obviously for people like him… people who chose to stay celibate: persuasions such as asexuality, yet Erik didn't fall into that sexual spectrum. He simply lived a solitary existence… and it took having his heat for him to reflect on the lack of alpha in his bed.

It was logical yet annoying to think about, when he doubted if any alpha would be interested in him romantically at this point in his life, even if they overlooked his cold personality, and overbearing tendencies, and rigid form... He was too rough from the years working labour positions, and he lacked the soft appearance of an omega... But it was for the best if he was honest, his unattractiveness. It would only prove to weaken his authority if he was physically appealing while presiding over so many alphas, and beside the point there was no place for romance in engineering. Being an engineer wasn’t all standing around and filing his nails (which he has never done in his life), it was working with your hands, lifting and moving engine parts, and when the engine of the Poseidon fit into a room larger than the ships mess hall and bridge combined— there were a lot of parts that could easily falter, and so diligence was mandatory.

Erik's decision for becoming an engineer was in part due to his severe personality, and yes, unappealing appearance. He just lacking so many fundamental traits an omega beholds, and so he'd concluded he was better off dedicating his life to his career as a Starfleet officer. The thought of doing a menial omega job like an office worker, or a cook, or horrifyingly enough becoming a father was about the last thing that Erik wanted to do with his life.

Naturally, there had been a time he was unsure of his future with only the knowledge that he wasn’t going to follow in the footsteps of most omega, and so sought out a career that suited him instead. By following his interests and stumbled into engineering almost immediately due to the technical nature of the job, which again had nothing to do with him being an omega. In regards to his personal reasons for choosing such a tedious vocation, Erik cherished solitude, and engineering proved to be his saving grace while he was in heat. In engineering he didn’t have to deal with the safety of an entire ship on a regular basis, as he would on the bridge, so his compulsion to kill half the crew out of annoyance during his heat was pacified. Today though, he didn't know if he could make any promises... 

Erik groaned as the lift came to a stop, and tried to remember who was working today. It was actually better if it was the younger crew members, Alex, or Hank. The other senior crew members in engineering consisted of Commander Azazel, his second in command, who would without question point out his current predicament, and make personal comments that were not welcome. There was one other senior officer apart from Azazel on his staff, whom had been Lieutenant Commander Bishop, but he had moved from the ship as of two weeks ago... So they were effectively down a man, and he would be left with no doubt his annoying friend on shift... It was wishful thinking on his part that he’d get a break. As much as Azazel was a pain in his neck on most days, they were close friends and that was the only reason Erik allowed his teasing during his heat, and only he got this immunity. Erik wasn’t that much of a social pariah that he would isolate himself on a spaceship where he had lived for almost ten years, but that still didn’t preclude him from being stiff around the rest of the crew, and he wasn't as personable with anyone else as he was with his friend.  

Walking into engineering he pulled at his thick blue uniform coat, running his finger along the tight collar that felt like it was strangling him. The ships uniform (and all of Starfleet,) was military dress, and consisted of a thick wool officer’s coat and slacks, and the appropriate polished black foot wear depending on the department, but most starships maintained the traditional style from years past. Colour varied from vessel to vessel though, and on the Poseidon, navy blue was the chosen shade predictability, along with a small white embroidered trident over the heart which was the only detail added to the seamless coat, apart from rank— that was displayed in thick white lines of embroidering on his cuffs. Erik's held four of these lines, which betrayed his rank as Chief of Engineering.

 

They were comfortable enough, but ran on the hot side and Erik cursed the uniforms on days like this when he was burning up in the wool. He considered putting on his coveralls, but it wasn’t a maintenance day so he would look out of place— _and_  he didn’t wear coveralls as the Chief of Engineering naturally unless he really needed to. He had to look professional, and meticulous, not sweating his ass off...

 

Erik strode to his office and passed his men already on shift, Alex and Hank, who nodded at him as a greeting, maintaining a silent respect for his rank as ensigns were expected to. The glass door slid as he approached with his quiet command of  _‘open’_ , and he strode over to his desk and all but collapsed into his leather chair immediately, grateful for the cool leather. He then reached for the thermostat that was on his desk, and tapped down the temperature feeling the instant blessed cool blowing at him from overhead, and finally he felt like he could breathe. He took a moment to appreciate this relief before he started on his day.

Touching his desktop, a display screen flicked to life in the air before him, with a fan of lucent red les light emitted from the opaque, white silicone surface. His desk was essentially a computer that was then hooked into the ships mainframe, and its’ display could be manipulated as he saw fit. He tapped the floating display, going through his morning routine of inspecting the engines vitals: lists of approaching maintenance demands, and the radiation levels of the engine bay, fluid stats, so on, and any messages that were awaiting his attention. He opened his mail, and cursed as he read that their new recruit had arrived, and with that came a chime from his door almost instantly

Looking up he saw Azazel standing outside the glass of his office entrance smirking, and with another officer standing beside him who was shorter, and dressed in a lieutenant’s uniform that was of course the same as his own minus the rank. It appeared this new addition was a Lieutenant Commander just as Azazel, who wore three lines on his cuffs. This should have been a comfort to him that he now had two senior trained men at his disposal, but it was not... in his current state.

Erik felt a sudden apprehension being around anyone today— especially a new officer. He feared he would lose their respect before he got a chance to establish it. Usually new staff would find out over time that he was an omega, and by that point they would have already accepted him as their commanding officer, and his sexuality wouldn't be an issue…and if it did happen to become one to the insecure individual he was supposed to manage, he didn't care one bit. That's not why he was here. Only on a few past occasions had he sensed resistance from an alpha under his command, but that had been years ago, and thankfully by this point in his career his reputation preceded him, and his sexual orientation wasn’t questioned by anyone, _ever_.

“Come in” Erik spoke, and the door slid open, and he stood, knowing he would be accompanying the new lieutenant on a tour of the warp drive. He wouldn’t let anyone around his baby unless he knew they were competent. There was no other way for a chief to think. Erik was personally familiar with Poseidon’ combustion system, and if even a hum was an octave lower, he could pick up the change in the pitch of the engineering room acoustics. He couldn’t afford to be anything but a perfectionist in his profession when he had a disadvantage, yet it was just in his nature to be this incisive about his job.

“Chief, this is Lieutenant Commander Xavier, he just arrived from the Senerie transport.” Erik nodded, and looked at Lieutenant Xavier who was shorter then both of them, and Erik noted with annoyance, was grinning at him like a school boy... and was somewhat attractive as he did it... He did not need this, not today, not from an alpha who looked like this...

Erik took in his large blue eyes, and his longer then regulation length, thick dark brown hair that was combed neatly, and he tried to not find him appealing, citing that it was clear that Xavier already didn’t follow procedure by his hairs presence he discerned with contempt... Erik wanted to hold this against him, but he really didn’t care how an officer kept their hair as long as they didn’t look like a complete disgrace, which the new lieutenant's did not, appearing soft... and wavy he thought irritably. Xavier was also noticeably shorter for an alpha which might be a mark against him, yet Erik didn’t care about height… He was also freckled, covered in an abundance of them and this bothered Erik more than anything… Made his body begin to heat just seeing Xavier's complexion of soft pale skin, that made his freckles even more prominent due to its ivory quality. This also helped to make the alpha's eyes more striking then they might have been, exceptionally so... a entrancing blue of which he had never seen, and dare he think right in this moment, was beautiful... He suddenly wished his new lieutenant wasn’t so appealing. It was annoying in his state, because he had just mentally admired him as though he would ever consider approaching anyone with intimate intentions.

“Yes, thank you commander.” Erik finally said, hoping he hadn’t appeared fazed, and Azazel winked at him for no perceivable reason, and so he ignored him. Erik regarded the new lieutenant instead, who was still maintained that annoyingly friendly grin.

“Lieutenant Xavier, welcome to engineering. I take it that you’ve been to your quarters and have settled in on the ship. If you haven’t had the chance, then we should end this meeting here. I don’t want a man unprepared in my bay.”

Xavier’s eyes narrowed, but his smile only faltered for a moment as he wet his lips, and Erik felt his annoyance rise… His body’s state was bleeding through the drugs at this new alphas presence… new alpha genes, which he knew was normal when he was in heat, but it didn’t make him feel any better.

“I’m prepared.” He assured in a faint British tone, while leaning in the slightest towards Erik, and his scent wafted his way like an enticing alpha cologne, and it hit him then like another crux on his spirit as he noticed how solid Xavier appeared, like he was concealing a sculpted muscular body under his uniform.

This new lieutenant was more appealing he could admit then any of the current crew, or any alpha he had seen in years - And he almost winced, crushing that thought along with his surprise at the man’s accent.

“Good.” Erik said professionally, when what he wanted to say instead was: get out of my fucking office…  Of course that never came out of his lips, and he went about welcoming Xavier in his usual fashion, well perhaps not usual… “Welcome to engineering Lieutenant, and the Poseidon. I’m sure you will find a place here…” Erik said warily unable to spare more warmth. He then looked at Azazel who was lounging by the door, and ordered, “Come along.” And then walked past Xavier, and out of his office knowing he would follow because what other choice did he have?

Azazel fell into step beside him, and they walked through the bay’s long corridor that was edged with plexi-plated, clear cooling ducts. They snaked along the wall in the immaculate engineering room, and circulated water from cooling towers to the warp reactor they were walking towards, and allowed the engine to not go into a meld down from heat produced by the reaction within.

The new lieutenant fell into step beside Erik hesitantly, giving him a stained look, and Erik only knew this because he was watching Xavier speculatively due to his decision to walk beside him, and not Azazel. He hadn’t expected Xavier to be this assertive. It was telling if a new officer actually came near him and carried themselves with confidence. Erik respected that more than the cowering he experienced on occasion, yet he only expected such behaviour from a new recruit, not a Lieutenant Commander. Erik found himself not looking away from Xavier as he would, just to inspect his features he realized on a instinctual level, as his mind pushed him to consider this new alpha as a prospect. Xavier’s unfaltering gaze met his own, and he raised an inquisitive brow at Erik's scrutiny, his bright lips pulling into a self-effacing grin, which Erik obviously didn’t return. Instead he broke eye contact swiftly as he heard Xavier clear his throat.

“It’s Charles by the way. I thought we might get a chance to introduce ourselves formally, but I see you are a man of action.”

Erik felt a swell of annoyance, yet also guilt that he would never admit to anyone. He was being more curt than usual because of his predicament, and knew this probably wasn’t the best approach to start a working relationship with a new crew member, yet he really didn’t think one day would irrepressibly change the entire course of Xavier’s and his future rapport. He didn’t even want to see Azazel’s reaction to Xavier’s attempt at civility, and stopped abruptly at the entrance of the warp reactor, leaving Xavier to falter in his step.

The sprawling ceiling high, titanium, plexi-plated turbines hummed with energy, and was the only sound audible in room, as water rushed through the clear pipes in silence, meeting the reactor that sat at the far end of the large room that was about a quarter the length of a hanger bay. Each of the three turbines were secured into the hull of the ship and let off the faint red glow that refracted inside the clear plexi-plates from the Tekthonian drive, causing room to be basked in a throbbing red light. Through the impenetrable plastic, the metal blades of the turbines were visible, spinning as the engine was active, and keeping the ship alive in space, yet nothing but a red and metal shaded blur was visible from where they stood.

Erik turned Xavier, and regarded him in a stoic demeanor, “This is the warp reactor, Lieutenant Commander. I personally like to tour our new officers around the most important piece of machinery on this ship. I’m very proud of our reactor lieutenant, and I hope that you will share the same pride now that you are working here. I am not acquainted with your file, although I am sure that you are as skilled as the rest of the senior staff, but I don’t operate on assumptions. I would like to see your experience for myself… Transfer power to the nuclear generator and disengage from the Tekthonian drive manually.” Erik ordered, and watched Xavier, feeling his composure returning as he looked blindsided for a second, as his brows rose, and all of his amiability dropped away. Yet a determined expression overcame his face instantaneously, and he jerked his chin in acceptance of the challenge: “Fine, I can do that Chief.” He said brusquely, and stalked over to the control panel running along westerly wall, without a pause in his step.

Erik spared a glance to Azazel who was giving him a knowing look, and then said like Erik should have read his file, “He’s good.”  

Giving him a bland brow raise, he turned to watch Xavier who had the panel open and was basked in the red light of the display, as he tapped on the key pad in the wall. Without a hitch, Xavier was pulling out the hand controlled hydraulic release, that let out an expulsion of mechanic energy with an audible declining hum.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Erik muttered, but it was clear that Xavier was a senior trained engineer, as he effortlessly moved to the other side of the room to repeat the procedure walking with a sure step from years of confidence, and when Erik looked at Azazel he had that smirk again.

“He’s good.” He repeated and Erik had to agree, as Xavier finished pulling out the hydraulic release and then jogged to end of the room, and started to climb the ladder next to the reactor to cut off the energy from the Tekthonian drive. Of course all offers were taught this procedure, but it took a trained man to see such confidence flow through the steps. He was even implementing the clear pause of time between the transfer, as Xavier stood on the ladder motionless waiting for a safe time to proceed - it took 10 minutes for the Tekthonian reactor to disengage before connecting the nuclear compulsion, and Erik had men up on that ladder trying to start up the nuclear compulsion almost immediately on more than one occasion, which was incredibly dangerous. Azazel would always call them down, and this would lead to their first lesson as a member of his crew: how to save all their lives if the impossible happened and the reactor malfunctioned, or worse.

Azazel chose this time to tell him as they waited, “He was stationed on the Xaaxel 5.”

Erik gave him sharp look, and Azazel nodded. “What’s he doing here?” Erik reflected, and he got an unknowing look from his friend.

“I was wondering the same thing.” He mumbled, and they didn’t comment further knowing that Xavier should be on the bridge and not down here in engineering. The Xaaxel’s crew was made up of the Starfleet’s crème de la crème of commanding officers to be, trained on the infamous warship that was involved in galactic peace assignments, to full out warfare. That was the reason it was named the Xaaxel _5_ , it had been destroyed four times already in combat, or damaged beyond repair. It was known that any officer shrewd enough to make it onto the Xaaxel wasn’t generally leaving without a damn good reason… and the first thing that came to his mind was that Xavier had been dishonorably discharge from the crew.

Erik pondered over what caused Xavier to end up here on Poseidon of all places, as he watched his figure on the ladder manually switched over the power supply, and a burst of energy echoed through the room from the transfer, thus proving the task had been completed successfully.

Erik waited for Xavier to climb down, and come over to receive his praise which he wouldn’t get, but when he stopped in front of Erik, he ran a hand through his full hair in a blasé manner, and drawled arrogantly, “That's what you were looking for?” like he did this every day, and he was merely humouring them.

He was actually impressed by Xavier's skill, and professional poise and was silently thankful that the man was so well trained, although he speculated a power struggle might arise if Xavier though he was superior to Erik... This was a possibility he accepted, not knowing what Xavier’s agenda was, Erik taking into considering that he’d come from such an elite institution, regardless of Xavier’s reasons for leaving. If it did come to that, and there was future friction between them, it would be met with disciplinary measures, and possible repulsion from the ship if Erik was annoyed enough. He hoped it wouldn’t have come to that honestly, needing another man to help him lead, and who better then a Xaaxel man.

“That _was_ lieutenant, and I am confident now that you have the training to know how to save our lives, I commend you.” He said with a deliberate deficiency of warmth, not wanting Xavier to be too cock sure until he’s earned it.

The shorter man adjusted his coat, and Erik’s eyes traveled to his solid frame, and he noted once again that Xavier looked more bulky then his size would boast… He imagined suddenly what was hiding under that coat in an uncontrollable lapse, but couldn't bring himself to feel guilty for the lewd thought, chocking it up to his heat with annoyance.

Xavier held his eyes in a subtle irritation that was only relayed through his poignant blues, and Erik could tell that he was finally instilling his authority over the man. _Wiped away that smile…_ he thought, although it was a thought riddled with emotion as he had found Xavier incredibly appealing in his earlier unprofessional jovial manner. _He’s_ … his mind didn’t want to think the word, but it was all that was coming to him: _cute._

“Thank you, I suppose.” Xavier finally said tightly, and Erik realized he’d been staring down the new officer as his mind went off on a tangent about his appearance, and Erik felt the tension in the air, winding up between them in a sudden poignancy, that was thick enough to cut.

Erik turned to Azazel who was watching him perceptively, and Erik ignored his knowing look not even wanting to hedge a guess as to what his friend was thinking. He thought it was best to move on now needing a break from Xavier’s presence. He went to instruct his second in command to show the new lieutenant around the engineering bay, after he set the drive back, when the entire ship lurched - and Erik was send stumbling off balance along with the other two officers. The warning signal turned on wailing through engineering, and Erik’s first through was to get to the display panel to check the reactors vital, but his thoughts were jarred off track when the new Lieutenant collided with him talking him to the ground in the momentum of his fall.

There was a crack as Erik’s head hit the ground, and pain spread out along his skull like the diffusion of radiation from a fractured reactor, and he saw white points of light suffused in the red of his vision. There was a heavy weight pinning him to the ground... Xavier, he thought muzzily, knowing it was him by scent, and feeling disoriented as his body needed this  _temptation_ \- craving the alpha's position and more, despite his pain. Erik couldn't appreciate the only alpha over him during his heat in years, and this wasn't the time if there ever would be to dwell on such pleasures. Touching his crown, he checked to see if he was bleeding as his vision was returning, and in his disorientation the whistle over the ship wide intercom from the bridge was sounded, and he listened with a rushing adrenaline, to hear if they were under attack.

“This is the Captain speaking, this is a Code blue; I repeat a code blue: meteor strike. This is a non-lethal collision, any injured crew please report to sick bay. Thank you, and god speed.”

Erik groaned in relief thinking: _a damn meteor what are they doing up there_ , and realized he said that out loud in his annoyance, and pain. He also felt his faculties returning, as he comprehended that his aching head was being cradled by a gentle hand. Xavier was looming above him supporting his weight with one arm impressively, whist regarding him with apparent apprehension.

Erik tried to remember when they got in this position, and guessed it was from the fall, yet he couldn’t recall Xavier wrapping his unwelcome self around him like this. The man in question relaxed beside him on the hard ground still cradling his head, and then held up three fingers asking Erik, “How many fingers?”

Really, did that deserve an answer?

He looked over Azazel who was getting to his feet, and then back to Xavier who he realized was waiting for an answer and still... touching him. When he met Xavier’s worried blues again, he saw his nose flaring as he was scenting Erik instinctively, and he even went as far to start to lean down, chasing his scent - and that was unacceptable. This entire scenario was. Erik didn't need this tender moment as he viewed this predicament, and he went about to end it as swiftly as possible, when his body was pleading with him to stay just like this with the alpha.

“I think that’s enough.” He graveled, and placed his hand on Xavier’s shoulder to push him off, and never anticipated one touch of the alphas clothed body, could make him want so badly when he was on god damn suppressants - but it appeared he was wrong... He had to look away from Xavier as his body flamed with desire, and then he pushed himself up from the floor, and stood slowly while repressing his emotions. Smoothing his suit weakly, his head throbbed like a hammer striking a thumb, and he ignored everyone for a borrowed moment as he tried to regain his equilibrium.

“Chief are you fine?” Azazel asked him without a hint of sympathy in his tone, and Erik appreciated it.

“I’m fine.” He grated, not feeling it, but had to ignored his state when there were more pressing matters to attend to. Summoning his composure, he directed his first officer, and new lieutenant, thinking of the ships state foremost over his own - while alertly apprehensive that future problems might arise if they were in fact in a meteor belt. Erik spoke to Azazel first, “Go and check the reactor's vitals; Xavier reverse the power exchange.” Azazel nodded, and went to the transparent projected display that sat at the entrance of the reactor room, yet Xavier stayed where he was hesitating for some reason.

“You did hurt your head. You should go to sick bay. I heard it, it was quite the crack.” Xavier insisted in a hushed tone, wincing, and then reached for Erik’s arm for some mad reason. Erik dismissed Xavier's compassion, and took a step back not wanting, nor needing this degree of sympathy, while feeling it was frankly insulting in his position.

“Thank you for your concern Lieutenant Xavier, but I would appreciate it if you would do as I ordered.” Erik stated authoritatively, and the new lieutenant hesitated for a moment before finally walked away towards the reactor. Erik called to Azazel then ignoring the alphas retreat, “Report on reactor status commander?

“It’s stable Chief.”

“Very good.” Erik said to Azazel who was tapping on the red keys in mid air, and then he called to Xavier, “The reactor is stable. Begin the transfer.”

Xavier didn’t even look back, as he began to reassignment Teckthonian reactor to the warp drive, and Erik finally relaxed his shoulders, as his head felt like a piercing point of pain.

Instead of heading to the sick bay, Erik waited until the warp drive was back to full power, and then for Xavier to join them again. “Good job lieutenant.” Erik said, feeling like the man was owed it. He was impressed by Xavier’s composure and obvious familiarity with high stress situations, which made clear to Erik that he needed Xavier on his crew despite his overt display of concern.

Xavier nodded his head in response wearing an unreadable expression, and Erik was fine with that as an answer, wanting this exchange to end. He then addressed Azazel, “Commander, check on the cooling stations; I will check on the sensors – Xavier go with the commander Azazel and assist him.” Azazel nodded, but the new lieutenant insisted, while looking annoyed suddenly:

“But your head sir,” –

“My head is fine, _go_.” Erik snapped, and Azazel walked away without comment. Xavier finally followed him after a penetrating gaze, and Erik knew he’d hit his wall today. He was done…   

In the sensor tunnels he was finally alone, and began to check the ships climate, and oxygen regulators, in the peace and quiet that he craved, and if Erik replayed the sensation of Xavier’s heavy body on his own, and Xavier’s hand in his hair while he did this, it couldn’t be helped… 


	2. A wolf comes knocking...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik's get's a visit, and some insight into his new lieutenant's past.

The day came with a close, with Erik finally making a trip to the sick bay. MacTaggert checked his vital which were fine, he just had a large bruise on his head, and he pick up a new batch of heat suppressants.

He retired to his quarters, thankful no meeting had been called due to the collision by Captain Logan, yet he was sure in the morning there would be one waiting on his docket.

Erik used the small food animator in his kitchen to heat a bowl of rich fish soup that he craved during his heat. The hearty soup reminded him of home, and also made him feel relaxed, which he badly needed as he rested in his chair, listening to the galactic news feed and not paying attention enough to hear more than the dull drone of the reporter.

After receiving a booster of pain suppressant in sick bay, he was floating in a slight haze, filled with images of Lieutenant Xavier and his too personal actions. He speculated that they were in part his fault due to his heat, as Xavier attempted to touch him while voicing his concern like Erik needed it… He didn’t, but it had been a long time since an alpha had treated him with compassion. It was clear the alpha had done this because he was new to the ship, and that was all, _and_  he didn't know Erik... Yet it had been a pleasing experience nevertheless he realized, as much as he wanted to deny it… This was all due his heat of course; everything during this time could be blamed on his heat….

Erik read over Xavier’s personal file, and it told him little about his reason for departing from the Xaaxel, which was the most curious part about him being on Poseidon. All he was enlightened on, was that Xavier left the prestigious ship voluntarily, yet that begged the question then, why had he left voluntarily?

As for the Lieutenant’s training, it was straight forward and what Erik expected. He was the equivalent of a science officer on deck, but was trained in engineering with enough experience to do Azazel’s job, and with a few more years experience, likely his own. There was no mention of advancement in his file, he had filled a vacant position and unless Azazel or he were to retire, there was no further opportunity for Xavier on the Poseidon. It was an ambassadorial ship and was used to carter diplomats and host meetings generally, and as a C class war vessel, it was no where near as impressive, or dangerous as the Xaaxel.

This was a massive step down for the new lieutenant and Erik was curious as anyone would be, why he was here. Though he knew he wouldn’t find out for quite a while the reason, unless Xavier told him himself, and if he didn't, the usual way information was discovered on a ship would bring him the news: by word of mouth.

The chime on his door sounded, and he groaned wondering who would come here while he was on his heat? Only an idiot would face him in his cantankerous state, or Azazel.

Erik wore his night clothes, a silk grey robe over loose silk blue pajamas that he found more comfortable in his current state. Silk is cool, and therefore a blessing to wear before he goes crawling into his bed alone... Though once he is there, he will shed his clothes, and lie in the nude as his body is flaming with want... and tonight's restless slumber no doubt will be fueled by images of Xavier, after the incident today. But it can't be helped.

He stalked to the door and opened it feeling his rage build, ready to send Azazel away who likely came to taunt him, though in retrospect he always left Erik with a bottle of spirits, so it wasn't that bad of a trade. This was a usual occurrence during his heat, and he couldn't say when it had began, though Azazel was likely intoxicated when he first brought a bottle, stating it was for Erik's tempter. Erik always accepted, appreciating the offering to his angered soul, while he was burning up; needy, and alone in his quarters, yet had a friend at least who cared.

The door slid open and it was Xavier who was standing there shockingly, and giving him that solicitous look like he was waiting to sprinkle his sympathy on the world. “What is it Lieutenant?” He grunted, and took in the stocky alphas appearance, noting that his casuals fit him more snugly then he thought was necessary with a spiking annoyance. His thin cream linen pants, that were in fashion, clung to his thighs and groin inappropriately (his heat mind thought,) with panels of leather sewn over his thigh and calf. His light blue tunic made of wrapped linen, was folded over his chest and shoulders, and ended on his biceps showing off, as Erik expected, thickly muscled arms, which were pale and looked as smooth as his silken clothes. It was obvious from Xavier’s solid frame that he spent his personal time training, and at a higher level than most of the Poseidon’s crew could muster, so therefor he was solid muscle, _as_ well as being unfairly handsome. An unfair image Erik felt, as his body reminded him of what it wanted...

Xavier leaned against his door, and said gallantly, “I came to see if you were fine. I couldn’t relax...I kept remembering the sound of your head hitting the ground, and it was my fault.” Worried blue eyes bore into his own and Erik was actually touched for a moment, but didn’t let it show. He had no idea who this alpha was when it came down to it, but it was clear that he’d caught Erik’s scent, and so he gave Xavier a beseeching glare.

“Really Xavier, why would you feel it necessary to come to my quarters just to say this. I would feel more comfortable if you would think of me in a professional light, and that means visit’s like this are unwarranted, and inappropriate.” Erik said coolly, and he saw the disappointment come over Xavier’s attractive face, yet unexpectedly he leaned into Erik further.

“I’m just concerned because you were hurt earlier and you brushed it off… and you were… are…” He started haltingly looking absorbed with Erik… and he realized that Xavier was having a reaction to his heat, being this close to him now, and as he guessed, before when they were on the ground. It could very well affect an alpha to this degree even while he was on suppressants, smelling his hormones and seeing him hurt. Thought usually it wouldn’t lead an alpha to actually come to said omegas room _idiotically_ – when Erik was in fact the alpha in questions boss, and not impressed in anyway with this display that could easily be repressed... 

“Like I said I am fine, Xavier. You may go, and I will try to forget this visit when I see you tomorrow.” Erik went to close the door when Xavier reached out touching his arm persistently.

“I also came to have a word if you wanted, to get to know my… chief. I’m not an impersonal man, and I prefer to be on a first name basis when not on deck… or in engineering.” He cleared his throat at the slip up, and Erik had a sudden evil thought.

“Very well Xavier, you may coming in, but only if you tell what brought you to the Poseidon.” Erik waited to see Xavier’s reaction: he only nodded adopting the same doleful alpha visage that he wore when Erik first opened the door, and then was barging his way into Erik’s quarters, and he realized belatedly as Xavier brushed past him that he was wearing nothing more than his silk pajamas…

“How about we make this short,” Erik said stiffly, turning to Xavier who was standing, and looking almost lost by his small seating area that was arranged in front of his display wall, which was basically one large computer screen that could be directed to display whatever he pleased. It was streaming commercials at the moment in the appropriately sized rectangle that he instructed for his viewing... who needs a full wall, ridiculous.

“Erik Lehnsherr, Chief of engineering,” Erik said holding out his hand for Xavier who took a step placing his hand on Erik arm, and patted him there gently.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Xavier husked as he focused, catching Erik’s eyes like he was ensnared by his gaze, and Erik sighed realizing Xavier was being drugged by his pheromones.

Erik distanced himself from the alpha, and pulled his robe tighter like that would help, as Xavier took a step towards him again looking mesmerized, and again, he painfully went to explain knowing he shouldn’t have let the alpha in… but he was weakened in this state… and perhaps didn't want him to leave...“I said that you should leave Mr. Xavier, I suppose you don’t realize that I am an omega, and you are reacting to… my suppressors aren’t 100 percent efficient, if that explained something to you.” Erik felt embarrassed as he admitted this, and watched as Xavier cocked his head, and then wet his lips like his mouth was parched.

“I.. I already knew that, but I did want to come and introduce myself – Charles Xavier, not Xavier, so I hope that you aren’t this formal all the time… I... perhaps that was why I did want to come in, I’m sorry, but you were hurt…” He said this confused stream of words like they made sense, and began to finger comb his soft and attractive hair in agitation, while he waited for Erik to answer. It was obvious that he was affected and distressed by the thought of Erik being hurt over all common sense.

This was an unwanted situation, and Erik sighed out in annoyance – but when he breathed in he could smell Xavier, and it was delicious… His mouth watered at the smoky alpha scent, and he looked away trying to compose himself - and then frustratingly felt a body appear next to his own as his pulse jumped. Xavier was practically plastered to him, and touching his back in a ghost of fingers that sent a shiver through his body, and Erik knew he had to say something, this was... too much, he felt too much - and he finally looked over feeling dread, yet wanting… They locked eyes, and it was electric as _something_ flared between them, or in Erik as he experienced a coil of lust snake down to groin, as he regarded the alpha’s beautiful eyes.

Xavier stroked his back gently, and it was like his first alphas touch because it had been that long pathetically enough… he felt the urge to moan at the sensation, yet knew it was ridiculous because he wasn’t even close to losing his composure. It wasn’t that easy for him, nothing ever had been.

He was about to personally escort the alpha from his quarters, when Xavier’s next words captured his attention completely, “I left the Xaaxel due to my health. I have a faulty heat, the values are weak… I had an episode that I wouldn’t want to repeat, and the prescription from my doctor was a less strenuous vocation, or possible death.”

Erik's words left his mouth before he could process them, but with Xavier making a fool of himself by petting his back like he was a heat distressed omega, he didn’t care, “That sound like a mistake considering you can get a new one.” Yet for some reason, he did feel like the fool as he finished.

There was sweat forming on Erik’s skin, and everything within was telling him to move, but he didn't, and remained where he was as Xavier pet him… As much as he wanted to deny it, he was lulled by the alphas presence, and it was mutual he processed as Xavier was gazing at him dumbly. A possibility came to his mind as those intoxicating blue gaze bore into him, and he considered then with a sudden perplexity that this moment might be more than chemistry telling an alpha to comfort an omega in need, as this strange man appeared genuinely besotted with him.

The moment shifted though before Erik could dive too deeply into this alarming abnormality, as Xavier’s eyes became focused and he spoke with vehemence in his deep tone, “I like the one I got, I don’t plan on losing it… I thought it was best to get out while I could, leave Xaaxel before I damaged my heat indefinitely. I’m too old to waste my time trying to become something I’ll never be or never achieve how hard I try. If I could live my life instead without that burden and maybe find some peace, then why not...” He finished with meaning, looking over Erik and leaning into him, tipping his head towards Erik’s neck, lured by his glands there.

Erik’s eyes fluttered as he was being seduced by Xavier, the feeling of his large arm around his hip, and his scent surrounding him, and his hand on his back touching him gently, and intimately – and he felt a panic slice through his lust, “ _Xavier_.” He snapped, and the man in question jolted to attention.

“Get out.” He said in annoyance, and Xavier looked like a young recruit discernibly chastised, with a pinched brow and sullen appearance as pulled away from Erik, and then turned woodenly towards the door without protest. Erik got a look at his thickly toned back, and behind straining clearly in those tight linen pants, and he cursed the man's build as he ardently absorbed the sight… Sure he was short, yet built like a gladiator, and undeniably all alpha apart from his cute looks Erik was drawn too. In conclusion, he was the kind of alpha Erik wouldn’t turn away… if he would take an alpha, which he would not.

“Yes, well.” Xavier began turning towards him at his door, and Erik shook his head as he got a longing look from the man who leaned against the wall like he was weak.

Hanging his head, he finally left without a word, and it was for the best when Erik didn’t want him to, feeling a sweeping disappointment as he walked out of his life… _Such a stud,_ he thought, and a groan left his lips, as he walked to his room while covering his face, and needing sleep… Yes, sleep would help he hoped, as he tried to ignore the scent of Xavier that still clung to him. He stripped off his clothes and ignored his body’s protest for more then he had ever allowed as lie alone in his bed.


	3. A change of heart...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small discussion with Azazel brings about a more open Erik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Erik eat fish for like every meal in this story. Lol. I don't know.

After that day, Erik attempted to avoid Xavier unless he was forced to as his superior, and found that he was more uncomfortable then he had been in years around an alpha, and so when he addressed Xavier it was with the least amount of eye contact possible, and the aversion seemed to be a mutual he grasped.

Erik made this assumption in the following days after their encounter, by the way Xavier would stand mulishly next to him as though he was dressing him down, when all Erik was doing was relaying information in the usual manner he carried out with all his men… He felt there was more to the man… There was a yearning he'd caught on the face of this infuriating alpha when he thought Erik wasn’t looking, which he couldn’t truly believe was written there... 

They both lived on the ship but it was easy to miss other crew when everyone had different shifts, although he worked the same as Xavier it appeared, so that anomaly wasn’t in his favour. Azazel finally brought up Xavier when they were in the mess hall at the end of the week, and Erik waited for the pestering to come as he saw the mischief in his eyes.

“So what’s going on with you and Xavier? It’s pretty obvious that you don’t want anything to do with him, and I think it’s wearing on him for some demented reason. I don’t know the guy, but I’m thinking maybe he actually thinks everyone’s going to like him when he gets on a new ship.” He snorted, and told Erik who felt… guilt building when he normally would feel none, and shouldn’t, he reminded himself, “He even asked me if you were always like this, and I told him the truth of course which was yes, but I know you, and you usually aren’t _this_ cold boss.”

Erik was eating a fish cake and some greens, and placed his fork down losing his appetite. “Nothing’s going on. Why would anything be going on?” He asked defensively, and Azazel grinned at him pointing at him with his fork.

"That just told me something happened… So did you hear why he left the Xaaxel? Something bad?” He mumbled nosily around his food, and he figured that would be a good reason for his behaviour if it were the truth.

“No actually, I know why Xavier left and it’s personal, but I will say it isn’t anything to care about, nothing smearing if that’s your intention… And I suppose I could be more welcoming to him… he just came at a bad time.” He grumbled, and Azazel let out a small rift of laughter.

“ _He who cross an omega beware._ ” His friend said theatrically, and then asked of Erik who was pushing around his food remembering Xavier and his… intimate encounter, and trying to resent him for it, still, “Is this because of his fall then? The man can’t be blamed for gravity, or for falling on top of the closest available omega. It’s the only way an alpha operates when you’re in that state, well when omegas are.” He said tactlessly through a suggestive grin, and Erik’s response was his standard, cold unflinching regard.

“I know that Azazel, and you should keep your attempts to humour to yourself. You aren’t funny, and he couldn’t help falling, it was Logan’s fault for falling asleep in his chair and steering us into a meteor belt.” He accused of their captain and gave Xavier the acquittal he deserved, if Azazel actually thought this was all because of an accidental fall.

“Sure, sure. it’s Logan’s fault, but just lighten up around him for the rest of our sake. You don’t want him to transfer. Sure he’s too good for this place, but that doesn’t mean we wanna lose him, you realized that?” The alpha pointed out, and Erik agreed of course, though he ended the line of conversation there, not liking the way his pulse sped every time he thought of Xavier…   

He changed the topic to the upcoming game on the weekend, telecasted from Earth, between Galva and the home team playing in The Galactic Games. The game started this week, and everyone was flocking to ships bar to watch the fighting matches, and various sports intermingled with Earth’s greatest hits, _and_ the adopted favourites from established planets throughout the solar system. Erik was never one for sports, although he enjoyed the games for the social aspect: the games would become the highlight of everyone’s lives aboard the Poseidon, and the bar would be filled every night, more then it usually was.

They fell into discussion of whose football team was better, Earth, or Galva, and it was a close estimation of which might take the game, although Erik had always thought that Galva had a disadvantage because football hadn’t been played on their planet for the last 2000 years or so.

His attention was divided though, as a lingering presence piqued his senses suddenly like his mind was alerting him to a possible threat. Erik spotted Xavier taking a seat with a few crew members across the hall, whereupon Xavier met Erik’s gaze as though he knew he was being discussed. The eye contact was brief but left Erik disturbed, if only because his inner rhythm that had always been tireless, and bland in the course of his days, was finally being plucked with thoughts and feeling that he had resignedly left in the past.

Erik briskly repressed these manifestations of his libido, and took an extra moment of liberty to examine Xavier’s companions who he recognized from frequenting the ships gym. There was a large population that dedicated themselves to training when there was nothing else to do on a starship, therefore it was obvious why he was sitting with them, albeit Xavier’s body was clearly more defined then most he had already noted... and this caused his gaze to linger like it never had with any of the other hard bodies, who wasted away in the ships gym.

Erik realized he was admiring the alphas back in his tight grey linen shirt, which bordered on his thick hair sitting just above his collar… and tried to enlighten himself with other possible reasons why he was inspecting the man: he supposed he should try to be more familiar… it wasn’t as though he really had a reason to hate Xavier. He had followed his instincts they all suffered under, and hadn’t actually crossed a line when he came to Erik's room… apart from touching him. And he could admit, it had been nice at the time in his state of discomfort and yearning for an alpha’s presence…

Tomorrow he would start he thought… and didn’t actually grasp what being _nice_ might inspire.


	4. Mindbender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik finally calls on Xavier as one of his crew, but it ends with him feeling more confused then anything.

On a starship there was an intricate part of his job that no one really appreciated, until something occurred naturally, like the heating being altered (without Erik’s interference), or the oxygen purification system malfunctioning, and leading in everyone aboard’s untimely death. No one acknowledged that it was engineering who restored the balance to the ship, though Erik wouldn’t appreciate if anyone approached him begging thanks for just doing his job, when didn’t do it for them.

The sensor tunnels ran under engineering, and all of his crew spent a large amount of their time configuring the censors including him. That was where McCoy, and Summers found him, walking the long corridor and checking the atmospheric levels.

They were visibly anxious, and Erik watched their approach blandly wondering when they were going to get over this fear of him that they sustained.

McCoy cleared his throat awkwardly, and made eye contact for a brief, fearful moment, “Chief, here is the report on the coolant conductors… Transistor 3 on 6-2 needs… needs to be replaced.” He held out an engineering calibrator, which displayed the status loaded from the transistors performance diagnosis.

Erik didn’t crack his expression, yet mentally he cursed this news. It was a pitiless job, and usually took between 2 to 4 hours to complete depending on the company of the men you worked with, who weren’t going to be these two ensigns. Azazel was out on a personal day, so Erik would be forced to work with Xavier… who had been brought onto the ship with the assumption that he obtained the expertise to deal with tasks such as this…  Erik had accepted that he would have to begin to treat the new lieutenant with a more professional decorum, and he guessed today would be the day he would amend his cold front towards the alpha, while also ascertaining his skill set.

“Very well, you two finished this calibrations, and don’t touch anything unless you need to, that’s an order.” He commanded, recalling when the water was accidentally shut off by Summers in his first month on the ship. He was just lucky he hadn't ended up ejected out of the nearest air lock.

He left the sensor tunnel’s to hunt down Xavier, and found him talking with Wagner who belonged in sick bay, standing outside the nuclear reactor hold. He could hear that they were discussing football, and he didn’t even want to know why the science officer was down here, and chose instead to ignore his blatant slacking and addressed his lieutenant.

“Xavier I need you,” He began, and almost winced at his words as the alpha's brow rose. Erik revised his question hastily, “I need you for a task. A coil needs to be replaced and I need your assistant.”

He saw the pain fill Xavier’s eyes at his request, clearly knowing how tedious a task it was, and Wagner made a hasty retreat, giving a stinted parting as though he’d been caught by a superior. Erik wasn’t his commanding officer, yet he was an authority figure on the ship, so it made sense that he would treat Erik as though he was his own.

“Alright.” Xavier said with resolve, yet as they walked away towards the cooling towers a rapidly building strained silence absorbed them.

Erik had nothing to say though he knew that he should try to make Xavier feel welcome, but he was spared an attempt on his part as Xavier spoke up, which still he didn’t feel was a good thing.

“I, I know I should apologize, for my actions…” He began humbly, and Erik felt like he was brought back to their moment of intimacy as he viewed the expression of repentance on Xavier’s face... just as he'd been at the door before Erik let the wolf in. It was a timid childlike expression that caused his chest to retract with feelings he did not want to address, and he wished Xavier wasn’t so damn appealing... he would be easier to hate, that was for certain.

“We don’t need to discuss that, I realize why you came to my room, and you left without incident. End of discussion.” Erik said briskly, and he felt Xavier's body bushed against his own like he had no personal barriers, and the tension Erik felt thickened, though he wasn’t sure if it was from disgust.  

“I think we should discuss what happened, considering you’ve been avoiding me.” Xavier insisted, while leaning towards his ear as they neared the cooling tower.

Erik looked over at Xavier in annoyance and hissed, “I have not.” and he watched as a grin curl over those bright lips. This arrogance should have made him furious, yet instead Erik caused him to flame with heat within… _Such a cocky alpha_... Erik thought snidely, as sweat prickled over his skin.

“I think you have, and I get why... but It doesn’t always have to be like this. I’m more then capable of having a professional relationship with an omega, especially one who’s my superior. I can control myself… I did when I was in your room.” He assured gently, like he was trying to calm Erik.  

They stopped in front of the coolant towers, and Erik stared at the annoying man, whom he realized was practically molded against his side like his presence was desired. Erik ignored this invasion, and met the softness in Xavier's placating blue eyes with a cold and forbearing return, in an effort to ward him off… but it didn’t seem to help, when it felt like electricity was building between them that had nothing to do with...

Xavier licked his lips, gazing earnestly at Erik and he made for such an enticing sight... such a trap, and it was clear now that the attraction he felt was blatant, and not a mistake induced by his heat… Erik hadn’t felt this stirred by an alpha since he was young and willing to be courted, looking for a night of release with an attractive alpha.

Erik took a step away from Xavier, clearing his throat, and hoped he didn’t appear as affected as he felt, and then he moved over to the control panel on the conductor, “I’m sure you can…” Was all he conceited to, and began to close off the 6-2 conductor from the others, flushing out the water.

Xavier’s body he felt, and actually scented already, moved beside his own again as he looked at the floating projected control panel, and then he hushed beside Erik in a familiar cadence that left Erik unnerved, “It’s been years since I’ve replaced one of these, but I guess it’s like riding a bike, once you’ve done it, you never forget huh… like so many things.” A building frustration filled him, and he looked over only to find himself on the receiving end of a wink.

He took that in a sexual manner… relating to having sex, or Erik’s lack of sex, but he didn’t know if it was just him… Xavier was regarding him with an undeniably attractive grin though, and Erik wanted to swipe it off his mouth, his plush lips that were always a shade too bright to be considered masculine he felt.

“I suppose Lieutenant, although I hope you will exhibit more tact in the future when I assign you to maintenance the warp drive, which will happen I promise. I hope when that time comes, you won't think of it as a task that you _might_ remember with practice, when you have the welfare of the entire ship in your hands.”

That earned him an antagonizing brow raise, coupled with a smarmy grin he thought, instead of arrogantly attractive... And then Xavier was leaning into Erik, and inconceivably whispered between them, which caused his skin to crawl, “Well I think you’re a little out of practice with your conversational skills chief, but I’m sure I can help you, if you help me… We can work together, I think we’ll make a good team…” He then stepped back wetting his mouth luridly, and Erik felt an embittered swell guessing Xavier was doing this on purpose...

Erik actually didn’t know how to respond to that display of… sensual… arrogance, and in his pause of indecision Xavier informed him, “I’ll just go and get the coil…” and then flipped over his shoulder as he was strutting away towards storage, “I can do the heavy lifting.” Oozing more of that arrogance.

Erik knew that he should be disciplining the new officer for his clearly disrespectful behaviour towards a senior officer, but he was too busy watching Xavier’s solid back, and the tight blue wool stretched over that _tight_ behind… and he knew that Xavier wasn’t lying when he had those arms…

Erik turned back to the task trying to forget what just transpired between them, which was nothing… Though he worked at an accelerated rate not enjoying this level of unrest within, and had already extracted the worn coil from the cooling tower by the time Xavier returned with the replacement, floating it on a hydraulic lift in front of him.

Steadying the dripping wet coil in the air, he grasped the sides of the large unit with both hands, and began to lower it while ignoring Xavier’s presence, and water promptly ran down his sleeve, and soaked his armpits and sides under his coat, as though it was some form of karma for being so choleric towards the egocentric alpha. He grit his teeth against the soaking and reined in his temper, knowing this was a day for coveralls, which he would have changed into if Xavier hadn’t been here to distract him.

Xavier came up behind him, he blandly noted as he was flinching from the freezing wash, but then he became all too aware of the alphas position as a strain whipped within him when Xavier reached from behind, sliding his hands alongside Erik’s on the metal, and assisted in steady the coil. As the alpha carried out this inappropriate maneuver, Erik’s back was graced in a complete crush from a solid muscular frame, and Xavier stayed like that as they lowered the coil the last meter smoothly to the lift that Erik had waiting.

The moment he was free to move, Erik stepped aside giving Xavier a perturbed glare, and already felt his pulse settling from the erratic spike that shot through him upon feeling a body, an alpha's body, smothered against his behind. His skin was left damp with sweat from the intimate nature of their position, and he commented attempting for passive, as he began to unbutton his coat that was thoroughly soaked and adding to his rattled state, “Your assistance was not needed… and in that capacity Lieutenant. Remember that in the future.”

Xavier shrugged and said in contrary, “I thought it was.” Immediately following this comment with a smug grin. Erik looked away not favouring him with a response, and then began to undo his coat as Xavier thankfully fell silent, sparing him anymore aggravating idioms. He unclasped the seam that ran from his collar, down his shoulder, and then under his arm to his hip, which made for the seamless appearance of his dress coat, and a creeping sensation came over him. He felt like he was on display suddenly, and knew that Xavier was watching him... Aggravation filled him, and Erik postulated that Xavier was likely trying to antagonize him in an attempt to illicit a reaction... and could only harbour a guess as to what type, hypothesizing that this was him getting his revenge for Erik's rejection.

He pondered that he could easily slap a warning on the Lieutenant, as he felt eyes boring into his flesh, yet he really had no grounds to do so, when Xavier hadn’t technically done anything wrong to warrant one. And if Erik was honest he didn’t feel it was necessary. He was certain that Xavier would grow tired of this game he was trying to play, once he realized Erik wasn’t going to bite his bate.  

He flipped his coat off his shoulders in relief, wearing nothing but a tight white undershirt that had the Poseidon’s trident printed on the cotton across his chest, and then turned and drape his coat over a pipe that was accessible for hanging, jutting out from the wall behind him.

When Erik turned back to Xavier, he met his gaze for a beat and then watched as the alphas eyes slid down, and then were openly racking over Erik’s chest. He looked down in confusion from this clear action, only to see the transparent material of his shirt soaked and clinging to his pecks, and enhancing the state of his erect nipples... It didn't help that his undershirt was tucked into his blue uniform trousers, and his lean built was on display if anyone would think of him in that way: he was lacking any extra body fat, mostly composed of muscle, and his definition was sinuous and nowhere near as masculine as Xavier... Honestly his body was an uninspiring sight, when Erik was so large and solid for an omega.

Eventually though, as he apparently got his fill of Erik’s damp self, Xavier’s annoying blue’s flicked up to his own, and he licked his lip like a content predator causing Erik's pulse to jump. It came to him suddenly as he fought to ignore that distracting mouth, that Xavier might actually be romantically interested in him. _This,_ he wholeheartedly doubted, yet it was like Xavier knew his thoughts as Erik’s eyes were caught in a sensual quality, and he could have sworn he was being leered at with the same hunger as a pocket of air would illicit, from a man adrift in space and awaiting death…

As he digested the possibility that Xavier might find him alluring… he realized this episode had all been a ridiculous, farcical thought, as it was clear that the lieutenant was most likely waiting for further direction from Erik, who should be doing his job, instead of gawking at the alpha like he was some mystery to be unraveled.

 _I have to stop this absurdity,_ he told himself as Charles walked over to the hydraulic lift with the spent coil upon it, putting himself right in Erik personal space yet again, and took control of their task, “I’ll just get this out of the way.”

“Good.” Erik grunted, moving to the side so Xavier could pass while trying to reign in his once steadfast composure, that was failing him irritably. He felt then like he was playing a part in a very bad romantic movie about finding love in space, when he was not, and never would be the type of omega who was vulnerable enough to tarnish their reputation by falling for some possibly philandering alpha… Erik suspected this only due to the _nature of man_ , accepting that Xavier was likely chasing choice omegas on the ship, now that had settled in.

With that he sealed his composure, and reminded himself that he would not only look like a fool, but also sully his place in the Poseidon if he actually entertained being with Xavier, which had never crossed his mind as a possibility he asserted within.

They finished the repair in a tense silence, as Xavier climbed the conductor to attach the coil to the inner chassis. This took about an hour in total to complete, including the reintroduction of the conductor into the network, which Erik took care of at the display, working in unison with the lieutenant.

It was clear to Erik after they were done, that Xavier knew entirely what he was doing, which led him to wonder why the lieutenant had alluded to the possibility that he was out of practice… unless it was just another ploy to antagonize him… which if it was it had worked.

When they finally had the conductor back online, it was the end of their shift and Erik was looking forward to a shower, and a run perhaps, when Xavier met up with him as he was walking out of engineering. He was followed, as the alpha started up a discourse.

“Do you ever go to the gym?” Were the opening words, and Erik wanted to groan because he didn’t want to know where this was going.

“Yes, I do. Why do you go to the gym lieutenant?” He said stiffly, and Xavier wrinkled his nose at him.

“Yeah I work out, and it’s Charles by the way, if you want, or Xavier I suppose with your impersonal disposition that you got going on. I only asked because it’s obvious that you train, and I’ve never seen you at the gym, so I was curious if there was another one I wasn’t aware of. And I guess it might have crossed my mind to ask if you wanted to work out sometime, but not so shockingly I assume, you wouldn’t accept an offer to train with me, so I shouldn’t bother right?” He said with a slightly aggravated smirk.

Erik couldn’t believe his gull, yet knew he wasn’t going to dress down Xavier, when he had already allowed him to take liberties, that Erik never permit anyone he was so unfamiliar with. And even then, he had his limits.  

“There is no other gym, but I prefer to train at the track that is located in the cargo hold, so if you were not aware of it there, then now you are. Is that all Xavier?” He said in a clipped tone, and was tired of strained discussion with this alpha, and stopped at the _T_  that led to his quarters, where he knew Xavier’s were not located.

The man actually had the audacity to look wounded, and Erik really couldn’t believe that Xavier was this invested in him, when it was clear Erik wasn’t interested… “Yeah, yeah, I guess… good day Chief.” He said impassioned, and then stalked away, and Erik watched him for a moment feeling as though he had missed something, or knew exactly what it was and couldn’t grasp that this new alpha was actually trying to form a comradely with him…

He shook his head and headed to his quarters, to shower and change, and attempt to forget the strangely provocative fragment of time that he spent with the aggravating, Lieutenant Xavier today. He already knew though, that was going to be a difficult to carry out, when Xavier was the only alpha who had been this forward with him in years...  


	5. And he feels, but can I...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik deals with more Xavier attention, and might be starting to like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small tease.

Erik was more aware of Xavier on the ship, and under his command after their incident changing the coil, although he tried to keep the reason for his attention professional to a flaw. It was undeniable that Xavier had done an exemplary job which was the reason Erik made an effort to be more civil to him in engineering, and not because it took him two nights of restless sleep to forget Xavier’s… intimate behaviour.

Erik even stretched his generosity, and began to select Xavier to assist with tasks when Azazel wasn’t available, and busy with younger recruits. He could admit that the new lieutenant was quite skilled, and barely needed direction from Erik as though he could anticipate what he was going to do, and he realized as a repressed after thought, that he’d never worked so efficiently with another officer in all his career, even Azazel. It was a sign of a great officer, and he felt thankful for Xavier’s coming, his personal reservations aside.

He might have even began to find Xavier not that bad of company... as Erik tried to ignore how much he enjoyed their encounters when they worked together, which were shadowed at the same time by discomfort at Xavier's familiar behaviour towards him. He wasn’t used to interest from an alpha, and if all Xavier was trying to achieve was friendship, he was expending a lot of energy for it… It hadn’t missed him that the alpha was always glued to his side, even when Erik didn't spared him a word more then was necessary, and he was regularly on the receiving end of innocent touches, and... affectionate grins when they were alone. He had to admit, the alpha was wearing on him, not enough to care about what he was trying to prove with his insistent kindness, but just because he was trying period.

Erik attempted to view the entire situation as amusing, instead of infuriating when he was resisting his body’s demands... He was calmed by Xavier’s scent, could be drawn to it if he allowed; and there was also his attraction to the alphas body that was undeniable, and the matter of his face… which was distracting as hell. This led Erik to actually consider going to the gym, after Xavier’s comment about accompanying him. It had been a while since he’d trained, and just looking at the alpha made him want to burn off steam.

Erik usually opted to run because it exhausted him more thoroughly… it was like he could outrun his urges if he ran hard enough, yet it didn’t help with the rest of life when Erik’s profession required a generous amount of strength to be competent in his duties. Erik resided to train in the following week, trying not to think of Xavier’s chance presence there, because it wasn’t as though he owned the gym now.

All of this crossed his mind as he was on his back in a sensor tunnel, analyzing the connections from sensor port, to sensor port, that controlled the ships lighting as he tried to find the root of the malfunction. The lighting throughout the ship was dimming unexpectedly, and it was like a thorn in Erik’s side every time it occurred. And of course Xavier was helping him.

“Pass me a calitic sensor Xavier.” He requested, and one was placed in his hand as their fingers caressed unnecessarily.

“Thank you.” Erik went back to adjusting the faulty sensor that he finally located, and after a moment of tinkering, he knew he would have to replace it. Using the metal hand grips in the ceiling, he glided out of the tunnel not having the part for the job with him. The moment he was out, and into the sterile white light of the Poseidon’s hull, Xavier was catching his hand and pulling him up with startling strength, and he tripped falling against the alpha’s chest as he was filled with outrage.

“What is the manner of this Xavier?” He growled, as the alpha held him possessively, looking over Erik with anxious flicks of his eyes, that pierced into his own with a genuine concern.

“You shouldn’t be down there.” Xavier admonished Erik, who was entirely confused by his sudden turn of mood.

“And why not? I think you can let me go now Lieutenant.” He ordered, and Xavier let him go almost hesitantly, while giving a nervous flick to his lips, and Erik eyes locked onto his pink mouth and he desired suddenly to taste those tempting lips… This unsavory notion came to him while he was dealing with his bodies reaction to their embrace, and he rallied to ignore how sensual it felt to be wrapped in Xavier’s solid arms… and have his worried gaze on him.

“I could have done it… I will, I will change the sensor, you wait here.” He ordered leaving Erik's side, and then strode to the portable maintenance cart they brought with them from storage. Erik shook his head at the lieutenant’s audacity -ordering him around when he was the damn chief of engineering - Not on Erik’s life.

“Lieutenant your behaviour is insubordinate and, and if you are concerned for my safety then you are misplacing your concern.” He said barely containing his temper, and Xavier stopped his actions at the cart, his shoulders dropping like he was giving into Erik’s authority, when he knew instinctively there was more to it than that.

Xavier finally turned to face him and his troubled eyes found on his own, and there was raw emotion there that Erik perceived involved him, though he didn't know why. Reaching out he took Erik’s arms and he was so startled by Xavier’s actions that he didn’t resist the contact, and instead waited with an acute interest to hear what this was all about.

“I don’t like you down there... There could be a malfunction and you could die Erik. I once saw a man burnt alive when a sensor ignited from an energy pulse, and the whole tunnel blew. There was nothing we could do, and we just… had to stand there while he died… I’ll never forget the… smell.” Charles halted his speech, and took a step towards Erik, who stepped back not knowing why he was being told this, and realized a metal support beam was behind him, jutting out of the wall. He stood there as Charles continued, and wasn’t outraged by their current position out of some self-indigence as chief. No he wanted subliminally, okay not so sublimely - to be this intimate with Xavier, and was silently enthralled, “I would just feel more comfortable if you let me deal with the tunnel's for now on… You can do it when I’m not around, I don’t care, but when I’m here I can’t let you be put in danger when I know the possible outcome.”

Erik had head of such malfunctions but never saw one personally in all his years. He assumed that Xavier was having this reaction because he was an omega, and Erik wanted to discipline him for it, but for some reason… he acquainted to his request without argument, sparing and only a warning... And he didn’t want to address what that said about him… 

“Very well, but if you act in this manner around the other crew I will not be as receptive Xavier. I understand that you have concerns, but they are not needed when we all know the risk of working here, _and_ I am the chief of engineering if you've forgotten – And If I ever have to deal with this level of insubordinate behaviour again without there being a valid reason, I can promise you there will be consequences for your actions.” Erik told him sternly, and stepped away from the man, and it felt like he was always doing this around Xavier, putting distance between them. “Go ahead, Lieutenant.” He ordered, and didn’t care for the almost scolded expression Xavier was giving him.

“I’m only doing this so you’ll be safe.” He grumbled as he got the part, and Erik didn’t know if that supposed to comfort him… It did prove one thing though: that Xavier thought of Erik as was more than just his superior, but with their shared moment almost a month ago now, he couldn’t bring himself to blame him.


	6. To be, or not to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azazel stirs the pot, and Erik learns about Charles' pain, and it might just make him more difficult to resist then Erik thought was imaginable!

It was later that week that Erik found himself in the ships gym, and much to his relief, Azazel was there with a familiar omega from the bar. “Erik, you finally return, I thought you were giving up on your body all together.” He teased, and Erik snorted walking over to them, and greeted Angel who he was familiar with from his years on the ship. It was hard not to be familiar with almost everyone when the entire crew it seemed, would flock to the ships bar out of the necessity to be social, which led to your ear being talked off when alcohol was added to the mix. When he was in uniform though it was a different story, as most who chatted with him at the bar skidded past him in the halls like he was going to throw them in the brig, but that was life as a high ranking officer...

Angel spoke up before he could answer, and it was an off duty moment for him he realized as she teased, “Yeah Erik, you gotta keep training if you wanna show Az here up.”

Azazel gave her a cocky grin in return, clearly flirting, which was something Erik thankfully never got from anyone… well apart from one alpha who was harder to get off then polyfill most days. “I don’t think I have to worry about Erik doing any lifting with Xavier in engineering. He’s the new resident work horse, or Erik’s personal slave.” He finished with, for Angel's benefit it was clear.

Erik gave Azazel a furious glare for a second, and then rolled his eyes as Angel burst out in laughter, “I bet.” She snorted, “He’s like solid muscle, like ripped but so short, gah - which is so not my type… But I mean, he’s probably good in engineering if you wanna sit in your office all day. I would.” She finished just as insultingly, and Erik gave her a slightly beseeching look not wanting to be completely stiff and professional all the time - _yet_ he didn’t just sit in his office as she said, the very thought was embarrassing to consider.

“I think you should come down to engineering Angel, the warp turbines need polishing, and you could give Xavier a break while I sit in my office - or sorry, _we_ sit in my office and watch you.” He drawled acidly, and he could see when Angel realized how ignorant her comment had been, when she started to back pedal.

“No, no, nooo, I am not stepping foot in there. I’m sure you guys have it under control - I mean I’m sure you have it under control, um as the Chief. I bet you do a lot that I don’t even know…” She looked away anxiously, and Erik’s grin was evil as he watched her squirm, and Azazel gave Erik a knowing smirk.

“Yeah you better not, or the chief here will have you doing things you never dreamed possible for that comment. You have no idea what goes on down there, your pretty nails would come out more busted up then a man’s spirit under Lehnsherr’s charge.”

Erik liked the sound of that, and nodded like the threat was factual, when he knew he didn’t crush spirits, only tried to build them with hard work, and earned respect.  

“Agh, no god, I don’t even want to know.” Angel whined, and Erik he felt like this was enough conversation. He had made his point.

“You don’t.” He said to Angel and then to Azazel, “I’ll see you later,” and his friend tipped his chin as he made his exit.

He made his way over to the running strips to warm up, forgetting the exchange from a moment ago and only focusing now on the other occupants of gym. He was relieved when he saw no one else in the cardio room, and didn’t address that he might be even more relieved to see that Charles wasn’t here.

Erik stepped onto one of the white automated bands of absorbent rubber that made for a no impact run, and called out ‘galactic newscast’. Before him on the white wall the galactic news feed came into existence, projected in a rectangle as the newscaster's monologue appeared under - in scrolling script, but he ignored the feed, only summoning it because he was used to the visual presence. Erik preferred silence when he exercised, and allowed the roar of his thoughts to take over, which annoyingly centered around Xavier these days.

Unsurprisingly Azazel joined him after a few minutes, yet he immediately brought up Xavier, and Erik was startled and felt instantly cautious of what he was going to say.

“So I noticed you and Xavier have been getting pretty friendly, and I thought I should tell you…” Azazel hushed, and then checked behind them suspiciously like someone was waiting to overhear.  Some men from cargo were using the weight machines in the main training gym, and that might be a viewed as a problem because the two rooms were separated by a thin wall of opaque plexi-plastic, which wasn’t sound proofed. Anyone could eavesdrop if they so desired, and everyone did it on the ship; it was a literal rumor mill, and so Erik didn’t know how comfortable he felt about discussing Xavier, especially when Azazel just spoke like there was something actually going on between them, when there wasn’t.  

“What are you talking about?” He asked sharply, and Azazel looked back at him, gracing Erik with a look of disbelief, and shaking his head.

“You know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about his naked interest in a certain emotionally unavailable omega...”

Erik wondered suddenly if he was talking about another omega on the crew, and he wasn’t aware that Xavier wasn’t available, and this was a talk for _Erik_ to back off.

“Why do I care who Xavier is seeing. I’m not interested in details like _that_. He can see whoever he wants.” Erik responded trying to restrain the defensive note in his tone; finding this all to be ridiculous.

When Azazel looked at him with disbelief clear on his face, he realized he was being deliberately obtuse just to avoid the topic, but he had to be open to all possibilities... 

“I’m not talking about another omega – god who else would I be talking about? I’m talking about _you_ and Xavier.” He blurted in a laugh, and white adrenaline stabbed through Erik, and he wondered if Xavier had actually said something.

“Did he say something?” Erik demanded.

“No, we don’t talk about much but the games, but it’s not hard to miss how much he’s into you. You really blind to this? Seriously?” Azazel asked curiously, cocking his head like Erik was an anomaly, which he might very well be…  

“Oh that… yes I’ve noticed, but I don’t feel it is necessary to address it - the issue. He is new to the ship, and I’m sure he will find more fitting company soon with one of the other omegas.” Erik said logically, although he felt a stab from what that meant, that Xavier would dote over another omega, show his concern for another, and… touch another... yet it was going to happen if he liked it or not.

“Yeah I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Azazel drawled all knowingly, and Erik looked at him sharply, wondering what he knew that Erik didn’t. His friend leaned in conspiratorially then, as much as he could given Erik's position on the treadmill - and went on, “I’ve seen him in the bar talking with everyone you know, he’s pretty friendly, but he’s not there to date if you get my drift. I’ve even seen some of the more easy omegas talking to him… you know who I mean,” He hushed pausing for effect he supposed, and Erik knew who he meant... Although if you viewed the situation from the other side of the belt, Azazel might be blocked in with the easy _Alphas_ on the ship…“But yeah they get nothing from him, as far as I’ve seen. I wouldn’t be telling you this if it didn’t look serious Erik. I think you’ll have to talk to him if you really want him to move on. He actually likes you for some reason I don’t get. I mean look at you - I’d be afraid you’d knock me out if I tried to woo you.” He joked, and Erik snorted because that was the truth if Azazel tried to court him… Charles on the other hand… Erik already knew what he would do if he tried to woo him… and considering it was happening currently, he felt like he was dealing with it quite magnanimously for both of them, which simply put meant Erik hadn’t written Xavier up yet.

“Hmm well I’ll consider your warning, and thank you. I guess he just must be confused.” Erik spoke despite his own feelings, and Azazel agreed like it was clear no alpha would touch Erik, and he tried to not let that hurt.

“Yeah I think he is just, _really confused_. I mean you huh - who woulda thought? A guy like him chasing after _you_.” And Erik really didn’t want know what that statement said about both Charles and himself, so he let it go...

Azazel left after, clearly only coming over to warn him, and Erik was the only one left in the cardio room finally.

He couldn’t seem to stop running when he had too many worries on his mind, to many needs left neglected, when he had Xavier to remind him of all he’s sacrificed – and Azazel to remind him he couldn’t have those need fulfilled by anyone if he wanted anyway, and so it was like a cosmic joke when the man in question appeared next to him.

“Hello Erik.” He husked as a greeting, and Erik felt the hair on the back of neck stand on end.

“Xavier.” Erik panted, and he saw as those pretty blues widen, as Xavier licked his eternally bright lips, and Erik thought, _what now?_ It was like the alpha's catch phrase in his internal musings.

“How about you use my first name, considering we’re pretty friendly by now huh?” He drawled, pinning Erik with his penetrating gaze, which wasn’t appreciated when he was trying to focus on running. He knew instantly it would be difficult to move his limbs competently, with such a compelling distraction right next to him, so he told Xavier what he wanted to hear.

“Fine, Charles.” He panted out, and watched the alpha's face flush, and then without pretense Charles’ eyes left his own, and he began to jog in silence next to Erik, who had no idea what that was about.

It took a moment for Xavier to finally start in on his usual menial conversation, and Erik was actually pleased to have Xavier talk _at_ him, like he actually wanted to engage in small talk whilst exercising. Erik usually resented conversation while he was putting forth so much effort, and deliberated if he was doing this in spite of Azazel’s warning, or perhaps because of it…

“So you finally decided to come, I guess I had nothing to do with your decision considering it took you this long.” Charles joked self-deprecatingly, as his burly form moved next to Erik.

“Not in one bit.” He panted, attempting to snub Xavier nevertheless, but a warm chuckle drifted from the man, and he looked delighted by his answer... and Erik glanced at his smile feeling a wash of emotion and tried to ignore how attractive Charles was, though he found it even more difficult when had so much skin showing.

He was wearing a white muscle top, and it did nothing to hide Xavier’s pale complexion, and fine layer of rosy brown freckles that covered his muscular shoulders, and arms -actually all visible skin… _Leaving a trail to kiss along,_ he thought admiring Xavier’s arms secretively… It took a delayed moment for Erik to realize what he was doing, and he scolded himself for thinking such things, knowing it would never happen and he didn’t want it to, though he supposed he could dream when that’s all he has.

“So were you going to train, or continue to run for another hour. Maybe you should stop, you’ve been on here a while. You've probably run enough.”

Erik looked over in annoyance, at Xavier who was gazing at his stat display, and it was so crystal clear to him how the man was trying to act to like his alpha, and Erik… almost enjoyed it, but he couldn’t have that… Couldn’t have an alpha, and Xavier… couldn’t show weakness, and of course that was when he got a cramp, and he was forced to step off the track, bending and holding his side.

“Erik.” Xavier huffed in alarm, and it took a second’s pause, and then he felt the other man at his back, touching his hips, and leaning against him like that would help a goddamn cramp.

Erik stood shaking him off, and giving Xavier a scowl.

“I’m fine.” He said tightly, and went to get more water, when Xavier caught his hand, and Erik looked around the gym to see that they were the only two people in the exercise room now.

“Don’t go, I was hoping you would train with me…” he admitted in a hesitant tone.

Xavier stepped towards him and Erik watched as he gnawed his lips… _nervous?_  He considered, and looked into Xavier’s hopeful blues and found he was agreeing. “I will, I just need water.”

He let Charles’ hand go like it was burning, and then fled to the beverage panel while attempting to calm his heart…

He spoke, ‘water’ and it poured into his bottle, and he wondered what the hell he was doing?… Other people, or maybe just Azazel could see how interested Xavier was in him, and Erik agrees to train with him just like that – and on top of it he asked Erik to train in such a way that led him to believe Xavier wanted him around for more than just his company… Like he was completely broken up about him leaving. That was a warning sign and a half that he should go, yet he wanted to spend time with Xavier oddly enough he realized, not acknowledging that his company was becoming almost expected now, as an essential part of his day he thought - like they were friends perhaps, and that was all.   

He turned, and Xavier was watching him, and not even trying to conceal it as he stood running his fingers through his full hair slowly, and Erik met his eyes, and tried to ignore how much he oozed sexuality, with his large body, and his pretty face, and just… he was Erik’s type, he though addressing this anomaly again, and not remembering until Xavier’s coming what exactly his type looked like.  

“You okay? I guess if you’re cramping you might want to go, I just hoped that since you were finally in here we could spend some time together outside of work.” He voice was soft, in his lulling, faint British tone, and Erik stepped over to him knowing there was nowhere to go but forward with the alpha.

“I did come here with the intention to work out, so it wouldn’t be an inconvenience to train with you. And I feel fine. It was bound to happen after running for that long.” His own voice was stiff, yet he was still uncomfortable in Xavier’s presence, despite what he might feel, or deny feeling.

“That’s good then.” Charles breathed with a small crooked smile, which stayed on those bright lips as he strode over to Erik, stopping so their toes were practically touching - where he then offered his own water bottle to Erik, who frowned looking at it, wondering what this was all about now.

“You should drink my water, it has supplements in it, and they’ll stop you from cramping.” He waited pinning Erik with an earnest gaze, expecting Erik to take it, and he really didn’t want to do that.

“That’s not necessary.” He informed Xavier, whose face pinched with annoyance.

“Just take a few drinks, I know what I’m talking about alright, you don’t want to cramp again do you?” He asked with a hint of exasperation, and Erik’s eyes were taking the trip over Charles’ large chest, and arms... and he decided, he probably did know what he was talking about...

“Fine.” He spat in annoyance, still not liking to be told what to do, and took Xavier’s clear water bottle, drinking a mouthful and then another, and handed it back to the man who was watching him with a supervisory air like Erik had to this, or he would get more badgering from his… concerned alpha.

“Yes it is, now you won’t cramp. Like I said I know a thing or two about training.” He flipped as he walked ahead of Erik, towards the weight room, and he was annoyed at the rebuke, yet was more annoyed by the sight of the man’s back, and his tight behind in his black nylon pants, and even the small tattoo of earth in black on the back of his shoulder that was unsurprising, but still looked almost erotic - drawn there on his pale skin.

It was a popular tattoo seen on cadets from earth, though Erik never ended up with one, just out of luck he guessed when most humans had either an earth tattoo, or a flag advertising what country they hailed from. Erik wondered if Charles had a Union Jack hidden on him somewhere as well, and pictured it on one of his solid cheeks, and then sighed in frustration at the quality of thought Xavier elicited in him.

Erik deliberately trailed behind Xavier though wondering if he should start his circuit and ignore the other man, feeling almost hesitant to start any conversation because he didn’t know where it might lead on Xavier’s part, and he realized he might have made a mistake… Just like the one he made during his heat, agreeing to have Xavier come near him… he seemed to make unwise decisions around the man.

His didn’t have to guess around his anxious thoughts thought, how to deal with this situation when Xavier broke into conversation, stopping beside the bench press. “So what are you working? You been outta it for a while I gather, so you should take it light. You don’t want to strain anything.” Erik was told, and he frowned considering those words and nodded, not knowing if he was up for this in general, but it was too late to leave without looking completely rude…

“I suppose I will.” He drawled, and looked at the plastic molded hand grips that rested in groves along the wall. They were programmable for free weight use, Erik had used real metal ones obviously, and couldn’t feel a difference apart from the visual aspect.

“Why don’t you give me a hand here first? I need a spot.” Xavier asked drawing his attention. Xavier sat on the end of the blue bench that had a plastic bar suspended above it, for doing chest presses as he indicated. It was identical to the hands weights, yet was the length of a welder’s pole.

Erik wasn’t going to say no, couldn’t really when he’d agreed to do just this, and so he walked over, and stopped standing over Xavier who was lying down on the bench. He tapped the controls in the middle of the bar that Erik couldn’t see, adjusting the weight he knew. He gripped the bar then clearly readying to lift, and then he grinned up at Erik, “Alright…” He breathed and then with a heave of breath, lifted the bar out of the plastic stirrups it rested on, and lowered the bar slowly, down to his already defined, and creamy freckled chest. His arms were shaking from the weight, and Erik guided with his hands under the bar as he absorbed the sight of Xavier gritting his teeth and… his cheeks flushing as his hair fell across his forehead, and the soft skin of his face, and the strength in his  thick arms, and he found it difficult to watch Xavier like this…

It felt like he was watching a pornographic show, and he wondered if Xavier had done with on purpose, got Erik to stand over him as he panted and grunted, lifted enough that he was shuddering from the strain…and when he let out a groan, Erik looked at his mouth as he wet his lips, and it was so red and moist that he felt his mouth go dry.

His attention was captured again by the task at hand, as Xavier was pressing the bar up with a surprising burst of energy, which aided in him slamming the bar back onto the plastic stirrups with another guttural heave. Xavier lay there panting lewdly like he did more than lift a bar, and he caught Erik’s eyes and nodding his head against the bench like they were communicating something, like Erik had asked if he was fine, when it was clear he was… more than fine... Erik felt like he had to say something, it was painful standing over him and looking over the alphas body, while making trips to catch his earth blue gaze… like the earth’s oceans from space, that captivating vision that was undeniable in its beauty.

“How much do you press?” He asked, and Xavier grinned looking up at him, and he was so damn… cute.

“315.” He drawled sitting up, and Erik was impressed, yet only mildly. He wasn’t impressed by much, and physical prowess didn’t slot very high on his list, although an alpha who had attributes like this obviously did, leaving Xavier to be a completely contrary creature from Erik.

“That is a lot.” He said thoughtfully, and Xavier gave him a curious look like his answer was odd.

“What about you?” he was asked though, and Erik really had no idea. It had been almost a month since he’d worked out, his heat always throwing off his schedule, but even then he didn’t bench often.

“I would say 135.” He guessed, and Xavier shook his head as his eyes crinkled at the side like that was amusing.

“I think you should start doing more training and less running. You’re thin enough, you don’t need to work on that anymore. You should switch to full weight day with set cardio times, maybe once a week. I can make you a plan if you want?” Erik was informed, and he scowled at the alpha wanting to know what he was getting at…

This was a strange way to win over an omega as a friend or otherwise he thought bitterly, although he considered that Xavier could just be an idiot, he carried on like one in his pursuit of Erik, when he had made it clear he wasn’t interested. And so when Erik answered it might have been in a clipped tone.

“I will take that into consideration Xavier, although I don’t think I need advice when it comes to maintaining my health, even if my outward appearance is unappealing to you because of my chosen form of exercise.” Erik relayed while crossing his arms, and he saw panic flit over Xavier’s face, who without reason was reaching out and touching Erik’s hip.

“Hey, I wasn’t trying to insult you Erik, it was just a suggestion, and you look good… that’s not debatable, you just don’t need to keep running all the time. I mean you don’t wanna burn away all your muscle. You’re lean, but you need muscle for your health right?” He finished uncertainly, and pulled his hand away to run it through his hair in a clearly anxious gesture. Erik grasped that Xavier was focusing more on his general health, like he thought about these things, and this caused him to realize he had no idea what Xavier was actually like in his free time. If this was about all he did and thought about, then he was as bland as Erik he supposed, and he felt almost comforted by that fact.   

“I see,” He began, and Xavier looked up at him with a hopeful gaze, and Erik went on wanting to know why Xavier spent all his time lifting weights if he wasn’t going to take advantage of it, and bed the available omegas around him, which did not include Erik. The man was attractive enough, and without the extra muscle he still would be attractive enough to get any manner of omegas he desired, although according Azazel he didn’t take advantage of his looks…“Well I agree actually, I think I need to start to put on more muscle. I’ve been too busy to keep up with training, but I have the time now.” Erik stated, and he saw the hope grow on Xavier’s charming face, and then Erik added before the alpha could speak, “There was something I was curious about Xavier, why are you so invested in weight training? Is it just a hobby, or do you just have nothing better to do?” Erik asked and realized he was actually going for a joke, but it fell flat when he was this stiff all the time around the man.

Xavier relaxed though, looking the opposite of Erik: open and receptive, as he rubbed his arm like this question took consideration, “I guess it’s a good way to pass time, but I actually got into it, when I broke my back.” He dropped between, like that was an everyday detail that you shared about yourself, and he even threw in a self-effacing grin like he was guilty of some fault because of his misfortune. Remorse overcame Erik, and he realized that Charles not only had a bad heart, but a past broken back and he couldn’t shake the sympathy that was clinging to the cockles of his cold heart from this news.  

“That… sounds like a terrible experience, how did it happen?” He asked wrapping his fingers around the plastic of the bench press bar, needing to hear how Charles was broken, and the alpha answered looking only mildly surprised that he’d asked.

“It wasn’t that serious, actually a stupid mistake. It happen when I was training. I was on starfleet 6, about 10 years ago in my senior year, and I fell out of a shuttle, and down a story to the next bay below. We were on autopilot, and practicing fall landings ironically enough, and one of my classmates, Renton, he knocked me out of the shuttle like some prat joke, and I fell off the platform below, and well, you remember how they were staggered?” Erik nodded knowing, because he’d trained there as well, a few years ahead of Charles, “Yeah, well I was just lucky there was another shuttle below, it broke my fall. Landing on the thin metal was apparently better for my vertebrae then the steel floor luckily enough.” He joked lightly, and Erik shook his head at the tale, knowing it was straightforward enough to recover from a serious break like that, but still it must have been excruciating to go through… He wondered if Xavier had any plastic in place of bone from the injury regretfully, and he found that bother him more then it normally would…. Normally he wouldn’t care if someone recounted such a tale, enough that he was as moved as he clearly was at the moment… as emotion’s were coursing through his heart, and weighing down his mind like Xavier was someone he felt strongly for, when that just wasn’t the case.

“That is an unfortunate coincidence, and I can only imagine how painful it must have been. Was it that serious?” he asked, and Xavier shook his head with a small grin on his lips despite the topic, like he was pleased to be talking about it.

“Yeah it hurt, but my back was broken and pretty numb when it happened, so I wasn’t suffering as far as I could tell. After when they started to do the treatments, that’s when all the pain came back.” He spoke softly, and then recounted to Erik, “They fused the damaged discs in my back, right about here,” He twisted around then, pointing at his lower back, and Erik obediently looked where his fingers were resting just above his waist, “My L2, and L3. I guess it’s easier to get out all the shards of bone if they fuse it all together - after they did that they replaced the disks, which I thankfully got to miss out on because I was unconscious, but it’s when I woke the next day, that’s when I felt the most pain I think I’ve ever felt in my life. But it’s funny you know, the whole experience gave me a standard for pain that I’d never had, I mean it takes a lot to top that right? Spine replacement.” He joked like he had decided years ago to look on the bright side of the whole experience and Erik was impressed, yet simultaneously annoyed by such unrelenting positivety…

He could tell though Charles was waiting from response from him, so he nodded his head in agreement, and Charles went on, “But I made it through, and started to train for my back so I could shed my cane. I had to walk with one for almost 3 years, and I really wanted to get rid of it I mean wouldn’t you? I’m not that old, but I guess my body didn’t agree after an accident like that, and my heart which I learn about after - so I continue to train to keep everything working, cause I'm afraid i'll fall apart otherwise. I have no other option.” He finished on, and touched his fist to his heart, and then sucked in a breath biting his lip while holding Erik’s eyes with conviction, and Erik blinked at him not knowing how to react… Sympathy? Physical contact… a hug? It didn’t feel natural to do any of these, yet he felt affection towards Xavier in a way that he didn’t want to analyze... and a realization came to Erik: he thought highly of Charles for all he’s persevered, and actually wanted to know more about him now.

Erik answered honestly then, still analyzing his thoughts, “Hmm, that is quite a trauma to go through and I see why you work out now; it's a testament to your strength: that you’re here, that you made it through an injury of that severity, and haven’t had to sacrifice your life because of some fools ignorance. You still have your _job_ ," Erik said with emphasis, finding the thought of losing his profession to be nightmarish, it was all he had mind you... "and you’re young: you still have your life ahead of you which is probably more comforting for you, I would say, compared to the rest of us, when you clearly don’t take your life for granted because of your medical issues. I think it’s a lesson that some don’t learn until it’s too late, and then we look back and see what we could have done, what we missed, and regret so much…” He finished, and he realized that he was relating from his own loss, and he hoped it wasn’t obvious...

But maybe it was as Charles’ face changed into an oddly intense expression, as he leaned towards Erik, running his hand along the bench, and when he spoke, it was intimate, and meant for only them he thought... “That’s right, that’s my policy, seize the day, carpe deim. I don’t want to miss an opportunity, so I do what I want, and what’s best for me… I think I was more willing to endure before, but when I learnt about my heart, things changed. It’s psychological, I’m meant to die… if we didn’t have the technology we do today, I’d be in a wheelchair right now like the ones we used hundreds of years ago, and on top of that, I’d be living in fear because of my weak heart. So why should I wait to take what I want, do what I want, why should I hold back?” He asked gently, and Erik realized that he was entranced, sucked in by Charles’ mesmerizing blues, and his voice that was rich and soothing, so much so that he hadn’t even noticed their position. Charles was leaning as far as he could towards Erik where he sat, what with the bench press bar in the way, and Erik was mirroring him, leaning against the same obtrusive bar, with his fingers wrapped around the plastic in a steel grip. It felt like the air around them was alive with so much possibility, and he knew right then it might be harder than he expected to shake Xavier’s interest, if he lived by a code where he took what he wanted in life… And against all odds Erik actually admired Charles for his boldness, because he was living his own life in fear.

He wouldn’t… couldn’t take what he wanted, which was a mate. That was the only thing that Erik hadn’t mastered in his life, and it was like Charles’ presence had opened his eyes, and he was getting a glimpse what he could have, yet he had convinced himself so thoroughly for years that he didn’t need companionship. He _was_ so very alone, and older then he wanted to admit while having no one… Erik had always maintained this delusion that at any age he could find companionship when he finally welcomed it, but he was beginning to recognize there might be truth in certain ingrained concept, such as: that the older you got the harder it was to attract an alpha, and he had never been what most alphas would find compelling… Although Charles was an alpha and was here, and trying, so why was Erik resisting him?

He looked at Charles who was broadcasting his want, smiling at Erik intimately and curling his fingers around the edge of the bench right by his knee, and holding his gaze with rapt interest, and he knew suddenly he wasn’t ready for this, any of it, and he didn’t know if he ever would be after going so long with nothing.

Erik finally sucked in a sharp breath, and answered realizing that they were suspended in a thick, and tense silence, that was similar to one that follow them around most days like a reminder of what was possible, if Erik was brave enough to take that is, “That is an admirable way to look at life Charles, and I think that most as I’ve stated, go through their lives and never reached your level of self-awareness, and freedom… and I suppose that is the only way to live if you’ve overcome the hurdles that you have. I’m curious though, does it put strain on your heart to work out so much?” Erik asked out of concern actually, but Charles was holding his eyes like he was mesmerized and Erik felt his pulse jump at how naked, and on display he felt at the moment...

“My hearts fine, its stress that causes my issues, but what about you Erik, do you have that freedom in your life? Do you have regrets? Your rank is impressive at your age, and you’re still young… I think you could have more than _this_ right now… if you wanted.” His lips quirked, and then he touched his tongue to his bottom lip smoothing it slowly, and Erik had to look away, not liking where this line of conversation was going.

He cleared his throat wanting to shut down this question, but felt like he should say something that might prove he hadn’t reached the peak of life, like right now for him there was nowhere but down, “I have regrets as I know we all do, and as for having more in my life, I’m sure I could, and I can say there is no reason to think I won’t but I’m not likely to reach my future endeavors until I in fact, reach them. I find its better in life to leave your aspirations silent, because if you voice them then they might not come true… I’m superstitious that way, I guess.” Erik admitted carefully, and he didn’t know why he was saying this to Charles, when the issue he was discussing ever so subtly, was the alpha himself.

Erik postulated then to himself, coming to some conclusion in his mind about having more in life, if this game Xavier was playing at did become a reality, and Erik let him in, could he really commit to Erik with all his being? Because that’s what might make this all possible… He would have to be certain of an alphas conviction, because if he was discarded after he exposed his soul, like he was some conquest that was only temporary and not worth keeping, then Erik would never forgive himself, and his failings would haunt him to the grave.

Charles was looking at him curiously though, like he was trying to decipher what Erik was saying, and he finally slid back sitting upright, and gave Erik a small and tender smile that was too affectionate for a normal discussion, but they had passed that point he supposed, “I guess that’s a way to look at life right, don’t count your chickens before the egg, something like that… hatches I think, If you don’t like being let down. I suppose I’m used to it, so I just run in blind.” He joked again, and Erik shook his head, and tapped the plastic under his finger, bothered by that comment, like there was more that Charles wasn’t telling him. As though his life had been one big tragedy.

“I think it takes a lot to be that accepting of tragedy, if that is what you’re referring to, more tragedy then your injury?” Erik hushed between them, feeling the intimacy of the moment… feeling a connection with Charles that he couldn’t move past just yet.

He started to laugh that familiar self-deprecating laugh that you only hear from a person who is familiar with loss, and hardship, and Erik thought he caught a glimpse of a worn edge in Xavier’s eyes that he’d never noticed, and a tired slump to his shoulders that wasn’t possible in a dress uniform… He was really seeing Charles, the man and not the officer he realized… but isn’t that how it goes in life he reflected, no one really knows anyone unless you let them in.

“I… might know tragedy.” Charles finally stated carefully, but he was smiling and looked down grasping the edge of the bench as his hair fell forward, and Erik looked away, wondering if he could say the same. He knew he couldn’t, not in his current life on the ship, and he was well aware that some might say,  _that_ alone is a tragedy in itself. But it was his life, the one he chose… so wouldn’t that make his decisions the right ones for him, the right ones that led him here?

Charles looked up suddenly like he’d composed himself, and then was rubbing his face as he let out a small groan, “Oh you do not want to hear this. Actually I’m surprised we’re even talking right now…” He breathed, and then lied back down on the bench, and looked up at Erik. “How about I finish my set, I’m sure you want to start on something, and I can help you if you want, we can just focus on you.” He offered, and raised his hands to grasp the bar, but Erik interrupted him –

“Will you tell me what it is? I want to hear what your tragedy is Charles.” Erik said stiffly while holding the bar against the rack, and Charles’ brows knit suddenly, as he gazed up at Erik imploringly without responding. Erik held his gaze and couldn’t explain why, but he needed to hear Xavier’s pain.

Charles was finally sitting up again slowly, and then tipped his head as he blew out a heavy breath, like his past still bore heavy on his heart, “Well you asked, so you can’t hold this against me.” He warned while grinning like it was funny nevertheless, and Erik supposed it was, if you were about to tell a person like him your past woes. He was probably the last person someone would want to spill their heart to, even if Xavier had decided Erik was the omega he wanted place his affection on… And maybe he thought, hearing all of Xavier’s damage would make this all clear because he still didn’t know what Charles saw in him.

He began while looking into the distance, and not at Erik, “I joined the academy, and my parents didn’t approve which is common enough I think, but that turned out be trend in my life: I… met a man, a nice omega, or I thought, and my parents didn’t approve,” He was reciting this slowly like he was still trying to understand what had gone wrong in his past, “I, married the man… and my parents didn’t come, and they stopped talking to me, and it went along like: I graduated from the Starfleet, and they didn’t come, and so all I had was my husband. I came home after my first mission… and my husband was gone…” He finished softly with no anger, or sadness, or bitterness, nothing you would expect written on his face, or conveyed in his tone. No instead he sucked in a breath through his teeth and laughed, and Erik felt… he _felt_ , and that’s what was important to him, he actually cared about the story.

Usually he didn’t feel much when anyone talked to him and recited personally details, as though he was numb, yet with Charles he could almost put himself in his shoes. It was painful, and he wished he had his experiences to remember, because from where he stood, Charles was luckier then Erik had ever been, to have lost so much.

“Why did he leave?” Erik asked breathlessly, and Xavier looked at him and Erik thought he almost appeared appreciative of the question.

He motioned with his hand as he admitted plainly, “He left because I wasn’t home enough, and he wanted what everyone wants: family, children, stability, and I couldn’t give him that. I never should have married him, I realize. I don’t think people should marry young unless that’s what you want primarily out of life, and not a career in space at least if your partner doesn’t want to join you.” He stated jerking the same hand to emphasize his point, and Erik nodded slowly agreeing.

“I think you’re right… that’s what I did.” He lied, feeling like he needed to explain why he was celibate at this age, and Charles’ brows rose like it was startling news.

“Really?” He blurted, and then leaned sideways towards Erik grinning, “You waited, and who did you find?” He asked, and then followed that with a sudden drop in spirit, as his face creased in apprehension and Charles practically demanded, “Do you have a husband, a wife, an alpha?” He looked away rubbing his mouth, and it was like a cold chill to Erik’s bones. He felt the change in the air, and jerked forward wanting to touch Charles in the moment, but what would that mean to them if he did? It would let Xavier know that he wanted him, but he was looking back with a dejection in his eyes and Erik needed to correct his assumption despite what he might want.

“I, sorry that’s not what I meant, I don’t have anyone, I have… **my job**. I chose my job.” Erik almost yelled at the other man as an answer, and Xavier jerked back grasping the bench like he was shocked, and Erik looked away feeling unhinged.

The silence stretched as Erik was panicking internally not knowing how to proceed, but Xavier laughed suddenly, and he felt… like it was okay...

“That’s fine you know, that’s fine, that’s what I wanted to do, you just did it. I had too many things in the way as you know, and I wish I hadn’t caused that situation for my ex… spared the hurt.” Charles breathed soothingly, and Erik nodded, yet he knew what he did was wrong… It always is when you choose your career over your wants… everyone knows that.

“You did what you wanted…” Erik hushed, “You can’t change it now, don’t regret it, I don’t know why you would.” He said candidly, wanting Charles to know that he’s better off because he actually tried, better off then Erik who hadn’t.

“I guess…” He acquainted while looking at the ground, and then glanced back up as a slow smile curled his lips, like he had something better to focus on suddenly. He motioned with his band between them, “This was nice, talking you, I like this...” He hushed, while looking affectionately at Erik, who felt terrified because it was, this was…

He couldn’t answer, and looked away. It gnawed at him as he looked at the mirror that ran along the wall, and almost every other wall in the weight room, that he should just agree. What did he have to lose? Yet he couldn’t convince himself that was a sane idea, as much as he wanted to... clearly needed to with all the loneliness that was making itself present in his soul, when Charles was around.

Xavier spoke, and he tensed dreading more talk like this, “We should do it again.” Was suggested quietly, and Erik looked over to see Charles standing next to the bench and he hadn’t even noticed him move, yet didn’t resent Charles for it even as he was being gazed at ardently... There was such naked vulnerability in Charles’ eye that he felt himself bucking… He supposed they could do this again… but then with Xavier’s next words he felt terrified and all bets were off.

“ _Alone_.” Charles rasped, and Erik shook his head, opening his mouth, yet not having an answer that he wanted to speak.

Charles took a step pushing him, testing him, as he reached out and rested his hand on the bench press bar, grazing their fingers, and Erik felt like he was soaked in a cold sweat from nerves, as he finally mumbled, “I’ve barley said anything, I don’t know why you’d want a repeat of this, and we are alone if you haven’t noticed.”

Charles didn’t budge or change his expression as he mumbled, “No we aren’t, anyone could walk in… someone could have heard my sob story, and someone could see you speak to me… if you have a problem with that?” He asked seriously, and Erik felt like the air being sucked out of the room.

“I don’t have a problem with speaking to you, I speak to you all day. We work together.” Erik managed woodenly, feeling trapped.

Charles wet his lips slowly raising an inquisitive brow, and then he was leaning towards Erik, which brought him close enough that they could kiss if he wanted, and Erik looked at his mouth as he felt his body throb for something, anything… And it was intensified as the alphas scent hit him with it's intoxicating presence, along with Charles’ size that seemed to surround him with raw sexuality, and when he hushed, looking up at Erik under his lashed, and it was painful because he did want Charles so badly, god – “I know that, but what I’m suggesting is that we speak alone, without interruption… We can eat food, drink, talk, as friends. You can come to my quarters for dinner. We can really get to know each other because I like you Erik.” He admitted vulnerably, and Erik knew what he was really saying, and it was clear friendship was the last thing on this alphas mind.

Erik clenched his jaw, closing his eyes in distress because he wanted to agree, to be with Charles alone like the first night he came to the ship and ruined his resolve by touching him, and seducing him with his presence alone… “And you still haven’t told me your sob story. Fair is fair right?” Was added in persuasion, and he felt Charles’ hand covering his own, heavy and burning hot, and Erik blinked his eyes open in shock and saw the blatant hunger in Charles’ blues. Arousal washed through Erik; needy arousal that had him inhaling the alpha’s scent, and yearning to give himself up to whatever this man wanted… yet, when Charles saw him looking, his eyes flicking up from Erik’s mouth he suspected, and his gaze cleared of it's lasciviousness, as he waited for an answer patiently like Erik was blind to his ulterior motive.

The tension between was taught like a hang man’s noose, and Erik knew his down fall was standing next to him, and so he responded trying to save himself. “I… I don’t do that, and I don’t think I will begin.” He pushed out, and then gasped in a breath, and looked at the door of the gym. He knew he had to leave, and he didn’t care what he looked like while doing it. “I have to go, good night.” He managed and walked away not looking back and felt the terror lift from his bones.

That was why he was the man who didn’t do this romance, this… whatever Xavier was trying to do back there… Erik just couldn’t handle it, it wasn’t in him… And so when Erik lay in his bed that night, he didn’t stare at the ceiling for hours because he was drowning in regret, no it was because he was free.


	7. Understanding Gravity

When he awoke, there was a message on his com to report to the general meeting in the war room (actually the conference room, since the Poseidon didn’t participate in warfare), and so he went regardless of how he felt about being in the same proximity as the captain, and the rest of the department commanders. He couldn’t stop his life because he was having a dilemma, this he had already established... even if his dilemma involved an alpha whom had apparently lost all common sense, and was under Erik's command. 

_Charles..._

His memory made Erik not want to leave his quarters this morning. He had never dreaded much in his adult life (general meetings aside), but he'd been dreading a lot ever since Charles joined the crew, and he was still deliberating if that was a blessing or a curse... Life can't stay a constant forever, if it does then what's the point of living he supposed, if you replayed the same day until your heart gives out, you might as well just skip the years in between, and go straight to death... Erik felt his life was tipping over into that gray area between alive and dead. He was alive, but was he really living? That was the main question he was contemplating as he sat in his chair while the meeting went on around him. He had his successes and failures, but they were so sparse, that all he was left with was success. His job, which was his everything, and proving to be his death march...

It was a troubling thought, but he didn't know how much he really wanted to extrapolate that epiphany when he was surrounded by his fellow superior officers, and Captain Logan as he did this, which was even more depressing to consider.

What he could deliberate was what happened yesterday. He felt haunted from their encounter in the gym… Every moment of their conversation was accompanied by emotions that he didn’t want to feel, and he had the conception that he had failed himself more then he'd first realized. Erik had made the decision years ago to stay true to himself, and he was failing now because of Charles, but was denying his feeling, which were growing in strength the longer he spent with the alpha. So was he staying true, or just being cruel when he wanted so much, and had so little.He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the line of conversation going on at the table involved him.

“Lehnsherr?” Captain Logan blurted gruffly, and Erik flinched into reality, looking around the table to see everyone regarding him.

“Yes Captain?” He asked feeling foolish, and was paranoid suddenly. It felt like everyone knew what had happened when Erik knew they couldn’t, and Charles wouldn’t do that… he didn’t know why but he knew that Charles would keep their encounter secret, or he just had to assume so, or really begin to lose his composure.

“I see that you aren’t hanging on my words for the first time in your life, Lehnsherr, so I will excuse you for napping in the middle of our meeting.” The cantankerous man rumbled in his usual sarcastic tone, and Erik didn’t grant a response to that choleric response, finding silence to be the best answer in situations like these. The muffled snorts of his colleagues didn’t miss his attention, and Logan continued on wearing an arrogant smirk, “I’ll spare a moment to fill you in, what we were discussing was Xavier. He’s a Xaaxel man, and I think one of the better investments this ship had made, present company excluded. What do you think Lehnsherr? Is he as good as his record states?”

Erik had to rein in any speck of emotion he had for Charles as he answered, which didn’t include hatred in one iota. If anything resentment was the most profound emotion that surrounded his thoughts of Charles... It was like he was placed on this ship just to tempt Erik, but he didn’t hate him for it… He was thankful in a way, and that’s what hurt the most, because Erik wanted it, his attention.

“He is, he is as good as any senior officers I’ve had under my command.” Erik stated honestly, and Logan looked unsatisfied as he pursed his lips in contemplation, and tapped his chin as though a thought was snaking through his insipid mind.

“But is he as good as you? Could he do your job?” Silence hushed over the table, and Erik narrowed his eyes wondering what Logan was getting at. He didn’t appreciate this confrontation twenty questions pertaining to one of his men, who also happened to be the alpha shadowing his thoughts.  

“No.” He stated firmly, and then added looking contemptuously at the captain, “He can’t do my job captain, but he could probably do your job.” Erik countered, and the gasp was audible across the table, along with a chuckle from the second in command, Commander Frost.

Captain Logan held his gaze with an authoritative beseeching glare, and Erik matched it, staring down the alpha, and having no doubt in his ability to hold his own. They had a history of disagreeing over almost everything, and this was an old game for them, and because of that engineering was left alone. It was the best for them all. Erik didn’t need intervention when it came to his job: he was a perfectionist, and it showed.

“He  _was_  training on Xaaxel Sir, as you just stated.” Emma spoke up just to annoy Logan he knew, and Erik adopted his own smirk, knowing she was right about that statement. Residing from Xaaxel meant that Charles was qualified to work on the bridge, and more, and so there was a shadow over his pleasure, as he was forced to admit that Charles didn’t belong in engineering. He was too talented, and had the personality to lead that Erik, and all his fellow commanding officers including Azazel possessed. Erik didn’t doubt his abilities, and began to inopportunely reflect on how confident Xavier really was… The way he boldly asked Erik over as though he was going to say yes… as though he knew Erik wanted to spend the evening even when he hadn't said one word to allude to that fact. His temperature jumped as he replayed Charles’ proposition, and it took everything in him not to squirm in his seat.      

“That’s enough Frost.” Logan grunted, and Emma merely grinned appearing satisfied.

Logan aimed his sight on Erik once more, and appeared to be bristling, as he asked astringently, “So where do you think he belongs then? On the bridge, or in engineering?”

Erik hesitated honestly not knowing the answer. Charles was experienced, but that didn’t mean that he wan't destined for engineering. He did whatever Erik wanted… but Erik knew the reason why, and so he shouldn’t confine Charles to engineering because of it. He couldn’t answer the question either way, not knowing Charles' preference so he went with provocation instead. “It’s too soon to tell, and I can’t speak for Xavier, but he left Xaaxel voluntarily, so this line of questioning might be moot if he isn’t willing to work the bridge.” Erik reasoned, and Logan nodded his head, appearing to appreciate Erik’s insight.

“And exactly why did he leave Xaaxel?” Frost drawled blandly, and Erik regarded her with irritation not liking her interference.

Eyes set on Erik, and Captain Logan motioned to him with impatience, “What does his file say Lehnsherr.”

“It’s his personal file sir, and I’m not at liberty to share that information.” Erik responded tightly, and the Captain grunted in annoyance.

“Lehnsherr cut the crap, why did he leave?” Erik ground his jaw at his impertinence.

“I can’t divulge that information Captain, that is why it’s his personal file. I hope no one’s sharing details from the rest of our records, or even yours, if there was something you might not want known…” Erik trailed off purportedly, and saw the suffering expression in Frost, and MacTaggard, and Le blu's eyes from cargo who was about in the same boat of Erik: he ruled his domain without interference. Logan was good for that at least.

“God dammit Lehnsherr why do you always have to be such a pain in my ass… Loosen up for once, that’s an order.” The Captain spat in contempt at his insolence, and Erik narrowed his eyes, pursing his lip in repugnance at the slight. 

“I’m sure I could try, but I don’t think I can take that order seriously Captain,” –

Erik was cut off as the captain snapped, “Lehnsherr, just save it, okay cut the shit before I lose it and throw you in the brig – Jesus.” He groaned rubbing his face.

And Erik smirked as Frost caught his eye winking, and that was the end of discussion on Charles, though he was left with a few question of his own for the man, who he would be seeing once he was through with the most painful part of his job.

Thankfully Erik was cut loose along with the rest of the suffering crew, and he found himself down in engineering, comfortable in his skin again, yet petrified as it came back to him what he did last night…      

Out of some stroke of luck, it wasn’t until the afternoon that Xavier crossed his path, and thankfully it proved to be a completely isolated encounter, which he was sure Xavier desired.

“Chief.” Xavier said from his office door, yet looked past Erik as he spoke like he couldn’t meet his gaze. “I need you to come and take a look at the radioactive drive, I think somethings going on. I don’t really know…” He trailed off uncertainly, “I haven’t worked with them enough.”

“Alright lieutenant, let’s take a look.” Erik said breathlessly, standing from his desk, and fell in step beside Charles as they didn’t make eye contact, and walked silently to the radioactive drive. It was located pretty much in the bowels of engineering, where no one else was working, and Erik didn’t know what he was going to say to Charles, if anything, but they would be alone...

“I think the treatment filter is malfunctioning and not purifying the rods of waste. I checked the levels, and it’s not leaking radiation yet, but I’m sure it will start.” Xavier finally elucidated as they stopped beside the engine, which was a throwback from the early years of space exploration. It was still a better model then was used in the early years, and only now used as a last ditch defense in times of warfare.  

It was a pill shaped titanium reactor that stood a story tall, and was contained by a layer of opaque poly-silicone. It was quite unobtrusive compared to the Teckthonian reactor, yet glowed a burnt orange from the fumes within. Erik looked over at Charles, and noticed that his skin appear gold in the light, yet somehow his eyes remained their striking blue, and Erik found this abnormally to be fascinating. He was admiring the alpha, subliminally, and then not so sublimely as he experienced a deep yearning for Charles that over took him and he was helpless to admit …  _he is so handsome_... And that was all. He couldn't spend the day sky larking, when he had a potentially serious matter on his hands.

He looked away he hoped, before Charles had noticed, and moved to the reactor where he brought up the display. Tapping the red keys that formed in the air, he initiated a sensor scan. Elevated levels of oxygen in the reactor was the outcome he was looking for, knowing from experience this malfunction exhibited inaccurately in the vitals.

Almost immediately the results appeared as positive, and he isolated the search, cross checking over each sensor at 10 second intervals. He glanced at Charles who was watching him work in silence, and it annoyed him he realized… Erik hadn’t expected this passiveness and he was almost disappointed. He knew his reaction didn’t make sense when he had been dreading this moment, but this entire situation didn’t make sense to Erik… and so in his nonsensical manner, he was led to scrutinize Charles again: a deep crease ran between the alphas pinched brow, and thin lines ran under his eyes betraying his age. On first impressions Erik had assumed Charles was younger than 33, but now he was relieved that he was older, mature and trust worthy… a competent alpha… and smart enough to keep his mouth shut when he should.

“It’s hinky.” Charles mumbled gazing at the display. Erik hummed in response, and then Charles looked over and their eyes met, and it was like a jolt of electricity through his heart, breaking apart his resolve he thought he’d mastered. It was like all that intimacy from last night was rushing back in a fatal swoop, complete with the tension that throbbed around them, and Erik didn’t know why it was like this between them… It shouldn’t be after he left…  _after I ran away like a coward…_

They both fell into a lapse that consisted of them staring at one another in silence and Erik didn't know if it was a battle of wills, but he didn't get the impression Charles was going to break the stare first, so with a beating heart in his throat, Erik looked back to the display, continuing the tests as his nose scented out Charles irritatingly… He tried to ignore what was happening, repress it, ignore how aroused he felt from a look, when a question came to his mind that had nothing to do with this…  _heat_  that plagued them.

“It’s defective huh?” Charles finally said in a rasping tone, deducing the machines state accurately, like Erik had any doubt that he wouldn’t, and he was reminded again of the man’s qualifications. His thoughts were brought to Logan’s question that was like a bruise on his mind then, which had been growing since Charles walked in his office, yet his attention was drawn to Charles once more. He wasn’t distracted enough to miss any movement the alpha might make when he was attuned to him… Even if he wanted to deny it. 

Erik found it to be almost laughably predictable, as Charles took a step towards him, and didn’t stop until he felt their bodies touching… brushing at the hip, like Charles couldn’t stay away. He swallowed through his dry throat, feeling his body pulling towards the alpha who was radiating heat… Erik’s body yearning to lean towards that cast, and warm a portion of his existence: body, soul, life… he was cold on all fronts…

“Charles?” He blurted in a strained tone, and looked over at the alpha who was hovering at his shoulder, looking attentive, like he was hanging on Erik’s every word.

“Yes, Erik?” Charles responded in a breath, and Erik felt a jolt of heat through his chest, hearing Charles say his name. He cleared his throat looking back at the display, and ran the sequence yet again, not expecting this level of  _lust_  to be affecting him. He didn’t know why Charles was so persistent… why he wasn’t mad that Erik had left, that he was still pushing as he wet his lips slowly, holding Erik’s eyes… and he realized he had looked back at Charles the moment he refreshed the scan.   

“How do you feel about working on the bridge? Would you want that?” He asked in a stoic manner, and saw the exhalation of breath gust out of Charles, as a broken expression overcame his face. Erik was stymied looking at him, wondering why he looked so… crushed, so broken, and he felt this is what Charles must have looked like after the left without even a glance, like Charles was nothing to him. The shame clawed through him, but he couldn’t give into Charles just because he was upset. What would that say about him? That he is so weak that a sad look from an alpha would prove to be his undoing… It couldn’t...  

But it was clear that Charles was thinking the worst… “What’s this then? Are you going to transfer me to the bridge… is this because of yesterday?” He hushed in a emotion laden tone, while boring his pained gaze into Erik’s eyes and he didn’t expect this level of,  _devastation_. Charles stepped away running a hand through his hair, and laughed like he had the day before, as he recited his tragic past, like he expected this to happen, “Well I know I fucked up, but not this bad…”

Something in Erik might have snapped at that level of self-degradation. The compulsion to move overcame him; the world was smothering him down with all his mistakes: how he ran away yesterday like a coward, and now because of that Charles thought Erik could be this cold when he wasn’t… when he couldn’t be with this alpha, not genuinely. He took a step, grasping Charles’ defined shoulder through the thick wool of his blue coat, and explained as he heard how merciful he was being, “That’s not why I asked, and yesterday… that was… I don’t hold what you said against you.” He assured, and saw the confusion fill the lieutenant’s captivating eyes, as he frowned looking over at Erik.

“It was too much, too soon?” Charles whispered with searching eyes, and Erik didn’t, couldn’t respond and so he looked down feeling his despondency return, He let his fingers slip off of Charles’ shoulder, and knew he just couldn’t be what Charles wanted.

Erik explained then, avoiding the topic of _them_ : “I had a meeting this morning and the Captain asked me where I thought you belonged on the ship: the bridge, or engineering. I told him I couldn’t answer that question, and I thought I should ask you.” Erik looked into Xavier’s clinging eyes and asked, “Is your goal on the Poseidon to secure a position on the bridge?”

Charles stared at him morosely like he was crushed, and it was due to Erik - past and present combined, yet he maintained the contact wanting to know the answer, and almost… needing to punish himself. He did want this fascinating alpha… that was clear enough in his mind, and through the aching of his long denied body, but he couldn’t allow himself to doubt his decision to flee like a scared virgin yesterday... A voice whispered in his mind then, reminding him that this wasn’t all physical… Charles is a good man, and Erik’s heart was beginning to latch onto to that honesty, trying to persuade Erik, and just needing something to keep it going…

Charles finally gave him his answer, as he shook his head with a taught brow, like the question was ridiculous, “Well considering I already explained to you my medical issues I think you would already know the answer Chief Lehnsherr. My heart can’t take it, I’m liable to drop dead in a time of crisis if I’m on the bridge. It happened the last time, and I don’t want to be the reason we all die, you die, because I can’t take the pressure. So there’s your answer.” He answered in an embittered tone, and Erik for some reason didn’t grasp that his condition was that bad, and felt even worse for asking. But he wanted to know, needed to know if Charles was going to leave him – or engineering.

“Good.” Was his answer, and Charles’ gave him an incredulous look, and leaning into his personal space, like being closer to Erik would cause this to all make sense to him, and Erik held his ground knowing it would be a mistake to step away.

“Really, you feel that way?” He asked skeptically, and Erik nodded, knowing he could admit that. Charles was needed in engineering at least.

“You’re needed here.” Erik said simply, and Charles narrowed his eyes in disbelief, like he couldn’t trust Erik.

“You want me here?” Charles grunted, while boring his hard gaze into Erik’s, and he was losing oxygen, it was like the alpha was sucking it out of the room, when that was impossible.

“Yes, we need,” He began, and Charles jerked his head cutting him off.

“No,  _you_  – do  _you_  need me here?” His voice was rough, and Erik saw the raw desire in his eyes and then predictably again, Charles swayed close to Erik almost brushing chests, and when he wet his lips, Erik couldn’t look away from his mouth. His lips were washed out in the yellow light, but appeared moist, and Erik ached painfully to taste the other man, lick into his mouth, and feel that hard body against his own… To feel his repression flowing out, and be filled with a reminder of what it means to have affection, and hunger, and to be an omega.

His eyes finally tore away from Xavier’s mouth, and when he looked up to meet Charles' eyes, it was obvious that he was watching Erik’s mouth as well. He swallowed deeply, digging his short nails into his palm, and trying to ground himself, and repress his needs. Erik’s gaze was met after a delay, and he realized that yesterday had only made this worse… Charles’ interest, and his growing weakness, because now there was something more between them then just a slip of the mind during his heat, something that was more dangerous.

“I… I do.” He spoke fittingly and knew his will was crumbling, but he couldn’t take the words back now, he couldn’t lie about this.

In response Charles let out a small gasp of relief, like a moan during love making Erik thought. It trapped him in this struggle of need that was clawing at him, and becoming more vicious by the second, and it didn't help when Charles’ gaze changed, and became suffused with his need; those crystalline eyes piercing his own with raw passion, and Erik felt like he was being pulled apart knowing he was desired, and so suddenly. He couldn’t comprehend what he’d done for Xavier to be here, in his life, or working his way into it. But mostly he didn't know what Charles saw in him, because all that Erik saw was a black hole. 

Words evaded him, and he looked down, and realized he had been floundering for something to say as his mouth was hanging open. The view of the ground though granted him the ability to watch as Charles slid his foot next to his own, and then the movement of the alphas hand, as he hesitated to take Erik's where it hung limply by his hip, and Erik knew this had gone on too far, and began to compose his will to end it - 

A siren wailed into existence then from the engine, and he jumped back from Charles, moving towards the display, and saw that the oxygen levels were spiking over the forth rod filter. “It’s a leak in the fourth, I’m containing it.” He blurted to Charles, feeling his adrenaline spike, and Charles was next to him, cursing under his breath, and resting a hand against his back.

“What do you need?” he demanded, and Erik was shutting down the cell, and isolating it from the rest of the reactor. He ordered, “Liquid poly-fill.” and Charles left his back with a pat, and he felt the coldness of the room immediately, only to be overlain by the sensation of his chilled sweat on his skin that formed while they were talking.

He heard footsteps approach, and Azazel was next to him, and then more prattled into the room, and it was obvious the engineering staff finally located the tripped alarm. “Is it containable – a leak?” Azazel demanded.

Erik turned in his peripheral and order the ensigns, Hank and Alex, “Return to your stations, and monitor vitals, go –” and then he addressed his second in command, “I’m containing it now, a leak on the forth, Xavier’s getting the poly.”

Azazel grunted, and Erik was about done with hearing that alarm. They were just waiting for the fourth chamber to be isolated, as he had initiated the protocol, and the threat was minimal at this point, and so he barked out, “ **Silence Alarm! Chief Erik Lehnsherr – serial 34789 7588**.”

“ _Silencing alarm_.” The ship spoke in its non-gender designated robot tone, and Erik finally felt himself relax, as he breathed in a gasp.

Footsteps approached and Erik knew it was Charles, and he looked over to see him holding the handle of a long silver canister of poly. Finally Erik stepped away from the reactor as the screen flashed red in the yellow light, signalling the completion of the containment. “The leak is contained. Cover the right side Charles.” He ordered, and the alpha nodded and sprayed the clear poly that rushed out like water against the reactor, coating the outside in passes like a painter over a wall.

Erik looked at Azazel wiping his brow, and his lips cracked up into a grin of relief. “Well that was exciting.” Azazel blurted, and Erik sighed looking at Charles, who was focusing on the reactor.

“It happens sometimes.” Erik drawled, smoothing down his hair and trying to compose himself, when he knew it wasn’t just the leak that had him feeling scattered... 

“Yeah and so do headaches,” Azazel grumbled and Erik could agree, because this was the beginning of a long afternoon.

“Yes they do…” He mumbled, glancing at Xavier’s back, while contemplating his next move. He finally sighed, and told Azazel who was watching Charles’ movements as well, as he sprayed the yellow glowing plastic with the clear coating. “Alright, let's get a containment wall set in place. Get Alex and McCoy to begin with that – I’ll get the repair dams, and supplies with Charles, and you get the suits.”

“Yes Sir.” Azazel spoke, and then added, “And let’s get this done quick, there’s a game on tonight, and I am not missing it for a radiation leak.” He ended with determination, and Erik raised his brows, actually curious who was playing.

Xavier came over then, as the sound of liquid being forced under pressure ceased, and he smirked at Azazel, standing a polite distance from Erik for once, “You think we have a chance? I saw a game earlier against Celuto and Bravo Major, and Bravo swept the floor with them.”

Azazel face drifted into one of speculation, and he scratch his goatee almost cringing at the question, “I’m going to plead the fifth… I’ll just let fate decide, this one is too close to call.” He finished in that weary way all fans of a sport, hold off on speculation, hoping for their team’s success against all odds.

“What about you Chief, what do you think?” Charles asked conversationally, and Erik answered without thought.

“Earth, no doubt, Earths going to win. Bravo doesn’t have the experience to beat Earth competently enough to knock them out. And we are known to have the best football team in the better part of the universe. And you Charles?” Erik asked while looking at the other man, and feeling that draw regardless of the company and the moment... as he saw the pleased grin that quirked those distracting lips.

“Earth of course, we have the home team advantage, and Digum is on fire.” He asserted, speaking of their star player, and Azazel nodded in agreement, but the discussion ended there as they remembered they were in the middle of containing a radioactive leak.

Azazel left to get the rad suits, from the decam hold that was by the cooling towers, and Charles and Erik went to get the poly damns, and a maintenance cart. Storage was located beside Erik’s office, which was placed approximately in the middle of engineering for convenience.

They turned and walked down the corridor to storage in silence, both focused on the leak or Erik thought. When they entered the large room, Charles stopped him by grasping his arm like this had been a premeditated action, that he'd been waiting for this moment to exact. “Are you fine?” He hushed hesitantly, and Erik felt disoriented by the question, because there was no reason he wouldn’t be.

“Yes I am fine, and I don’t know why you’re asking me. We need to get the supplies Lieutenant.” Erik reminded Charles, feeling this wasn’t the time for sentiments, if there ever were, and headed towards the poly damns not sparing him a glance. He was already plotting how long it would take for them to remove the covering of poly-plastic, and then access the metal of the reactor to fix the leak, feeling as anxious as Azazel to leave engineering today... and have a break from Charles.

Nothing more was spoken between them of a personal matter, although Charles’ presence was always a hot spot on the edge of senses. It felt like Erik was always aware of his location, and every sound he made was strain on Erik’s ears.

It took an hour past their shift to complete the repair, and Azazel groaned rubbing his face when they were done, mumbling about beer, and the game. “I'm going now Chief - if you need the report I promise you, I will be here first thing in the morning with bells on, but I have plans, and so do  _you_ , right?” He challenged in exhaustion, and Erik looked at Charles right away, feeling a flush run over his body like Azazel knew that Charles was pursuing him, aggressively.

Charles’ eyes narrowed, and he tilted his head to the side, pursing his lips with a serious expression on his face like he was considering the same though, but then after a pause, he relaxed and grinned at Azazel, “Yes the game right? I think the lounge is gonna be bursting tonight; everyone on the ship is gonna come down for this one, which they should to support the boys. And I’m guessing if you want a seat, you should probably get there at a decent time or they’ll all be taken, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna stand after this shit show – So Chief, is there more to be accomplished tonight? A leak in the reactor?” He hedged crossing his arms, as his eyes crinkled at the side and Azazel barked out a laugh and smacked Erik on the back, and he found in his exhaustion he actually let out a tired chuckle.

“I don’t think it would be taken well if I told you, you have more duties, so I won’t. You are free to go, and you both performed exemplary today, thank you gentleman.” Erik felt the tension seep out of his body, and he even felt free to give them a warm grin, looking forward to leaving the day behind him, for more reason than he felt comfortable addressing. Erik still hadn’t processed completely how that moment of heat... had happened between them, what he might have said that he shouldn’t have… and it was difficult analyze anything while standing next to reason for his indecision.

“Great, I will see you in the bar, and remember,” Azazel said jabbing a finger at them, “we just survived another day, and I think that’s reason enough to celebrate.” He finished with relish, and then parted as Erik said goodbye, and then he was left alone with Charles.

Erik felt a tingling at his side where Charles was, like he was being called to his presence…  experiencing that fear creeping up his spine at the prospect of being alone with this persistent temptation, like something was going to happen. Yet it was the end of the day and Xavier should leave, or Erik would tell him to.

Charles chuckled breathlessly out of the blue, causing Erik to look over at the man’s outburst, and it was clear he was laughing at Azazel, as he pointed at his retreating form, “He  _is_  getting smashed tonight. I don’t think he’s going to be much help in the morning.” Charles stated touching his grinning mouth, and Erik felt a sudden paralysis as he was affected by the sight of Charles laughing…

He was so... captivating, and Erik knew he would be affected for now on when he was around Charles, but it wasn’t Erik’s fault for this lapse… Charles had planted this seed in his mind, that hope that he could have more in his life then just his career.

Erik composed himself quickly, feeling drawn to leave, while ignoring the real draw towards the alpha, and replied with a sardonic grin, “I hope not, or he’s going to be regretting it tomorrow, when we’re completing the reports first thing.”

Charles smirked, the side of his mouth pulled crookedly, and he told Erik with a soft tone that send Erik squirming from how Charles treated him, like he could handle tenderness, and affection, “Well you have me if that’s the case. I don’t mind lending you hand, but I think we’ll find out tonight at the lounge how hurting he’ll be in the morning.”

Erik chose not to comment on Charles’ ploy at spending time alone with him, which was clear, and said, “I think that depend on Earth winning tonight, but I would never bet against Earth…” His words trailed off as frustration filled him. He practically proclaimed in that short sentence, that he wanted Charles to spent time with him tomorrow, and he sighed as Charles’ grin tugged wider on his bright lips, and his eyes sparkled with hope.

“Hmm well I hope Earth wins regardless, I have money riding on this and I don’t favour loosing.” He said rubbing the back of his neck, and Erik saw that it was difficult for him with all his muscle wrapped in that tight suit… He looked away from that muscular arm, and felt tired as he scrutinized the man’s face, which wasn’t a hardship for him, and then asked finding it almost distressing that Charles gambled for some odd reason… knowing he should just leave and end this conversation.

“You gamble?” He clarified, and Charles nodded, and moved closer to Erik like he just realized they were alone.

“I do, but it’s all in harmless fun you know. All ships have a pool going on almost anything, it’s just up to you if you wanna put up the credits. I don’t mind wasting some money to make life more interesting, although I’d rather find a better way to make things exciting.” Charles drawled, batting his lashes slowly, and holding Erik’s eyes with significance, and it was so clear that Charles was trying to tempt him… Dropping provocative comments, and baiting Erik, to say or do, anything.

He swallowed deeply, and bit his lips trying to think of a way to diffuse this time bomb, “I suppose it’s a waste if you keep losing.” He mumbled felling awkward, yet not conveying it in his speech form years of discipline.

Charles tipped his head, as his brows pulled with consideration, “You think… well I don’t lose that often, but that’s because I only bet when I know it’s worth it,  _Erik_.” He said aggravatingly, and Erik’s jaw ground as he read Xavier’s intention loud and clear. He would have felt embarrassed for the man if it wasn’t directed at him, and Charles wasn’t so… sure of himself. It was daunting when he was trying to keep a hold of will, and emotions.

“I suppose that is the best way to do it.” He answered distractedly, as he tried not analyze Charles’ face, and end this discussion without making any more omissions that he would regret.

“Yeah…” Charles breathed, and then his face suddenly adopted an apprehension as though he wanted say something to Erik meaningful, but then it passed almost as quickly. Charles reached out then changing course, and touch Erik’s arm in a soft caress of his palm, that burnt through his coat. “I’m going to go, I’ll see you in the lounge later?” He asked, and Erik had already planned on going, yet the thought of spending more time with Charles was both terrifying, and appealing at the same time… Erik wasn’t going to change his plans though because of Charles. That would be ludicrous, and just show that there was a reason to change his plans to anyone present... Although he realized how paranoid that thought was right after it passed.

“You will, and thank you again.” He recited like Charles was any other officer, and Charles shook his head, squeezing Erik's arm that he was still holding.

“You don’t need to thank me, I’m here for you.” He whispered, and Erik’s eyes widened as a cascade of heat tingled his skin, as he considered that statement, and blinked at Charles finding him to be slightly… unbelievable.

 _Why is he so persistent? Why me?_ Erik thought with anxiety, as Charles wet his lips, staring him down ardently, and Erik looked away before he started to admire Charles’ mouth again.

“That’s a comfort I suppose…” He answered, which was a natural response as though they were having a normal conversation, and then he turned towards the main common way, as Charles let his arm go.

“Walk with me? I have to go to my office, and I would feel more comfortable if you would leave for the day. I am sure that you are tired.” Erik said, and set off down the hallway without waiting for Charles, feeling like he could finally breathe.

Charles stepped beside him, and they walked in silence to his office, as Erik felt suddenly like he had made an error again by being so cold, but this wasn’t _him_ , what Charles was doing… 

He stopped by his door, and turned to see the contemplative expression on Charles’ face like he was deep in thought, and then he watched as the alpha’s unfairly blue eyes focus in on him, and Erik was reminded how beautiful they were away from the yellow glow of the reactor, and how beautiful they always were, even next to the reactor. He nodded in parting, and turned to his office, not needing to repeat himself, and Charles returned the gesture and walked away with a soft,  _‘Bye Erik’._

Hurrying inside, he tinted the glass door so he was alone finally with no spectators, and then buried his face in his hands, groaning at the mess he was in… Charles _was_ a bruise that you kept hitting he decided: he wouldn’t go away, and Erik couldn’t stop feeling him when he was around... 

It came to him then that the Charles was clearly confident in his decision of pursuing Erik, and also more emotional then Erik felt comfortable with, naturally. He made Erik feel like he was barely hanging on with his fingertips, and Erik could already feel them slipping if Charles was going to be like this all the time… What made this worse, and painful for him was that he wasn’t sure if Charles was genuinely interested in him, or if he just wanted a warm body in his bed. _Like this is a normal motive of operation for a one night stand, and it means nothing to Charles, I mean nothing..._

Erik didn’t know what the truth was, or just his apprehension twisting the details, but it didn’t matter in the end… Erik would never be with Charles. That was the only way it could be for him with the decisions he’s made in his life, and he felt very cold suddenly, but then realized that was how he always felt.


	8. A hustlers work is never through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick highlight at the bar, and the tension grows

The Lounge proved to be uneventful for Erik, if you didn’t include the normal level of intoxication, and excessive philandering which Erik has come to accept as normal behaviour on the ship. Personally he thought most aboard were lacking in personal decorum, and restraint, but as he’s come to learn over the years, his level of self-discipline was far higher than the average officers…   

His different outlook on life became clear when a normal night in the lounge, such as this very night, consisted of Azazel getting in a drinking contest with the captain, Angel dancing on the bar, and a punch up between the cargo ruffians over by the pool table that ended in laughter… So it went without saying that when everyone communed in the lounge for such a momentous occasion as a galactic match, the crew became that uncontained version of themselves that was fighting to get out, or so he had surmised. But it was known Starfleet officers were barley contained adrenaline junkies, who function on a level of proficiency that was unparalleled in other professions, so something was liable to give after so much time in space.

The night was almost in full swing, with alcohol running freely for the budding crew of hedonists, when Erik arrived and joined Azazel at the long bar which looked onto Alex who moonlighted as one of the ships bartenders, and a display of available alcohol like any other lounge, and then of course the pre-game show playing across the entire wall above the bar. Erik accepted a beer from Alex as soon as he sat. His beverage hadn’t changed much in years, from the basic ale that was on tap, which varied depending on where they received supplies from, and so he drank and talked to Azazel, and waited… He would have been lying if he wasn’t thinking of Charles the entire time… trying not to watch for him, and acknowledge that he was something important in his mind, and ignore how restless he felt as he awaited his arrival. Erik had expected Charles to already be in the bar when he walked through the doors, but he wasn’t, so Erik sat there soaking in a pool of denial that he wanted him there.     

Charles did appear as he promised, or _stated,_ Erik thought not wanting to view their discussion as say, an agreement between them, which in some farfetched stretch of Charles’ imagination might resemble a date… Erik could admit though that he did clean up well, as Charles joined him and Azazel at the bar, and he had a difficult time schooling his featured into a bland smile, as he absorbed the sight of Charles in his civilian clothing. Somehow everything he wore always appeared too tight, and too… sexual, as though he bought only the most tempting of items that were tailored with the intention of luring Erik specifically.

His pants were the same linen that he usually wore, yet in this instance were light blue and molded to his thighs and groin… _Skin tight_ … drifted through his mind as he watched Charles approach and his temperature was rising. He speculated that the phrase: _nothing left to the imagination_ might apply to Charles as well,but it did not, when all he got to see was the alphas muscular form displayed through linen… He had nothing left but his imagination to struggle with as he ogled Charles discreetly, and there were certain details of his clothing that bothered him more than others, which aided his thoughts vulgarity. Probably the pockets of his pants that were made of leather ranked highest on his list. Once again it appeared as though his attire was crafted just so, to draw Erik’s attention his groin and Erik absorbed the image, as he helplessly thought that he would like to see Charles in leather pants... not just patches, full leather. This was about the worst possible scenario that could come into his mind, as he imagined how erotic Charles would look with leather stretched across his ass and groin, and detailing what he had waiting in those pants… Erik took a deep drink of his thick malt beer, and tore his eyes away from Charles’ groin, but then repeated the same scrutiny to his strong chest and torso… He knew that he was taking this too far, but he was compelled out of his growing desire for Charles that was unravelling the longer the alpha kept pursuing him, and disregarding Erik’s resistance… and it could be said the beer he was drinking wasn’t helping matters.

His shirt once again didn’t do anything to conceal his solid arms, and he gazed at the crease were white fabric met his pale freckled skin, and… he wanted to lick across his skin there… and imagined unwrapping the linen from where it was clasped under his arm, and kissing across his sculpted chest -

Erik was burning up and had to stop these thoughts before they got out of hand... or more out of hand. Arousal was humming through him, and would likely get worse the more he drank, and that became a guarantee when Charles rested his hand on his shoulder, and look down on him with that charming grin. He was thankful the lounge was packed tonight because he didn’t think he could handle one on one with Charles with his inhibitions lowered. Although that didn’t seem to matter. He didn’t have the choice to ignore Charles and his sheer sexual physicality, when he took a seat next to Erik, and then spent the rest of the evening constantly leaning into him, and resting his arm around his shoulder like it was necessary for the comfort of their night. This was probably not on purpose he told himself, the lounge was so loud that Charles had to speak directly into Erik’s ear for him to hear his ongoing commentary of the game, and whatever else came into his mind, and so Charles was forced to be this intimate… not actively desiring this... although Erik might just be kidding himself.

Thankfully Charles had withheld any provocative comments, or double entrées which he clearly mastered, but that didn’t stop Erik’s body from shuddering every time Charles hushed into his ear, and chuckled at something he thought was funny which happened quite a lot… Irrationally Erik felt annoyed every time this occurred, every time Charles tried share his good spirits with him, like they were friends already… like they were this close already… And if anything was obvious to anyone that night in the lounge, it was that Erik had never made an acquaintance this quickly in all his career on the Poseidon, but he really didn’t have a choice in the matter, when Charles wasn’t willing to take no for an answer.

It was in the last half of the second period in the game, when Charles got up to relieve himself, and Erik realized his scent was missing from his life, and was instantly perturbed. He could admit that was why he was looking over his shoulder to see if Charles was back yet, but ended behaviour quickly as he drained his third beer, and was remiss to deny that Charles smelt finer than any alpha he could recall, and didn’t feel guilty about his attraction for once. He realized he was being too cautious for no reason. It wasn’t like anyone was going to notice any obvious behaviour on his part anyway, when the whole bar was smashed. Azazel was a prime example, as he was passed the point of carrying on a coherent conversation after the drinking contest he had with the Logan who won, and it was hard to miss the victor of that match when Logan proclaimed to the whole bar that he was in fact the winner, and only a true captain could take anything to excess, even alcohol, or something along those lines. This level of ignorance was normal for Logan, and so where the boos he earned from the girls who joined Alex behind the bar, which went without saying was the highlight of Erik’s night (minus Charles hanging all over him), as he barked out laughter, feeling loose and relaxed, which was an anomaly that didn’t happen too often.

Logan, never to take scrutiny in silence, scowled at him and spat his usual empty threats, “Shut up Lehnsherr, if you don’t want to be sleeping in the brig tonight.” and Erik rolled his eyes waving off Logan, as Charles came up behind him wrapping his fingers around his shoulder and pressing his chest against his back.

Erik looked over grinning at Charles, but he was looking past him at Logan, who always looked annoyed around Erik, but it was how they worked… There were too many too many chiefs on a ship, and Erik was too authoritative to be a follower.

“Xavier right?” Logan bellowed, when he noticed Charles behind Erik, and he held out his hand over Erik’s shoulder in greeting not making an effort to move.

“Yes, it’s good to meet you captain, I’m sorry I missed our introduction, but my ship was delayed.” Charles bellowed back, and Logan waved off Charles, and then yelled, throwing his hands up as earth missed a goal.

“That’s bullshit.” Logan screamed along with most the bar in different variations of outrage, apart from Charles who leaned down and whispered into Erik’s ear, as he squeezed his shoulder.

“ _Was he threatening you?_ ” Charles voice was deep and concerned, and Erik turned looking at the alpha whose face was an inch from his own, and his mouth... Erik had to hold back from kissing those bright lips as a painful swell of want shook through him. This was what he was afraid of, why spending time with Charles was a bad idea and being drunk on top of it, he was even more tempting than usual. And so he could never accept Charles’ invitation for dinner and drinks, when it was easier for him accept what he truly desires with alcohol in the mix...

They stayed like that for a breath, Erik gazing like a stunned animal into Charles’ eyes that were overrun by a deep, and possessive intensity… and he knew he’d never been on the receiving end of this degree of alpha posturing before, but it was unmistakable what Charles was doing. He looked away shaking his head as his mind was half insulted, and half… desperate to have more of this from Charles… this alpha possession that was clearly writ in his eyes, and his actions.

Erik finally looked back at him and answer leaning towards Charles’ ear, and needing to explain nevertheless, “He’s not serious, it’s just how we talk.”

When Erik pulled away, he got a begrudging look from the alpha, whom finally relaxed his hand’s hold on Erik’s shoulder, patting him like he was saying it was _okay_ when it wasn’t… this wasn’t, or wasn’t supposed to be at least by Erik’s rules. Charles took his seat next to Erik once more, and his head swim at this behaviour… and he didn’t know how to tell Charles no when he was just watching out for him, and Erik was undeniably liking it.

It finally happened though what Erik assumed would… as the bar was clearing out, and Erik was standing to leave, one of the omegas whom he wasn’t that familiar with from the ship approached Charles. She wore a short dress in leather that was popular with the younger girls, and wedged herself between Erik and Charles, and began to hush words to the alpha that Erik couldn’t hear, as Charles looked at him over her shoulder. Erik walked away without comment over to Azazel, who needed a hand it was clear, getting back to his room.

“Let’s go Commander.” He told his second in command, and Azazel grinned in intoxication, patting Erik’s cheek, and they left hastily as people said their goodnights who they passed, and Erik tried to ignore the sorrow that was eroding his bones, because he had to be like this… so cold, so emotionless, so willing to sacrifice the only good thing that he ever might have apart from career.


	9. All his cards on the table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik get's a big reality check, when Charles spells things out for him.

 

It felt like his world was returning to something he was familiar with the next day, as he sat his desk, and tried to convince himself he was relieved that Charles had other omega’s to distract himself with, instead of being silently heartbroken that he might have gone home with that young omega last night… but he had to push on, do what he’s always done… and work.

Azazel dragged himself in begging off any extra work, and Erik assigned him to system analysis of the reactor, and then the ships climate controls, knowing that would take up most of his day, and give him the break he didn’t deserve.

And of course Charles entered his office shortly after, and Erik gave him a curt smile as he approached his desk. He stopped standing at the edge, and regarded Erik with a hard scrutiny suddenly, and all Erik could think was… _here we go again_.

“Hello Chief… So, did you have a fun night with Azazel?” He asked with a tart cant to his lips, and Erik was blindsided by that comment, and jerked upright in his seat.

“Ah no, I took him to his quarters because he was intoxicated. Is something matter with that?”

Charles looked away squeezing the edge of his desk, and Erik could see his jaw flexing as he appeared to be upset about something… which was becoming a trend with the over emotional alpha.

“No.” Charles said tightly, and then looked back at Erik, and he watched his resolve crumble. Vulnerably broke through his indigent glower, and Erik was being dragged helplessly towards Charles... Compassion, and yearning diffused through his mind and heart, and he tried to remind himself that Charles might have spent the night with some other… omega. Yet, all Erik could think was that it was clear Charles needed him in some personal capacity, and he felt compelled to concede to the raw emotion bared in his captivating gaze. “I just don’t know why you left like that, without saying goodbye. Did I do something?” Charles asked, as he let out an emotion laden breath as though he was upset, and Erik despite all rational felt his mouth go dry…

Erik knew in this moment that he’d never met an alpha who was this captivating in his life… even his pain was attractive, and not because he wanted to see Charles suffer, no quite the opposite actually. As he absorbed the sadness in his blues, he struggled with the compulsion to hug Charles, and assure him he didn’t mean to hurt his feelings… that he wanted Charles even when everything was unspoken, and he should have waited because that was their relationship, but he just couldn’t… Nothing can come of nothing.

“You were occupied so I thought it was best to give you privacy.” He explained, and Charles leaned forward as his brows knit in an aporetic display that carried on through his body as he shook his head in denial, and his mouth dropped then into a pinched frown… And Erik suspected that he might have blundered yet again with Charles. 

“I wasn’t _occupied_ , just because some random crew member comes up to me doesn’t mean I’m occupied Erik. I was going to walk with you… and I would have liked to say goodnight at least. I was there with you.” He admitted gently, and Erik let out a harsh exhale, as he thought of Charles coming to his room rapidly, and the scenario of Charles… kissing him goodnight like they had been on a date, which was unimaginable, yet… It was such an attractive thought, that he almost felt like he had missed out on the opportunity, like Charles had made the offer and Erik had already turned him down, or that’s how it would play out in reality, he told himself.

“Oh, I clearly misunderstood, and I am sorry if I insulted you...” Erik found himself saying, and felt like more a fool because he was making excuses for his behaviour when he rarely had to, but it was clear that dealing with Charles was a new challenge, that of which he had never encounter, and so therefore he was failing, when he rarely did...  In hindsight though if he did succeed at winning over Charles, then that meant well… giving Charles what he wants, which Erik’s heart might want, but was it ever wise to follow your heart’s desire? Erik thought not.

Erik went on trying to explain his reasoning, “But I’m sure your evening was well enough, and... you already appear to have found a home on the ship, so I assumed that you might know other’s aboard by now who you spend your time with, that aren’t members of the engineering crew.” He rattled out through his teeth, pulling these words from his ass, and knowing he must look constrained as he felt his eyes pinch at the side from his minds regret.

“Yeah that might be the case, I might know others aboard already, but not as well as I know you, and I’d rather spend time my time with you Erik over anyone, so it would have been better if I saw you back to your room.” He countered breathlessly, and Erik absorbed that needy look directed at him, and if he thought he was going to get a break today, he was wrong.

Erik didn’t know what to say as he rubbed his face, and tried not to think about Charles coming in for the evening for more discussion as he wanted… and probably something more physical; Erik didn’t know if he would have stopped him if he did try last night, what with the alcohol in his system.

Charles’ scent was starting to build in his office, and he realized it wasn’t just because the alphas scent was that compelling, but because Charles was walking around the side of his desk, and leaning against it, as he carded his fingers through his lush hair. “So… anyway did you need help with that paperwork? I saw Azazel and he looks as terrible as we predicted, but it was hard not to after seeing him down the booze last night like a fish.” Charles joked through a sudden smirk, like the air had been cleared, and Erik nodded looking up at the alpha, and trying not to look at his groin that was so close to his face… He wondered helplessly like he was broken to his impulses, if Charles was large… if he was as beefy as the rest of him, and he pressed his lips together at his weakness, feeling like his body was just too warm for his uniform around the persistent alpha.

“Yes, I suppose… pull up a chair.” He drawled, sealing his fate and Charles nodded with pleasure in his enchanting blues, as he clearly got what he wanted in this moment. The sight of his ass in his tight wool slacks was difficult to ignore as he walked over to fetch a chair, and Erik started to chant a mantra because he was losing it… _Compose yourself! Harbour your control you are the Chief of engineering, god damn it..._

He had no idea why he’d just agreed to be in… kissing distance with Charles, though it wasn’t like they would be kissing, just because he had a small crush didn’t mean one iota in the universe, when Erik had already made his decision regarding Charles he told himself. And he ignored the voice in his heard that reminded him that Charles held mutual feelings for him, so there for significance could be found in everything they do together...

Charles placed a chair next to him, raising his brows as though to relay his pleasure, and then settled on the chair grinning at Erik in satisfaction like the thought of doing paper work for an undefined amount of time was exciting. “This is nice, desk work...” Charles mumbled, like he read Erik’s mind, as he tapped on the floating display, transferring the incident report template to his desk surface, which was a glorified monitor intended for this precise use. He realized belatedly that he could have had Charles sit across from him instead of beside, when any configuration of his desk top could be formed on the surface complete with keyboard… and it was exasperating his inability to reason around the man.

“I suppose if you don’t mind it, I don’t.” He commented and Charles reached over patting his knee under the table and Erik has to stare almost painfully hard at his desk as he tried not respond to the gesture, although in what capacity he would, he did not know.

“I’m sure you don’t, Erik” Charles murmured next to him and he glanced over, unable to share the affection that was in Charles’ voice as he was just too uncomfortable in his office where anyone could walk in, though he doubted if he did try to enter into this flirtation between them, it would come out right anyway.

“Yes… well, I think you should begin on your own account of yesterday’s malfunction Charles, and then after that we can consider Azazel’s, although I don’t like to fabricate documents, and I’m sure the commander can complete his own work during his down time.” Erik drawled, and rapidly tapped his desk surface, auto filling in Charles’ name and classification, and serial number, and then without input he altered the newly illuminated documents so it was displayed black against the white plastic, instead of red. Erik felt this was the best configuration of colour against a solid surface, to lessen the strain on eyes.

“Hmm, I don’t think he’ll like that very much, having to do work in his off hours, what a shame.” Charles drawled with a cheeky grin, the sarcastic edge blatant in his tone; clearly relaying that Azazel deserved all that was coming to him, in a work place capacity that is. Erik’s lips ghosted with amusement, because he agreed with Charles; Azazel had made his bed last night at the bar, and so he would have to suffer.

“I’m sure he’ll live. This isn’t the first time he’s had to finish work on his own time due to celebrating, and it’s a reality of the job, it follows you home, and especially on a ship.” Erik relayed, and Charles hummed under his breath, and Erik noted then that Charles wasn’t looking at his documents, but at Erik with curiosity clearly written on his face. Those blue eyes scrutinized him causing him discomfort from the proximity of his astute face, and Erik looked forward and began to type; doing his job because at least he could do this if nothing else around Charles.

“So, are you and Azazel very close? You are good friends, better than anyone else on the ship.” Charles stated in a careful voice, and Erik looked over to see him actually typing on the keyboard, but as though he knew Erik was looking, he glanced up and his gaze was filled with a barely concealed trepidation, and Erik knew instantly what this was about, that Charles was jealous.

He had made the comment when he entered the office about Erik and the intoxicated commander, and it wasn’t until now that it clicked that Charles though they had gone to his room together… for _more_. It was such an alien notion that he was shocked that anyone could think that about Azazel, whom Erik harboured a completely non-sexual affection for, as though he was a brother.

“We are friends, and we’ve worked together for five years, and I’d hope I would have as good a relationship with another colleague, that I respect as much as him, after this long…” He said almost defensively, and Charles nodded as his eyes cleared of the strain which had been afflicting them.

“I see, but you are just friends, right?” Charles established gingerly, and Erik felt like he should berate Charles for his continuous interrogation of his personal life, yet he saw an opportunity to set him straight once and for all… Erik considered then that there might a reason this was happening, that Charles was operating under the misconception that he was the kind of omega who would carry on a meaningless relationship, because if he was in fact seeing Azazel romantically, they didn’t act like it, and that only meant one thing.

“I would never fraternize with one of my crew, and especially if I wanted them to respect me, and that is the reality of my position Lieutenant. It would simply be an inconceivable action on my part, as well as being incredibly unprofessional if I were to carry on a relationship with my second in command, or anyone else. You should know this.” He relayed stiffly, and realized as he was saying these words, that he was essentially telling Charles that he wouldn’t be willing to entertain a relationship and felt immediate panic at his slip.

Charles was silent from where he sat, and Erik stared at the desk in dread as a sickly sensation was succumbing his stomach, and he could only imagined how uncomfortable things were going to be between them now, and how… _personally_ difficult it going was going to be dealing with this blunder...

A slight exhale left Charles as though he was releasing some pent up strain, and Erik readied himself for the end of this… whatever it was:

“That’s admirable… I can see why you abide by a personal set of rules in your professional life, yet there actually isn’t any enforced regulation about having a relationship with another officer. And I think you might find that you don’t have to work to gain respect Erik, when it’s clear you are a formidable man to reckon with: you are accomplished, and excel in your position as chief, and because of your proficiency and skill, you serve as an example to follow. That alone should garner respect from new acquaintances who comes into your life, and if it doesn’t then they aren’t worth your time… so I don’t think you have to be so strict about the decisions you make this far into your impressive career, right?”

As Charles spoke, Erik felt as though he was going through a metamorphosis of emotions, as Charles seemingly recited all of his preconceptions and then countered them with logic, leaving him feel raw. It was obvious Charles had deciphered his motives for denying him, and Erik felt that same emotional swell turn and become heavy with bitterness, and he wanted to cease this barrage on his will that was wearing him down. He’d acquainted to years of sexual repression so he could achieve this success, and so why wasn’t he willing to take something for himself now as a reward? _Because you have forgotten how to be an omega, you have forgotten what it means to be around alphas like Charles who want you…_ And even if that was his reason he didn’t want to think about it.

“That is an interesting view point lieutenant.” Erik managed hollowly, as he tried not to feel regret and longing, or even break down next to Charles in the capacity he would, and instead was rallying his control, so Charles wouldn’t see how emotionally damaged he is.

Charles let out a soft sound, and Erik couldn’t look at him as he continued on when it was excruciating to listen, when he was voicing Erik’s inner fears. “It’s the most reasonable… remember I told you I wished I put my career first? Well I always intended to carry on where I left off when I was young… I always thought I would like to know myself when I met an omega, you know, and was successful, and at my best…. I guess I never made it there, that pinnacle of success, but I am content… I don’t think I need anymore, but maybe…” He trailed off, and Erik gasped out the breath he was holding, glancing at Charles whose words he was helplessly hanging onto like he was bearing the secrets to the universe; to happiness, both their happiness, and he realized that he did want to hear what Charles had to say, because he was speaking to Erik’s soul. And so when their eyes met, Erik greedily absorbed the silent yearning that was offered to him in the form of a faraway, yet tangible expression that spoke of a dream being retrieved, as though Charles was reciting a future he’d only imagined - and now included Erik, and he couldn’t look away.

“You looked amazing last night, Erik.” Charles whispered leaning a fraction of an inch towards him as his teeth dug into his plump bottom lip, and his eyes shadowed. That omissions jolted through his guts, and he felt his heat begin to beat rapidly in his flustered state because that was the most blatant compliment he had received from Charles, and in years actually. He was speechless, and began to analyze his outfit of simple grey slacks, and a black silk blouse that he wore last night - favoring the material over others because he was well, still an omega. In his stunned state he watched as Charles licked his mouth, and then his eyes flicked down, then back up as he assured Erik, “You look just as amazing now, but I like seeing you out of the uniform… more relaxed, and in less formal clothing, like at the gym. You look good…” His vivid blues clung to his persistently, and he felt that pull towards the alpha like he was earth, and Erik was being drawn home.

Yet, still his words were outrageous, though undeniably arousing to the repressed like Erik, and he felt his ears heat and his body react in fear, as this situation just became more real. He answered as his mind swam, and he hoped weakly Charles would stop, “I feel that is an unprofessional comment to make at work.” He gasped, and he saw in his peripheral Charles leaning even closer, as Erik’s eyes shot to the door of his office to make sure they were alone, as Charles hushed darkly between them:

“But it’s true… My offer still stands Erik, we should finish that talk… I can’t stop thinking about that night, and how much I wanted to hear more about you. I wish you would have that dinner with me, or at least come back to the gym. I’d like to spend more time with you, and I hope you feel the same way, I think you do... I’m willing to go at your pace…” Charles finished with persuasive eyes like he knew what Erik needed, and when he felt his hand touch his back, he hitched a breath and looked down at the table again. Charles’ presence burned into his side and his open invitation tore through his persistent denial… because what Charles was really saying around all of his posturing, was that he would take Erik anyway he could apparently, and that was dangerous to realize as he felt more hope breaking through his resolve.

“I… I don’t generally entertain privately… that is what the bar is for on the ship, but I suppose I could continue my weight training regimen as I had attempted.” He pulled the words from unknowing pit as everything was so congested from his apprehensions, his fear, and the shock of this all…

Charles sighed in frustration next him after a moment, and his hand pulled away and Erik glanced over slowly to see the disappointment in his eyes, “You will come then? I’ll help you in the gym like I promised, I can even train you if you want me to go that far.” He offered with little force, more fact, and Erik nodded thinking of more insufferable hours with Charles as he stood around in his tight clothes, and his sculpted muscle, and tempted Erik with images that his mind was helpless to create - of how it would feel to have Charles crushing him against his bed… while Erik licked his red mouth that always appeared to be damp, and ready to kiss.

“I suppose… I did want to train,” –

“Then come, and I will help you, tomorrow?” Charles insisted, like he was finally losing his patience because Erik wasn’t giving him what he wanted, and Erik decided to agree just so they might be able to go back to work, and Charles would stop all this… madness.

“Fine, tomorrow.” Erik agreed in a controlled breath, and suddenly from Charles there was a hungry intensity between, and Erik felt his skin prickling, knowing what Charles wanted... as that thick strain that seemed to follow them around, intensified in their intimate corner in relation. Charles went on, as his eyes dropped down methodically like all he had on his mind was Erik’s mouth… and he found he was doing the same as Charles spoke:

“Later… at 8, I like to work out before bed, it’s best to work yourself before you go to sleep, it helps if you’re wound up, and I usually am.” He finished as smooth as silk on his clear double meaning, and Erik was stuck on that thought of working out Charles _hard_ … wearing out the alpha… And pleasure sparked through his groin at the thought of actually getting naked with another human being, who was this mesmerizing, and accommodating.

“Okay… I can do that.” He croaked, and Charles appeared satisfaction as his mouth pulled into a crooked grin, as his teeth snagged his lip, and Erik looked away as he throbbed at the sight of Charles’ mouth and his obvious sexual interest. He knew this wasn’t going to end well for him… no just bring him more discomfort, but he couldn’t say no somehow, he couldn’t keep denying Charles…


	10. Clarifying Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azazel proves to be a good friend, and Erik learns some information that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The evidence mounts! Thanks to all the readers, and the comments and kudoes <3

Azazel caught up with Erik the next day, recovered from his hangover, and clearly missing the opportunity to gossip about everything that happened at the bar. The drinking contest was the first on the docket, and the fact that the Captain robbed Azazel of the chance to win, because of his beverage of choice. As he dove into the details that outlined how much of an ass Logan is, Erik recognized that their relationship might be one sided in some ways, like the peculiar habit Azazel has of recounting almost all events that happen in his life, treating Erik like a sounding board. This didn’t bother Erik, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do the same, and share any of what had occurred with Charles. There was a reason for that though, that made itself clear as their conversation went on…

“He picked Hefeweizen. Is that even classified as beer? Don’t answer that, it’s not – it’s cider. Logan is an idiot.”

Azazel was leaning against the wall as Erik ran a schematic test of the water temperature and purity levels, while standing in one of the sensor tunnels. After the mishap that occurred a month prior, he felt it necessary to ensure that the water temperature was not tampered with unintentionally _again_ by one of the green horns engineers.

“I see what you’re saying, and I think I’ll have to agree with you on both fronts – but the beer is definitely and issue. He choose hefeweizen to drink? That is against all traditional choices to have a chugging competition with.” Erik remarked as he focused on the screen, and he felt his shoulder being squeezed gently.

“Thank you! I’m right, I swear he picked that knowing I would upchuck.”

Erik looked over grinning at Azazel, “Is that how you spent the evening? I never would have guessed.” Erik mocked with raised brows, and the raven haired man laughed humourlessly.

“Ha, ha, how else do you think I spent my evening? With Kitty?” He said wagging his brows, and then lamented grabbing his chest, “I wish I would have spent the evening with Kitty. Did you see the dress she was wearing?” He moaned, and Erik blinked at the floating display in distaste.

“Uh no I didn’t, omega’s clothing aren’t really an alluring interest for me, especially female omegas, commander.” Erik said stiffly, and Azazel let out a small laugh, and patted his back.

“Yeah, I guess, but I tell you it was distracting... I guess about as distracting as Xavier’s clothes hmm… Those pants, really I don’t think I could handle those, they leaves nothing to the imagination, but I guess when you’re on the prowl you have to take measures that might not be the best decision for your… you know…” He insinuated aching his brows, and Erik looked over in dismay.

“What are you talking about? His pants aren’t that tight, and I’m sure he wouldn’t wear them if they weren’t comfortable.” He defended Charles, visualizing his ass in his pants, the linen that sculpted over the muscle, and clung to his groin… and tried not to react. Perhaps they were a tad tight, but that was his preference obviously, Erik wasn’t going to judge him for it…

“Sure, yeah come on imagine wearing pants that tight?” He waved a hand at his groin like that explained everything, “hot, and sticky, ugh.” He grunted with a sour expression and Erik really tried to put that thought out of his head, because it would only lead to… fantasies of Charles disposing himself of those skin tight pants –

“I don’t think I want to imagine that, thank you very much.” He quipped, and Azazel drew out an inquisitive hmm…

“Sure, sure Erik… So how was _your_ night with Charles? I noticed that you two were getting pretty cozy while I was…” Azazel hesitated scratching his goatee, and Erik answered for him caustically:

“Getting hammered?”

Azazel shot him a scowl, but it passed, “Yep, that, but so what? Still doesn’t take away from Xavier being your new lapdog. I saw him helping you yesterday with paperwork - please tell me you’re getting him to do everything for you? Exploit him!” Azazel commanded jabbing his finger into Erik’s view, and he couldn’t fathom what was going on in his friend’s mind, apart from seeing the obvious.

Apprehension reared its ugly head, or more fear at the notion of everyone realizing Charles was interested, and then everyone commenting on his new development – which he had no hand in… Alight he might, he couldn’t lie to himself so brazenly. Erik was a realist. So he should start to admit that by not dissuading Charles as firmly as he could, he was participating in whatever this was... He made plans with Charles, and Charles… had pushed Erik into a corner. He had said quite a few damming comments to him yesterday, and Erik kept telling himself this wasn’t serious, that Charles wasn’t serious, that he would move on… He was still under the assumption that Charles would find himself another omega, but Erik was starting to feel… _special_. That emotion made him… anxious, and ashamed in a way because he didn’t do this, allow himself to feel… but Charles was making it so hard to dismiss these feelings which wouldn’t cease. The man confessed that he wanted Erik’s company, without pretense. Not many people had ever admitted that. No one had taken to him this fast, and Erik knew he’d never felt an attraction so profound before… and that should count for something shouldn’t it?

“I am not going to exploit him, and I don’t know why you think I would. All Charles was doing was completing his paperwork, and we would have done the same task together, if you weren’t too sick to handle your job yesterday.” Erik relayed factually, and he saw a glaze come over Azazel’s eyes, as he blinked at Erik in obvious doubt.

“Still doesn’t prove Xavier’s not your new lapdog. You should fuck with him, assign him to do… dust detail or something like that.” He suggested with a grin, and Erik felt defensive on Charles’ behalf. Erik would never do that to a crew member, especially someone as experienced as Charles... and affable…

Erik pictured Charles grinning wantonly, and how he was always trying to share his humour with Erik, lingering by his side, and grinning into his eyes as he rubbed Erik’s back, and… whispered in his ear… telling Erik how good he looks… Charles’ words from their conversation replayed in his mind, what he said about Erik’s decision to remain celibate, and how Erik didn’t need to earn Charles’ respect, he had it upon first sight… Although he was talking in the third person, Erik knew that it was just another push for Erik to give in to his advances… His words had stayed with Erik though like something precious … His restless sleep had been haunted by them, along with Erik’s fear which overshadowed his life… and not even Charles’ blatant wooing it felt, could break through the wall that he’d constructed to protect himself from the hardship of world he told himself. Even if Charles was prevailing as the only splash of colour in his grey life.       

 _You looked amazing…_ he heard whispered in his mind, along with the look in Charles’ eyes as he said it, like he really meant it… Erik had to look away from Azazel and spoke, “I’m not going to do that, and you really think Charles would fall for something that juvenile, he’s not one of the ensigns. Xavier is doing a good job, and is one of the senior officers, and I think he deserves more respect than juvenile pranking. If you’re worried that Xavier would be in a position to replace you Azazel, I will assure you that you are indispensable, and more then competent in your position.” Erik told his friend with a sudden genuine grin - that might have fed by a thought he found humorous. Perhaps Azazel’s reason for bringing up Charles like this was borne from his jealously of their easy rapport, not out of sexual interest, just normal human jealousy when someone who is an equal, or more capable comes along and threatens your position in life… This only came to him because Charles was clearly jealous of Azazel, and if that thought gave him a thrill he didn’t want to admit it.        

 A pleased expression pulled Azazel’s lips, and he swayed into Erik, pushing his shoulder, “Awe that’s sweet boss, see when they ask I tell them – yes he feels emotions.”

Erik snorted indigently shaking his head, and retorted, “Fine just for that I take back my reassurance. Xavier is officially in the running for your position, at least I know he won’t skirt… his duties.”

“That’s because he wouldn’t miss a minute with you, and you’re about as serious as I am about pranking Charles. I just figured you could have some fun with him. He’s a good guy, pretty laid back… about the complete opposite of you. It’s strange that he would be interested in you, you know… I’ve heard some interesting stories about him I will say that.” Azazel drawled, clearly baiting Erik… and all he could think was that he needed to know what this was about - he needed to know everything about Charles.

“What kind of stories.” He asked blandly as he ran through the schematic for the water purification filters, attempting to look distracted.

“Oh just that’s was pretty messed up from his time on Xaaxel. Apparently he was a complete control freak, and couldn’t handle the bridge, and then had a heart attack on top of it from the strain of job. But that’s not the first time I’ve heard this tale, though he doesn’t seem like the type who would lose his shit. Logan on the other hand...” Azazel said through a grin, and then went on as Erik jerked his head in agreement, “Guess he was on earth, and this is his first position after his breakdown. I don’t know though he seems pretty relaxed to me. Who knows what he did on earth to come back so stable, I can guess but you probably wouldn’t appreciate my opinion.” The man finished with a saucy grin, and Erik almost rolled his eyes at how predictable he was. Always thinking about sex, no matter what the scenario.

He didn’t find any of this information startling, as he was sure Azazel was going for, considering he already knew half the facts from the man himself. The only added detail was Charles’ behaviour which went against the man Erik knew today… Though some people just can’t handle pressure, and some thrive in it _…_ Erik felt that he thrived under pressure, and Charles apparently received debilitating chest pain. He was a curious man Erik considered, with his minutiae of illness’ and past misery that Erik had been told… It made Erik realize that Charles might actually be trying start his life over on the Poseidon. Sure he said it but Erik couldn’t accept most of what Charles said to him, like it was all a ploy… But this was proof that he hadn’t been happy with his life up until now… and Charles wanted Erik to be a part of whatever he was trying to build on the Poseidon… Erik felt a new clarity, like he could see through the fog that shadowed Charles’ words in his mind; the facts were surfacing that Erik might truly be what Charles viewed as his fresh start… and he couldn’t analyze how wrong that was while speaking to Azazel.

“Hmm well I agree, I don’t think this is a very uncommon story, what with the pressure that men are put under in that line of duty. I suppose it’s good that Xavier has started over here, because nothing really challenging occurs on the Poseidon.” Erik said conversationally, while inside he was at a crux. He wondered then, who Azazel knew. If this information was even coming from a reputable source, and as Azazel was nodding his head in agreement, Erik posed this question:

“Who do you know on the Xaaxel? Do they know Charles personally?”

Azazel’s mouth quirked evilly, and then he drawled, “Oh why boss? Is that because you want to know what kind of alpha he is, if he’s honest in his affections, if this isn’t his thing - that he’s a serial lap dog, that he doesn’t try to sit on everyone’s la,” --

“That’s about enough.” Erik snapped, and Azazel closed his mouth smirking at him, and Erik was unduly flustered knowing he hadn’t even been thinking that, but now that Azazel had brought it up naturally he wanted to know… Not that it mattered, but considering Charles was pushing something between them, insistently, wouldn’t he want to know about what kind of man he is?

“If you have to me tell about his love life, if that’s what you were getting at with your euphemisms then tell away. But it doesn’t matter to me either way, there’s nothing going on between Xavier and myself.” And Erik almost felt fine with that lie, because honestly there wasn’t, it was just Charles’ interest… and Erik’s silent acceptance.

“Oh see, see I knew you wanted to know, alright prepare for the trash.” Azazel rubbed his hands together, and Erik felt a rising dread thinking that perhaps he didn’t want to know, that this would ruin everything… but it was too late, “So my buddy on the ship, unnamed buddy to protect his confidentiality, told me that he was a complete asshole to everyone, even the omegas. He thought that he might have slept around a bit from what he’s heard from some people, _all male omega’s_ , who made comments about drunken one night stands, but apart from that, nothing. Guess he kept to himself due to the fact he was raging all the time, so I’d keep an eyes on Xavier if I was you. That’s why I’ve been bugging you, I’m just thinking about your best interest Erik… I asked my buddy about him cause I think he’s serious with his whole lap dog act, and do you really you want a guy like Xavier following you around?” He looked slightly disgusted, pursing his lips and shaking his head _no_ , like that was Erik’s answer. “I sure as hell wouldn’t.”

Erik gave Azazel a penetrating look, thinking over these new details… these damming details, and not against Charles in his mind, but the opposite, the complete and imaginable opposite because all he could think now was that Charles was _genuine_ … That this wasn’t some elaborate sham just to get into Erik’s bed…

An intangible swelling of emotions that had no name, or face, was rising in him - predominated by fear that blanketed his preconceptions of Charles. Azazel just made everything blindingly clear, and inconceivably complicated: he just negated Erik’s thought that Charles might be interested in the female omegas, and that Charles… Charles is dead serious about his compliments, and advances. His mind was drawn down a tunnel of thoughts of Charles, of their conversations, or Charles’s and his plans to go to the gym tonight, and Erik didn’t know if it would be for the best for him to cancel. If Charles was actually this set on him romantically…. But that thought brought him a degree of pain, and if he honest, which he generally wasn’t when it came to his feelings, he wanted to spend the evening with Charles, and every other if he continued to faun over Erik like this… And that was where that burgeoning fear, and indiscernible emotion came in… Erik wanted Charles to want him, and never stop, and it becoming clear that he just might be open to that outcome.

Through all of this inner turmoil, Erik’s response was textbook, but he didn’t think he could be anything but vacant of emotion while dealing with this revelation, “I don’t view our relationship like that, so I don’t think I could answer that question, and I won’t judge Charles’ actions on hearsay. I’m sure he is just attempting to find his niche on the ship, and if he wants to stay in engineering then it’s natural that he would form a comradery with the existing staff. I wouldn’t dwell on it too much.” He advised Azazel, who gave him a blatant look of disbelief.

“You really are cold, but I don’t know why I thought any different. I guess he’ll learn soon enough to get his shit together around you… I kinda feel bad for the guy actually…” Azazel mumbled, looking at clear wrist band that flashed from some form of communication received, “He’s picked the worst possible option for an omega.”

Erik had to bite his tongue, clench his jaw, and hold in the knee jerk response that he wanted to give to defend himself, and _Charles_. Because Erik wanted him, he really did… but he couldn’t, he couldn’t be the kind of person who could let themselves be happy… and that thought left him feeling hollow, although he should be used to it by now.

He looked at Azazel blandly and answered the man feeling his heart constricting with pain, “I don’t see it like that, considering he hadn’t chosen me for anything, and I don’t think I feel comfortable furthering the topic of this conversation. He is a complimentary addition to engineering, and I have no issues with Lieutenant Xavier. That’s my bias stance as chief of engineering.” He explain, and Azazel waved a hand clearly done with the topic.

“Yeah, yeah you’re professional, I get it.” He blurted, and then not a moment later he jumped into discussion of the next game, between earth and Kyylxer, discussing the match Earth won a few nights ago in detail, and Erik was relieved that the topic had shifted… Yet, he was left with a considerate pull in his mind to see Charles, like he had moved on from the ship already and left Erik behind, and that was not what he wanted… No he wanted to see Charles right this moment, just to see his smile, and smell his own unique scent, and just be with him… The one thing in his life that had begun to make him feel happy.


	11. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short conversation that isn't one sided for once, and Erik might just want it to stay that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update. but will try to get more up as soon as I can. :)

Erik was in his office finishing up for the day, and that was where Charles found him, for the last time that shift…He had already made many appearances after Erik was done in the tunnels, and every one he appreciated more than the last, contrary to what he usually felt... but after speaking with Azazel Erik felt an urgency to see Charles that wouldn’t abate.

“Hello there…” Charles breathed as he entered without permission,  bringing some much needed colour to his sterile white office… _His chestnut hair, his blue eyes, his pink lips… His warm presence._

“Charles.” Erik breathed and rounded his desk, and wondered what Charles wanted _again_ , although he realized that Charles has been seeing him off almost every day, so he should be used to this by now. 

Erik stopped across from Charles, and the alpha leaned towards him scratching his jaw, and it was clear he hadn’t shaved this morning. There was faint ginger fuzz on his jaw, and it had taken Erik until now to notice it, and he actually found it to be endearing, instead of well, slovenly. In fact he like it so much that he speculated that Charles would looks even cuter then he already does with an orange beard - if that was possible - and that’s when Charles found it fit to speak his mind.

“You remember our plans for tonight?” Charles asked bluntly, and a small flutter filled him from that display of clear determination. _I’m sure he would be crushed if I didn’t show._ Drifted through his mind and he allowed himself to bask in the knowledge that Charles’ desire for him eas  _this_ profound.

Erik answered seriously though, “Of course I remember, why would I forget?” And Charles’ eyes, which had become precise in the seconds before he answered, cleared of strain, and he imagined that he was readying an argument to counter any form of rejection that Erik might have voiced.

That's what it took for him to finally embrace the flattery that had been rushing to his head from yesterday. He had been churning over Charles' words all night, and slowly he started to realize he needed this... to feel good about himself, and just feel for once about something that mattered to him and no one else. Like Charles.

“Out of convenience perhaps.” Charles answered smartly, and Erik shook his head and then grinned when he normally wouldn't... but it was going through his mind that Charles was apparently genuine in his advances, and that was clearly the difference he's been waiting for.

Erik stepped forward, and then stopped beside Charles, who turn and join him. “I’m done here for the day, but I will see you tonight at 8 right?”

Charles leaned over grinning, as he felt a hand rest lightly on his back, and his hot body press against his side, “Yes 8, I’ll be there, and I can help you – if you want I’m sure you know how to work out.” He added thoughtfully, and Erik couldn’t conceal the rebellious smile that kept breathing through, his normally baleful lips.

“Hmm we’ll see when we’re actually working out. I have a routine, but I’ll listen what you have to say. You’re clearly well versed in lifting weights...” Erik reflected, glancing down at Charles’ body. He was wrapped up in blue wool obviously, and as always was straining in the material that was tailored to show just how skilled he truly was in working his body… And it was damn distracting.

Charles drawled with a smug grin, as Erik looked up from his… assessment, “Well thank you, I’m happy you’ve noticed _finally_. I was beginning to think I haven’t been working hard enough… I might have contemplated upping my gains.” 

Erik shook his head and felt such fondness filling his heart, and shouldn’t have expected any less a display of arrogance from the alpha, when he was clearly proud of his body… “I think you would have to be blind not too…” He let slip out, and attempted to not feel so inappropriately stimulated, but it didn't seem to work when his answer was more honest then he normally would have allowed. 

It seemed to be the right thing to say when Charles’ eyes flame with excitement, and there was that tangible connection drawing them together, but they really couldn't get any closer when Charles was already holding him against his side.

“Shall we go?” Erik gasped motioning to the door, and Charles nodded, but instead of walking he reached out and grabbed Erik’s arm stalling him.

“Erik, I’m happy you see me.” He hushed, holding his eyes with a wanton expression, and he was struck gazing into Charles’ beautiful blues. _He’s trying so hard… too hard, but he has too…_ Erik thought, knowing he wasn’t making this easy…

He understood why Azazel had said what he had, that he felt sorry for Charles - because he really was trying…These comments filled with double meaning, and all the other innuendo was wearing on Erik more than he ever expected… But somehow Charles knew he could push this far with him, and that Erik couldn’t react, and felt like he never would.

“I… I do, you are right here.” Erik murmured, and this would have been an off moment a day ago, but right now he wanted Charles. It  felt like his whole body was pushing to finally give in, as his heart was constricting in his chest with need, and his body was telling him that he should move so he could steel those lips that he longed to taste, and dig his fingers into that full dark hair that he yearned to touch, and stop denying himself the only worthy man who's come into his life.

“I am.” Charles hushed, and then broke their gaze, and Erik looked down feeling heat creep up his neck - and the urge to leave. He really needing to distance himself from Charles at the moment.

“Let’s go.” Erik spoke resolutely, and walked out of the office and Charles fell into step beside him. He began to talk about his diet plan, which Erik normally would have paid attention to, but he was too preoccupied mapping his down fall to hear why Erik needed to let Charles plan out his meals for now on. It just didn't seem as pressing.


	12. pathetic love affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik finds that Charles is a better man he thought, and he also realizes it's pointless to resist fate, when you want it to take decision's of the heart out of your hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... you got one chapters till something... I won't say, but I'm excited ^^
> 
> Thanks for all the kudoes and comments, and I'm sorry for all the UST (I'm not.I love it. mwah)

It was proved that no amount of planning could have made him feel comfortable as he walked into the exercise room, and saw that there was one person inside: Charles obviously.

No one would be here because it was too late… it would be just the two them as Charles wanted, and Erik would have to face the hard truth of what this alpha wanted from him - if that’s how Charles wanted this night to play out. Erik didn’t know if he can handle more confessions of the heart from Charles - yes, he was starting to feel more comfortable with the notion that he didn’t have to automatically reject the possibility of something between them, which was a massive step for him… But he really couldn’t promise that he wouldn’t leave again if he couldn’t handle what Charles wanted… Though that did seem like an extreme measure to take at this point. It’s not like he didn’t already know what Charles wanted from him… _So what more could Charles say?_ He asked himself and knew he was fooling himself… 

Erik set his shoulders, and walked over to the cardio side of the gym where Charles was running on a strip, and wearing pants that fit him like a second skin: white spandex he noticed, and a grey top that equally stretched over his muscled form, showing off his shoulders dusted with freckles, and that same tattoo.

It became a task to walk the closer he got… Erik’s eyes dashed over Charles’ body, hungry for the chance to see the alpha on display like this again…from his sculpted ass, to his tight waste, and of course his impressive arms. Nothing said he couldn’t look… and he would, when it was all too easy to image Charles’ unclothed body pressed against his own, with his arms wrapped around Erik snugly, and holding him against his solid chest. Just that. It was all he could spare in his insipid thoughts and still maintain his composure, but the idea of comfort was far more appealing than some clandestine sex at the best of times.

He knew he still hadn’t made his appearance known, yet was still too busy being distracted by Charles… His hair flopped as his feet hit the white track, and glimmered with highlights in the supplemented florescent lighting of the room, exposing the red that was hidden in the dark strands.

Erik might have tripped over his own feet moving towards the closest running track in his distraction, and Charles looked over as a grin blossomed across his lips.

“Hey you. You made it.” His voice was like honey, and flavoured with pleasure, and Erik jerked his chin moving next to Charles, and feeling his palms sweating already.

“I have, and I hope you haven’t been waiting long.” Erik remarked tightly, as he started the track on a brisk walk.

“Me – no, I’ve only been on here for 5 minutes, 10 minutes max… I hadn’t gotten my hopes up just yet." Charles said winking, and Erik looked over cocking his head as his brows crept up his forehead at the emotion blackmail as he viewed it, with gratification mind you.

“Hmm well I’m happy I didn’t miss you.” Erik countered honestly, and Charles huffed out a laugh and looked back at the wall grinning, where the highlight from the games were scrolling like Erik was a funny person. Which he was not.

Erik started to jog, and questions ran through his mind: how to breach discussion, and what he even wanted to say, when Charles spoke up but that wasn’t a surprise. He did always have something to say it appeared, regardless.

“So… I don’t want to be too forward but why don’t you tell me more about yourself. You do owe me remember?” He drawled persuasively, and Erik didn’t think he’d ever had anyone try to blackmail him for personal information before, and so attractively. Charles was gazing imploring at him and frankly Erik had to restrain himself from laughing at Charles in the moment. He just seemed unable to stop himself from any attempt to unceasingly move them forward towards his obvious goal, and Erik was along for the ride it appeared.

“I suppose.” Was his answer, and Charles slowed his jogging to a brisk walk, to match up with Erik’s pace.

“Where are you from on Earth? – You could start there – because I’m curious about you; curious about everything actually.” Charles explained with flushed cheeks, and perspiration on his brow, which was from his physical exertion… though it still led Erik to being distracted. His white skin all rosy from his effort, and his jostled hair, and he still hadn’t shaved Erik noted with approval…

“I’m from Germany, originally.” Erik started hastily, not even feeling the usual resistance to remain quiet about his personal details. He usually cherished his privacy, and anonymity around his peers, but with Charles, what did he have to lose? “We lived in a lot of different places. We moved to Ireland when I was young, and then moved to America, and then back to Germany. My father was a Starfleet technician, and my mother didn’t work and cared for me. I think we lived in Ireland the longest outside of Germany, but I would say I’m German; my parents were, and it always felt like home when we returned.”

Charles was watching him acutely, and then urged like he knew that Erik needed prodding to get out any, if all details past this point. “And Starfleet? Why did you join Starfleet?”

Well that was an easy question on the surface… “I joined so I could work in space I suppose, and forge a career that I could be proud of, and on a level I thought my father might have expected me to. I didn’t feel any definite pressure from what I remember though…” Erik explained thinking of the real ambition for his decision, which was to not be a simple omega whose only purpose in life was to reproduce.

“You couldn’t be proud of a career on earth?” Charles asked astutely, and Erik didn’t know why but it felt like the alpha knew just the right buttons to press; just the right questions to chase to get under Erik’s skin.

“No, not like in space. It’s much more rewarding I find at least, because you have to genuinely work to get here. You can’t bluff your way into a captain’s chair, or my position. I wanted a challenge that wouldn’t end I guess. Nothing’s ever easy in space.”

“Yeah that is true.” Charles breathed, and then smiled and said like it was a give in, “but I guess your family is proud of you, your parents - proud of you following in your father’s footsteps. That must be nice to be recognized for your dedication.” Charles said ruefully, clearly reflecting on his own situation, and Erik got that Charles had a large amount of regret because his family rejected him, but he felt that now was not the time to broach the subject. Erik actually wanted to share more details of his life with the alpha, and he was sure Charles would tell him voluntarily, every fraction of his personal life that Erik might question eventually. 

“They were, they were proud while I was in Starfleet training, but unfortunately they both passed while I was in my final year.” Erik shared in the same inflection of every other detail he’s shared: with a hint of familiarity in his tone. Charles’ reaction though was much more severe then he would have expected, and he was actually shocked that an alpha would be this caring towards him. He was cold… even with this painful loss, or perhaps because of it.

“Oh god, that is terrible Erik. I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine what that was like… I though all this time that your parents… Just the way you spoke of them, they sound like they were very caring...” There was a sympathetic sheen in his eyes, and his lips pulled into a glum frown and he stopped the track like he couldn’t go on now with this news fresh in their midst.

Erik didn’t want his sympathy, but somehow because he knew that Charles was genuine he appreciated the gesture, and actually… he wasn’t opposed to the thought of Charles comforting him physical, hypothetically of course. He looked away experiencing a longing for affection, and comfort, but not for his current self, but for his past. He’d been alone, and only had friends to talk to when his parents died… There was his family, aunts and uncles, cousins, but he had never been close to any of them because they were always moving. Erik… wished he would have had Charles in his life back then, and it was clear the alpha would have fit into that role of consoler, even if they weren’t together romantically. He’d do it just because he cared, and nothing more.

“It was hard, but I made it through, and it was years ago now. I still miss them, but it’s not painful to think of their memories as it once was. They _were_ very loving, and the years we spent together I remember with fondness, so I have that at least.” 

“Yeah.” Charles said gently as he stepped off his track to stand next to Erik. He asked intimately then as though there was no one else in the world… or no one else who might disturb their private conversation in the weight room, “And family, do you have any siblings? I would hope you weren’t alone.” And his soft and imploring blues confirmed to Erik that Charles really did care. Erik couldn’t imagine anyone fabricating this extent of empathy... It was more then he could recall receiving, and he was actually starting feel uncomfortable, but that wasn’t Charles’ fault. Erik was the one who chose not to feel.

“I’m an only child, but I was 22 when they died… and it wasn’t as devastating I suppose, compared to if I would have been younger.” Erik explained, and Charles didn’t lay out more sympathetic lamentation to his response, and thankfully turned the line of conversation to himself, and Erik was relieved…

“I guess... as long as you’re fine with it. I have one sister by the way. She’s an artist on earth; a free spirit and a complete pain in my arse at times. She’s not very disciplined. I’m relieved she never joined Starfleet, because I think it woulda been a struggle for her.” He said in a long suffering manner like she was a pain in his ass all the way from earth, light years away.  

“What does she make?” Erik asked, not commenting on her personality and Charles snorted looking shy, as his eyes shifted away, and he gnawed on his lip. God it was endearing... and Erik actually felt warmth fill him in relation.

“Don’t hold this against her, or judge her too much but she makes… pleasure clothes.” Charles croaked, and then looked away from Erik as that sunk into his mind.

Pleasure clothes was the label loosely used for articles of clothing that aided in sexual release. For the most part they looked like normal clothing, yet were embedded with naos that would vibrate, or do any number of obscene functions, and could be controlled by another party, or the wearer themselves.

Erik had never gotten the pleasure to try out some of that famous erotic clothing, although he always thought of pleasure clothes as an aid for couples… people who wanted more out of their sex life, not a one night stand.

“Hmm I suppose someone has to do it, and if she’s happy, it’s a good career choice for her. You should never work a job that you don’t enjoy, because then your quality of life would be lowered, and when it comes down to it that is one of the only parts of your life that you have control over, so it should be something you like at least.” Erik preached, and when he finished he noticed that Charles was looking at him intensely, with some emotion in his eyes… There always seemed to be some emotion direction at him, but this time it wasn’t so sympathetic, as it was moved.

“You’re right you know. You’re completely right about that.” Charles said with conviction, and then he added like he needed to say it, “That’s why I left Xaaxel. I wasn’t cut out to do bridge work, and it was wearing on me… I had to change everything… and then my heart of course was the deciding factor. I couldn’t keep training there; I just wasn’t made to handle _that_ kind of pressure. I always thought I was destined to work on the bridge and maybe even captain one day, and it never crossed my mind that might not be what I would end up doing. But after I left, I felt better than I could remember past a certain point in my Starfleet career… so it was the right decision, even if I didn’t want to give up.” He finished tipping his head in his own thoughts, as his forehead pinched, and Erik knew with certainty this was the melt down Azazel was talking about.

Erik imagined how it all played out: Charles had been struggling under the pressure, and had cracked… turned angry because he was resentful and stressed, and became a person who he didn’t like, and then left after he lost it all – in shame perhaps?

Erik respected that. It took a brave man to accept their failings, and then pick up the pieces and move on. That took strength, and perseverance, and Erik found both those traits to be attractive in anyone, but in an alpha he appreciated them on a primordial level: like a man of modesty who is self-aware, and accepts their place in the world. Mirrored to that notion, Erik also respected a person who took the steps to change their life if they knew their chosen path wasn't the right one: simply put, Erik didn’t like martyrs. 

Charles didn’t try to hide his faults, though Erik didn’t know if he could say the same. He wasn’t weak – he never could be called that baleful title, yet he could be called introverted, and secretive, anti-social… That was a sign of weakness he felt. Even then Charles still wanted him, and that proved how much of opposites they were. Maybe that’s why they were perfect for one another – or he could only harbour a guess that’s what Charles thought. The old adage coming to life in space: opposites attract. 

Charles was looking at him hesitantly like he was fearful that Erik would think less of him because he admitted this weakness, which was the furthest scenario from the truth. Erik stopped his track, and stepped off and assure him of that fact, “I’m relieved you left the Xaaxel. It sounds like it was a horrible situation to be in, and one you couldn’t have foreseen. When you joined the academy how could you have known that you had a heart condition? What you experienced could have happened to anyone Chares. I wouldn’t feel that was a personal failure on your part if that thought crossed your mind. If you feel you are meant for a profession, and then realize that after years working towards it that it’s not what you expected, then those years in between weren’t a waste because now you know what you want out of life, which is something that not many people realize until it’s too late.”

When Erik finished a heavy silence enveloped them because of Charles who was staring at him, which wasn’t new, but he couldn’t remembering seeing that much gratitude in someone’s eyes before. Such raw emotion that he only got from Charles, and he felt… he wanted to comfort him, or let Charles hold him if that’s what he needed, but he couldn’t fathom that happening in the weight room of all places.

Charles breathed like he doubted Erik, “You really think that?” and then ran his hand through his hair like he needed to compose himself.

“I said it, of course I do. You did the right thing. Don’t doubt yourself, Charles.” Erik assured, and couldn’t keep standing here when his heart was aching for Charles. He was looking so needy, and Erik wanted to do something about it, so he reached out and grasped Charles’ shoulder, and it was warm soft muscle and made him want more… the man’s whole body was like this.

Charles’ eyes gentled, and he breathed out a shaky breath, “You know it almost feels like I’ve been waiting for someone to say that to me… and I’m, I’m really happy it’s you. But I don’t want you to think that I’m some fuck up…” He cut himself off by touching his mouth, and his face creased like he was filled with a self loathing contempt, and then it smoothed to mere abasement, “You know I think I’ve said too much… but I feel like I keep doing that around you... Let’s work out, how about that?”

Erik agreed with his final statement, but he realized as Charles was looking so vulnerable, and open, like he wanted Erik to know this side of him already after so little time on the ship, that Erik wanted to feel this close to Charles... He squeezed his shoulder, smoothing his hand there and loving every moment of the contact.

“I don’t mind… you haven’t said too much. It’s your past, and it’s obviously been weighing on your mind” He murmured, and Charles’ mouth curled in a ghost of a smile, as his eyes became brighter like Erik was finally getting this right.

“It has… but I don’t think it will as much after this.” He trailed off looking , and Erik couldn’t help sharing an intimate grin as warmth was filling that otherwise cold portion of his chest. Their eyes were locked, and that energy was charged between them that they couldn’t shake, and Erik felt for the first time that he should have agreed to a private evening with Charles…

If they were alone during this moment, Erik would perhaps reach out and touch his hand, or unimaginably his soft baby face that was so cute that it was starting to kill him… Only in his fantasies, he could press forward right now and taste Charles’ lips, and from seeing him with that added scruff he noticed today, he yearned to feel the drag of his stubble on his skin, and the rasp of it under his palm as he pulled Charles to him and devoured his mouth; finally tasting those bright lips, and silencing that quick tongue… and while he did this, he’d bury his hand in his soft hair, and feel Charles’ powerful arms wrapped him up, and… take Erik over.

He was lost for words as he processed where all of this was heading with Charles apart from the bedroom… It was more than Erik had in years: something tangible between an alpha and himself, that was spilling into reality…

A detail Azazel spoke came to him as he tried pull himself from this moment: it soured his thoughts and helped him ignore what Charles was doing to him. Charles was too much at times, but at this moment, he was drowning…  He latched onto any thoughts of scrutiny pertaining to Charles… It was wrong he knew… but all he had to stop this painful yearning.

He had hated how his friend acted like Charles went to earth, and was somehow healed by bedding omegas. It was ridiculous, but the seed had been planted, and Erik needed to know what Charles did… so he could add it to his list of cons- something to prove that he was making a terrible decision… or would because it was becoming painful to deny Charles.

Erik started breathlessly, “After you left the Xaaxel, what did you do Charles? You speak as though you had a hard time there, but now you are very relaxed, I would say at least. You aren’t unpleasant to be around, and seem to have left your troubles behind you. Something must have happened in between to help you ground yourself. I’m curious to know what.” Erik finished, and was anxious about his choice of words. Charles was incredibly sharp and perceptive, and Erik realized he could easily guess that Erik knew something of his past. Thankfully Charles only gave him a flattered grin, and told him what he wanted to know.

“Really you think that? Well that’s good to know... that I’m nice to be around, I’m relieve actually that you think that.” Charles gushed while giving him a lurid grin, and Erik almost rolled his eyes because Charles was so cliché, but he went on before Erik could fight off more moments of longing for this craven alpha. “I took a year off,” he said as his lips quirked with fondness, “I stayed on earth with my sister, and vacationed I guess. I just lived without stress, and that was a big change for me that I needed pretty badly… I ate well, I slept in, and tried to forget what happened on Xaaxel, or forget the stress I suppose. It wasn’t all bad… And on earth I had to spend six months in cardiac rehabilitation. My heart was damaged because oxygen was cut off, but ah, it’s not permanent... I’m fine. I felt exhausted for a while, so I didn’t do much to be honest when I was there… It’s hard to explain, but I was really tired after leaving Xaaxel, like I needed a month’s sleep.” He said softly, and Erik returned a soft grin, as he felt relief helplessly flood him, and Charles went on, “I felt like my spirit was zapped, but I don’t feel like that anymore. I actually feel better now than I ever have. I had to have a small surgery, and in the future… um I don’t really like talking about that, you know living in the moment is good at times, but just so know I’m not going to drop dead or anything. I’m a good gamble... for engineering.” Charles added ‘engineering’ hastily, as though it was an afterthought, and Erik felt such affection blossom through him, he was almost drowning in it.  

 _Azazel was wrong._ And that fact alone made Charles even more desirable in his eyes. _Charles went to earth and was a good boy_ … and Erik succumbed to the mounting sensation of forbearing dread – that had never felt so right. He couldn’t deny it any longer: Charles was a good man, who cared about things like his health, and cared about his career enough that he fell sick from trying so hard… And he cared about who he took to bed specifically (he was beginning to believe), and he cared about Erik (he knew this as fact). And so he was led to reflect on what Charles was doing with him, and couldn’t read it as anything but an alpha who was trying to forge a real relationship with an omega, so they could take it further then meaningless, and bring it home to… permanent. Which is what Erik wanted, but couldn’t believe until… now. He recognized that Charles was putting in the effort, and that was more important to Erik then his income, or career; his past failures, or his fragile health, and so he held onto that feeling, and told himself even though he was still terrified of the unknown… _don’t fight it._

Erik answered, knowing his voice was more affectionate then he had had ever ventured to exhibit, “It sounds like you made a smart decision Charles, to go to earth, and I’m relieved to hear you had the time to heal, and spend time with your sister. Hmm it’s been a long time since I’ve visited home, and I’m envious, but not of the situation that brought you there of course, though that was out of your hands, something in life can’t be helped. I think it can be said you leaving Xaaxel served a purpose, because now you feel confident in your health, and in your place in Starfleet, from what you’ve said. You’re undoubtedly in a better position, so it was good that you took the time off to get to a better place.”        

Charles began to speak with a tenderness clear in his tone, and on the soft cant of his lips, and Erik composed himself immediately realizing how he must appear… Foolish, while grinning in silence at Charles… completely contrary to his normal behaviour and he took his hand back from Charles’ shoulder feeling like his skin was branded from the heat of Charles’ skin.

“You know I didn’t expect this from you. You’re a lot more understanding then most people. It’s nice, more than nice actually.” There was that softness in Charles’ eyes, and he breathed out his words like he truly meant them, but for some reason Erik’s first response was to feel embarrassed.

He was still the same man he had been an hour ago, who didn’t want what Charles was asking of him, and so he straightened his shoulders like that would garner him more composure answered. “I don’t usually judge people unless they deserve it, although people don’t usually tell me about their personal lives, unless they feel comfortable with me. Which doesn’t occur often. You are an exception.” Erik murmured, and Charles let out a tender laugh, and then stepped away from the running belts and Erik followed him breathing a sigh of relief. He suspected the sensation was a bit too premature to be experiencing at this point in their evening, and it took only about a minute for that assumption to be proven right.

Charles halted his step, and joked, “And you’re brutally honest as well…” as he placed his hand on Erik’s back, and he had no choice but to stall. Erik looked over and couldn’t help inhaling Charles’ entrancing scent as he felt his hand burn through the thin cotton of his blue on white printed Poseidon athletic shirt. He couldn’t say he followed Charles’ meaning, as his mind became temporarily disconnected, “But I think that’s good, like this comes back to knowing what you want out of life…” Charles went on, and Erik recognized that he was serious, as his blue gaze was enfolded in a concentrated attention that had Erik feeling breathless, “You don’t make rash decision, and try to fool yourself into something you don’t want. You hold to your morals, and I don’t think a lot of people can say the same. I couldn’t in the past, but I just never went about things the right way, and it took me until now to figure it out. I feel like I finally made it you know, that I’m finally at my best here on the Poseidon, and… working with you.” Charles spoke his words like they were heavy on his tongue, laced with so much significance, and Erik felt like they were indeed.

He grasped suddenly that Charles was more transparent then he first considered, or was striving to be just to get a chance to be with Erik… and that made him feel like a failure all over again. He had nothing to share, any personal account to corroborate, or discredit Charles’ assumption. He could be right, but Erik didn’t know if any of the choice’s he’s made have been because of some inner compass of right and wrong, or good decision and bad decision… Because of that, he didn’t know how to connect with Charles on this topic… Erik came to brash decision in that moment that Charles was too good for him, and he couldn’t say where that thought came from but he didn’t like it. He had tried to do everything right to be his best, but now at the peak of his career, Charles was the man who he thought was better than him: a man who had seemingly lost everything, even the respect of piers, Erik assumed if he was forced to leave the Xaaxel in the manner he was… and who was also an alpha who couldn’t see how bad of an idea courting Erik really was…

Charles was just too real, because if Erik really scrutinized his own life, he was living in a fantasy world where nothing ever went wrong, when the rest of galaxy was living and feeling, and he was… standing here and falling into this alphas beautiful gaze, and wishing he could be what he wanted, when he was 99% sure that this wasn’t going to last forever… even if he did just let fate take then there, where ever there was.

Charles went on like he didn’t need an answer from Erik to know he was right, because he was always so goddamn sure of himself, “Let’s start on weights. What was your workout?” He hushed, and Erik jerked his head away, feeling like the palpable connection between them was severed… only for a moment he thought, knowing it would start up again, and it would.

Erik reached into his pocket feeling rattled, and pulled out the piece of paper that he sketched his routine on. He didn’t bother using a terminal to access his personal files. He felt that silence was needed and the simplicity of paper was easier when so many moments where rattling around in his head. They all border on almost sexual, and too intimate and he tried not to feel the fear and apprehension that was mounting, as his memories from their last time in the gym where coming back to him at full force…Though this time around circumstances were different he reminded himself. Erik wasn’t as unsure, and confused why Charles was so interested… it was just chemistry, attraction, and gravity that was drawing them together with a crushing force… _that was all…_

Charles took the paper without comment, only an amused grin, and read over his regiment while Erik tried not scrutinized his appearance while he wasn’t looking. He failed terribly.

Secondary to his enamoured thoughts, he was actually interested to hear what Charles had to say, and what recommendations he might make. That was how Erik ended up doing the bench press, but for some reason all he could think was that this was Charles’ _go to_ , and that led to remembered the sight of the alpha’s straining body under all that weight last time they were here… He wondered with mounting insecurity if Charles was doing the same thing, but couldn’t actually believe that possibility: he was really nothing to look at…

Erik tried to focus on lifting and nothing else after that thought, as Charles hovered over him, gliding the bar up as his spotter, and inflicting Erik with his palpable gaze that he fought not to meet. When Charles spoked up with a curious intonation, he was _as_ surprised that Charles was broaching more conversation, as he was about how out of shape he felt. The 100lb’s he was benching was killing him.

“Did you ever want to work on the bridge? I feel like with your personality, and professionalism, you could rival Logan for his chair.” Erik’s brow pinched at that unappealing through, yet he grit his teeth as he pushed the bar up with shaking arms, knowing he had to finish this, or chance looking even more pathetic then he felt in front of Charles.

When he had the plastic bar back in the stirrups, he shook his head on the blue bench, “I never wanted to work on the bridge. I chose to study engineering so I had a profession when I joined the academy that was fulling enough, without working on the bridge. I didn’t want to end up in cargo, or a laborer building the ships instead of working on one, so I concluded before I joined Starfleet, that was the best approach: to specialize in a field. And after I graduated, I simply rose through the ranks over the years the more knowledgeable I became. I suppose you could say being a perfectionist helped me gain my position here aboard Poseidon. You want your Chief to know engineering like it’s second to their own mind, and body. I know every flaw in in every piece of machinery in that bay. I couldn’t do my job properly if I didn’t. There no secret to it, I just know more than anyone aboard.” Erik stated, and Charles was gazing down at him astutely, and Erik tried not to let that make him feel good, that Charles was so interested in his meagre past.

Charles sucked in a small gasp of breath, and told Erik whose humility was growing, “That was almost poetic you know…. I envy you; that you have worked so hard, and have the satisfaction of getting what you want, and you like it – you do still like engineering?” Charles asked shrewdly.

Erik answered with complete confidence, feeling more secure about his answer then he was with almost anything else he’s told Charles, “I don’t have regrets due to my career, I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

Charles nodded, and then muttered under his breath, “that would be nice.” And Erik just gave him a sating expression of sympathy, wanting to finish his set and move onto something that wasn’t quite so difficult. They went back to working out, and was thankful Charles stopped him after only 5 reps of his last set.

It wasn’t until he was settled into his next directed excise that Charles spoke up again. He was standing behind Erik, where he was leading his arms up to complete a rep of the shoulder press he was in the process of demonstrating, and successfully shattered all of Erik’s composure when he said these words:

“I was thinking about what you said, that you have no regrets about your career, but I got the impression that you might have other regrets… I know what it feels like to regret your past decision, and I want to share what you did for me earlier, when you helped me clear my conscious… You can tell me anything… If you don’t want to that’s fine, I just… I thought I could be here for you, if you want.” He breathed in Erik’s ear causing him to shiver, and in the mirror Charles was watching him with unguarded expression: there was an earnest tenderness in his gaze that caught Erik like a fish on a hook.

He lowered the weights feeling like all his fight just left him... That was incredibly forward, and he couldn’t repress his reaction: hope ached through his heart, along with all the other feelings that had come to light due to Charles’ clear infatuation: desire, and yearning for this, this feeling of belonging when he was with Charles, even when he was terrified of being so vulnerable with another person… But if he could ever be truly be that with anyone in his life, it would be Charles he realized because he wanted it enough…

Erik placed the bars on the ground, and answered honestly, feeling his face warm, “There’s not much to tell… I haven’t really led an exciting life. I focused on my career as I told you, and avoided all else. I’m the worst example of how to live your life if you want to feel content in anything that isn’t your career. You shouldn’t regret what you might have done differently in your life, or what you errored in, your past failures as you view them, because at least you have those to remember. I got what I set out to do, and that is all I can say about myself.” There was a melancholy flavour to his words, but Erik wasn’t going to sugar coat his past. Try to appear that he did any more than just train and work, or that he even had many alphas… which he knew he would volunteer if Charles asked.

There were times of course when he’d have sexual encounters, but it was clear that nothing else was going to come from their night’s then release. That was his unwavering stand. With Charles though… he didn’t know if his past self would be happy, or disappointed with this current development with Charles. 

Strangely Erik thought when he pulled himself back to the present, there wasn’t sympathy in Charles’ eyes, but almost hope, and Erik found that to be very curious obviously... because he just dallied out a bleak representation of his life.

The alpha in question, lifted his hands to rest them on Erik’s shoulders where he squeezed them gently, and Erik’s pulse jumped as a finger trailed over his neck where his shirt met flesh, stroking him there soothingly as he was watched in the mirror, “You deserve to be happy though Erik, and I know you will give whoever you choose to be with… something they might have been looking for, for a long time… You told me when we were here last time that you don’t like dwelling on your future endeavours because they might not come true, so I assume that you have them, and I think you should start to think more seriously about what you want in life… that you can easily have.”     

Charles’ hand slid down his shoulder suddenly, cupping him there as his other was resting on the skin of his neck, leaving fire in its wake – burning from where Charles held him, and from his position. His hair was grazing Charles’ stomach, and he felt boxed in…  Silently he was panicking, and trying to ignore his response to flee just like last time. He saw this coming, and if he didn’t want this to happen then he never should have come, but Erik couldn’t stay away… even if this hurt him. He just felt too damn much around Charles, and was starting to get it in his head that he could actually have what Charles was offering, because he was telling him so.

He met those blue penetrating eyes in the mirror filled with longing that was so clear, that he’d seen so many times before, and anticipated some declaration from the alpha – but it never came as Charles withdrew, and turned from him looking rattled. He ran a hand through his hair, and Erik stood, and looked at Charles apprehensively, wanting to go over to him, but also perplexed by how strong his emotions were for Erik… Charles was so obviously besotted with him that it was almost laughable that he thought Azazel wouldn’t see… and so Erik was the fool because he thought Charles was going to move on, that this was just a passing phase… and it pained him to accept more than it should that he was actually desired. He just always thought he could never be loved.

Erik knew that if he could have confessed anything about his shameful longing for more than a career, which only Charles was kindling, it wouldn’t be here, right at this moment, and so he said all that he could muster.

“That’s… that’s sound advice, Charles. I suppose I have nothing to lose at this point in my career, apart from the respect of the crew. If that happened then I would never forgive myself. I told you that… and I, it’s something I can’t move past.”

Charles looked over at him sharply, with a pinched brow and confusion tearing through his beautiful eyes, “Why do you think you would you lose respect from taking a mate? I don’t understand that.” He demanded, hushing the words under his breath.

Erik’s first thought was to unleash a sardonic diatribe about how of course an alpha couldn’t see how he could lose respect, because when it came down to it Erik was an omega, and he had to work twice as hard to be viewed as worthy for his position. Omegas were prone to influxes in emotion, and for one to succeed in the Starfleet they had to be as stoic and devoted to the job as Erik. But he didn’t want to explain this to Charles, and instead answered vaguely, “It’s just how I’ve always felt, and for a good reason I suppose considering I have succeeded so competently in the Starfleet. If I lose face then what would be the point of sacrificing so much?”

Charles held his eyes with a pinched scrutiny, that bordering into the disturbed, and he finally came to a conclusion, as he walked over to Erik stopping in front him with a polite distance between them. His gaze was piteous, and Erik knew that he’d never seen a more beautiful alpha, so willing to sacrifice his dignity just too even get the chance to date Erik. He had no shame, and it was like the phrase ‘losing face’ didn’t even register in Charles’ books…

“I see your point, but what if it’s no one’s business because it’s your private life. No one but you…” he pointed at Erik, and then to himself, and Erik sucked in breath knowing that he couldn’t hide from what Charles wanted because he wanted it too, “and _me_. Think about it?” Charles asked him, and stepped forward so his body was almost touching his own, while gazing at him imploringly. He reached out brushing Erik’s arm softly with his thumb, clearly trying to seduce Erik to give in, and he inhaled the scent of the alpha, feeling his will crumbling as his mind agreed with Charles’ logic… He tried to form a response, but his tongue was swollen as that touch was running through his body, causing him to feel flustered, and excited. Half of his mind was telling him to step away, but he liked the contact too much... he liked Charles too much, and it wasn’t going to stop for him now, because Charles wouldn’t.

“Charles…”

Was all he got out the sound of the door opening reached his ear, and before he could move Charles was pulling away, and whispering, “Think about it…” again, and then sat on the bench where Erik had been seated, and it took Erik a moment to catch up.

“… spot weight for me?” Charles was asking him, and he sucked in a breath, and stepped up behind him, putting his hands under his elbows. He met Charles’ eyes in the mirror that clung to his own wantonly and Erik nodded his head as a response, yet he needed to give Charles an answer because he couldn’t take this provocation any longer.

“I will.” He breathed, and Charles’ mouth pulled with pleasure, ending with his teeth grit at he reached the apex of his arms movement, and Erik’s body throbbed…  This alpha wanted him this badly… no one had ever wanted him enough to be like this, so pathetic… and Erik knew something was going to happen between them, something he’d never done, but fear stopped him from deciding when.


	13. there goes my man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after proves to be a headache for Erik as Logan calls a meeting, and he falls deeper into that terrifying state of like for Charles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter, stuff and things occur ^.^ ;)
> 
> Sorry for late post, life got in the way, and we can't have that now. I'm working on the next part, and I can't believe the end is kinda near. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudoes and comments.

When Erik awoke the next morning he had a massive problem on his hands. Sitting up, he looked down at his lap where the blanket was tented, and the memories from his dream swirled around his mind as alive and electrified as if he was still submerged in his most recent nocturnal fantasy. Erik’s long standing sexual repression was struggling to be addressed, that was clear as he felt his erection throb. It went without saying the constant pressure from Charles was wearing on him… All he could remember from his dream was Charles between his legs – his head between his legs to be exact, and a maddening suction that wouldn’t let up, yet brought him no release… He could still feel the phantom sensation of Charles’ mouth as his subconscious reared memories not so long forgotten from his youth.

He rubbed his face, and tried to push the image out of his mind, opting to get out of bed instead of chasing that fantasy. Though it proved that his erection wasn’t going away, just because he wanted it to. It took until after breakfast when he was changed and ready to step out the door that it finally subsided. He sighed in relief as the erotic clouding of his mind lifted, and felt like he could finally addressed this problem with Charles…

Erik had no idea to proceed with it – this _thing_ they have that’s growing by the day it felt, and growing to be problem at least for him, sexually speaking. Despite the emotion relationship Erik felt was mandatory for a future with Charles, he still has needs, and with an alpha so willing to please him, he was finding it harder, and harder to keep a rein on his control. Erik was fine with solo nights of release, simply due to the fact they’re all he’s had for years, but now he couldn’t pleasure himself without thoughts of Charles entering his mind, so he didn’t. He felt almost…dirty touching himself for some reason. Perhaps the years of solidarity had turned him into a prude, or he was just afraid to admit how much he really did want Charles in his bed… So he hadn’t found release since his heat, when this all started.  

Erik knew that might be a deciding factor for him, as Charles’ words echoed through his head in a loop the ones he’d uttered in the gym a handful of hours ago, while he tried get through his morning routine. It became a mystery to him in that moment that he wasn’t more afraid of Charles’ offer, but his insecurities were in a struggle with the illicit fantasies of Charles in compromising positions that were still haunting his mind – And in the midst of this internal battle, there was as confusing buzz that filled his mind and chest, as he thought of the alpha who had told Erik that he wanted an intimate relationship, in so many words…

He didn’t want to admit that this buzz was likely due to his feelings for Charles, and if he lets them flourish and that buzz to grow into something that he can put into words, then he just might end up needing Charles in his life, and giving into his every desire. That truth caused him to feel like he was still deep in a dream, and that sensation extended to his whole life over the past three months. Everything felt completely unreal, starting with the moment Charles showed up at his door like he welcome there, while Erik was in heat.

But this was his reality, and Erik knew that something had to happen, that he couldn’t go on like this with Charles... and it was up to him to decide. He had agreed to consider his offer hadn’t he? Right after Charles gave him hope, by arguing with him as to why Erik should give into his advances...

_Who in their right mind does that?_

Erik had felt as he said that, and in most of their confrontations, that Charles operates like everything is easy for him, like Erik could just date Charles and not worry about his career and reputation... And his confusion towards Charles’ behaviour wasn’t due to some plausible reason, like he was ashamed of Charles because he wasn’t a worthy mate, and everyone would see him with some shameful alpha, but no because Erik is clearly damaged goods. Charles had argued twice with him, why he should let his hang ups go and just date him, and knew that another alpha would have moved on, and taken his rejection personally. Erik’s admittedly a closed book that has a latch and a key to keep all curious on lookers out, and that wasn’t right, or healthy, or fair to an alpha like Charles, but maybe it proved Charles was the only alpha worthy of his attention?

He wanted to groan at his minds looping, but there was a cold truth he had to embrace, and doing that was easier than his painful indecision: Erik was still human; a living and breathing omega, and he didn’t know what omega could turn down an alpha’s requests when he was as intoxicating as Charles: with his looks, and dismantling words that had battered through all his shield – And of course he did this as his body was on display for Erik as he worked himself up into a sweaty state, with flushed pale skin… and his fingers teasing Erik’s collar, while he begged for Erik to give him what he craves desperately…

Erik had to stop and center his mind, and take calming breaths thinking of Charles, and knew it was going to be a torturous today – pure torture, and for once he should have listened to his body this morning, and got rid of his persistent need.

As Erik had presumed, it did turn out to be a difficult day, but not for the reason he expected. A meeting was waiting for him in the conference room, and he left his office in haste knowing Charles was already there, and Erik didn’t know why but that made him anxious.

Thankfully he found it was closed meeting, when only Logan, Emma, and Charles were sitting at the table. Erik knew why he was anxious the moment all eyes turned to him as he entered the conference room: It felt like he was on display. That’s how wrong Erik having feeling’s for an alpha was, that a meeting had to be called due to the disturbance in the universe and that’s why he was here with Charles, he was about to lose everything.

Even Erik knew how ridiculous of a thought that was, because Charles’ frustrated words in the weight room did ring true: whatever he did in his private life remained that way. So if he did have a relationship with Charles it was no one’s business… and perhaps he was the only one on the ship who hadn’t taken that knowledge to heart, instead thinking that he was being judged when he’d hadn’t done anything in years that anyone would care to pay attention to. Erik was about as exciting as a dead star: void of life, and undesirable.

He pressed on, curious for the real reason for this meeting, and went to take a seat beside Charles. He turned his head as Erik as he pulled out the chair, and when their met eyes for a brief moment, he felt that buzz within that had him desiring a more intimate greeting with Charles. It was apparent then that after last night he felt differently about their situation, and he couldn’t help the words that flinted through his mind as he gazed straight ahead at Logan’s contemptuous face: _Charles sees that there’s still life in me. He’s the only one who ever has…_ and thoughts like those had his heart aching. This was the first time he’d struggled to render his composure on duty, but he had no choice as Logan began to speak:

“Alright, thanks for showing up finally Lehnsherr. Maybe check your messages when you get up from now on. I know not a lot happens on this ship, but you still have a job, so ah yeah, start acting like it.” Logan gravelled acidly, and Erik gave him a bland look. He didn’t care for his comments so early on in his morning, or anytime, but he did note that snip wad actually a bit over the top then normal for the ass, and he guessed that was because of Charles’ presence.

“Cut to the chase, Captain.” Was all Erik answered, and Logan shot him a scowl before he did just that.

“I’m going to dispense with the pleasantries, we all met while we were waiting and I know you two are already acquainted, (unfortunately for you Xavier,) and I’m sorry you didn’t have an official welcoming aboard the ship Lieutenant. I’ll inform you while Chief Lehnsherr is present, that our lack of recognition doesn’t mean your presence aboard has been over looked, the ah opposite actually.” Charles nodded curtly, and Logan went on, as Emma let out a tired sigh beside him. Erik might have given Emma a smirk knowing how much she hated Logan’s pomp and circumstance, but he was too nervous about the reason for this meeting to play the role of fellow sufferer today.

Logan set his eyes on Charles, and asked the tough question that they all came for here for as Erik’s heart jumped in his throat: “Where do you see yourself on this ship? Where do you feel you belong?”

The first thing Charles did after that question, (which was a lot more anti climatic then he expected,) was to aim _Erik_ with a speaking look. Apprehension and strain pinched his eyes, and Erik wondered if Charles thought he had a hand in this meeting. He hoped he didn’t, because Erik didn’t want to part with Charles… unless he wanted to leave anyway, but Erik couldn’t even begin to think about that. Charles was important to their team and to Erik specifically… He had already found his place on the ship in Erik’s opinion, end of discussion.

“I hear what you’re saying, and I feel Sir that I’ve already carved a niche for myself in engineering. I would like to continue on with my position as the third in command. If you were going to offer me a position on the bridge, I politely decline.” Charles said more formally then Erik had ever heard from the man, as he laced his fingers together on the desk, and regarded the captain with a stoic expression that could rival Erik’s.

An unimpressed gust left Logan, and he wrapped his knuckles on the desk pursing his lips, and narrowing his eyes in scrutiny as he was glaring at Charles. He started to laugh in humourless chuckles, and Erik noticed that Emma was watching them with a slight smirk, and from Logan’s reaction it was clear that he wanted Charles for the bridge, and was going to throw a fit until he got him.

He sucked in a breath and lurched at the table, jabbing his finger in anger, as expected, “You do realize Lieutenant Xavier there’s no opportunity for advancement in engineering. There’s Chief Lehnsherr here, who will probably run engineering until he dies, sitting behind his desk and doing – well that’s still to be seen – and then there’s Commander Azazel who’s made no signs of leaving anytime soon. So I give you about 5, 10 years until you lock yourself down to an insufferable existence in engineering, no offence Lehnsherr but it ain’t exactly Xaxxel.” Logan grumbled, clearly trying to impress Charles, in any attempt to sway him to the bridge.

Erik raised a discriminating eyebrow at the man’s insufferable dribbled; he was such repugnant cliché that he made Erik sick. This was why he didn’t set out to work on the bridge, he wanted to be regarded as more than a complete ass – as everyone already thought Logan was an ass on the ship. But Erik’s annoyance became secondary, as he focused on the question that was waiting to be addressed. He looked at Charles to gauge his reaction as insecurity was gnawing at the back of his mind. There was a possibility that Charles would go to the bridge. Erik considered that Charles could probably handle the strain of bridge here compared to Xaxxel, just because nothing ever happened on the ship… or so he once thought. Charles could take advantage of Logan’s offer just for that reason alone, and leave Erik in engineering… and then eventually leave him completely.

For a split second it looked as though Charles was actually considering his words, but with the relief of a man who is accustomed to loss, he watched as Charles’ face creased in disdain, and he spoke brashly to Logan, “Do you believe that Chief Lehnsherr is incompetent in his duties Sir? Is that what this discussion is about? ” Charles’ rich voice boomed forth from his place at the table, and Erik was filled with anxiety and shock from the question, yet not for his own regard, but for Charles’.

Logan’s face recoiled with contempt the moment the words were out, and he responded as his lip visibly curled with self-righteous indignation, like Charles had just spit in his face, “What kind of question is that? The man is chief of engineering, and I think that’s all that needs to be said about his character – regardless of my opinion. And I was trying to spell out why wasting your talents in engineering is a mistake, I just – wait, what are you getting at Lieutenant because I don’t appreciate my motives being questioned.” Logan ended on a growl, and Erik didn’t know how the man could get any denser then he clearly was.

The room was in silence, apart from the palpable strain in the air that was emitted from the two alphas who were locked in a stare of wills. Erik looked at Emma who was still smirking from where she sat next to Logan, and he had deciphered years ago that in general she enjoyed any friction between the captain, and the crew, and Erik was trying to hold his standard impassive façade while he was barley letting a breath out. His gaze shifted between Charles, and the Captain, and it came to Erik then, that this confrontation was due to Charles’ feelings for him… and he didn’t know how he should feel about that. Honestly it felt like he had no forewarning to this behaviour from Charles, but then he remembered the night at the bar, and everything became clear… Charles had gotten his hackles up when Logan threatened him then and he’d been too blind to recognize at the time why he had acted so possessively, just like he was doing right now…. Deep down, he was flattered now that he knew what was going on, even if he told himself he shouldn’t be. Erik doesn’t need anyone fighting his battles, especially against an ass like Logan... But Charles was going to regardless it appeared

“I’m sorry, Captain I was acting under a misconception, I simply assumed that you were not happy with your current Chief of Engineering because of the insulting, and character demining comments that you keep making about him. As a new member of the ship, I view it, obviously misguided yet still all the same that you don’t feel he is morally competent, when I personally haven’t seen anything that would cause me to think that. He is a perfectionist in his field, and one of the most competent men I have worked with… It’s very misleading when you keep slandering your own Chief of engineering, don’t you think? I don’t understand this behaviour.” Charles ended in an inquisitive tone, leaning forward in his chair, and Logan looked absolutely perplexed, as he securitized Charles with a petulant scowl.

“I think you need to learn to keep your trap shut lieutenant – Jesus Christ, of course they send me you – you know I was going to offer you a position on the bridge, but I can see now that you belong in engineering. I think this meeting has run its course.” Logan gravelled, looking stung, and Emma was covering her mouth with dancing eyes, and Erik didn’t know if Logan would pursue further disciplinary measures against Charles. It isn’t the best decision to antagonise the captain of the ship, but in this instance it was clear that Charles was in the right.

Charles looked entirely composed, and almost enigmatic Erik thought seeing he was enjoying this, as he questioned Logan further, pushing his opinion that he clearly thought was correct, “I’m sorry Captain, but I thought it was best to voice my concerns while I am still a new member of the crew. I’ve always worked in a diplomatic environment, and I think that having an open dialogue between crew members has been nothing but beneficial to the success of a ships general moral. So I’m voicing my opinion.”

Logan regarded Charles with a cold fury, yet didn’t blow up as Erik expected, “You know what, Lieutenant?” He spat throwing out a finger, and Erik could see the tension rising between the two alphas, and he feared the threat that, _someone was going to end up in the brig,_ would finally be achieved – yet Logan cut off his own words, and seemed to deflate as he looked away from Charles who was watching him with an arrogant smirk pulling his lips, “You may go, this meeting is over, and I will consider your recommendation that the image I put off needs to be fixed, so I don’t look like a complete asshole to new comers, as you so proficiently pointed out. Now get out, and if you ever pull a stunt like this again – or around the rest of the crew, I will deal with you personally Xavier. There’s a time and a place for discussion like this, and I agree this is the time, so that’s why I’m not personally kicking you ass. You understand Lieutenant?”

Charles cocked his head to side, and narrowed his eyes while he crossed his arm across his chest, and then asked the captain smoothly as he inched closer to the conference table, “Is that a threat sir? Because if it, I would like to see youtry.”

Erik felt it was time to speak up, coiling in disbelief that this discussion had escalated to this violent extent… _all because of me,_ he thought in silent admiration, when he knew it was wrong to feel this flattered over an alpha acting like an idiot. “That’s enough – I don’t think it would be the best way to accept anyone on the ship with a fist fight captain – and Charles, I don’t think it would be the best beginning for your career on the Poseidon to render the captain incapacitated through physical violence, which I’m certain you would.” Erik finished, and was basking in triumph that he actually got that slight out so perfectly, and then in a delayed response, realized how wonderful it felt shooting down Logan as Charles barked out a laugh, and Emma whooped out laughter beside Logan who looked beside himself.

He lurched in his chair, and then threw his arm over, pointing at the door as he addressed Charles, “That’s it, get your ass back down to engineering where you belong Lieutenant, and you” he pointed at Erik seething, “you stay.”

Charles looked over at him instantly, with a questioning look that was possessive and loyal to Erik, and he liked that so much, almost too much from Charles. Erik knew then, as he was experiencing a myriad of emotions for the alpha that if he was any other man, excluding Azazel, he might not feel the same ease with such a show of devotion, and that recognition alone told him more than a thousand evening of musing over Charles. He’d already wormed his way into Erik’s heart, and the intrusion felt more natural then another day of solitary existence without an alpha… and it was like this attraction between them was finally seated in reality – not some bizarre parallel timeline where he was free to deserve love as well as a career… because he always was, it just took Charles to make him see that.

Erik nodded his head feeling that connection with Charles that was so tangible, like they were bonded, or what he imagined it felt like unnervingly, and Logan barked, “Hey don’t look at him – you’re asking for it lieutenant, out!” Charles was commanded, but he was already standing and walking out of the room, with only a solicitous glance at Erik, and then he was left alone with Logan, which was more of a pain then anything. He knew that he didn’t have to worry about the captain, but if he tried to cause trouble for his newest member of Erik’s crew, then he was not going to take that very lightly. Charles wasn’t the only who could be possessive he thought, regarding his crew as his alone to handle, regardless of his feelings for the alpha in question.

The good Captain Logan sat in silence glaring across the room at Charles’ back where he was exiting the room – Erik knew without having to look, and he stayed facing forward not needing a reminder of how amazing Charles’ ass looks in snug pants. That was just not something that was done in moments such as these. It wasn’t until after the door had closed behind Erik in a rush of air, signalling Charles’ absence, that Logan spoke up. “What in the hell was that Lehnsherr? Who does this asshole think he is? Is this you’re doing? Because if it is, I am not amused.” He growled, and Erik raised his brows, surprised at the accusation.

Though before he spoke up to answer that absurd question, Emma came to life, and addressed Logan with a painfully dry tone, “Captain you do realize that Lieutenant Xavier was in fact correct in all of his comments. First off, you do regularly threaten Chief Lehnsherr, and in front of the crew, which actually would be considered a form of verbal harassment and uttering threats, which you could get written up for and merit possible disciplinary action from Starfleet. Secondly, Instead of taking Lieutenant Xavier’s concern about your behaviour seriously, you once again threatened one of the members of the crew – you do realize you have an image to uphold captain, if I might remind you. Xavier isn’t going to be the only person to notice your behaviour; we have diplomats who use our vessel if you forgot, that is what our ship’s sole purpose is.”

If there was ever a time that Erik felt happier on this ship, it had never compared to this moment, and it was all because of Charles… Erik waited in silence, watching Logan with a contained glee, and it was clear that he was struggling with his tempter. His face blotched red in rage as he shook with a distorted expressions of grit teeth and a twitching right eye, and Erik had never seen him more angry and unable to do anything about it. “You,” – Logan sputtered out, and Emma frowned at him in disappointment as she shook her head.

She turned to Erik then and asked, “Erik do you feel like Captain Logan is verbally harassing you? Do you feel threatened, and do you want to file a complaint?”

A grin curled his lips, and he looked at Logan who had finally fallen silent and aimed Erik with a dangerous glower, that only caused Erik to grin wider, “Actually… I think I just might, and I would hope that it would be sent to Starfleet, actually I might just have to send it there myself, to be sure no one tries to stop it,” –

“Don’t you dare!” Logan growled, lunging against the table, and jabbing his finger in Erik’s direction who was in no way intimidated. They’d been going through this asteroid field for years, and Erik would never file a complaint against Logan, but it was pleasurable harassing him all the same.

“Captain, back off – do you really want this on your record?” Emma snapped at him, with a completely sincere gaze, though it didn’t take Erik much to know this was all a farce. Going off the smirk on her lips alone, and just knowing the Commander in general, Erik knew she was toying with the man, and he approved.

“It’s – it’s not going on my record! Lehnsherr, just don’t – I’m sorry is that what you want to hear?” He ask in an explosive exasperation, and Erik couldn’t contain the grin that cracked his face open, warranting a homicidal look from Logan.

“I’m not going to file a complaint against you Logan, and I didn’t put Lieutenant Xavier up to anything, I was as surprised as you were about his comment, yet not that he went through with it. He is a very vocal man, and if he isn’t pleased with a situation or otherwise, he will make his feelings known.” Erik informed Logan, with a contained smirk by this point, and Logan looked at Emma who shared a similar smirk of her own.

“Remind you of someone Logan? Xavier seems to be opinionative, and bull headed… I think you might have met your match.” Emma teased covering her mouth, and he seethed at both of them looking cornered.

“You two are on my black list now, and I am in no way like Xavier – what the hell is this a team up from my two senior crew members? Mutiny is what this is, I should throw you both in the brig! You’re lucky…” Logan grumbled, while holding the same petulant air as though everyone was wrong, yet it was clear that he was hurt by their unspoken ploy to wind him up.

“No one’s turning on you Logan, and we actually didn’t discuss anything. I think it was an unspoken decision. When you see an opportunity like this you don’t let it pass, and for the record you _were_ out of line with some of your comments. You need to tone it down sometimes.” Emma told him through a smirk, and Erik nodded in agreement.

“Yes, it was entirely unspoken, and I would just like to point out sir, that Lieutenant Xavier is the most competent addition to my crew I have ever received, and it would be best if you allowed him to continue in engineering without any further incident, which I’m sure you don’t want.”

Logan looked exhausted then and shook his head, and stood from his chair, “You know what? I think I need a drink. He’s all yours Lehnsherr but just watch your ass, if he pulls that kinda shit with me – the fucking captain of the god damned ship!” He sputtered suddenly pointing at his chest, “Then imagine what he’ll do to you.” He warned and stomped out of the room with an abrasive flare, snarling at the door to _open_ , and Erik was left with Emma, who burst into laughter.

“Finally! I’ve waiting for the day an officer came on this ship who’s as insufferable as the captain. That Xavier’s got a pair, I’ll give him that.” Emma said rising from her seat, and Erik didn’t know if this was a good image for Charles to have so soon on the Poseidon. It actually worried him on a personal level he realized, because he did care for Charles…

“But he is an exemplary man in his field, I hope Logan will grow to see this through their obvious differences.” Erik rattled, thinking of Charles’ past issues, and he felt that he’d just seen a glimpse of the man who supposedly had a breakdown on the Xaxxel. “I think it would be best for Logan to not physically challenge him in the future.” Erik warned, and Emma cocked a brow.

“You really think he can take out Logan? I’m not going to lie, when I say I would pay a month’s credits to see the two of them have it out.” Emma said through an evil grin, and Erik felt concerned that it might actually happen. He envisioned Charles losing it and beating Logan to a pulp… and he really didn’t want to admit how aroused that thought made him... but Charles would look so good putting that strong body to some use…

“I don’t think that would be a wise decision on both their parts, but if it happens…I guess there would be no way of stopping them once they started.” He drawled, indulging Emma as much as he could, yet felt like he was violating a trust he had with Charles. Erik knew about his past state, and knew that all Charles wanted was peace in his life, and he didn’t want to borrow future hardship onto him, despite if he might want to see Charles take down Logan as much as Emma…

“If it happened, it would be... amazing.” Emma breathed looking hungry for the chance of bloodshed, and Erik felt that was his sign to leave.

“Yes well, I think everyone would like to see a good fight on board, but I hope for both their sakes they can control themselves in the future.” He said thinking of Charles, and then added as Emma looked instantly annoyed, “I should return to engineering… this has been something.” Erik commented not exactly used to joining in such entertaining, yet bizarre antics. Emma nodded, taking his words to heart, and walked past him towards the door, and he fell in step beside her.

“Yeah it has. I’ll talk to Logan, and I would suggest talking to Xavier, at least to warn him to steer clear of Logan until he cools off. And yes, it’s been interesting to say the least.” She drawled, and then commanded the door to open.

 And Erik responded, “I will, good day.” feeling… anxious to see Charles, as all his thoughts shifted to ones of the fiery alpha. The man had clearly mastered command of the meeting while he was present, disregarding Logan’s position for what he thought was right, which was Erik garnering respect overall… and that just fueled his growing affection, and cemented it in a way in his mind. He felt bizarrely like a different man as he experienced adoration for Charles…

Emma left, and he follow behind in a fazed air, and then headed straight to engineering knowing that he was walking into a tempest had been building for months, one of which had finally unleashed its full force on his life today, because he had never felt so effect by another person before. He thought for a moment that he should practice some self-preservation, and bypass engineering for the time being all together, yet he was never one to evade fate, especially when its name was Charles. And so Erik entered the nearest lift, and tried not to reflect that there had once been a time in his life when he thought he would always be alone, when he had so much hope now thanks to Charles… and he almost wished he could go back to his previous state, because failure and loss were harder for him handle then a thousand nights of pleasure with Charles. 


	14. the bull and the china shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles' emotions get out of hand, and Erik realizes that he might lack certain skills to reign in his raging bull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... sorry for the wait, and you're all going to just hate me because I am splitting my update into two, but I will post the second the half today! This chunk of post was a nightmare to edit, so this can be blamed for the wait, but I edited a-lot, so I can post more after this, so no more long waits (fingers crossed). And ... this update is a tad angsty, but after the storm comes the calm as they say, and just know that Charles is a delicate flower for as butch as his ;) 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudoes, and enjoy ^.^

 

Once Erik returned to engineering, he didn’t actively seek out Charles, but instead he went to his office and waited for Charles to come to him. He couldn’t seem to stay away for too long, and he always ended up at Erik’s door like he didn’t have a job to do, and Erik wasn’t here make sure that he does it... At first he found this habit to be annoying, but now he doesn’t mind Charles’ impromptu visits, and actually has come to anticipate them. Charles’ pleasant disposition lightens his mood, but it was difficult to find his company repelling when he goes out his way to do this, in his own special way… Erik would say it was probably Charles' shameless flirting that he appreciates the most, and that was one of the aspect of their discussions that no one was privy too… It has the effect of making his day infinitely better, and he knows that the alphas does this deliberately as a part of his seduction tactic, or he presumes at least… He also knows its Charles’ insistence of helping so much that has garnered him the title of Erik’s lap dog from Azazel… yet he can’t turn Charles away for being helpful now, and when their time alone has become a required part of _his_ day… Today though, he felt wasn’t going to be quite so care free...   

He sat behind his desk for a little over 20 minutes mulling over the meeting, when Charles barged into his office, clearly agitated, and Erik felt like a storm just blew in. His eyes were met with a piercing gaze and Charles stalked over to his desk with purpose, and stopped beside Erik where he sat in his chair, and then demanded as his hand jerked in the air, “What did he say to you huh? Did he threaten you again? – You know he’s completely over stepping his authority, I can’t believe he treats you like this and then expects the crew to act like its acceptable – He’s the most unprofessional, arrogant, asshole – and he threatened me, ha! He actually threatened me.” He growled pointing at his chest, and suffice to say it was clear that Charles was still agitated by the meeting.

Erik took a moment to admire the sight of an enraged Charles, as all he could think was _, he always looks attractive_ … When he’s happy and flirting, or when he’s in one of his states of sad reminiscing, or at this very moment when he’s indignant and enraged, on Erik’s behalf.  He doesn’t know why this anomaly was isolated to Charles, but he supposed it’s one of the reasons why he’s found himself in this predicament to begin with…

Erik was still admiring Charles as the man took a ragged breath – perhaps trying to calm himself and Erik anticipated more ranting to come his way, but instead Charles reached out, and began to stroke his arm in an affectionate caress. He’d come to anticipate this behaviour when they were alone, because… well simply put, Charles couldn’t keep his hands to himself, yet in this instance Erik was thrown by his change in mood. This wasn’t the time for compassion when Charles was clearly worked up… but apparently Erik was wrong… The alphas indignation melted away, and a familiar tenderness eclipsed the anger in his expressive blues, and then Charles hushed to him compassionately, “Are you okay? I didn’t want to leave you like that, but I had to… I wouldn’t have if it was anybody else.” Erik sat there in confusion as a sure hand moved across his arm, and he mulled over Charles’ words… and it was only then, after a few lost seconds ticked by of continued doting, that Erik finally recognized what was going on, and knew clearly why he was so disturbed –

Charles was acting like his alpha. Not hoping to be as he clearly was, but actively demonstrating that he holds that role in Erik’s life, when he does not...

This felt like a very surreal moment suddenly, and all Erik could think was: _this is happening to the wrong man_ … Erik didn’t have problems like _this_ , issues that stemmed from a possessive alpha, and he shouldn’t when he’s spent his adult years making sure of that very fact. His first thought was that Charles needed to be censured before he did something more provocative, even if they did have something growing between them… Erik simply couldn’t have Charles lashing out on his behalf when he was the Chief of Engineering. Erik appreciated the thought, that Charles would care for his welfare… but this unfortunately was a perfect example of why he didn’t want to take an alpha: he couldn’t lose face in front of his men, and Charles’ actions have already made him feel that way, with Logan no less… Erik knew that wasn’t the case though, that Logan was the one who was discredited in the meeting, but he was a creature of nature and a few months of Charles’ attention clearly wasn’t going to overlay years of conditioning.

But a voice in his mind was telling him the opposite, and that he should just let Charles have this, to let him feel like the _alpha_ right now, but Erik couldn’t do that, not yet… “I’m fine, and it was best that you left because of Logan’s temper, he would have continued with his ignorant discussion – and he didn’t threaten me,” Erik said firmly, “actually the opposite, but Charles, I need you to understand that despite how Logan might act towards me, we have been working together for almost a decade and this is just how he operates. I don’t need you fighting my battles if that was what you were doing during the meeting, and as for his threat, well he’s an idiot, and you shouldn’t,” –

“But,” Charles cut off his words in agitation, as his face became strained, “he speaks down to you, and you are the Chief of Engineering, he shouldn’t treat like that – and,” Charles hushed leaning into him with a pained expression, “I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing when I feel like I do, and I can’t have him treating you like that, Erik. He has no right, and I won’t stand for it.” Charles admitted in a heavy rasp as he leaned down towards him, and Erik knew his eyes were straining into Charles’ as he felt the alphas hand burning through the thick wool of his coat.

There it was again, just like last night… Charles making his feelings known without any pretence, and Erik couldn’t deny that a part of him was pleased, almost to a pathetic degree because he had never had this before: an alpha who was willing to put him first. That fact made this situation entirely more complicated, and Erik was struggling with how he should proceed. He was frightened, he could admit… Charles treating him like his omega was a difficult notion… but, if Erik evaluated their current relationship, should he really treat Charles like he was just one of the crew? Was that fair when he was special to Erik, and they were on the brink of something terrifying, and more intimate than he’s ever had with an alpha… He didn’t know when they were at work – and it wasn’t helping that Charles looked completely breathtaking, with that desperation in his eyes caused from his passion that he can’t conceal for Erik…

“I know…” Erik murmured softly, and was going to try to assure Charles as gently as he could that feeling that way was fine, but at work he had to quell his impulses before he got into any more trouble with Logan, but before Erik was able to get out the words, he froze – He saw McCoy walk past his door, and look over at them in the course of his travels, and Erik could only imagine how unprofessional they must look, and his reaction was immediate. Like a survival tactic, he instantly tensed his body, and forged his resolve like that would distract McCoy from Charles who was looming over him like a possessive alpha, and this all happened in a matter of seconds, because the man was gone in a blink of an eye. Erik realized that he was acting like a fool the moment it was over… Why would he care what McCoy thought? He was an ensign after all, and Charles needed Erik’s comfort and guidance, as much as he could give while they were on shift.

He sighed, and looked back up at Charles intending to continue, yet to his shock was met by hurt filled eyes, and from Charles’ expression it looked like something devastating had just occurred, and he had no idea what that might be. Erik had wondered how Charles could show so much emotion in one look, and he didn’t like seeing this expression in the alphas eyes. He repressed the impulse to reach out and comfort Charles physically, but his control didn’t equate in the scenario when Charles demanded: “You… you done with me, is that what this is?” In response Erik jerked out a hand, as his heart knocked against his ribs, and he grasped Charles’ arm thinking he was going to storm away like an angry bull, and he didn’t want that – he wanted to fix this so Charles would stop looking so betrayed.

All he did was look away, and… he had clearly faltered in some way and this discussion had become deeply personal, and Erik didn’t know when that line was crossed. He thought they were talking about the meeting, and he was struggling… and really had no experience with matters of the heart: sharing sweet sentiment, and confessing his desire for an alpha – or even a date. He was lost on all of this, and that was supposed to be the simple part: telling Charles, yes, I’ll be what you want, if you won’t give up on me… _please don’t give up on me…_

Erik jerked his head in denial, and murmured to Charles who gusted out a heavy breath like he was barely containing his composure, “This has nothing to with _us._ I never said that, Charles and I don’t know what’s going on.What I was talking about is your position on the ship, and a dynamic that is already established. You have to dismiss your anger for the Captain because he isn’t worth the effort, when he makes a point of being unceasingly ignorant all the time, and you **don’t** need to defend me. Actually I would ask that you don’t make a point to do it again, while we are at work… I’m your superior, and what we do in our private time, needs to be separate from work.”

Charles drew back abruptly letting Erik go, like his feelings were just dismissed so harshly that it was like a physical blow, and Erik didn’t understand this and was suffused with frustration. His request was reasonable enough he felt, but Charles clearly didn’t agree as he hissed, “So I’m not supposed to care about you, is that was you’re saying? I should just pretend that I don’t hear Logan’s unacceptable bullshit, which no other Captain I’ve worked under would even think of saying to their Chief of Engineering – that’s what you’re telling me here?” He shook his head like Erik was functioning with only half the reasoning – like he was incompetent, and Erik dropped his hand from the alpha’s arm, as his eyes hardened.

Charles was out of line, and obviously not thinking rationally because of his feelings, and so therefore pushing his limits. Erik recognized, he couldn’t be reasoned with him at this point, but he had try at least, for Charles’ sake, “Charles, Logan’s action don’t affect me and never have, but this right here, this is effecting me and I need you to calm down, and compose yourself. I am your superior and I don’t need you acting as though I am incompetent in front of the crew. You have to understand that… this isn’t personal. I just told you that.” Erik told Charles succulently who looked like he was fighting not to burst out with his reasoning, much like Logan had in the board room. Yet Erik was never concerned when Logan got into one of his states, simply due to the fact that he doesn’t have a heart condition, and Erik doesn’t care about him…

As Erik predicted, Charles looked even more agitated then a second ago, and sputtered incredulously, “I, I’m not acting like you are incompetent Erik, and I know you are my superior – I care about you, and you being my superior isn’t going to change that he was talking down to you, when you are more qualified to lead this crew then he’ll ever be – but I guess that doesn’t matter to you! You obviously don’t need me, you’re fine with Logan treating you like you’re some second class citizen on this ship, _fine_ – I should just go then – that’s what you want? Then I’m gone, I’m done with this anyway. Have a great day Chief –” Charles told him with not so much anger in his eyes, as raw pain, and Erik knew that he was hurt, but he couldn’t budge on his stance when Charles was out of line.

Charles turned away from him then, while throwing an angered hand in the air as though to emphasise his words, and Erik watched him go, barrelling away from him like that angry bull he imagined earlier, while feeling relieved, yet…  _heartbroken_.


	15. If you say you're sorry, I'll say forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik deals with the aftermath of their meeting, and realizes that repressing his feelings isn't the best way to go through life, especially when all he wants is Charles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go. Some happy, after some sad... 
> 
> *Warning* Seriously Depressed thoughts. 
> 
> Hi I rewrote this whole update. I have been dealing with RL issues, and noticed after posting really bad work, that it's effected my writing. So if I take longer to post in the future, it's a good thing. :/  
> So for anymore who hasn't read this yet, enjoy.

Erik sat gazing down at his desk feeling exhausted. He felt like their exchange escalated at such a rapid pace that there was no advoiding what happened, and he couldn’t stop analysing it in his mind… It was pointless he knew to dwell on. Charles’ judgement had been so clouded by his emotions that Erik couldn’t have rationalized with success, anyway, and so he was left here suffering in a state of despair.  

Erik had met men like him before, and that was why he’d wanted Charles to calm down. He’d been thinking with his heart, and his mind hadn’t been consulted, and if Erik thought that was a negative trait in the past... now he wasn’t so sure. Emotions swept through him painfully, as he replayed Charles’ attempts at comfort, and affection that he had rejected coldly, as a darkness came over his soul. He ached for the alphas presence, and he concluded despondently: _Charles’ actions betray how open his heart is, unlike me, who is unable to act with my heart, even when I should…_

Erik looked at the empty door forlornly, and he knew this was serious. Charles already held a place in his life, even if he wanted to deny it... He wouldn’t be in this state of emotional upheaval if it were any other alpha he was dealing with. Shame tinged his thoughts… _I should feel anger towards Charles for how he left me, and discipline him for his insubordination … but I can’t. This is personal_.

Erik felt like he was finally thinking with his heart (as much as he could) and not his mind, and because of that instead of some accusatory thoughts swarming his head like: _Charles is out of line; or Logan’s caused this; or I have to do something to fix this with Charles, because I can’t lose him_... he coasted on a crippling wave of insecurity, and questioned where he went so wrong...

Somehow with every new detail that Erik learnt about Charles, he started to want the alpha more, and more, and with all the endless attention he’s been lavished with, he doesn’t know how he could have resisted the prospect of a relationship. As of today Erik had been ready to try... but now he wasn’t quite so sure…Was his decision to accept Charles’ advances all just a reaction caused from the attention he was getting from the alpha? Erik had pushed away that part of his soul for so long that he doesn’t even know how he feels about Charles now… and he was suffering because of his ignorance.

In his current state of mind, Erik was happy to be alone with his thoughts. This situation was unmanageable for him, and he was confused by Charles’ erratic mood swings, which have done more damage than good in his opinion…

He might be ignorant in the nuances of personal relationships, but he wasn’t when it came to doing his job. It’s all he’s ever had in his life, so he does it right – and that was why Erik knew that Charles was in the wrong in this predicament, yet clearly couldn’t see that fact. His erratic behaviour was the issue, and if Charles would have just listened to him and calmed down, then Erik wouldn’t be sitting here alone… Perhaps it was inevitable, he considered, when the alpha couldn’t recognize Erik as his superior.  He’s never permitted insubordination in his ranks, and that fact wasn’t going to change now, even for the man who’s stolen a portion of his heart… He still felt that way at least.

He brought up his display, and looked at the log for the day, but couldn’t bring himself to work. He looked down at his desk feeling… more alone then he has in years. He wondered if he should begin to mourn what he has with Charles already… It was clear this was over between them, and he couldn’t really say they had a beginning, but Charles has been the most persistent alpha he’s ever known, and these past months have meant more to him then all the years of sexual encounters combined. Charles is the only one who he’s ever imagined having a relationship with, and pain tore through his chest at that truth. _Charles is the only one who’s truly wanted me…_ But they were over, so...

It was the only way he could think if Charles was going to act like this towards him, and honestly Erik was happy they were finally through. It’s been so painful for him to feel… to admit that he _wants_ …

He looked back to monitor and he knew that he had to focus on his work, regardless of the situation he was dealing with in his life. _Nothing matters now, especially what I want_. He has his job and that was enough, just like it’s always been and nothing apparently was going to change that. Charles was his proof…

The shift stretched by at a painful pace, and it only got more insufferable when Azazel approached him about Charles’ behaviour, which was from his estimation, ‘pathetic’, and ‘mopey’. All Erik could do as Azazel spoke was remain impassive, and repress all emotions that where paining him due to Charles, which proved to be an impossible task...

Erik hadn’t anticipated he would be this crushed, but he’d been waiting for this hadn’t he? For Charles to finally wise up, and move on… That was the plan at one point, before of course everything changed for Erik, and he accepted his life was a better place with the alpha in it. So he repressed his thoughts because that wasn’t going to happen now… He pushed them back into the recess of his mind, where that dark closet lay that was filled with all the possibilities he’s passed up over the years… and he had to not dwell on the fact that his future had returned to the bleak state that it’s always been: like he was counting down the day’s until he found his way to his resting place in that enviable black hole in the ground, if he was lucky _. I might as well just skip the years in between_ , he thought, _and play out my lonely last days of life_ , _because there is nothing for me to look forward to now_ : no Charles – or another Charles (he wasn’t that lucky), and so therefore no love for him, _ever_ …

At least that’s how he felt at the moment… well, perhaps not just at this moment he pondered. He’s actually felt this way quite a bit over the last few years if he was honest, and has come to accept this bleak existence as normal, when years ago he never experienced such mental anguish, so regularly at least… He supposed that should have been an indicator that his life has fallen into ruin... But what was he to do? How was he to change? When the notion was laughable that some lover, or unimaginable future child would be there for him when he is old and frail… This was his reality, and nothing more…

_My life is a joke, and I couldn’t even conger the appropriate words that would make someone smile, if I wanted to. I am cold inside… I wonder if I’m mocked for how I am… if I am secretly scrutinized, and the whole ship views me as a freak… If they think there is something wrong with Charles because he spends time with me?_

These thoughts came to him as his friend spoke, and he couldn’t imagine that he was a laughing stock… no one acted that way at least, and so why then, would he believe that he could never be loved? That he would never have any more thanhis vapid life?

He was suffering, and he wanted some hope for his future. He found it impossible to ignore the voice that told him it was required now for his mental health, that he forge a bond with an alpha before it was too late, and that he proves everyone wrong – _No_ , that he proves himself wrong, because no one had put these restrictions on him, he has done that all on his own…

All Erik wanted was some happiness in his life… An alpha who’s caring, and compassionate, and want’s him… an alpha like Charles, and only Charles.

_But I lost him…_

Erik had nothing to say about much, as his friend spoke, and without his input Azazel moved on, but unfortunately to the topic of the meeting. Erik let him know that he couldn’t discuss the meeting, no exceptions, so all conversation ceased quickly after that, and he was thankful because he didn’t know how much more he could take today, after losing everything and nothing all in one fatal swoop.

Through his grief, as he left his friend Erik considered what Charles’ supposed behaviour meant, his moping: perhaps he felt remorseful for his actions in Erik’s office? That he didn’t mean his words?… Erik found that possibility to be unlikely. He was sure Charles’ behaviour was stemmed from his disappointment that he wasted so much time on Erik. He was certain that must be it… and so he readied himself for the next few weeks of dealing with an indifferent Charles... Dismissive, or cold, or worse he considered… hostile, and completely vacant from his life… That would be the _worse_ he thought: Charles not even wanting to come near him after Erik’s had his attention since the moment he came aboard practically. But it was inevitable, and he would just have to move on and treat Charles like any other member of the crew.

He already made the decision that he wouldn’t do anything to alter Charles’ status on the ship. Erik still wanted him in engineering and that was that… _Emotions aside_ , he thought, while he tried not dwell on his own…

Once Erik was free from his duties he left engineering, thankful there were no games on tonight, and that Charles had made himself scarce for the rest of their shift. The thought of another confrontation at work – and in front of his men made his skin crawl, and he speculated that he should to speak to Charles again, alone… But about what aspect of their conversation he was unsure: their relationship, or Charles’ actions towards Logan?

Thankfully he wouldn’t have to deal with that tonight and he relished the thought of being alone, even if he felt a level of depression that was beyond his standard.

There was a pain in his chest, and heaviness in his bones as he dragged himself through the ships corridors, partly due to him being emotionally trampled, and yet, there an aching in muscles from his workout yesterday that crept up in the last hour at his desk. His discomfort was grating and he knew the only way to remedy it would be to go back to the gym, to at least jog and loosen up his neglected body. Instead he took a detour on his travels to his lonely room, to visit the viewing deck.

There was a similarity to the experience of gazing into the infinite depth of space, with his current state of mind; gazing into a million light years in one glance: into that void beauty, filled with death, and loss, and pain for intelligent life… The only difference for him was the beauty… There was more beauty in one second of space then he’s seen in all of his years alive, apart from one exception… _Charles._ He thought that he might have been able to prove that assumption wrong with Charles… It was clear he had been delusional with that notion.

He imagined he was floating through the darkness with nothing but a wire connecting him to the Poseidon, like an umbilical cord, and he was the one to cut it. He didn’t think he would be missed, and reflected on his aloof presence aboard, as he focused on a distant twinkling blue light that he imagined was Earth, but he knew they were too far away for him to have that small comfort…

Erik knows he’s done no favours for himself during his years aboard the Poseidon, by acting so formal around the crew. Perhaps he’s learnt a lesson from this incident with Charles about forging new relationships, and the importance of warmth in his life… but he felt that he was too old to change now, even with some notion of hope in his mind. He would always be a loner, and die that way, there was no way around it. _To live and die alone_ … It had a certain ring to it at least.

He reached out and touched the glass, and a portion of space was blotted out, but to his surprise it was warm to the touch. The inner glass was covered on the hull by an impenetrable layer, (or impenetrable to space debris), of reinforced plexi-plastic, and he dwelled on the fact that he related with _glass_ , apparently. _This glass is how I feel. Like I should be cold, frozen from having no warmth in my life, but instead I am alive, and warm, and waiting for someone to recognize that._ And that was the truth; he’d been waiting for someone like Charles to come along and save him from his misery for years, yet had been repressing that fact for just as long, and now it was too late…

Erik lingered for a little longer, just admiring space, and feeling those emotions which well in your throat when you see such a sight of beauty, as you feel so hollow, and vacant of any pleasure that could match the splendour before your eyes…  He was leaving thankfully when a young couple entered the viewing deck, and he didn’t think he could handle seeing what he could have had with Charles played out in front of him, like he was being taunted by the notion of happiness. They were embracing as they walked out of the lift, and all he could do was entered the space where they had once been, and feel relieved for him, and for them, that they wouldn’t have his company to sour their clearly romantic moment.       

Erik was finally home after a short walk from the nearest lift, where he thankfully encountered no one. He went through his nighttime routine on auto pilot, while he was introspective and critical of all of his follies: like a parade of failure through his mind and all the players were him. He was so wrapped up in his self-loathing that he couldn’t bring himself to do something as simple, and vital as stretching, which proved to be a mistake when he pulled his painfully tight neck. A day of stress only aggravated his tensed muscles, and while he was trying to find a robe that he suspected had fallen under his bed, the knot in his neck made its presence known. A painful burn ran up from his shoulder, and through his neck, and into his head, and he was almost happy for the distraction as pain blinded his thoughts.

His evening ended after that in his lounge chair, as he watched the news, while wearing the lost robe, and he hoped the heating patch he put on was effective enough to resolve his muscle strain by the morning. If it wasn’t then the muscle relaxant he took hopefully would, because regardless of his state, he was going into work tomorrow.

Erik was nodding off in his chair as a drama from earth played out on his viewing wall. It was a popular show called _Extinction,_ which Erik didn’t usually watch because the news was his primarily form of entertainment _._ This _Extinction,_ held a similar theme each episode: humans living in an alternate timeline, where space exploration was never achieved, fall victim to a series of superior visiting races, who generally decimated the planet each episode. Erik wasn’t fond of television that wasn’t informative, but in his state of pain and misery, he was too tired to focus on anything of intellectual merit, and so the drama played out before him. He didn’t usually feel so mindless, so when the chime rang on his door, he was startled as though he was drawn from a state of haze that he imagined only the most mentally compromised individuals fell into. He looked over glaring at whoever was there, as his neck stung from the movement, and he winced in relation as he touched the area like that would do any good, and resided to get out of his chair...   

It took longer than usual for Erik to get up, and he hoped whoever rang his door had taken his absence as a sign and left, so he was spared the task of sending them off. Reaching out a hand slowly, he rested against the wall, and muttered _open_ in annoyance.

The moment he could see into the hallway Charles’ form filled his vision, and he didn’t know what he was thinking, no one else would visit him at this hour. _Of course it was Charles_ … _I never should have bothered getting up_ , he told himself as he felt weak looking at the alpha who was leaning against the wall, mirroring him. Erik noticed right away Charles appeared visibly distraught: gazing at Erik remorsefully, with hunched shoulders and a forlorn expression… _like he’s come to make up_ , he thought with doubt. Charles’ emotions were so transparent, that there was no speculation for him when he looked at the man … yet still, he didn’t allow himself to feel hope. Charles’ expression could have nothing to do with him...

“Ah, yes?” Erik grumbled feeling exhausted, and Charles sighed dramatically, and looked down, then back at him, pouting it appeared by the protrusion of his lush bottom lip, but it wasn’t just the alphas mouth that had spelt his undoing.

Gazing up at him from under his too long hair, Charles’ large and beautiful eyes bore into his own depravedly, and Erik felt his breath catch as a river of entreating words left the alphas mouth, and was painful to take in how beautiful Charles was in his eyes, yet as he began to speak Erik almost didn’t believe his ears:

“Erik…I’m sorry about earlier, what I said… that’s why I’m here so late… I couldn’t sleep when all I could think about is you, and how I left you today. You’re right, I should have kept it together and not lost it like that on the Captain… and if I embarrassed you I’m so sorry. I came over to see if you can forgive me? I know I messed up, but I was messing up because of how I feel about you…” He gusted out with his vulnerable gaze in place, and then looked away shaking his head. Erik could see the warm brown hair on the top of his head as he dropped it, like his mind was so riddled with guilt that it was difficult for him to support. He palmed his face after all this and groaned, “God that was terrible, I’m sorry… I’m terrible at this… It’s been so long and, I just want this to work, and I couldn’t just sit there and have Logan treat you like that, but I didn’t gauge that I would probably embarrass you by acting like an idiot, and then I made it worse in your office. I didn’t mean what I said, you have to know that right? I was just angry… but not at you, at Logan, and… I just wanted to be there for you...” He breathed leaning into Erik with pleading eyes, “I just…. I messed up, and I’m so sorry.” He lamented with earnest, while giving Erik a beautiful woeful gaze from under his lashes like he was hinging his future happiness on Erik acceptance of his apology.

Erik was… shocked didn’t cover it. Charles was apologetic, and not only that, it was clear he was suffering just as much as Erik after their argument. _His maudlin behaviour was due to me…_ Erik through with clarity, and the last hours of pain he was in had been pointless, or the degree that he had been submerged in. The undertow of his misery had caught him, and had viciously tore at him with the device of his insecurities that had been all consuming at the time. He could only assume that Charles was abandoning his quest of courting Erik after months of doing nothing but that, all because they had one argument. In his mind it had been the most logical conclusion at the time, but now, he realized how shallow that made the alpha appear if it were the truth. _Could Charles have really shut off his feeling that easily? I can’t._ He thought, at he held Charles’ pleading gaze, and Erik knew how wrong he had been. It was like looking into the eyes of an errant dog, who’s come back to his door to beg entrance from the cold for the night, after he left without permission.

 _Does that make me his owner? Regardless of what happens Charles is mine?_ Erik speculated as words evaded him, and a yawn tore from his lips before he could speak. The pain killers were making their presence known, and Erik’s mind was blanking as he tried to process, and accept this situation. Charles was actually grovelling at his door… Erik would have assumed that he was dreaming, but Charles’ scent was too real for him to doubt… and the resentment that was filling him… Erik was upset because he had been so wrong, more wrong then he’s ever been in his life, and he was too proud to entertain the feeling.

Finally some semblance returned to his hazy mind at that repugnant thought, and he didn’t feel like he could have this conversation with Charles at the moment, when he felt so drugged…“I, I am tired Charles, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m in any state to have this discussion,”

Erik moved his hand from the wall, and hissed as pain shot through his neck, and he felt terrible – he was going to send Charles away when he probably shouldn’t, but he was in no state for confessions of the heart… He was cradling his neck as his head throbbed, and he suspected this wasn’t what Charles was anticipating when he came to his door. He wasn’t exactly a vision of beauty, not like Charles at least, whose eyes shot wide with concern at Erik’s actions.

“What’s wrong Erik, are you hurt?” He implored with a tone bleeding with concern, and Erik didn’t feel like he had the energy to explain, but it didn’t seem to matter. Charles stepped forward, and reached out unexpectedly touching the curve of Erik’s neck, and in the process covered his fingers with his warm palm. That small touch felt far better than he imagined it would, and Erik looked on with clarity at Charles, and realized that nothing has changed between them. Charles was gazing at him with the same tender infatuation as always, and Erik felt a warmth spreading through his chest as he looked at Charles, as he reached out his other hand, and caressed Erik’s slack arm, stroking him there soothingly… and it was so right.  All the hurt from earlier was bleeding out of him, and he felt tears stinging the back of his eyes.

“It’s my neck, from the weights… I should have stretched...” He mumbled, not moving away from his door; just too tired to deal with this, any of it. He already felt emotionally exhausted, and resided to his fate. _If Charles wants to show me compassion, then I won’t stop him._ Because he was filled with hope that he didn’t want to address,and it looked like he was right in his assumption:

Charles looked away like that was another blow, and then back at Erik with a new bout of his remorse, “This is my fault...” he breathed, and then stepped forward moving his hand firmly over Erik’s shoulder, holding him there in a gentle grasp like Erik was delicate, and he craved his touch so much. It was more profound than he anticipated… “Come on.” Charles urged, and then was nudging Erik into his own quarters, and he went feeling exasperated.

The door closed behind them, and Erik dropped his hands from his neck so all he could feel was Charles’ warm palm on his skin, and it felt so damn good after nothing for so long… Yet despite himself, he demanded tiredly wondering what he was giving in to?  

“What are you doing?”

He felt self-conscious suddenly, and he wished he could just accept Charles in his life… Erik had been conflicted every step of the way with the alpha, and it was getting to the point that he just wanted to give in, because he was so overrun with relief… It felt like there was a white halo floating over his head now that Charles was with him: his spirits were lifted so drastically that it was a high. Erik had never experienced this reaction before from anyone, and today had been a dark day for him… the contrast just showed him how strong he felt for Charles and he couldn’t ignore that. The last time he had felt this degree of despondency… his parent’s had died. He knew with a certainty that he never wanted a similar experience to mar his soul again: that abrupt loss of everyone he loves. He looked at Charles and wondered if he had the same experience today, if he had suffered thinking of Erik, and remembering all that he’s lost.

Erik looked into the blue of Charles’ eyes and he knew that he had to try harder… Maybe a weak ago he could have severed the infatuation that he held for Charles, but not right now when this visit was what he wanted so badly... desperately, if he was honest. He’d taken Charles’ departure so hard, and if he thought about it, the alpha had never said they were through per se, just their discussion. Yet, Erik’s reaction had been so radical: for him it was akin to a serious trauma when his emotions become so disrupted that they were impossible for him to ignore… He knew that was unhealthy, and a reaction he shouldn’t experience, but it was unavoidable. He’d spent years repressing his feelings and so trying to fix that part of him would take longer a few months of attention from Charles… He wanted to try though. Loving emotions shouldn’t be painful to endure, and being with an alpha who makes him feel the way Charles does: happy, and special… shouldn’t be a trial…

 _I want to be as happy as Charles_ , and it felt like if he just let him, Charles could change his whole world, for the better…

Charles stepped forward after grinning softly, and leaned against his side where his neck was injured, and if he had asked a question Charles hadn’t heard him. Instead he wrapped his arm around Erik, hugging him part way, and he sagged against the alpha, inhaling his strong scent, and god it was heady. His delicious musk clung to his night clothes, and filled Erik’s thoughts with an unexpected peace that quelled his nerves… Having this… Charles comforting him was all he wanted right now, and admitting that caused more emotions to swell painfully in his chest after today… when he thought he lost everything…

 

Despite the comfort he felt, Charles was holding him at an awkward angle, and Erik needed Charles to take him in his arms. He was waiting for it with an unspoken plea, and it would stay that way he thought, because instead of having those thick arms wrapping him up against a solid chest, the alpha’s hand started to caress his neck, and he was surprised by the change of direction. The knotted muscle in Erik’s neck was being massaged suddenly, and he really hadn’t expected Charles to be this physically assertive, or that his own reaction would be so drastic from the touch of another…

He dropped his head to the side groaning from the pleasure of having strong fingers dig into his muscle – right on the area that hurt the most, and all he felt was a mixture of pain and pleasure that was, _god_ exquisite…  

He felt paralysed as Charles rubbed him and he leaned into his touch, and his was a terrible scenario he considered as all semblance left his mind. He was dressed in nothing but his silk robe, and his equally silk pyjama bottoms, and Charles was, rubbing him… and smelling so strongly of intoxicating alpha, and had just been grovelling at his door, and bringing him so much goddamn hope. How was he supposed to turn this away? He knew he couldn’t have in any scenario, when his mouth began to water from how amazing this was, as strong fingers worked his burning muscles, _hard_.

“That’s right…” Charles whispered from his side, and he shivered from the sensation of his breath on his skin, but then his body tensed all over again when Charles hushed, “Why don’t we go to your bed, and I can give you a proper massage? You must be sore, and I can help…”

Without thinking words left his lips that he may, or may not agree with, but it was that conditioning shining through. He just couldn’t help it. “Ah no, I don’t think you should, you… should,” Erik was trying to tell Charles, not in his bed, because he was feeling vulnerable, it was a difficult feeling for him accept… Erik couldn’t rush into this, but Charles was running his thumb over the tense tendon and he felt like he was losing his focus, it was so euphorically good.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want. I wouldn’t, so never think that okay? I’ll just massage you…so let me do this… I want to make it up to you Erik. Do you forgive me at least?” Charles hushed softly, while soothing his hand over Erik’s side, and it was just like that first encounter when he was being lulled by the alphas touch… but this time he didn’t have to worry about his heat… _And Charles just said it, it’s not like this is going to lead to sex anyway…_ Erik thought instantly in argument against his own mental rejection. It didn’t take much for him to give in as he looked over meeting the alphas gaze. His legs were barley holding him up at this point, as Charles’ hot hand was still resting on Erik’s neck massaging there lightly as he waited for an answer.

 _I’m too tired anyway to be good for much… and Charles said he is sorry, and he still does want me… he wants to care for me like he’s my alpha…_ Erik knew that was the truth, as sensations stole through him that were too much for him to address, and thus caused emotions to choke his throat, from the multitude of his feeling for Charles. It felt too good being wanted by Charles, and Erik craved this massage god help him... He just needed some comfort from the alpha in his life...

“Okay… and I forgive you Charles, you don’t have to worry about that.” Erik whispered, and Charles’ eyes swelled with emotion, as he pulled his hand away, and then pulled Erik into a hug, and it felt like he was coming home, “Nothing’s changed.” Erik whispered, finally speaking his thoughts to Charles, and that was how he felt as Charles whispered, ‘ _Thank you’_. It was like everything that’s been lacking in his life for years was right here: a solid, and secure alpha, who would put Erik first, had him in grasp finally. His eyes did more than burn in that moment, as he felt tears wet his lids… yet thankfully no drops fell because he still didn’t think he could show that degree of weakness to Charles… yet.

Erik squeezed the alpha wanting more somehow from a hug, and then Charles let him go as his nose ran over Erik’s neck, and he shivered from the touch… He almost wished the hug would never end, and illogically he craved the feel of Charles’ body now, like he just got a taste and he was hooked…

Erik knew though that more hugs would come though, and it was time for his massage… he thought with slight fear… He moved haltingly for a few steps towards his room, breaking eyes contact with Charles, and then stopped, not knowing what he was doing. He looked over at Charles who watching him a rapt interest… and Erik couldn’t help that his heart skipped a beat. He reached out his hand then brashly, and took Charles’ in his own, as a roar filled his ears from his own nerves, but he’d come too far to be a coward. Charles was in his life now, and the affectionate smile that cracked Charles’ lips told him all that he needed to know… Charles wanted to be here, and would go against the Captain for him even if it was a foolish decision, and entirely needless.

“Come along.” He mumbled and without more provocation, and Erik pulled Charles along to his room, and he never really thought Charles would make it far. Erik was so sure Charles would have given up by now, and so any fantasies he might have, he’d kept vague (apart from his dreams) not wanting to get his hopes up… Though if he had thought Charles would be in bedroom, it would not be like this at least.

Erik stopped at his bed, and felt apprehensive but before he could say something, probably pertaining to his insecurity, Charles was urging him to get on the bed, and he went without complaint. Erik knew that he probably looked more weary then pleased with their development, but Charles’ expression was more comforting then he would have anticipated. His face was tender and vulnerable, like this was Charles stripped away, the real man who he only shows to Erik… and he admired that about the alpha. He was so transparent, and Erik needed that. He needed someone as honest and loyal as Charles to be able to get himself _here_ , because Erik was terrified of letting go of his years of control, and just letting himself _feel_.

“Just lie down, and maybe take off your robe, so I can rub you without it in the way… if that’s what you want.” Charles worried his lip as he said that, and Erik dropped his robe knowing he wanted to feel those strong hands on his skin… He watched the intensity come over Charles’ face as he crawled onto his bed, and his skin was vibrating, as his pulse fluttering from his nerves and excitement...

“Do you have oil?” Charles mumbled from his side, and Erik felt a slight fear as he pointed to his side table that only held items that weren’t provocative in nature, yet certainly used in acts...

There were three separate oils in the drawer, and a number lotions, and he directed Charles to the one that would smell the best, “Almond oil…” He murmured, and felt his body’s excitement, and a sedated fear as he heard the whoosh of the drawer opening, as he rested his face against the bed as he tried to ignore his growing trepidation.

Charles hummed above Erik, and he knew that despite his apprehensions, he needed this… he just had to remind himself that. They’d been working towards some form of intimacy, and Erik hadn’t thought that intimacy could happen without leading to sex, but having Charles massage him, and get him accustomed to the touch of an alpha after so many years, was what he wanted. So this was the best case scenario… He knew it was childish, but he was afraid of getting carnal with Charles because he was so unversed in the ways of love. Erik could only imagine how bad he would be in bed… Probably a disappointment if Charles had some thoughts of grander about him sexually, after chasing him for so long.

There was a pressure on the bed, and Erik tensed as Charles straddled his legs suddenly and he felt a hand on his back, but it was so gentle that he forced his mind to stop worrying, and his growing compulsion to throw Charles off his bed... “You comfortable?” Charles asked solicitously, and he nodded into the pillow while feeling vulnerable… as vulnerable as Charles always looks, and he wanted to see that suddenly.

He looked over and caught Charles’ besotted gaze, and hoped that Charles knew what this represented for him… It was painful for him to be so candid in life, and especially with an alpha, yet Charles seemed to know that as he rubbed Erik’s shoulder and hushed, “Good, just relax Erik… I’ll make you feel better.”

So Erik did, and waited for the enviable. He heard the top of the oil snapping open, and waited for the feel of oil on his back, and that heavy cloak of tranquility to come over him, that came with being cared for, along with the pain killers…

Charles took his hand away that was resting on his shoulder, and he heard the cap snap close – and then it happened: hot oil was smoothed across his shoulders, and he held in the small exhale of surprise, and pleasure that wanted to leave his lips, while not tensing so he could enjoy this…  

Erik had his arms above his head, clutching the edge of the mattress though, because this was till so foreign to him, but his apprehension didn’t take away from Charles, who smoothed the almond oil over his skin, over the ridges of his shoulder, and his neck… and it was amazing… _Just enjoy this_... _you’re getting something from Charles that you couldn’t allow from any other alpha…_ He reminded himself, as hot hands worked the oil into his muscles, and he sighed without thought, as any last shreds of anxiety melted away. It felt like he was releasing years of strain that had been bottled up inside, that Charles was drawing out of him from his presence alone, and he needed to remember this moment in the morning… He couldn’t keep pushing Charles away. _It has to end today_ … He thought, as Charles’ touch retreated suddenly, and it was the last thing he wanted –

He was bereft, and felt insecurity trickling in like Charles was stopping now, but that thankfully wasn’t the case. Erik’s wrists were grabbed, as he felt Charles’ hot body, and tight shirt grazing his back, as he was urged then, “Put your arms down, so I can rub your neck.” And Erik obliged instantly moving his arms, and he could rest easy again, knowing this wasn’t going to end.

A moment later, his skin was burning with heat it felt, but a delicious throbbing heat that was coiling through his body. Charles’ warm fingers were rubbing along the sides of his neck, coating the area more thoroughly in oil, and then both of Charles’ strong hands were on his neck, and Erik felt thumbs dug into his stiff muscle.

He was panting into the pillow, as Charles massaged out the knot, and thumbs move from his neck, down his shoulder, and Erik groaned from the sensation of the burning knot being worked out… His face burned from his sounds, but he knew he wouldn’t able to hold back his pleasure if this kept up. All night he’s been so sore, and Charles was remedying that so perfectly, like he knew just where to touch... and he was far too sedated to do more then take it in his pathetic state...

As he kept massaging deliciously, Erik couldn’t help feeling so grateful for Charles, and inane thoughts drifted through his mind: Who else would do this for him? No one… Charles is the only alphas who’s tried to court him seriously, and is solicitous enough to even consider massaging him, because he wants to care for Erik… That’s what makes a good alpha he decided muzzily, as strong thumbs dug into his neck over, and over, and Erik hoped it wouldn’t end...

More oil was added after a fashion, and then Charles’ hands were sliding all over his back, coating all of his skin, and he felt those waves off pleasure running through his body from the attention. His skin was smooth enough from the oil that Charles’ hands slid over his muscle like silk, and he was basking in pleasure of getting his whole back lightly massaged. It didn’t last though, and soon after some light play over his lower back, Charles slid his hands back up to his neck, and continued rubbing out the knot until he was barely containing himself…

He was making those noises that he couldn’t help, and his body was heating with arousal, and he was so deep into the moment... He felt drugged, or more drugged then he was when Charles let himself in. The scent of alpha musk in the air might have added to the effect, and it was clear Charles was worked up as he smelt more telling pheromones, and he though, _that’s because of me… or what he’s doing to me..._ and god Erik liked that…  

Solid hands, finally left the crook of his neck, and then slid over to his nape where thumbs rubbed up, and stopped at base of his skull. He started to massage there gently, and Erik’s mouth dropped open with pleasure… That light touch felt far more intoxicating then he expected. His neck was always stiff, and it was like all the stress was draining away, and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this at peace. He smothered his face in his pillow and floated in a cloud of arousal as Charles worked his neck until it felt like butter, and Erik considered this was a better apology then any words could have hoped to achieve…

Charles finally stopped his massaging, and then he felt nails scratching through his hair, and he didn’t think this could get better… _Charles is a gift_ … _a tempting man who just won’t stop until he undoes me_. That truth came to him, because the alpha was definitely winning at moment, and it was like earlier made more sense abruptly. Charles’ anger over Logan, and outburst in his office when they were this intimate… _and_ Erik was this aroused… He just hadn’t been there yet earlier, but now he was. His erection was trapped lazily in his silk pyjamas, and pressed into the mattress… He wasn’t firm enough that it was a problem, it was just a reminder that the man touching him was seductive enough to get Erik into this vulnerable position, _and_ skilled enough to bring him to this state of pleasure without becoming carnal, and that fact left him more indebted to Charles.

Eventually, to his delight Charles moved onto his shoulder that was untouched, and started his treatment all over again, after adding more oil… It was perfect, a perfect moment for him he decided, and Erik thought that he might be able to return the favour in the future if… once he thought with certainty, he accepts what Charles was offering. He couldn’t imagine passing up the opportunity to rub oil all over Charles’ sculpted form, if they were going to be like this now… he would have to.  

Time slowed, as Charles kept rubbing him and Erik didn’t know how long the massage went, but by the time he cared to speculate he was numb, and tranquil and all he could do was _feel_ , and not an ounce of his being was marred by his usual worry.

“How does that feel?” Charles grumbled, rubbing his shoulders in soothing circles, and he had to summon his voice with effort because he was starting to fall asleep.

“Mmm _better...”_ He mumbled, and Charles hummed in response. Erik expected Charles to start massaging his back again, but instead of feeling hands on his skin, he felt a hot body ranging over his back, and the sensation of Charles running his nose along his neck, and down his nape... and scenting him. Erik let out a ragged exhale, and _throbbed_ … It felt so good having his… this alpha being so affectionate with him, when he wanted it now… but he considered that Charles didn’t know that as he pulled away. Disappointment drifted through his mind as his body craved more attention from Charles, and the loss was palpable as the colder temperature in the room touched his skin where the alpha had once been. 

“You want more?” Charles hushed, while stroking his shoulders, and he did, but he knew he was bound to fall asleep... _Well Charles knows the way out…_ he thought, and nodded into his pillow mumbling in his throat, and not worrying for once in his life, and just _taking_ … More oil was had, and the scent of almonds permeated the room, and Erik was drowning in pleasure as his muscles were worked over like Charles was a trained masseuse, and he couldn’t spare a thought to wonder who he’d practiced on to get _this_ good.

Erik finally fell asleep around the time he was accepting that it might not be so bad if Charles stayed over tonight… and he thought muzzily reflecting on today, that Charles has nothing but good intentions for him... He’s a good alpha, and there doesn’t appear to be a truly malicious bone in his body, and although it might appear he’s a mess up in various aspects of his life, he’s Erik’s mess up… so it’s all right… and he drifted off. 


	16. Human Afterall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik finally feels what the rest mankind has been suffering over, and Charles is too much as always, but Erik should to be used to that by now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the long awaited update :) And you have permission to escape reality because this is a long one.  
> Sorry for the wait, but this was a challenge to write for a number of reasons, including I was thinking up what's gonna happen next, and in this long chapter of fluff and indecision I'm setting up for the next part. 
> 
> I wrote this to the most ridiculous sappy, or just bad songs I was like, why am I listening to this crap, but it sets the theme... so that gives you some idea of what you're in for. Whitney Houston, and Celine Dion, a little meatloaf tortured me through this, so be prepared for some intense fluff. lol
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments by the way :) and thanks for sticking with this fic, through my various mistakes... 
> 
> And the song I put at the beginning, Lover boy, by Supertramp is about a serial player (man whore lol), but i just thought this exert of lyrics were so Charles lol. I've been listening to this song since birth practically and I've always loved it, and I'd suggest listening to it, although you'll have to download it, or dig through your cd's cause Supertramp doesn't like youtube, and the original version is perfect.

_'Lover boy'_

 

He's got a thing in his head  
It's from a book he's read  
It's got a funny title,  
It tells you how to be vital  
He took a lot of time  
Over every line  
Because it's guaranteed  
To satisfy  
  
He's gonna knock 'em dead  
The boy's got that book read  
You can't stop the lover boy  
You can't stop the lover boy  
  
Right from the clothes he wears  
The way he combs his hair  
You can't stop him now, because he knows all the tricks  
He used to have a problem but he got it fixed

 

_\- Supertramp_ _  
_

 

 

 

When Erik awoke the next morning it was in the same state he had fallen asleep: a deep and tranquil haze that was unlike any he had experienced, and it was unsettling. When he wakes it’s never with complete enthusiasm to begin his day, or any semblance of comfort to stay in his bed, today though there was a difference. Floating in a haze, Erik remembers scraps of his evening which he could still feel echoed on his skin, and he would have thought they were nothing more than memories if he didn’t know otherwise: A picture of intimacy, and arousal was forming… naked skin, and oil, and strong hands soothing his woes, bringing him a bone deep comfort he’s never had… and he couldn’t help but conclude from these fragmented scraps, that something very right happened in his life last night.

It was Charles. He had come to Erik last night, when he hadn’t expected to hear from the alpha again, and he’d made up in the best way possible that Erik never would imagined was an option in the narrow scope of his experience. He’d got those firm hands on his skin from the alpha he’d let into his life, and some much needed care when no one else would have imagined regarding him as delicate and in needed of affection, and so it had meant everything to him… And there was an added benefit or something he greatly desired: with the massage came the warmth of Charles’ large body against his back as he scented his skin, like they’d been getting ready for more than a massage…and it was uncanny, but it felt like Charles was still there.

Erik returned over, and over again to the memory of Charles scenting him… and it was the most intoxicating part of the evening over all. The room had been thick with the scent of alpha, and he’d basked in the combination of Charles and the almond oil in the air as they shared an intimacy he would have despised if it were any other alpha, and Erik swore that along with that ghostly presence in his bed, he could still smell Charles... It was the alpha’s musk on his sheets he concluded, but it still helped to transport him back to that delicious moment, and he knew last night would haunt him, leave a brand on his mind, and stay there until another moment came along worthy enough to overlay it…

It was like the primal part of his psyche was latching onto what was important to him as an omega, and nothing else mattered… Erik needed an alpha to fulfill that part of his soul that had fallen on deaf ears, and now it was awake and begging him to make an exception… Last night was better than any scenario he might have conjured in the rusty depths of his repressed libido, and so when he drifted away into a sensuous realm of fantasy, it was achingly real.

Erik envisioned Charles’ skin caressing every inch of his own, and his hands joining in naturally and groping him without fabric in the way, and in this fantasy it only made sense that Erik got to return the gesture. It was a reoccurring theme in his dreams, that Charles might be willing to pleasure a long neglected part of him, and his thoughts were starting to heat with passion as he imagined Charles thrusting into him, and filling him up, over and over… This image definitely wasn’t helping to ward off his persistent morning arousal… but it was more than that. He was needy like his fantasy would come to fruition due to the alpha’s scent surrounding him, and as his mind surfaced to consciousness, Erik realized that there was a heavy weight at his back, and an arm wrapped around his waist... and it was Charles who was holding Erik in his own bed…  

Opening his eyes, he gazed through blurry slits, and assessed Charles’ arm that had Erik trapped against his solid chest… and it was real. Charles was here, and holding him, and he couldn’t form an ounce of resistance at their position as Charles… cuddled him… _like lovers are wont to do_ … he thought, but they weren’t lovers, _yet_. All he could think was that Charles was like a giant heating coil that was melting away any impulse to escape, although that impulse was theoretical; borne from the thoughts of the man he was months ago. Erik didn’t feel like that man any longer because there was no denying it, he wanted to be right here. In fact he’d just been fantasizing about Charles, and this was clearly why his fantasy had been so vivid. 

He considered going back to sleep and wallowing in this pleasure of being in Charles’ arms before the demands of his reality force him to dissect every nuance of their encounter…. Yet Erik didn’t think he could do that. Work was waiting for them.

His eyes had fallen shut, and he forced them open and gazed at the white wall. He wondered meekly what he should say to Charles about last night and how they should deal with this situation, yet that was the heart of the matter – the _issue,_ because Erik really didn’t see one per se. He just hadn’t expected to feel such an all-encompassing sense of relief from awaking like this…

The compulsion to roll over and finally get a taste of Charles’ mouth shook through him as he throbbed in the damp space where his needy problem was always waiting to be relieved, and it was rampant this morning… So it couldn’t be helped as he squirmed back against Charles in response; his body making it clear he should take advantage of the willing alpha in his midst. Charles moved murmuring in his sleep, and pulled Erik in even tighter against his body, and a small sigh left him… This might just be classified as one of the more perfect moments in his life he thought as lips found his nape and he was nuzzled, as the rasp of stubble that framed Charles’ plush mouth tickled him and Erik heart was bleeding just a little from finally having Charles like this...

He rested there as his eyes closed and just let himself savoir this, because he needed it… and so did Charles he thought… It didn’t miss Erik’s attention when Charles shifted behind him, and there was a noticeable firm and burning presence at his buttocks… He worried his lip knowing it was the alphas morning wood, and his mind raced to scenarios he felt were too much, too soon, but they were cut short along with his growing excitement – Erik could have been thankful, or resentful when his wake up call proclaimed into the quiet of the room: “It is 6am, it is 6am, it is 6am, time to wake up, time to wake up,’ –

“Off.” Erik grumbled, and the robot voice ceased. It was the default for the ship, Erik could never be bothered to change to anything more welcoming.

Charles stirred then and if he’d slept through that Erik would have been shocked… The arm across his waist was moving, and Charles’ palm landed on his hip, and then dragged up Erik’s bare stomach in a possessive caress like they woke like this every morning… He held his breath trying to decide what to do but nothing came to him, and he wished suddenly that Charles would have continued sleeping. He felt far too needy to think rationally in his current state…when he wanted more than just those hot hands on his bare skin… The slide of his fingers were like streaks of pleasure, and he grit his teeth trying to calm his heart which was filling with an overinflated sensation, that just continued to grow when the lips resting on his nape began to kiss.

A serious of delicate caresses were placed across his nape, and then in the same tender fashion, Charles’ lips ghosted over to the crook of his neck where his glands lay and Erik squeezed his eyes shut as he was claimed in the only way Charles could he thought, without them becoming physical. It was just like last night when Charles had given back to him selflessly, and he was so appreciative he didn’t know why… It’s just what he needed. Charles being this tender when he’s never wanted such treatment from anyone else… _He’s waited for months to have me, and now that he’s finally here he’s sweet like he’ll wait as long as it takes…_ And Erik hoped that was the truth because he didn’t know how much he could give up.

Time stretched as Charles scented him, and it was like a memory from his past that was so clear, when every other detail at the time was blurred… All he could focus on was Charles at his back, and he sucked in small breathes that were scented of alpha, and he couldn’t help feeling like he belonged here.

 _Nothing stays this simple,_ Erik thought as Charles was dragging his hand off his skin and rolling away. The cold left in his wake caused a shiver to run through Erik’s body, and he wished Charles hadn’t moved and just stayed here with him; stayed in the moment that was borne from simple need, without any influence from reality to sour it.

But that haze was starting to lift and reality was tumbling in. Erik stared at the wall for a second like he needed this time to compose his thoughts when every part of his being was calling for him to take action. The compulsion to see the alphas face and be in his arms again was oppressing the calls of his anxious thoughts and he took a calming breath like one might take before stepping into space and met his fate.

He rolled onto his back and looked at Charles, whose bright blue eyes where filled with a tender affection that was echoed in the faint quirk of his full lips, and Erik knew he’d never in his life seen a sight more perfect as Charles at this very moment. An overwhelming sensation swept through him then, leaving him short of breath, and he was at a loss to pinpoint what he was feeling not having any similar instances to compare this to. He had remained solemn for so long that he hadn’t anticipated that his heart would swell so intensely that he would be struggling to inhale and exhale normally, and so he was left to question absently if this was normal. It was an inane thought that he dismissed because as he gazed at Charles an impression was forming. Erik swore the look that he was trapped under he’d seen before and he recalled the most significant examples like he needed to make sense of a situation that he couldn’t grasp: That look was writ on the face of stranger’s caressing, like on the viewing deck yesterday when he had been so envious of the intruding couple, thanks to the assumption that his only chance for happiness was loss… yet there was a more profound example that was dear to his heart. He’d viewed this expression on his parents faces when he was a child, when they’d look into one another’s eyes with emotions he could not yet grasp at the age, yet he knew it meant they were happy, all of them, and that everything was going to be okay as long as that impression didn’t fade. He almost forgot what that look meant, and Erik never thought his heart could feel so much pain, and elation all at once as he regarded this man who’d forced himself upon Erik’s life.

He was drowning suddenly in sentimental thought, like Charles was just as beautiful as yesterday when he appeared at Erik’s door, but somehow in the course of an evening it felt like everything for Erik had changed. He was finally seeing how that beauty encompassed the whole man before him: from Charles’ exterior that he was drawn to helplessly, knowing that he’d never met another alpha who’d made him compromise his entire way of living if only for a taste of his mouth, to his interior: that shown with a honest and caring soul that was tarnished, yet was all the more tempting due to its imperfection. It proved that Charles was strong; stronger then him, and he admired the alpha for it when Erik thought of himself as a coward… So yes, last night something did change, because Erik was finally allowing himself to accept that this alpha might really be his, and he could stop fighting fate tooth and nail and let something happen without controlling every moment… _Just let this happen,_ he echoed in his mind… _if it’s the only thing that you don’t control in your life, then so be it. It’s time to change._

Charles rolled on his side so he was facing Erik and reached out, touching his arm with confidence that Erik still couldn’t own, and stroked him gently… and he wanted it. It was his turn he thought, as he watched Charles’ bright lips pull higher in the form of his loving grin, and that was when the alpha whispered, “Good morning.” like Erik was a present for him to experience upon waking… This, along with aiding in the melting of his icy heart did a lot for his nerves, because apprehension was beginning to grow, and take a place in his mind alongside his infatuation that would not abate. It was clear Charles wanted to be here.

“Morning.” Erik responded, not really knowing what to say, as his words where heavy due to his unused voice. Charles began to stroke his arm more liberally then, in a placating manner like he knew Erik needed it, and he did. Charles always seemed to know that Erik needed affection when the rest of world was blind to the fact that he was still a human being underneath his hard exterior.  

“Hmm, I fell asleep… Your bed it too comfortable.” Charles stated as he looked down at Erik’s body, grinning like he knew that Erik wouldn’t believe that ploy, and he found he was ghosting out a smile at how sneaky Charles was… _So damnably cute… and such an alpha, willing to do anything to get into my bed…_ he thought with an unadulterated pleasure that ached in his chest, which travelled through his body to another place that ached for more… as he gazed over Charles’ body on impulse, thinking it was only fair…

His eyes moved past his muscular chest in his tight white shirt, and stopped on his thin pyjama bottoms that weren’t hiding anything… Erik felt his pulse jump at the sight of the large ridge outlined through the cream cotton, and the first thing that came to his mind was: _Looks adequate…more than adequate._ His face burned, but he found that he was like every other omega when it came to alphas. He liked them well-endowed… it made it better when they knotted… He swallowed deeply, and really couldn’t think of that right now. Even if Erik was crazy enough to let Charles have his way this quickly, they had work… and they just wouldn’t have time… and he was afraid to let Charles have everything so soon.

He hoped he didn’t look too flustered as Charles’ eyes met his own, but Erik knew it probably didn’t matter what he looked like when Charles was wearing a needy expression he was so familiar with, and he didn’t have to guess what it meant: Charles had finally gotten as far as his bed _…_ and he felt his whole body heat as he considered that Charles might ask… no _beg_ him for sex. That seemed more like the alphas style … And it made sense, Charles had worked away at Erik’s will until they were here, and so why wouldn’t he want his reward? Erik had to cut off his train of thought there. This speculating was not helping the situation, not one bit... when he might just want to reward Charles for being so good to him, even when Erik might not have deserved it.

Finally he answered, thinking that the hot and tense silence they were suffused in needed to be broken… “Hmm, that’s fine. It was late, and I fell asleep.”

Charles wore a gentle grin, and hesitated to answer like he was too distracted to form words, like just looking at Erik was enough at the moment. And so his mind started to run as he was gazed at adoringly, and he wondered why they were here… why Charles wanted him this much, that he was willing to do everything he could to get into Erik’s bed, and become a part of his life… Maybe he was just that desperate for an omega Erik considered, but he knew there was more to it than that. They had a connection, and it had been present since day one. Erik just never considered Charles would act on it. If this had been left up to him they never would have made it past hello. He would have been professional, and impersonal with Charles, while pathetically holding a silent torch for the alpha.

That was the truth unfortunately. Charles was far to fetching to ignore… But even then, if Erik ended up suffering because he was so infatuated with the alpha, he never would have imagined entering into a farce like the one he was participating in at the moment... Yes _farce_ , he thought like he was talking about a distasteful situation, when this was far from one as he was helplessly admiring Charles’ mesmerizing blues and feeling so broken while doing so. The only farce in this situation was Erik…

He knew right then that he was preforming an injustice to them, he couldn’t keep viewing what was going on between them as pathetic, because this was real, and he wanted this to be very real. Erik wanted to stop felling so damn miserable all the time… _I hate the person I’ve become._ He acknowledged as Charles spoke.

“You did, and I didn’t want to wake you, you looked too peaceful.” Charles mumbled, as he trailed his fingers along Erik’s shoulder towards his neck, and Erik’s own fingers itched to touch the alpha along his sheets. Charles’ touch stilled, and he asked Erik again, “You really don’t mind? I thought you might…” He trailed off, and it appeared as though he was being watched very carefully, and he supposed he was allowing Charles more lenience then he had for the entirety of their acquaintance. It was more than likely Charles had no idea that Erik wanted him here. He was too good at ignoring his feelings, and portraying a stoic demeanor to the world… even now while they were in bed.

“I don’t… It’s fine.” Erik whispered, and held those eyes with meaning for a breath, before he dropped his gaze to the mattress. He wanted to look at Charles, but he needed to compose his nerves when they were so frayed, and he went about to do this as he began to creep his hand hesitantly towards the alpha, wanting to touch him. Erik’s face began to heat; he felt like a frightened young omega who was about to embark on their first encounter with the alpha of their fantasies, and he guessed in a way he could relate… It had been so long since he’d had an alpha that he’d forgotten what it was like; if he’d felt this bone deep thrill from being close to one. He wasn’t sure either way.

Erik lifted his hand from the mattress when he met Charles body, and settled his palm on the alphas arm so they were both holding one another with the stretch of unmanned bed between them, and it was right. Charles was watching him when his eyes flicked up, like Erik knew he would be… and he brushed his thumb across Charles’ skin, and felt like he was going to fall apart slightly. This here was real, and more then he’d ever hoped for, and perhaps he needed proof that he still wasn’t dreaming. Erik was never one to believe in a phenomenon without out evidence, and he found this whole drama with Charles to be so unlikely that he concluded that this must be fate. _Charles came aboard when I was at my worst… I just couldn’t see it until he arrived._ And then he did all the work for Erik, and showed him it was okay to _want_ , because Charles wanted so much from, and he proved it again when he pressed into Erik’s touch, and then after a breath of hesitation, closed the gap between them.

Charles looped his legs over Erik’s boldly, and then moved the rest of his body, rolling against Erik so he was forced to lie on his back… and he went willingly without comment. Slowly, as though he was waiting for Erik to stop him at any moment, Charles began to rest against him gently, and he welcomed the heavy press of the alpha, as the thought of stopping this fantasy never entered his mind… Erik had wanted this, god he had, and his inhibitions went flying out into the cosmos slightly as he absorbed the sensation of Charles’ weigh against his thighs, and along his side, like Charles was still too weary to commit to such an intimate press of hips and groin…

Charles hovered over him for a moment, and it became obvious that he was being watched with a cautious expression, like he had a weary cat snuggling with him that was afraid of getting shooed away. Erik had never had a cat, or an alpha for that matter but Charles he knew without a doubt Charles belonged here…  He rubbed his fingers along the alphas solid back and felt pain lacing through his heart, but it was a pain that he welcomed as Erik accepted that he could have this intimacy and desire in his life. And so with the lightest of touch he pulled on Charles, which proved to be nerve wracking because he was asking for more, asking for all of Charles whose face fixed with an expression of pleasure, just as he settled his full weight against Erik, and battle was won. 

“There…” Charles sighed, as he lay his head down onto the free space on Erik’s pillow, and trialed his fingers over the bare skin of Erik’s chest. Trepidation filled him because they were so close now, a breath apart and he didn’t know what to say, or if he should. This was uncharted territory, and Erik’s heart was fluttering with fear and overriding his minds rationale, and as he looked at Charles, anticipation was succumbing him. He couldn’t stop looking at Charles’ intoxicating mouth, but from his frozen status in their current position, it would be up to Charles take the initiative… _again_ he thought.

It would be just another step the alpha would have to take for them, and he accepted this truth with a slight tang of shame. He didn’t even have the nerve to take a kiss from the man who was lying on him in his own bed… Erik was such a coward in all of this, yet it didn’t seem to matter to Charles. He was fearless in ways that Erik could never be, and was willing to overlook Erik’s flaws in his own pursuit of happiness, and Erik needed Charles to show him his bravado… he needed Charles to be selfish, and keep taking from him… and as he thought his Erik couldn’t help experiencing the perception of hurdling towards a precipice that he could never come back from.

Erik wet his lips as he gazed at that full pink mouth, and then looked into the alpha’s perceptive eyes, just as he began to speak, “So… you okay?” Charles asked in a hush, clearly meaning their position and disappointment consumed his mind.

“Yes.” He hushed, clutching the firm ridges of Charles’ back, and it must have been the tone of his voice, or the need in his eyes, but he saw an answering recognition in the alphas gaze.

“I’ll just…” Charles said the two words, and what preceded was like adding kindling to a flame. Charles closed the remaining distance between them, and it felt like he was surpassing that precipice, and tumbling over into a world he’d never dared to tread. Erik’s body was smothered by every inch of Charles’ hard muscle, as the intoxicating scent of alpha surrounded him, and he sucked in air helplessly he realize this was much more compromising then a kiss…

A dark passion consumed Charles’ blues, and Erik felt the hot presence of the alphas arousal digging into his thigh, and in relation his own was trapped between them and pressing into Charles’ hip, as his heart was fluttering frantically as he wondered suddenly what the hell he was doing… He’s lost his mind he considered, but it didn’t matter because Charles was leaning down and dropping his face in the crook of Erik’s neck and he didn’t even care what Charles did to him at this point, as long as he was here. Lips graze his skin as Charles kissed him softly, and all of his years of composure meant nothing to him when he was choking on a lifetime of repressed feelings that where trying to get out…

Squeezing his eyes shut like he was in pain, he trailed his hands over Charles’ back, and Erik struggled to accept that this was his… Having Charles kissing over his neck, as the rasp of his stubble caused Erik to shudder as anguish filled him from how good it felt, and he knew _anguish_ shouldn’t be equated in his response. Charles, he knew without a doubt wasn’t coiling with a conflicted stream of emotions as he scented Erik’s neck, and a sudden clarity struck him then: the alpha liberated Erik with his desire, and he wanted to give into that need and watch it grow, and flourish, become something unbreakable because he couldn’t lose Charles again. Erik couldn’t ignore Charles’ advances even if he wanted to, and Charles couldn’t stay away from him, and so it was as clear they were meant to be together. _Like we were destined to meet… like some ridiculous romance that everyone else apart from me might dream of…_

Charles was pulling away and he felt an overwhelming sensation of loss as his body wanted the alpha to stay near his glands. A stream of emphatic suggestions where forming in his mind telling him to do more, to take that step and let the alpha mate him, and Erik couldn’t let one iota of that scenario grow. It would be like moving at warp speed for him. He needed slow, and he needed this caring tactic that Charles was yielding like a subtle knife at his neck which he could not defend. He was utterly defeated as he looked up at Charles who was gazing down at him enigmatically, and he couldn’t move past how beautiful he appeared in Erik’s eyes. He adored looking at Charles, and that truth brought forth a stab of emotion through his chest, which was amplified as fingers grazed Erik’s cheek softly and Charles whispered, “Oh moons, you smell amazing Erik.”

Erik didn’t know what to say to a declaration like that, and he thought this would be a ridiculous statement coming from anyone else, but from Charles it was flawless. His mouth tugged into a broken grin from the pleasure that was bleeding within, and phrases where drifting through his mind he couldn’t voice… _Don’t stop telling me how much you need me, I’ll stay forever if you never stop…_ and it went without saying that Erik was irrepressibly lost in the moment as Charles’hand slid along the pillow and stopped, so he was running his fingers gently through Erik’s short cropped hair like he was some soft omega, and he gazed up at Charles knowing he was right.

Here with Charles, Erik was a different man, or perhaps a version of himself that was more genuine then he showed to the rest of the world, and Charles, he was the same that he’s always been which was everything that Erik was lacking in life. A soft touch, an alpha who wears his heart on his sleeve, and knows how to melt even the coldest of hearts, Erik’s heart… who brought them to this to this intimate moment through his fortitude alone, and is brave enough to tell Erik what he wants, like he can’t contain the words.   

“I want to be with you and, I know I messed up yesterday, but I hoped… that we could start to have this.” Charles confessed, as he trailed fingers over Erik’s temple, and Erik wasn’t surprised by Charles’ omission as he started creeping his hand up the solid back wanting to even up their position, needing to finally touch that soft hair. He lay there considering Charles’ declaration and he was irrationally afraid. But that was how he felt, he was terrified of this all. Being with an alpha and giving up his self-control, even when Charles’ words were exactly what he wanted to hear, and then of course Charles asked more of him, lacking all subtlety, “Will you have me over tonight for dinner?” He looked so hopeful, and Erik knew he had to loosen his tongue to assure Charles, as he felt a sensation like a virus moving through him, and he speculated it was the darkness from his solemn years alone were being transformed into something light, and he was choking on emotions.

Charles was waiting for an answer, as his bright blue’s gazed down at Erik, and they were so enchanting, like gazing at earth, their home. “I, yes I would like that.” Erik admitted in a whisper, and Charles gusted out a breath, and then grinned at Erik, appearing the epitome of relief as he tipped his head so it looked like he was grinning painfully, and trying to repress. It pained Erik to look at him like this. Charles was captivating, and Erik felt like the sight of him was a necessity now… He needed to have Charles in his sight at all times now: to wake up… and see his smile first thing in the morning, and then see him in the evening when it’s only them. Erik would like that.

“I swear if you said no, my hair was gonna start falling out…” Charles joked in relief, as he ran his fingers slowly through Erik’s hair in caress, as his own fingertips teased the nape of Charles’ neck, grazing his hair and that was slightly alien to him, having someone touch him in such a tender manner while attempting to return it. Erik just didn’t have painfully cute alpha admit to him loving sentiments, and admissions of longing while they caressed him in his bed, and this moment would be a precedent he would remember in years to come as Charles became very intense suddenly, and whispered to him: “I can’t stop wanting you… when I first saw you it was like, wow, I had to try at least, even if it might have ended badly… But I don’t know, can you really blame me when we’re here now?” He posed, and Erik looked away feeling his face burn.

Erik had to say it, because everything in his mind was telling him that Charles must be blind, that he was mistaken and he must not be talking about Erik who never thought an alpha would want him, and so he was forced to admit out of his burgeoning insecurities, “I don’t know why you felt that way… I… I really don’t know why any of this has happened. I think you’ve noticed that I’ve been hesitant to return your feeling… not that I didn’t want to… But this has been a very unexpected few months. I never expected for you to be this persistent...” He trailed off uncomfortably not knowing if he was insulting Charles, or giving him ideas. Erik feared of course that the alpha was going to contemplate his voiced insecurity, and then decide that he had made a mistake, and take everything back…

Erik filled with anxiety because Charles did appear to be contemplating Erik’s words, yet while he did this his hand trailed down and cupped his cheek, and Erik felt so bared … Charles could hurt him so deeply, and if the alpha took this away from him he would be crushed. Charles got behind Erik’s walls, and wreaked havoc on his heart. He knew somehow Charles wouldn’t do that, but the notion still frightened him…

He considered that maybe he didn’t have to be so afraid all the time, when Charles was shaking his head with conviction in his blues. “I guess I have been persistent… I’ve been told I’m obsessive at times, like with my career, but never like this Erik, not with omegas so that’s not what I’m trying to say… I just, if I really want something, I can’t stop myself. And when I saw you, I just knew… you’re so beautiful, and intelligent, and so commanding and for half a second I considered ignoring my feelings, but in my experience there’s a time when waiting isn’t an option. I just feel like after wasting so much time chasing after some future that I knew at the time I shouldn’t have, due to the simple truth that I didn’t want it. I just know that being with you is something I do want, and I had a lot of time to figure that out before I came here. I can’t let you get away Erik. I’m not young anymore, and I’m tired of how I was, trying to be something I’m not, when I just want a life like this...”

Erik knew Charles was in too deep if he was making these declarations, and he really didn’t know what to think, because for once all he could do was feel… It was that illness again he thought, making him want to bend to Charles’ will, this growing infatuation that was taking over his mind… and because of it he was willing to try for Charles… even if he did think he was very strange man for wanting to be with him. _He is completely insane… But what do I have to lose if I throw all of my cautions to the wind? All my fears..._ It was well known that the captain held no qualms with bedding available omegas on the ship, even his first in command. They had some form of a relationship that was supposed to be secret, yet the entire ship knew anyway, and no one cared. It had resolved and their worlds never fell apart… Actually if Erik thought about it, almost everyone was rumoured of sharing a bed a one point or another. Erik was the only person it appeared after his 10 year stint on the ship who hasn’t dabbled in available bed fellows… apart from Charles. That was why Erik couldn’t stall the words he was going to say, because what if Charles realized that once he had Erik he had made a mistake? And if he stayed on the ship and moved on, Erik knew he could never get over him.

“I… feel like you haven’t thought this through. You don’t even know me if you think about it, and you’ve appeared to base your decision around the mantra: carpe diem. I’m not exactly the kind of man who alphas are interested in. I will never act like an omega, or what people expect an omega to act like” Erik admitted, and it felt liberating to say the words, yet he couldn’t look at Charles as he spoke, because he was trying to turn him off… _If Charles is genuine then this won’t matter,_ he thought feeling terrified, “and if you expect me to act like that then you are perusing the wrong man, and I am your superior, at work I don’t appreciate behaviour that would undermine or, or show that I am weak --”

Erik startled in speech when Charles turned his face gently, and he was forced to look into heated eyes. They clung to his own with infatuation, and then without pretense Charles was leaning down and kissing him gently like he knew that Erik couldn’t take too much, and Erik melted. Sinking his hand into Charles’ thick hair, his body lit with passion as he savoured the kiss he’d craved every time they were together, yet before it deepened to something more Charles was pulling away with a lick to his own full lips, and when their eyes met Erik knew that the words _forever_ , and _Charles_ went together in his mind, like misplaced puzzle pieces finally falling into place.

Charles thumb brushed his cheek, and when he smiled it looked like a part of him was crumbling being here with Erik, “I want this Erik, I want you as you are, and you don’t have to consider that I want you to be different. Why would I be here if I wanted you to change, why would I do that?”

That part of Erik that was resisting Charles’ advances was already so weak and upon hearing the alphas words, it gave up its arms and laid down in infinite exhaustion. He couldn’t imagine that an alpha would want him with all his flaws. Erik was so hard that it was even portrayed in his features, yet still Charles wanted him - more than wants him, he was completely obsessed with Erik, and he couldn’t believe this, but he had to… Charles brushed his cheek softly, and then was leaning in again, and Erik let out a gasp of release as a certainty was stabbing through him at how much he wanted Charles. His heart was swelling in his chest, and rattling against his rubs, as he saw the dark desire in Charles’ eyes, before lashes fluttered closed, and Charles firmly kissed him.

Erik knew was undone, and he would have drifted apart if Charles wasn’t here, if he wasn’t kissed by the mouth had haunted him for months, and he suspected if he got a taste of the alphas tongue he might not make it out of his bed today… But that wasn’t Charles’ intention Erik decided as the alpha held his cheek, and drank over his mouth slowly, as he pressed soft kiss, after soft kiss against his lips, and Erik pressed into each one feeling desperate, but not able to do more than Charles directed. His hand moved through thick hair, and Erik moved his free hand to Charles’ waist, as he imagined groping that muscular ass, (another part of his anatomy that had taunted Erik for months) but he still couldn’t take that much…They entered into an endless stream of gentle kisses, as he felt his heart was throbbing in his throat, and his body was aching for more skin against his own, and it wasn’t fair that Charles had his shirt on. Due to that, the entirety of the moment was prefect and completely lacking all at the same time, along with the kiss: He waited for tongue to be introduced but it never came, and Erik was tempted to actually take something from Charles for once, but he didn’t get a chance when that soft mouth slid away.

Erik gasped for breath, as Charles kissed across his cheek, down his jaw to his neck, and then his neck was being nuzzled and whetted down with open mouth kisses and he thought, _this is just what an alpha would do_ … pay more attention to his glands when his mouth was waiting for more – He wouldn’t turn anything away though and dug his fingers into soft hair and a solid back, and gasped out in a shuddering breath as Charles raked his teeth over his skin, and _god_ , maybe he should take back his complain – This was worse than their kiss he realized, because with that raking of his teeth, sparks of pleasure where shooting from the area, and his cock was throbbing under a hot alpha – then the damn computer went off again declaring:

“It’s 6:30, it’s 630, time to get up, time to get up,”                             

“Off - end further alarms.” Erik croaked silencing his multiple wake up calls, and he had to lick his lips his mouth was so wet from his arousal, but he knew he had to get up, though his mind didn’t agree. It was telling him Charles was more important than work and he should let the alpha have his way while they were in his bed, and both clearly needing one other...

Sparks were coming from the spot where Charles was panting against his skin, and Erik stroked his hand through the alpha’s hair, and marvelled at how soft it was, and how right it felt to have Charles resting against his chest like they both didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world… Everything was colliding suddenly as his pain, and fear from yesterday was reminding him what it would be like it Charles left him, and he had to let Charles know that he had a place here with Erik. That he might be terrified, but he was willing to try for the sake of being happy for once in his goddamn life, and Erik couldn’t hold back his words when they had a whole day ahead of them, “I want you… Charles.” Erik whispered closing his eyes, “So don’t doubt this is real.” He finished like he was speaking to himself, and not Charles.

Erik opened his eyes as Charles pulled away, and looked up at him under his lashes with profound affection in his eyes. There was so much hope in his gaze, like Erik’s just agreed to share his heat, and the alpha was experiencing those emotions that fill you when you look at the target of your affections giving you all that you’ve dreampt they could… He knew what that expression looked like on a person’s face who was in the grips of a profound infatuation; he’s seen it before on strangers faces, never his own of course. For him, he only ever saw grief when he looked in the mirror.

Erik didn’t know if it was twisted that he needed to see that look on Charles’ face for this all to happen, but it was true, he needed to have those eyes cast on him with this infatuation because Charles was the one for him. _This is it…_ he thought almost ominously, as Charles’ thumb brushed Erik’s cheek tenderly, like he couldn’t stop touching him, “And you’ll spend the evening with me tonight, huh? And tomorrow, if you want… we can go slow, it’s just… I’m tired of thinking about you at night Erik. You’ve tormented me since the first night I went to your room and you were in heat. Since then you’ve been all I can think about.” He confessed, as he shifted his body away from Erik’s so he was resting on his arm, and he wondered what Charles was doing.

Erik’s whole body was bereft of his presence, and there was one spot in particular that was the missing the heat most. He didn’t feel Charles’ throbbing pleasure burning into his groin, and he thought that perhaps Charles imagined he would scare Erik with his clear need. _Maybe he’s trying to be a gentlemen…_ He mused, and then concluded, _well now isn’t the time for that._ Erik was not afraid of Charles’ passion, no he was afraid of his own, and he was spurred on as disgust filled him at his own submissiveness. _Hell with fear_ , he thought as Erik untangled his hand from Charles’ hair, and placed both hands on Charles’ back firmly, and the pulled his solid body back down so he was smothering Erik again – but he didn’t stop there, he wanted so much more.

Rolling, Erik urged Charles to move, and he went without resistance as surprise came over his face. _God he feels amazing under my command,_ drifted through Erik’s mind, as he rested on the toned, yet still comfortable surface, while musing that he’d lucked out because Charles was such a strong alpha, so buff… This detail was only important if he was the sort of omega who desired that in a mate, and he guessed he was, because Charles’ body was a constant distraction… The sight of him out of his uniform, and wrapped up in whatever skin tight article he chose to wear had consistently caused sweat to breakout over his skin in desire, yet it was only a fraction of the hunger he was experiencing in this moment as he rested over the alpha…

Erik slid his leg over Charles’ and pressed their chest’s together, which allowed his groin to dig into Charles’, and he felt a matching burning presence align with his own in those thin white thermal bottoms. Those blue eyes smoldered with excitement, as bright lips curled with approval, and he hoped he’d finally shocked Charles, as he felt satisfaction for finally taking the initiative. Sliding his fingers across the alphas stubble dusted cheek, he mimicked Charles’ position from a moment ago so he was caressing that head of full hair, and it was like months of yearning for something he knew would never be his, finally coming to fruition. Charles lying over him felt amazing, and Erik knew he could literally stay for an entire day in bed with Charles crushing him into his mattress, but this was him finally taking, and that was the difference.

Hands moved over Erik’s lean back, and he responded finally in a whisper that sounded so alien to him, “I think we can work something out… Tonight you can stay, but after…” Erik hesitated, and Charles’ lips stretch into a smirk that kept growing, and then he grumbled finishing Erik’s sentence for him, because he was so damn sure of himself:

“I’ll stay over after tonight because you want me to, and you can’t stop thinking of me either?” and Erik bent then as his heart seconded that statement, and he smothered Charles’ mouth while squeezing his eyes shut. He knew he couldn’t tell Charles _no_ , because he was right…

They fell into an endless stream of kisses, that still weren’t enough, but it was clear both their passions were growing, as each kiss was getting firmer against his lips, and he didn’t know why they were kissing like this when both of them clearly wanted more… By the feeling of Charles’ burning pleasure against his hip, and his own that was aching, they were both holding back. He knew that was wise, and would have been his own recommendation, but he felt so needy for the alpha, and wanted to taste Charles’ mouth desperately. He needed it to tie him over for tonight... Erik didn’t know precisely what was going to happen, but he wouldn’t resist a repeat of their current position, but with the difference of nothing in the way to hinder their pleasure. He needed to see Charles’ body, and as that certainty entered his mind Charles was ending the kiss, and he almost groaned in frustration as lips trailed over his jaw. God, did Charles even realize how much Erik wanted him? And somehow that became an enlightening thought that brought him to a whole other topic...

It might have been a strange correlation of mental discourse, but he had to discuss Charles’ actions in his office, and he couldn’t wait. Even remembering yesterday brought a pang to his heart. Erik had suffered so deeply from his own insecurity after Charles left and he didn’t want to go through that again. How was he to know that Charles wasn’t serious about his anger? He had no clue that Charles could become so worked up about an issue that he would say things to Erik he didn’t mean, words that had broken his heart the moment they slipped out. Even if Erik tried valiantly to act as though he had no emotions, they were there and more easily hurt then a normal person’s who didn’t masquerade as an emotionless machine all the time…

“Charles,” Erik said hesitantly as he pulled his face from lips, and he noted how flushed the alphas face was already just from kissing. The change to his pale skin caused his eyes to become even more vibrant and Erik had to harbour his composure... Charles was so radiant, and looking at him caused all of his Erik’s focus to evaporate, but he had to press on, for them he thought.

“Yes?” Charles hushed quietly while his arms adjusted around Erik’s back, hugging him closer and Erik tried to view that as positive when he was filling with apprehension.

“I wanted to discuss what happened yesterday...” Erik started, and a shadow filled Charles’ gaze. Letting out a small sigh, he nodded his head slowly like it was time to own up to his sins, and Erik didn’t want that. He wasn’t going to chastise Charles for what happened, not right now while they were in bed – But he was forced to hold his tongue when Charles began to state his case:

“Alright… I know I messed up with you, and with Logan, but I guess saying I’m sorry isn’t enough when I acted like a mental case. It’s… something that happens when I get worked up. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I go from zero to a hundred in a matter of minutes, and it’s not good. It adds to my heart issues, and I know I’m in a better place now then I was before I left Xaxxel… but I… I can’t change who I am, only my situation.” Was explained remorsefully, like Charles had to apologize for the man he is.

Charles didn’t have to do that, not to him. He understood better than anyone that the alpha was guided by his heart, and all that came to his mind as Charles spoke, was how honest and caring he’s been this entire time, and he began to remembered every instance that the alpha went out of the way to put Erik first, and he couldn’t believe he’d been so blind. It wasn’t until these last two days that he grasped that Charles was trying to be his alpha – _actually_ trying to be his alpha, and Erik had ignored that possibility could exist… Because of his he had been incredibly insensitive, while Charles had been trying so hard to bring them to this place that they both wanted to be, and he deserved some consideration. And with his aforementioned heart condition, Erik felt like Charles was more delicate then he let on, and Erik needed to protect him from himself…  

“I accepted your apology earlier Charles…” Erik started, and he ran his fingers over Charles’ jaw, while thinking that he was so perfectly flawed, and that he was right, Charles just needs someone to watch over him so he didn’t falter like the archetypical fallen angel… Though perhaps it was too late, Charles had already fallen into his life, and Erik couldn’t believe these thoughts were entering his mind… “That’s not what I’m worried about. I wanted to ask you to do something for me, but I needed to know first, how is your heart? Did you feel it yesterday when you were upset? Where you in pain at any point? I’d like you tell me.” Erik could hear the concern in his tone, but he needed to know that Charles was well. He fanned his fingers, cupping Charles’ cheek while he was filled with pain from the scenario of Charles collapsing from his weak heart like he had on the Xaxxel. Erik would be afflicted to the bone with fear, and he just hoped the day would never come.

Closing his eyes, Charles rested against Erik’s palm while sighing, and he looked like a man with a heavy burden on his shoulders, yet when he opened his eyes gratitude was read in his delicate blues, “My heart was fine Erik. I didn’t feel any physical pain, but I did hurt because of how I left you like that in your office, when I all I wanted to do was be with you… Thank you for caring for me, that’s all I want...” He whispered, and Erik couldn’t contain his reaction as his heart swelled in his chest, bursting forth with adoration, and then he was pulling Charles down for a much needed kiss.

Relief swirled around his mind as Charles’ hands groped over back possessively, and then the dam finally broke as he was flooded with a cascade of torrid desire. Charles’ lips parted, and Erik met the wet tongue that was licking into his mouth and Erik could say Charles tasted like he thought he would: utterly irresistible. Shivers of arousal throbbed painfully through him, and Charles was licking between his lips deeper, and then a gust left the alpha as he tore is mouth away and he was looking up at Erik with possessed eyes. Erik only had a moment to comprehend what was happening before arms tightened like straps of warm muscle around his back, and then their position was being altered with a heave from Charles’ body, and then he was trapping Erik against the mattress and it so right.

Erik dug his fingers into that muscular back and slid them up so he was grasping handful of that thick, and silken hair, and then his mouth was taken again as his desperation was ebbing away, and then replaced by an incinerating passion. Some much needed courage filled him as he tangled them up, looping his leg over Charles hip, and he heard the small growl came from the alpha, and it was more than Erik had imagined – more perfect, and _hot_. All Erik could comprehend was that Charles’ mouth was wet, and delicious, and he’d known it would be like this, and then all speculation fled as Charles ground against him slowly, and Erik’s whole body quaked with need. A moan of pleasure came from the back of _his_ throat this time yet he lacked dismay, as Charles sucked in his tongue, kissing him insatiably like he wanted to eat Erik, and he knew he would take from Charles _everything_ he could in the time they had, and Charles clearly shared need. His hand moved, and wedged itself under Erik’s hip so he was holding them together like Erik would try to get away, as his other restlessly moved through Erik’s hair, and he might have thought it was unwise to let Charles grind him into the bed but he couldn’t think, let alone entertain ending this passion before he got his fill.

They kept going like this in this intimate pocket of time they owned, sucking, and tangling tongues as they rocked together in a dance of hips, and hands, and Erik’s mind was being splashed with red and he was cherishing the sensations of being with Charles, because he needed him carnally to feel right somehow. He was all that Erik could think about since he couldn’t recall, but his need for the alpha reached the point that he yearned to have Charles physically, as much as he needed to see him every day. The weight of his body, and the scent of his musk would be his now, so he could think about this moment if he lost everything, even if it killed him… Charles was like a brand on his senses and his skin, that he never wanted to fade, and everything was blurring as they kept kissing wildly, and Charles was pulling him by his behind that he was cupping, pulling Erik tighter against his groin, so the drag of his cock felt almost genuine as it burned through the flimsy material of his silk bottoms. His passion peaked and Erik was felt like he was going to cum so suddenly that he tore his mouth away from Charles’, and then gasped out harshly as his whole body burned, “We can’t start…”

The body grinding into his stalled much to Erik’s relief, but Charles was licking his red mouth as he puffed breathes while looking into Erik’s eyes with his barely contained desire, and it was so hard for Erik to not lick across those lips he’d yearned for so long to taste. The words that followed, rasped from Charles’ didn’t help either, “I, I couldn’t stop if we did, having you…” he hesitated, and Erik watched as dark eyes tracked over his face in hurried flicks, “ _God_ , I’ve wanted you so bad, you have no idea. This is more than I ever imagined.” Charles whispered as his teeth grit in apparent pain, or lust and Erik felt his whole body flaming up. He was aching for more, yet it filtered through his mind in the self-conscious way he solely seemed to own, because Charles’ words he would never equate referring to him. He knew that Charles wasn’t lying though, how could he be when he felt the burning cock snug next to his own, throbbing with the alphas heartbeat, and Erik was aching for Charles even more from hearing him admit those words.

“I… I, yes…” Erik said nervously, not able to get out anymore while feeling like am unintelligible fool, and that brought a sudden grin to Charles’ lips as he gusted out a breath of amusement.

Before his anger swelled from Charles’ clear amusement at his lack of eloquence when it came to intimate moments such as these, Charles was telling Erik in a soft voice that spoke of affection and longing, “Yeah, I can’t wait until it can just be us, and we don’t have to work… but you know you can tell me anything Erik. I know this is new for you, and it is for me in a way, even when I was pushing for this between us… more then I should of, but I just knew that you wanted me… But what I’m saying is that you can be _you_ with me. Don’t worry about nothing else: who you are on the ship, it doesn’t matter here.” Conviction was written in his eyes, and Erik was trying to hold it together as Charles continued, “You know because I want you. I know it won’t happen overnight, but just know that I’m not going anywhere cause I finally got you, and I’m not gonna give you up.” He felt his eyes burning again as he felt raw suddenly, and he hated how Charles could do this to him...  break him down and make him feel so much…

“Oh…” Was all he croaked, before Charles was leaning down and taking his mouth tenderly, and Erik slid back into a world where he didn’t have to worry about what was looming outside his door, because Charles had said so right…

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to convince himself that this was normal. Charles was plunging into this with both feet, and Erik was so mystified that he had this pull over the other man… but it went both ways, though not to such drastic state of abandon. Erik still wasn’t so bold to make such confession of the heat, and he was honestly startled by Charles’ words. He was making a commitment by stating he was willing to wait for Erik to feel the same level of comfort in this affair, and he didn’t know how Charles could know him like this, like Erik was an open book, when he always thought his pages were nailed shut. He fought the urge to cry as Charles’ tongue tangled with his, and he was being kissed so sweetly that Erik was simultaneously drowning, and riding on a wave of lust all in the same moment, and he knew it was likely that he might just get torn up a little in this process of exposing his heart to Charles. He’d been alone for so long it would take some prying to open him up, and Charles was smart to wait for him. Erik didn’t know how long it might take him to be on the same level.

Erik’s mouth was abandoned after a delicious stream kisses that were unlike anything he had allowed from a partner in the past, and then Charles was kissing over his jaw as Erik clutched him like a lifeline when he began licking down his neck. A muffled moan drifted from his lips when Charles began lapping over his sensitive glands where he might be claimed, and as it had been the entire morning Erik’s desire for Charles to do just that was tangible, yet completely inconceivable. Reality was clawing at the door, and reminding him that there was a whole world waiting for them where it was established that Erik didn’t fall for alphas like this, or experience enough feeling to make up for a lifetime of suppressed longing… it didn’t matter what Charles said, he couldn’t change that fast. But that didn’t mean he could deny that he needed this as he fisted Charles’ hair, as the rasp of his beard rubbed against the sensitive skin, along with that silken tongue, and the graze of teeth was enough to get him there again, back at that tipping point of release – because god this was what Erik had fantasied about for days after seeing Charles so scruffy and _edible_.

“Charl…” Was all Erik could get out, when he was still unable to be so bold, yet he couldn’t help his reaction. Every pass of the alphas tongues was echoed in his swollen girth, and Erik could feel how large Charles’ arousal was snug next to his own. Due to his thin and tight thermal bottoms, it was too easy for Erik to fantasize that there was no fabric between them, and he was so excited that his behind was wet, and aching for an alphas intrusion... and this brought him to a state of unrivalled passion thus far. A scandalized sensation mixed with his hunger from his wet state, yet the reality that Charles would gladly take him burned through his mind, and he was left him feeling ragged around the edges.  Thankfully Charles was dragging his lips back up his neck and leaving that sensitive flesh alone, yet he decided it was time to begin grinding against Erik and it was hard to shut down his desire when Charles felt so _thick_. He could only imagine how delirious it would feel… getting that knot in him… and that was the worst thing he could have imagined at this moment. Erik was left struggling to clamp down on his bodies greedy demand for pleasure, but it was becoming just so damn hard…  

Charles kept going and kissed over his jaw, and then pulled away thankfully and stalled his hips and Erik felt like he could finally breathe. He opened his eyes as he curled against the alpha, who was watching with an expression of admiration that he’s never seen before on another alphas face. “Look at you…” Charles breathed, and Erik didn’t know why he was saying that to him… _Is there something wrong with me?_ He thought as his heart spiked with apprehension, but then Charles was leaning down with eyes that were brimming with unspoken words of affection and Erik realized that Charles was… so very lost on him, and experiencing feeling that Erik wasn’t comfortable naming this early on in their courting… _How can he want me this much? How can he look at me like he loves me, when I’ve given him no reason to?_ Erik thought in pain that was caused from his tangled feeling of apprehension, and hope, yet it didn’t matter suddenly as Charles was covering his mouth tenderly again, and breathing life back into his cold soul that had lived too many years encased in misery.

He felt his eyes watering as they had last night, and Erik remembered how all this began, and when Charles was pulling away to admire him again he could only assume, he placed his hand against the alphas chest and then Erik choked out before Charles could steel his breath again:

“Charles… I wanted to talk to you, remember?” He said, and Charles mindlessly nodded his head as lust clouded his gaze, and Erik went on needing to have his say before he got side tracked by Charles’ mouth… “What I wanted to talk to you about, was how you left me in my office. I know you’re sorry,” He explained as he carded his fingers through Charles’ hair, and wished that yesterday had ended like this, “and I accept that you were upset because of the circumstances, but I need you to promise me one thing?”

“Yes?” Charles whispered, and Erik told him the one thing that he couldn’t allow again, that had caused him to fall apart completely when Erik didn’t think he held the capacity to lose his compose so utterly and completely. But it did happen nevertheless when he thought that Charles had abandoned him for good:

“You have to promise that you’ll never leave my office like you did yesterday again, if where going to be… together. And I don’t mean in anger, you aren’t the first officer to leave my officer in anger, and you won’t be the last, but how you left. I… I thought that you were done with me, you said that you were, and in your state I assumed well… that you no longer wanted pursue a…” Erik trailed off not knowing what to call what they had developing between them, at least out loud.

Charles was watching him with palpable guilt across his face: in the curve of his mouth, and his bright eyes, and then he breathes out a word Erik hadn’t been expecting, “Relationship... that’s what I want at least, why I’m here with you. I couldn’t end this Erik, so don’t think that. I might be an idiot, but only when it comes to my career… I’m loyal, and you don’t have to worry about me. I was loyal years ago…I never cheated, even when I was away for months. I’m just not like that…” Charles assured him as he shook his head, and trailed his hand over Erik’s hip to his hand, and then laced their fingers together… Erik bit his lip, and felt his heart swelling with a distressed sensation. He wished Charles wouldn’t talk like this because it was too much, and he was falling apart as Charles cradled his face gently while squeezing their fingers together. Nothing had ever been this terrifying for him and he wanted Charles to slow down… He knew without a doubt a younger version of himself would have kicked Charles out of his bed, but Erik was old, and weak, and he needed this as much as it filled him with fear.

“Oh…I didn’t think about that, but that’s natural, having a…” He still trailed off, and felt frustrated at his own inability to express himself, but Charles was just so damn perfect, and eloquent, and went on like Erik’s hesitance didn’t matter.

“Relationship.” Charles was whispering to him seriously, and then he told Erik: “And think of me like, well like a dog, just like your first in command calls me,” He said grinning, “and I guess it’s true. If that’s not what you want then you have to tell me because I can’t help it... and if ever I mess up like that again, remind me of this moment, remind me of what I did in your office, and… keep me in line.” He told Erik, and he was left startled by Charles’ words.

“You want me to keep you in line?” Was all Erik could think of saying, as he was filling with guilt because Charles had known somehow that all along Azazel poked fun at him, but he left that line of questioning go because Charles was nodding as he gazed Erik down so fondly that he was beginning to realize that this man was in fact an oddity, and it wasn’t just Erik’s insecurities twisting the truth.

“Yes, and you should if I’m gonna act like an idiot. Actually… that’s one of the reason why I liked you right away. I saw you, and it was hard to stand there and not think some seriously inappropriate thoughts about my new superior. You are so commanding, and sexy, and I like that… mmm so much.” Charles breathed softly, with an amorous grin in place like he was recounting their love story, and Erik supposed it was… If he was the sort of man who could be loved.

“I… I guess I can do that, and I liked you…” Erik admitted through his teeth blundering the sentiment. He knew that he had to stop this, this self-effacing awkwardness. He suddenly had the notion that he might turn Charles off if he didn’t return his affection with confidence, even if it pained him. He had to let Charles know that he was needed, that as an omega, he needed Charles to be his alpha, yet saying that was the hardest part of this all, because Erik had never needed an alpha before in his adult life... let alone a relationship.

“I was having my heat, and when you walked into my office… it was like torture.” Erik said stiffly, but Charles’ response was worth it. He began to laugh in a light and delighted manner, as he leaned down and kissed Erik’s lips with a sweet grin on his mouth, and he should off known this would be the consolation for voicing any inner thought. Finally relaxing, he kissed Charles back, and pondered that this must be one of Charles’ greatest strength… putting Erik at ease.

“That bad huh?” Charles finally asked smugly, hovering with their lips so close together, and Erik huffed out a laugh, and got another kiss for his trouble.

“Yes… pure torture.” Erik affirmed before Charles was kissing him again like he couldn’t get enough.

Erik wondered then, as he remembered Charles’ surprise when he’d caught Erik on that first day of their acquaintance and he saw the realization of his heat come over the alpha’s face – he needed to know if Charles was aware of sexuality before that crucial moment. He had assumed that Charles hadn’t known that he was an omega up until that point, and if he in fact hadn’t known, then Charles’ statement about his feelings in Erik’s office made no sense. He needed to know the truth… “But did you know when you walked into my office that I’m an omega? Or was it later… I just wonder because I don’t usual have admirers… actually never.” Erik said bluntly, and then felt his face creasing in strain from his admittance, and he considered that he shouldn’t have shared that detail because it made him look… undesirable.

Charles’ face twisted with aversion, as he was clearly unimpressed by the question, “Yeah of course I knew at the time that you’re an omega. I have a nose don’t I, and eyes? I just didn’t know you were in heat until later… And you know Erik, you are… god, you’re so beautiful, you have such pretty eyes, it’s hard to focus when I’m with you.” Charles whispered so reverently, that Erik couldn’t have questioned his sincerity even if he wanted to. “You have admirers, trust me. Just… no one’s brave enough to try. You are intimidating, but so strong, and commanding, and beautiful… I might have not even tried to court you if I didn’t know you were interested.” Charles explained with a knowing grin, and that statement Erik didn’t understand. How did Charles know this information? Erik hadn’t made his feelings known. He’d full out resisted Charles’ advances in the beginning, going as far to be cold, and critical at times to Charles when he was trying his best to win Erik over.

“How did you know that I was interested? You’ve stated this before, and I don’t recall ever showing my interest for you to start pursuing me. I feel like you kept trying… and well, here we are.” Erik said bluntly, and Charles gave him a slight look of disbelief, like Erik had confessed his feelings in some alternate timeline, and that had been his cue to work at Erik’s will until it crumbled completely.

“I thought it was pretty clear, but I guess you weren’t thinking straight at time being in heat.” Charles rationalized, but then his tone dropped to a sensual pitch as he relayed his experience that night, and Erik was brought back to that erotic moment… “When you let me into your room you were pretty obvious what you wanted from me even when you were resisting it, and when I scented you – when you let me scent you, and showed me your neck that was, _mmm_ so creamy and unscarred, I was thinking, ‘he wants me’, and we both wanted it right? But I can’t take what’s not mine, so I left…” Charles wet his lips after he breathed this out, and a shuddered ran through Erik’s body just when the alpha began grinding against him slowly, and it was clear this was a hot topic for both of them. Charles’ eyes were hooded lustfully and he slid his fingers under Erik’s head so he was cradling him, and then he pressed their laced fingers against the sheets, and whispered, “But after that I knew I had a chance, so I took it. I’d av’ been a fool not to...” as he leaned down and slid his tongue into Erik’s mouth.

Charles was right he thought as he pressed into the kiss, and gave into the slow and sensual rhythm they’d established. The truth drift through his mind as he clung to Charles’ back that if he hadn’t been on represents the alpha would have gotten his way… Erik hadn’t met a more tempting specimens of alpha perfection up until that point, and his body had let him know that fact, as he’d felt an overpowering desire to get those strong genes inside him…

“I didn’t think well… that counted.” Erik gasped inanely when he had the chance. He felt like he needed to explain why he hadn’t read the encounter as a sign for them to start courting, regardless if it was obvious he wasn’t prepared for a relationship, or even a fling at that point. Even now he didn’t know if he felt comfortable with the title. It meant… more than Erik has ever been prepared to share with an alpha, and that might be hypocritical of him to dwell on while he was in Charles’ arms, but he was a very different person then the alpha who’s stolen a portion of his heart. Charles didn’t share his hang ups, and deemed every moment between them as significant as far as he could tell, like he’s planned since day one to have Erik like this, which was an unnerving thought… Erik tried not to dwell on such a daunting topic for fear of becoming overwhelmed, but Charles proved a breath later that months ago he’d read so much more into their encounter then Erik could have imagined.

The body over his stalled, and Erik’s eyes were held with an uncompromising stare that betrayed how bothered Charles was by his comment. “Really… would you have let _just_ any alpha come near you that night, and scent your neck?”

The answer was a simple one: Erik knew without a doubt that another alpha wouldn’t have gotten past the threshold of his quarters, and even his fear of commitment couldn’t have changed that fact. Charles had been so tempting Erik was helpless to let him, and used the guise of questioning his presence on the ship as an excuse. He’d needed to be closer to the new alpha who smelled so intoxicating, it was as though his scent was catered to Erik alone, and so he was obliged to show his neck to Charles.

“No… you’re right. I wanted you Charles the moment you walked into my office.” Erik whispered, and Charles’ grin was enough for him to abandon his insecurities, and so he whispered in an intimate tone, “You’re… so handsome, I’ve never seen another alpha as tempting as you, and I don’t think I will again. I’ve never felt like this from just meeting someone…” He forced out through his teeth, and he felt his body straining against the delicious weight of an alpha as his mind was telling him he was sharing too much – but he needed Charles to know that he was completely enthralled by his presence. He embodied everything that Erik found appealing in an alpha, and his personality just sealed their fate…

Charles’ expression shifted from his grin, and he looked gutted for a moment but not from pain, from gratitude. Erik was filled with a modicum guilt as he looked at the alpha. He was so quiet about his feeling that Charles had been chasing after him on instinct alone, and even now in such a precious moment Erik was struggling to open up, and he knew they couldn’t keep going like this. Charles deserved more, he needed to know that he was wanted, and that certainty grew as the alpha sighed out as a small sound that caught in his throat, right before he whispered: “You really mean that?”

Erik nodded against the pillow, and parted with some words from the depths of his soul, “I do… I need you.” and then he pulled Charles to his mouth by the firm grip of his hair, and the alpha went crushing their lips together like he knew Erik was his. Tangling up their flesh and sucking Erik’s tongue into his mouth, another small growl came from the alphas throat, and then whole moment became sweltering hot suddenly like Erik expected anything else. Charles ground against him pinning him to the bed, and sweet confessions drifted through Erik’s head: that reminder of his heat – when this all began in his quarters, and then back to Erik’s first sight of Charles, and how they’d both been hungry for more upon first glimpse of one another. But the one moment that had him replaying the most, as his lascivious mind reminded how much he’d needed a strong alpha in his bed, was when he’d shown Charles his throat, and the alpha had moved in and taken liberties, and Erik wished deep down he’d never resisted. Charles had scented him, and everything inside he remembered was screaming for Erik to give in and finally let himself be taken, and he was so far gone now as he sucked on Charles’ tongue, that a painful surge of arousal shudder through him. His thighs were quivering, and his womb was wetting… preparing him for entry... His silk pyjama bottoms were left soaked, but he couldn’t help it as Charles’ words continued to echo… _‘We both wanted it’_ , and that was undeniable, when right now they were both struggling with the need to rut, _bad_. Those months of sexual tension had accumulated to Erik needing all of Charles, and he groped a hand over Charles’ back, and massaged his toned ass, and he felt _exquisite_. Erik groaned from the feeling – god it was so firm – pure muscle under his palm, and he didn’t care what sounds were leaving him when everything felt this perfect.

Charles surged against him then, pulling his hand from Erik’s hair, and then was jerking his thigh up suddenly so his heel was resting on Charles’ back, and they were left mimicking a rut. Erik knew he was liable to release between them if this went on, as Charles was groping his ass, and the alphas hand was so close to his womb it was almost too much for him. He’d been ignoring his need for months, and he was so sensitive that his control was compromised to the point, that he could hear his muffled moans of pleasure being released into Charles’ mouth, as a hot and damp cock slid next to his own needy problem–

Charles thankfully was the one to pull away, as he tore his mouth from Erik’s and then groaned, “I have to stop, or I’m gonna...” He stalled his words, and then dropped his face to Erik’s neck where he started to scent him urgently, and Erik finished the fragmented statement in his mind: _I’m going to cum –_ because Erik had been right there with him.

Charles began to run his hands over Erik’s body like he needed to replace the contact of their kiss in any way he could, and this wasn’t helping – “Charles…” He groaned, and his whole body was quivering as Charles bathed his skin – Erik’s nipples were rock hard, and his cock was dribbling, and he was leaking in anticipation, “We can’t…” He relented, and with that, Charles stopped his effort on his throat and lay there panting against his skin, but that was just as bad... Too many ideas were filling his head and he caved the sensation of teeth biting into his flesh.

Squirming away, Erik urged Charles off his body gently with his hands on ribs, and the muscular weight rolled off obediently. Erik squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to clear his mind, but his hunger was wild and clawing at its cage. It was starving for an alpha, as his womb was throbbing persistently, and he didn’t expect his morning could get _this_ out of hand.

“Hey, I’m sorry.” Charles whispered in a concerned pant, and a hand was soothing down his arm gently, and Erik looked over and he grinned at how sweet Charles always is. _He’s as sweet as he is pushy._

Rolling to his side, he settled his hand on Charles chest as his laboured breaths caused his breast to rise and fall under his palm, “We have work, and… I’d much rather continue this discussion tonight when we have the time to… talk.” He confessed as his face, – well his whole body burned, and Charles’ expression became positively wicked.

“Oh we will, we’ll have all night to _talk_.” Charles agreed, emphasizing ‘talk’, predictably as he rested his hand on Erik’s hip, and he would have rolled his eyes if his cock wasn’t throbbing at the notion.

“Yes. I suppose so.” He answered quietly, but Charles didn't have the capacity to be quite so demure.

Fingers crept up Erik’s hip, and then Charles exhaled on a sultry grin as his eyes blazed with desire, and Erik thought he was past the point of being shocked by Charles, but he was wrong –

“No you say: yes I can’t wait to talk tonight Charles, I’ve wanting to talk since you first asked me over. And I say: I’m going to talk your ear off all night long until you’re begging me to stop, because you can’t take conversation _this_ bloody good.” Charles practically growled, sounding more English then Erik could remember.

His eyes shot wide at Charles’ strange innuendo that frankly had him more wet then he was a minute ago, and a startled breath left him as Charles’ hand slid over his hip, and then stopped on his behind where his pyjamas were soaked. A ravenous look of desire flit over Charles’ eyes, and Erik dug his fingers into that solid chest he was caressing, as lust flooded him. “Yes, to, tonight, I can’t wait to talk tonight, Charles.” Erik faltered in a strained tone, and that hand resting on his behind began to grope him, and Erik’s mouth was left hanging open.  

Charles was still shocking him it appeared every step of the way, but it was due to his abstinence: Charles was the first alpha to touch him like this; that he’d allowed to touch him like this since the last one he’d drunkenly tumbled into bed with while on leave almost 10 years ago, and he had to relearn it almost felt what an alpha was like – how bold they could be when they wanted you, yet none had ever wanted him as much as Charles... His feelings were intense, and Erik might have balked in the face of this passion, yet the device that Charles was yielding his need through made it easier for him to accept his intention that Charles was clearly going to… rut Erik all night with no exceptions… or he hoped… _To make up for lost time…_ he thought, and Erik didn’t think he could get more excited and anxious all in the same moment.

“That’s good.” Charles growled while biting his lip like he was in pain, and Erik suspected he might just be, the amount that they were resisting what their bodies were demanding. There was no question Erik was experiencing that pain, and he knew it was going to be torture to be near Charles’ intoxicating form all day – with the knowledge that this time around, while Charles was teasing him, and tempting him, and doing everything to break his composure, that Erik was allowed to touch, and kiss, and give in completely to what he’s been resisting since day one. This was the beginning of his struggle he felt, because when Charles heaved himself out of his bed with a smirk on lips, and a final grope to his behind, Erik wanted to pull him back into his arms and lick that smirk right off his lips, and show Charles that he was serious about changing his whole life around for an alpha.

Charles strut away, and Erik was left feeling very strange about this all… It was the first time he wasn’t in charge of the situation, and it got worse when Charles stopped at the base of the bed, and Erik watched as he brought his hand, the one that he’d been groping Erik’s behind with to his mouth, and then ran his fingers over his lips... “I’m going to use your washroom?” He asked quietly and Erik found it hard to focus, when his eyes kept drifting to the straining arousal in those tight pants, and all over Charles’ body. He kept thinking that Charles was going to start licking his fingers, and he… he wanted them inside of him.        

“Alright… I’ll just…” Erik mumbled as his mind burned, and as soon as Charles was out of the room, he rolled onto his back and sighed while looking up at the white ceiling. He might as well have staring into space for all he saw; his mind was racing a million miles a second, yet was so clouded by his arousal that all he could focus on was the scent of alpha in his bed, and on his skin, and the feeling that something amazing was on the horizon.

Erik rolled onto the side of the bed where Charles had just been, and scented him on his sheets, and it felt like his chest cavity didn’t have the capacity to contain all of the feelings that where swelling inside of him.

 _Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, even if you’re scared to be seen in the light of day because you feel as though you’ll never be the same, and it will be so blatant on your face that everyone will know you’ve finally given into an alpha, it doesn’t matter, because you need this…_ Erik told himself as he felt his anxiety rising, but a surfacing memory helped to mute his apprehension and he was thankful for it. He recalled a pathetic moment he’d experienced, and he logged it under reasons for his surrender: Him wishing he could be what Charles wanted in an omega while he was still thinking they could never become lovers… and Erik realized now that he didn’t have to do anything to become that fantasy, because he was already that imagined omega. He’d feared for years he’d have to change who he was to be with an alpha, that he’d have to give up his control, and his strength and his pride, but Charles had no pride like other alphas he’d encountered, and only an open heart…

Erik’s surrender brought him clarity, and he could see now that this whole time Charles had been doing just that – he’d been trying to be who Erik wants, and doing everything to get him to see it. Erik had just been too blind… but he wasn’t blind any longer. He had to accept what Charles was offering him, it was as simple as that… but it wasn’t for him, nothing has ever been, and that was the main element that was holding back their _relationship_ , as Charles so easily called it. Erik was ashamed of who he is, ashamed to be an omega, and so because of that he’d locked that part of himself away years ago… the desires of an omega. He once thought it made him weak to want an alphas companionship for longer than a night, but he knew now that he wasn’t weaker for wanting Charles, he was just human and needing companionship, and intimacy was what he was hard wired too crave… and Charles made Erik so damn happy, he never knew he could feel like this way...  That warmth could spread through his chest from the thought of another human being, or his mind could lose all sense of focus or intelligence at the sight of an alpha, yet no other alpha he’s ever met has been like Charles. Erik never thought that he’d lose all his standards due to one alpha, but it was happening and there was no stopping his downward spiral.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think? :)


	17. welcome to the poseidon - Charles' POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback. Charles' POV. Teaser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i'm finallyyyy updating. Took me long enough.
> 
> At the beginning of every chapter I'm gonna put a Charles flashback, and then they will meet up eventually with the present story cause Charles needs his say. 
> 
> And a big thanks to messedup4good for encouraging me and being understanding and over all amazing. <3
> 
> *All mistakes are my own*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ _Welcome to the Poseidon. Enjoy your stay_.” The robotic female voice greeted him as the shuttle landed gently in the cargo hold.

Charles snorted, as he grabbed his bag from the empty seat beside him and stood in the aisle waiting for the other passengers to disembark.

 _So this is the kind of ship I’ve signed up for, a glorified leisure craft_. He mused as a diplomat was ushered off the shuttle like she was precious cargo. Her dress was formal, a vibrant green hanging like a holy man’s robes on her fair form, with a collar that was decorated with emeralds giving her some built in flair. She was important alright, as she floated out with a team comprised of advisers and security flanking her.

He couldn’t gather if she was from earth or not— he’d switched transport at Sparrow Port in the Alpha Centuri system. It was named sparrow from the gas cloud that was visible from the viewing decks that looked like a bird if you were drunk enough— and a sparrow at that apparently. The waters were thin out here, different races all mingling in terminals waiting for a lift to their home in the galaxy. He missed earth already but tried to ignore the longing that was settling into the marrow of his bones, as he breathed in the sterilized air that held a touch of ozone.  Contaminates were burned up in the filtering system, and he hated that scent, it helped the suffocating sensation that followed him through his days on the Xaxxel, but it wouldn’t be like that on his new ship… he’d be able to breath without a tightness in his chest, and looming darkness that began to seep into his dreams.

It was a shock of deja vu when he stepped foot onto the metal hanger floor, to see the lifts door that was sliding shut behind the diplomat’s party leaving him alone. Only the hum of the ship broke the silence of the night. He couldn’t say he’d missed it, but within a day that hum would fade and all he would hear would be the spinning of his thoughts, which wasn’t any better…

 No one was here to greet him, which he’d expected. It was the middle of the night on the ship, and only the skeleton crew was at work, and in usual tradition they were probably sleeping on boxed spare parts right about now. Union jobs, he thought, and he found he wasn’t resentful like he once had been when he cared about his job in his early days on the Xaxxel. He woulda’ roused any sleeping slackers if he saw them, but now he didn’t have to worry about the performance of the other men on the crew. All he had to focus on was himself and where his room was located, and getting his ass to work on time in the morning, and not pissing off his new boss. He tried to enjoy the simplicity of it all as he stood pensively, taking in the familiar solidarity of a spacecraft at night.  

It had been an uphill struggle to get here, but that meant nothing to his new superior officer. No, he hadn’t won yet he reminded himself… not even close.

Starting out of the hangar, he mused he’d rest metaphorically after he met his new chief, and sussed out if he had a fighting chance, or if there was already blood in the water... Who know what was included in his file, or his confidential one that he wasn’t privy too…

“You know where to go?” A tried voice came from behind him, and he repressed the startle that rattled his nerves. Turning, he found a shuttle pilot puffing on a tobacco vape he assumed that resembled a traditional cigarette yet the tip was an orange glowing phosphorescence, instead of a burnt charcoal tip. Burning devices were banned on ship obviously.

He was being eyed curiously by a bloke who looked about his own age, but a little harder, and unkempt with a ruggedness he’d never been able to pull off. How a pilot should look: harried from living life of death creeping over their shoulder at any turn. Charles re-framed his speculation as he his mind went to the Lieutenant’s fit appearance, and he craved to go to the gym suddenly, thinking he just so might be able to sleep after if he worked his body hard enough. He was exhausted, yet he was still on earth time, and he couldn’t shake the nerves that reminded him he had to make a good impression in the morning, or risk a repeat of Xaxxel.

It could never be that bad he assured himself, though he still felt his nerves firing as he asked the lieutenant, “I got my orders already, but where’s the gym abouts’? I have to report in the AM, and I’m wide awake if you get my drift.”

The lieutenant nodded, and his chiselled face creased as he asked Charles with a suspicious edge in his tone, “What’s your posting?”

Charles didn’t wanna go through this, but he had to or chance looking like a dick. He was trying to make an effort to do this right, and so he answered trying to keep the impatience out of his tone, “Engineering, and its Xavier.” He said leaving out his first name, knowing it didn’t matter what he said, he wasn’t looking for a friend just some directions.

His offered hand was shaken, but the look of amusement on the jarheads face told him there was something off. His first though was— _fucking great, I’m already found out_ , and he was just disappointed that he didn’t even get a head start on rebuilding his name before the past caught up with him… It turned out though, he wasn’t the target of scrutiny, and he was relieved like a career criminal getting off from a life sentence they probably deserved.

“ _Engineering?_ You’re in for some pain man. Take it from me, the chief is a complete stone cold bitch, and I swear he keeps a tighter leash on his men then all of the Starfleet’s CO’s combined— And on top it off he’s the nastiest omega I’ve ever met; nothing to look at. My dick literally wilts when he’s around.” The man looked genuinely disgusted, “Just a forewarning if you were thinking cause he’s an omega you’re gonna get a break. The only break you’re gonna get from him is your balls in a vice, so don’t say I didn’t warned you.” He spat raucously, and Charles was momentarily at a loss.

He’d looked into his new CO, and credentials were all he could dig up. Turned out the Chief on the Poseidon was the top engineer in the fleet, and noted as having the highest recorded marks in Starfleet history at that. This info was intermingled in Starfleet jargon, but it was as clear as other high level officer’s incompetence, that the chief aboard this luxury liner was not someone to recon with and it was a privilege to be working under him… And yes, he is an omega— that was in there as subtly as it should be on account that sex didn’t matter in space, or so Starfleet attempted to portray, but for Charles he found every detail he’d read about Chief Lehnsherr to be a comfort—and that sensation had followed him to the ship. He was more concerned about his own behaviour, not that of his new chiefs, or this idiots… It wasn’t something he’d brag about, but he was worse than the most arrogant Captain he’d encountered, and maybe that proved he didn’t deserve to be on the bridge, or it was exactly where he belonged, but it was never going to happen so he had to get over it— and he had actually. Over the last year on earth he came to a number of realizations, the biggest being that his time with Starfleet was running out…

Some adages never lose their value, and with the consistent hardships and failure’s he’d experienced, his life had begun to feel like an ancient tragedy for a while. In the Greek fables he fancied from his primary years, the victims usually brought their suffering upon themselves and in that respect Charles unequivocally had. Like in the case of Icarus: when you fly close to the sun there’s a chance of getting burned, and Charles had erupted in flames while on the Xaxxel, and then plummet in a shameful spiral back to earth— and there was no going back after sabotaging his career with an expertise only a madman could possess. Due to his follies Charles now had to be a different version of himself, and let his anger go… and this was the proof of that change.

He could still lose everything. He held no delusions about that. It would begin simply… one wrong look, one gesture of disrespect and his new chance would become one for the history books: _The Failures of Charles_. He fancied the title would be something along those lines, if anyone cared to read how someone who seemingly had everything— systematically buggered up one opportunity after another like it was his life’s goal to be a fuck up. So he resisted telling this prick off because he didn’t believe that Lehnsherr could be anything but deserving of his respect, and instead he let out a humorless laugh and went about getting on with his night.  

“I’ll keep that in mind, but I gotta go and get some sleep if I can swing it, so the gym?” He questioned blandly, and the prick Stryker, as he’d introduced himself— narrowed his eyes as he regarded Charles like he was ignorant for not reacting in outrage to his unfounded statement, which was frankly slanderous.

“It’s on C deck, but seriously watch your back I’m not exaggerating. Too bad you’re not in cargo, we could use a new pilot.” Stryker tempted him, and Charles wasn’t about to volunteer that he could actually pilot. He’d settled on engineering for a reason, and he’d be bored to frigin’ death on a ship where no action occurred, if he was supposed to stand around his whole bloody day fuckin’ the dog with these pricks. He’d rather feel useful while doing nothing, and that’s where engineering came in.

“Yeah too bad, but I’ll see ya around. Cheers.” Charles said conversationally, and left the Lieutenant who was still watching him like a green horn walking into an enemies trap.

  _Asshole!_ Filtered through his mind. He couldn’t bring himself to worry about Chief Lehnsherr, while he kept imaging everything falling apart around him before he even got a fighting chance. It was nerve wracking existence, like the ground was shaky with his every step, and he couldn’t find solid ground no matter how hard he tried— and it was up to him to keep it together, or else. He couldn’t spiral into that dark place of mental suffering like he had on the Xaxxel, if he did he might as well just end himself— _no,_ _his career_ he thought, not entertaining death, but sometimes when he thought about retiring while he was so young, he really saw no point of sticking around. When you’ve failed as much as he has, it starts to become a chore getting up in the morning when all your regrets were waiting to greet you with the sun… instead of a sweet omega in your bed.

“Floor C.” he told the lift, and watched the door close on Stryker's retreating back.


	18. like a bird in a cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik struggles with his decision and talks to Charles at work, which proves to be more difficult then he expects...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote a lot of Erik's thoughts, maybe too much, but after this things aren't so introspective. It will happen though. so right now Erik's kinda losing it, but that's his character. 
> 
> I write like this to get lost in, so forget about your life for a while, while Erik's freaks out about his :) 
> 
> p.s. thanks for comment and kudos <3<3<3
> 
> *all mistakes are my own*

 

 

 

 

 

Erik rested with his back against the door. He could still smell Charles. His scent permeated the air, and he was left aching for Charles’ touch, and his company, his bright and beautiful eyes, and his tender grin… the way his lips dimpled at the side of his mouth while he regarded Erik lovingly in bed, and the cherry red shade of his lips after they kissed… Blue and red, and white, his soft white freckled skin, and orange beard, and soft chestnut hair… It took the phrase, bring colour to your life into a whole new perspective.

Erik shook his head and pushed away from the door. He was skylarking again, yet it couldn’t be helped after his life was just uprooted, and then sent crashing back to cold world in a million pieces. He was still trying to collect them, but it was difficult when he had those provocative memories of Charles holding him captive.

He was kissed methodically by a hungry Charles as they stood at the door, and they hadn’t parted until they were out of breath and sated for the touch of flesh. Erik needed it to get through the day until they were alone, and he’d never felt like that before.

“I’ll see you soon.” Charles breathed against his lips, and then coiled Erik tighter against his chest like the thought of letting him go was an arduous task to endure, it made this more difficult for Erik… He’s been resisting the anxiety that surrounded Charles’ leaving the entire time, and when he thought Charles was finally going, Erik’s face was cupped and Charles was kissing him tenderly again…  

Grinning foolishly, Charles finally slid out the door, and Erik was returned to his normal state of solidarity.

He touched the sensitive skin of his mouth, inflamed from their kissing and the rasp of Charles’ delicious stubble against his lonesome skin, and it hit him with an unsettling severity that he missed Charles already… The feel of his arms was still present, and he couldn’t repress the desire to kiss, and touch Charles, to be in the privacy of his quarters as Charles had requested of him so many times.

Dropping his hand from Charles’ cheek, Erik shook his head knowing that he was being ridiculous. They had work yes— but also their lives to conduct, and he would be seeing Charles once he went to said work and got it over with, so it was foolish for him to be this fixated on the desire of having this inexorable alpha’s company right now.

Closing his eyes he tried to center his mind, willing himself to forget Charles for the time being, yet it was a fruitless effort when he was so disjointed… Like a ship stripped down to the bare minimum, reduced to fragments that kept scattering further into the cosmos the more he thought of Charles. Erik knew would be a difficult road to recovery, especially when he would be seeing Charles so soon…

Stalking towards his bedroom, Erik went to his washroom to get ready. He’d need to carry out his morning routine even if he missed Charles. He couldn’t allow feeling to affect his life, and also it would aid him in forging his resolve for the day

Touching his chest, his brow creased because his heart was racing rapidly it felt like a burning ball under his pale skin and his hand quivered in the air, that millimeter above where he could still feel his body heat, and when he looked into the mirror his eyes were alien and full of some indescribable hope, and he had to look away. This wasn’t him and he knew this was due to Charles. His effect lingering over his senses like a spell...

He had finally taken the decision out of Erik’s hands last night, and so he had agreed to enter into a relationship... Yet, what a relationship with Charles encompassed, he couldn’t begin to speculate. He feared if he began he wouldn’t stop until his world was falling apart around him, starting with being late for work— which has never happened once in all the time he’s served on the Poseidon, and he wasn’t going to start today. There was one detail though, as he pulled down his soaked silk bottoms; his thighs slick from his excitement, that brought him relief as he moved towards his shower with an erection that was stiff and throbbing...

Now all of the tension that was funnelled between Charles and himself at work would be building up to a tangible climax instead of just growing more out of hand… It didn’t take a phycologist’s knowledge to conclude that Charles’ recent possessiveness was going to become an issue if he continued down his current path. It was a dangerous one he’d chosen when he was challenging the captain of the ship in Erik’s name, regardless if Logan deserved the title and the respect that came along with it— he still had the final say when it came to whom served on the crew. So, it was the best course of action that this was happening now… their liaison. Erik speculated that Charles would be less likely to lash out at Logan or another alpha on the crew if he was confident of his claim over Erik.

A claim.

 _More fittingly a brand_ , he thought when he couldn’t shake the memory of Charles… He could still taste him with every wet of his lips, and Erik could smell his sweet and rich musk in the air; it clung to his skin like a perfume that was driving him slowly mad while his passion burned furiously through his loins, and into his womb…

“Shower on at 20 degrees.” Erik rasped, and he stepped under the spray, set on washing away every trace of Charles from his skin. Everyone he would come into contact with in engineering would smell the alphas scent on him and they would know he’d been intimate with Charles, and he… just couldn’t deal with that.

Lathering soap over his body turned into an arduous task nevertheless: he was so needy that he had to stop touching himself to fend off his renewed excitement…

This was going to be impossible, being with Charles, knowing his current state was the reason why he’d denied his feelings for so long.

Charles would be his ruin: It would start small, and then escalate as Erik began neglecting his responsibilities one, by one, in favour of focusing all his attention on his alpha...

It was a disgusting notion to consider, yet Charles’ presence in bed was impossible put out of his mind— and his words: Charles’ promise of an evening filled with carnal pleasures. Erik couldn’t even consider the scope of what Charles intended to do to him if he wanted to function today.

“Turn the water temperature to 10 degrees.” He ordered and angled his erection so it was under the spray. He hissed in relief and also discomfort, yet it was helping to relieve his rampant arousal and so he would endure.

Spreading his legs, he turned around so the chilled spay was aimed at his behind, as he rested against the shower wall and buried his face in his arms. A simmering frustration spread through him as the cold water trickled down his balls… He was still burning up inside and aching to have Charles, and nothing could help that apparently.

His memories were swelling from the past, and they might be old, yet they were still reliable. He knew how good Charles’ knot would feel after so many years of celibacy… Erik had been so promiscuous before that he’d have to get a head injury to forget the fullness… the stretch of a knot inside of his womb, bringing him to a state of delirium. It was an addiction in itself when it was endless hours of inescapable pleasure and sharing that with Charles… He squeezed his eyes shut as his mouth watered at the prospect.

“No…” He whispered, and pushed himself away from the wall. He wanted it, but perhaps too much… He’d never been so hungry to have an alpha before, and he wasn’t willing to presume that he was going to get it. _Anticipating my greatest regret_ , he thought, remembering yesterday in his office… Although Erik couldn’t convince himself that Charles could do anything at this point that might quell his desire, and that was a truth he still wasn’t comfortable with.

Erik turned around to rinse off and he was comforted by the knowledge that at the very least Charles would be struggling worse than himself today. He’d been so persistent— so eager to get Erik into bed and he could only imagine how excited Charles was right now… and there was another thought to avoid.

He got out of the shower and rubbed his skin with a towel to fight the chill, and reflected that at least today was a clean slate after yesterday. All that tension was gone, and he intended to put his feelings aside so he could make it through the day composed, and in control of his faculties as the chief of engineering, and he would start here _again_ … as he willed his erection away.  

 

His fears in the first half of his day proved to be futile as he settle into his routine with only the obligatory greeting from Azazel. He usually had long list of grievances that he would complain _at_ Erik about, using him as a sounding board, but today uncharacteristically he’d been silent. And that had suited Erik just fine. Honestly he didn’t know if he could maintain his usual bland interested in the face of Azazel’s grievances, when he had his own demons to battle… so he instructed Azazel to run diagnostics, and physical inspection on the warp drive with their two stellar ensigns, feeling it was time they begin a more hands on training regiment, and not by him.  

The moment Erik was alone, he was wrought with anxiety and he felt it wasn’t normal to be experiencing this level of paranoia. His mind raced as he agonized over if he’d been acting contrary to his usual nature. If he was acting like Charles. A man who was filled with life, and light, and so much generosity it was eating him up inside to not let it out… It was impossible surely, but he still agonized… He wondered if everyone could tell the usual pessimism that coursed through his bones with the vigor of a man who was used to loneliness and criticism, was fading like a de-activated warp core… Erik abandoned this train of thought. It was an unnecessary worry when nothing so drastic could transpire in engineering. His ensigns would not question his motives, or even approach with concerns over his behaviour. Azazel was proof of that— he hadn’t considered that Erik was actually interested in Charles these past months of warning, like the feisty alpha was a ticking bomb waiting to explode. It was ridiculous and on that basis he allowed his mind to relax, as attempted to begin his monthly status report.

His attention proved difficult to compose nevertheless when he kept glancing at the door to his office and waiting for Charles to enter…

It was a frustrating practice, and he was beginning to feel like a distressed birds in a cage, one of which was struggling to decide if it wanted to stay, or escape the confines of his office for good and go looking for Charles. This malaise continued as he worried over all other aspects which have brought him anxiety in relation to his recent surrender to Charles— so many that if they were a palpable object’s in his hands he’d have worn them thin by now… Predictably though his mental derision eventually faded to a low thrum at the back of his mind, as his thoughts were sucked down the preverbal gutter, and settled in a sexual place of desire and fear that tumbled rapidly into an obsessive replaying of Charles’ words whilst they were in his bed… His promises for an evening of pleasure, and he was trapped in that moment when he finally aquatinted to his rabid hunger… They were so inspiring that he ended up was sitting at length, unmoving and immersed in ardent memories of Charles, which were leaving him short of breath, and inspired in his slacks—

 _God the feeling of Charles’ body_ … Erik’s hands were moist with sweat as he remembered  alpha’s muscular form, wrapped up in infinitely soft and freckled skin, and Charles’ scent— he never wanted to drown in an alphas scent before, but Charles’ left him intoxicated, and desperate for more. He even began to track Charles’ wooing techniques as he reflected on the months passed in a way to forestall his arousal…

Erik recalled Charles’ first attempt of seduction after his inappropriate visit on that fateful night. Erik finally felt comfortable asking for his assistance with a task, wanting to give Charles the benefit of the doubt. It was history now, but Charles had reacted in a manner that was unbecoming of a Starfleet officer— plastering his muscular body against Erik’s back so he could get a sample he supposed, of what it feels like to have a willing and desirable alpha in the position to rut… Erik had been scandalized, yet undeniably aroused. As much as he wanted to write up his unruly new Lieutenant, he couldn’t, knowing deep down it was what he’d been desiring since Charles stepped into his office. It had been a means to an end, and after that first day, Charles never gave up trying to woo him, Erik began to desire the alpha so ardently that he’d began to take precedence in his thoughts… Like in those ponderous moments when his mind was immersed in a task he began to question if being with Charles would somehow make him feel human again… He’d rejected this notion exclusively for years that an alpha would add anything but grief to his personal life, yet experiencing Charles so intimately more than once, feeling his solid body enveloping his own made it difficult to dismiss the possibility completely… There were still mysteries in the universe after all…

Charles had been more subtle after that, until he wasn’t. Erik supposed it was when he made the choice to go to the one place Charles would unquestionably appear, and in a manner of dress that proved to torture Erik further— the gym, where he received Charles’ first formal invitation to spend the evening alone and in his quarters, and regardless of what label you wanted to use, Charles had asked him out on a date. Erik hadn’t submitted to such an invitation in quite a number of years, knowing how such evenings might end, and so he’s been paralyzed with fear. The possibility of sexual congress with an alpha like Charles… he was so energetic Erik imagined he’d be willing to preform _hard_ , and for hours on end, and as much as he wanted to deny it, Erik wanted nothing less than a session of hard animalistic rutting until he forgot who he was— forgot everything but pleasure, and Charles... The two were correlated somehow in his thoughts, although he hadn’t rut Charles yet—

A grunt of frustration left him, and he re-adjusted his position on his seat. He was aching from the image that was dominating his mind, and it became clear that his shower had done nothing to balk his desire when he still had his thoughts to torment himself with…

Harbouring his composure, he forced himself to focus on plotting his strategy, and not think of Charles, in a sexual manner at least. This was the calm before the storm, the reconnaissance before battle, and he needed to assess the situation he’d be riding into tonight.

Running his finger around his collar his skin was damp from perspiration, and Erik was thirsty for a drink of water, or something harder to take off the edge. After all, he thought sardonically, if he was really going to turn his back on all of his principals he might as well have a drink at work… The situation wasn’t that dire, he had to remind himself, it was just easy to get carried away with his thoughts of Charles, but the issue he wanted to address loomed at the edge of his consciousness, filled with a fear that threaten to sour his new found pleasure…  It was Charles’ expectations, which were a heavy burden to bear, and Erik didn’t think he could fulfill them, or even want to fill them if he were being honest. He wanted Charles, and hadn’t lied this morning, but his wants, and needs were two entirely different matters to consider...

Erik had always been amenable to sex. It was everything else he’d struggled with and even if he did want more from Charles, it would take longer than three months in an alphas company to get him there.  

Erik was well aware most people don’t worry about decisions that might make them happy— that everyone as a human requires, (sex, love, taking a mate) they just act and enjoy their life… but that was not Erik. It _was_ Charles paradoxically, and so Erik would have to deal with his infatuation the best he could; to have Charles, a normal and willing alpha who was _more_ than delighted to have Erik even though he admittedly an anomaly… It made him really question what Charles saw in him, it couldn’t just be that he was attractive (according to Charles), and held a commanding presence? He said is like it was sexy to be a stoic, and cold all the time. Erik didn’t understand the attraction, and now that he was away from Charles’ influence and thinking clearer (to the extent he could), he realized that Charles was more committed to the concept of _them_ , then he could even begin to attempt— Charles’ insistence they were engaged in a _relationship_ proved that...

Erik understood that Charles was acting under an assumption that they had a future together because of that first fateful night in his quarter and he couldn’t say what the future might behold for them, but he certainly needed more than one moment of weakness during is heat to make him want to commit to Charles Xavier.

And yet, there was something to be said for chemistry, and of the caliber he experienced this morning… Erik had never felt that before. That raw and palpable hunger that was electric between them like they were operating on the same wavelength, it was enough to spiral him to this point of abandon when he hadn’t even been properly bedded Charles yet... Logic had to prevail at some point, he relented. Shouldn’t they at least rut first before either of them made the decision that a relationship was necessary? Honestly, what if he was terrible after so many years of celibacy, or Charles? He could be worse, a complete disappointment: selfish, and greedy, single minded, and cold, and exactly what Erik had feared.

So there was that, yet even if the sex was a disappointment, this scenario was completely past the scope of Erik’s imagination— he couldn’t see them as a couple, and it alarmed him that Charles found it so easy to commit. Erik would need substantial evidence to conclude if he could stomach a relationship with Charles, and there was no other road he could take to base that decision... Acquainting to a hypothetical life of Charles without some substantial proof that they were compatible was madness, pure madness.

He imagined that if he did act rashly in the name of passion, he would be forced to give into Charles’ will and make sacrifices that he would never entertain otherwise, just to carry on this unsubstantiated relationship. And that scenario made-up the sum of his fear. He was afraid of losing his identity… and it didn’t matter how much he might come to need Charles one day, Erik couldn’t lose his identity at all cost. Whatever you wanted to call it: Identity, composure, respect, he knew that acquainting to Charles’ comfort last night was already taking him closer to that point of no return, and he began to consider that ending them right here, and now before they got started, was the wisest decision for both of them in the long run… However long that might be… That long stretches of years the reached out like fingers of light through the stars that promised loneliness if he rejected Charles. He questioned how many years would he have to endure before he met an alpha like Charles again? He knew the probability wasn’t in his favour and it was unsettling to imagine never rutting again, and only having those memories from his youth that didn’t include Charles; an alpha who made him feel so good inside… complete in some abstract way if he was willing to be honest.

Ignoring that stoic voice in his head that whispered admonishment in his ears with the menace of a serpents tongue, Erik focused on more tranquil thoughts… Like giving into the fantasy, and ergo Charles… After all there was a possibility that rejecting Charles’ advances would be his true ruin. How long could he go without happiness? Without the warmth of a lover, without Charles after all his promises this morning? The thought made him want to kill himself, figuratively of course, but yesterday had shed light on how much losing Charles would affect him.

Erik was staring off at the wall and touching his lips as he recounted the memory of Charles’ mouth caressing his over, and over again, tangling his tongue in an endless dance that had him moaning for more as Charles held him in arms and whispered his intoxicating promises for physical release, and commitment against his lips…

“Display off.” Erik commanded the computer, and then hastily stood, and left his office, needing some fresh air and a more demanding task to captivate his attention, and perhaps an encounter with Charles… It might help to clear his head of the mounting fear that was leaving a vacant place in his heart. 

Erik took himself to the sensor tunnels, and began to run a diagnostic. The display flashed red as it began to cycle through the environmental settings on the ship, and he tried to remember if he ever had wanted to be in a relationship with an alpha before. When he was young perhaps, and longed for a presence in his life that would take the place of his father when he was finally grown up, and no longer relied on the alpha who raised him to fill that role of emotional consoler when he needed it.

His mother had been perfect in his eyes, and had raised him how he viewed a progressive and confident omega should be, yet his father had been the one who brought him the most comfort as an alpha.

When he matured sexually, Erik remembered longing to become intimate with alphas, and he would fantasize about being knotted while he was a teen, but he never fantasized about having a family—living out some cliché omega fantasy where he wanted a baby on his hip, and an overbearing alpha who insisted that he stay home and raise their brood, while said alpha was away from home and travelling around the world for his job…

The specifics of his displeasure was clearly influenced by his Father’s profession, and Erik honestly hadn’t remembered how much he resented his Father for constantly uprooting their family, and moving them around the planet like it didn’t effect Erik whether he was raised in Germany, or Tokyo.

Details of the past evaded him the further away from that soul shattering incident that irrevocably changed him for the worse one might say. If you took into consideration his stance on emotional attachment, the past was all but void when he lived a life that negated the example his parents had maintained through his youth… Although he’d never shared the imputativeness of his actions with anyone, until recently that is. He had, to Charles…

 _I wouldn’t experience the issues from my childhood with Charles. He’s right here, and isn’t going anywhere… as far as I know._ That thought in itself was an assurance, even if Erik wasn’t ready for commitment...

The term left a sour taste in his mouth, and he considered the possibility that he might just come to hate Charles one day if he committed to the man, without even knowing what drove him to survive when his past had been so arduous to endure, like Erik’s…

He startled when he felt a hand resting on his back, and the sensation of a body pressing against his own. He looked over to see Charles grinning at him gently, and emotion consumed him so swiftly that it was almost laughable after what he was just admonishing in his head.

“Hey you. I thought I’d find you here. I’m sorry I didn’t come to your office, Azazel had me helping out the rookies, and he prevailed to my ego by saying I should display my superior knowledge with the warp drive, and then rested against the wall and supervised as usual.” Charles finished through a sardonic grin, and Erik… he wanted to feel that grin against his lips.

“That’s not what I ordered him to do. I’m sorry if you were inconvenienced. You have your own responsibilities to deal with.” He finished in a constrained breath, and Charles chuckled.

“No, I wasn’t inconvenienced, I was just anxious…” He was holding Erik’s eyes as he trailed off, and Erik was enjoying this position a little too much...

 _Shouldn’t Charles move so I can turn and regard him?_ He thought anxiously. Instead Charles continued to drape his tempting body against Erik’s back as his hands traveled down his hips in subtle passes, which were undeniably intimate in nature, and he swallowed wetting his parched mouth as his mind was savouring Charles’ rich and sweet scent… Erik’s body was sending its’ sirens call for him to move closer to the alpha— to touch the alpha, and for Charles to stake his claim so Erik’s biological howling would be silenced—

“Anxious? Is something wrong?” Erik croaked, and the dark chuckle that left Charles was like more fire to flame. The licks of his passion were attempting to rear their head while they were at work, and he sighed looking away, back to the display screen…

“I was anxious to see you…” Charles said almost uncertainty, like his laughter a second ago meant nothing, and Erik realized he was looking at the display and not Charles, who had withdrawn his hand’s and body from Erik’s own, and was hovering at his side uncertainly.

Erik looked over and met Charles’ insecure gaze, and sighed and tried to master his composure, considering they were in a public place, even though it was the privacy of the sensor bay where they always seemed to end up while they were on shift. _If there was a bench to sit on it could be our special place,_ he thought absurdly, yet it filled him with a sentiment and lightened his mood, and in some rudimentary way gave him the strength to address Charles with honesty.

“I was as well, actually I am… very anxious,” He admitted, as he looked over Charles who let out a tight breath, “but now that you’re here we can move past it, and do our job and then leave, an all of this anxiety can be dealt with later?” He waved his hand, and it felt like he was cutting through layers of the tension that surrounded them, comprised of longing, and indecision, and Erik noted the slight pleading quality in his tone, but he needed Charles to be… to be a good and listen to him. 

A grin blossomed on that bright mouth, and then like a portion of his earlier fear coming to light— Charles was pulling Erik away from the sensor display, and against his chest, and running his hot hands over Erik’s tense form: down his back, as one hand smoothed over his rigid spine, and the other trailed over the starched collar of his uniform coat— and heat flamed through him as Charles whispered against his mouth, “Yeah, I can’t wait till later, but I get what you’re saying. I’ve never felt this unsettled before around an omega, but I’ve also never met anyone like you Erik… I just didn’t know I could get like this.” There was an earnestness in his tone and in his gaze, yet Erik almost snorted— That was an exceedingly cliché thing to say, like Charles was trying to provoke a reaction from him, one of which he couldn’t allow… and yet, he’d be lying if he said this wasn’t having an effect on him… Such flattery while Charles’ mouth, and body were so close to his own... Erik’s fingers dug into muscular flesh.

He yearned to taste Charles, and he’d be inhuman not to have the thirst after this morning; their time in bed together was like a brand on Erik’s mind, and Charles was making this worse, much worse…

Having no pity on Erik, Charles dropped his tone an octave lower so he was whispering and it was so intimate it was hard to not feel intoxicated by the alpha’s presence, and scent... Erik’s mouth was watering Charles smelt so heavenly, and his body solid like a wall of hard flesh, and passion.

“I know I was a pain yesterday, but after we talked I realize I’ve been pretty wound up which isn’t your fault, you just have no idea how difficult it is being around you… but that’s my problem and I don’t want you to worry Erik, I’ll behave myself until later when it’s just the two of us…” Charles lamented as his arms wound tighter around Erik’s ribs, and he squeezed, “Like this morning, that was,” Charles swallowed deeply like he was parched, and his eyes darken with lust, and Erik tried not to react… “I still can’t believe that we’re on the same page: that you share my feelings I’m just in the clouds over it, you really made me happy— you _make_ me happy right now just standing here... it’s more then I deserve.” His tone was sensual as he patted Erik’s back in an attempt to soothe him he presumed, and yet Charles’ hot palm was so close to his behind that he almost recoiled as his mind raced—

 _This is far too risky, and too much discussion of intimate affairs at work_ … But how could he discourage Charles when he was divulging the extent of his desire that hadn’t subsided in their time apart… and Erik needed to hear every word Charles could part with after his anxiety ridden morning… and the last 10 years of his life.

Swallowing deeply, he tightened his hold on Charles’ hips in a rally not to ruin this with bluntness. “It’s not deserving Charles, I just… I share the same feelings, so now we’re here.” He spoke rationally, yet his tone constricted from his own undeniable need to be in this position with Charles.

“It’s a good place to be…” Charles murmured and his eyes lingered sensually down to Erik’s mouth, while his lips curled into a wolfish grin that sent his pulse soaring. There was something about his teeth that made Erik want to kiss him... Something about everything he did.

Yet, was it necessary to look this appetising in public _?_ Erik knew the answer when it was obvious Charles had put little thought into his appearance this morning, he was just naturally irresistible… But he had to resist. Erik could not endure in silence as his resolve was torn apart, so in retaliation he spoke: “It is as you say, but I’ll hold you at your word.” and Charles gave him a questioning brow raise, “Because I can’t have you disobeying me, even this is…” Erik clarified and looked down at their bodies, and it was clear that he was talking about their embrace, “there’s nothing unpleasant about it, but it’s unprofessional.” Erik whispered and Charles’ eyes lingered over his and then down and he didn’t know what Charles was looking at, but his finger was teasing along the collar of Erik’s uniform coat and then he wet his lips, running the pink slit of his tongue between his plush lips, and Erik was struggling to not smother Charles’ mouth. It was torturous when he knew now how intoxicating Charles’ mouth really was… his taste, and the way his tongue took Erik’s like he owned it...

“I would never dream of letting you down.” Charles breathed as his gaze softened into the same affectionate manner as it had in bed Erik noted, and it warned him within…

“Thank you Charles.” He murmured and he meant it, and then stayed gazing into Charles’ enslaving blue eyes. Erik’s received so much pleasure from simply looking at Charles, and he was breathless as they stood in silence looking at one another until Charles laughed abruptly, and let Erik go.

Coldness enveloped him so suddenly it was a shock, but he repressed his longing to pull Charles back into his arms and skirt his duties for the rest of the day, just to spend it with Charles alone… He was entitled to personal time, but not in a capacity. It would eat at his conscious so viciously their time would be ruined. Erik decided this was an acceptable alternate: they were together after all, and no planning had been made to achieve this level of privacy. It was relatively simple to find themselves in seclusion in engineering when it was so vast, and if he wanted to go into specifics, understaffed—  

“Sorry, I guess I got carried away.” Charles apologised pulling Erik from his anxious thoughts, and then asked as his brow pulled in an unconscious sign of displeasure, “So… do you really think I cause trouble?”

The question was a valid one, yet Erik felt a pang of guilt for continuing to reprimand Charles for his outburst yesterday. He had after all had made it up to Erik… in the most agreeable way possible.

“No, not generally. Only when it involves _me_ you seem to be passionate, and… I do understand.” This admittance came with a sensation of remorse. Erik knew he hadn’t made this easy on Charles, when the alpha had made his feelings so transparent, and Erik had been so… cold.

Charles appeared to relax, and his breath left him slowly along with the tart purse of his lips, and in its’ place a self-effacing grin appeared. “Good. I don’t want you to think I’m a troublemaker. I’ve tried to be friendly, even when it’s been difficult. Some issues grate on me… but they all surround you for a change.” He stated this reticently, and Erik shook his head and reached for Charles, but hesitated and ended with brushing their fingers together instead.

“I wouldn’t think that, you’re an exemplary officer,” Erik mollified, needing Charles to know that he didn’t care about his exchange with Logan, and not just for Charles’ benefit. It made Erik look weak if he cared about Logan as an authority figure on the ship, at least around his men— and he would probably would never comment on the incident anyway after Emma had expectantly taken _his_ side against Logan, “And I don’t feel that you were causing drama yesterday, or none that Logan didn’t deserve. And anyway he should be used to criticism by now when he’s such an _ass_ all the time. You reacted no differently than anyone else who’s met him… I just didn’t expect what you said. I’m not used to people speaking up on my behalf as a superior officer.”   

Charles’ mouth cracked with a sudden warmth and he shook his head as the skin at the sides of his eyes crinkled, “You’re not just my superior officer Erik, you’re you,” yet he motioned at Erik sheepishly, and then sighed and ran his hand through his hair that was as soft as Erik always imagined it would be. “My feelings for you are why I spoke up… and also the reason why I shouldn’t have said anything… But that’s not me.” Charles murmured vulnerably, and it felt as though there was a rope tethering them, and Erik knew he could tug it if he so pleased and Charles would come back to him because neither of them wanted to be separated.

Their fingers tangled as Charles reached for him like he’d read Erik’s mind, and it brought them closer to what he craved, and he was relieved again that they were here, in his favorite place. There was more of a chance of someone interrupting them in his office, and Erik couldn’t seem to ignore his responses around Charles. For one, Charles’ mouth was tempting, his bright lips were pursed again in an endearing pout, and framed by his ginger stubble that Erik found completely irresistible, along with his thick and luxuriously soft dark hair, and piercing blue gaze which was enhanced by his strong brow, and his pale skin, and freckles. He was a beautiful man… and Erik knew that had been a motivator in his decision to submit to Charles, and perhaps that made him vein, but he was only human… Even if he had to remind himself that from time to time, but he found it was coming easier as Charles looked up at him under his dark lashes, with his earth blue eyes that touched Erik’s with a trance like rendering...

Resisting the urge to pull Charles closer, he spoke instead, “I understand Charles, Logan has spoken to me with disrespect from the beginning of our service on the ship. And well, after a while I just began to ignore him once I came to the conclusion he is a complete idiot. So I really can’t take him seriously, and I find it easy to dismiss his remarks.” Erik parted with this confession, hoping it would shed some light on why he was so welcoming of Logan’s treatment. He didn’t want Charles to think he was weak, he just knew when to save his energy.

Charles’ lips pursed, and he let Erik’s fingers go with a squeeze, “Yeah, you’re right… It’s better to ignore him I get that… I just wish I had your self-control.” Charles gusted wistfully and ran his hand through his hair again, and Erik shook his head as he saw the strain in Charles’ eyes. He could hear the self-reproach in the alpha’s soft British tone as well, and it wasn’t his intention to make Charles feel guilty, the opposite in fact.

“You don’t need to ignore him, just know that any aggression you feel, we’ve all experienced it, and the man hasn’t changed in all the time I’ve served on the Poseidon so it’s not personal when he behaves with the same level of ostentatious ignorance towards almost everyone on the ship.” He pushed the point, and a rakish smirk cracked Charles’ lips, and that’s what he wanted to see. It actually filled him with an abundance of warmth and hunger… and he was well aware Charles could do this to him.

Charles continued as he motioned haphazardly as he spoke, and an endearing quality filled Charles’ tone, yet Erik’s whole body was thrumming with uncharacteristic anticipation: he hoped they could end this topic soon. He didn’t want to talk about Logan, he wanted… to focus on them he realized, whatever that meant…

“I like that, you know, that you don’t sugar coat things— you’re feelings. Logan’s an arse so you you’re honest about it. You don’t condone his actions just because he’s the captain, and that’s the right way to be, or power gets abused. He’s already doing that in my opinion how he’s been treating you, but you’re aware of it… and I get why you wouldn’t wanna waste your time on a prat like him. Really...” Charles mumbled his last word reflectively, as he appeared to be comforted, or perhaps approving of Erik’s stance, and so he held his tongue. Of course he was aware of it, and wouldn’t put up with Logan’s impotence in his bay, but his own pride threatened to ruin the ease he was finally experiencing since an entire day ago because of _Logan_ , in a roundabout way.

He wanted to say so much more, and balk Charles for even questioning him— Erik didn’t need anyone’s assurance that he was doing the right thing, but... that was debatable. He was just used to being alone, and this is what Charles wanted: he wanted to be involved in Erik’s life, hence yesterday, and the thought of relinquishing his control and allowing someone to have a say in _his_ affairs was difficult to entertain… He had enough stressors pulling apart his composure, he didn’t need to censure Charles for attempting to be compassionate.

“I wouldn’t approve of his behaviour, unless I believed it stemmed from an administrative stance, and it does not… I’m pleased you agree…” Erik murmured and from conditioning a part of his mind turned back to the task he was immersed in, but the rest of him— he couldn’t pull his attention from Charles, yet.

“Oh I agree alright, it’s an issues that I take personally. I don’t let shit like that fly, regardless of how many stripes the bugger has on their sleeve.” Charles informed him vehemently, and Erik was taken by the flame of passion in Charles’ gaze, and he felt suddenly there was a detail he was missing. How was this personal? It couldn’t all be due to him… but that question was left to the way side as he changed the topic, unable to hold back his hunger to be closer to Charles, to make their time about them, and not an imbecile like Logan.   

“That’s good… If we didn’t then I wouldn’t see a point of continuing this.” It was an attempt at a joke but he never did get the hang of them, and compelled by his sudden swell of discomfort, Erik pointed out a recent attribute on Charles that he found distracting. “You didn’t shave?”

Charles blinked rapidly as his unbridled expression faltered, and he brushed his cheek like he had to remind himself it was even there, and Erik was illogically jealous of the alphas own blunt fingers.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t shave this morning… do you mind much? I was in a hurry and didn’t think about if you would like it, or not. I can shave for later if you want?” Charles offered in a hush, while a grin didn’t reach his eyes, and he looked hesitant like he was unsure if he had made a misstep.

 _Perfect in every way, and so blind to it…_ rattled through Erik’s thoughts, and he shook his head in denial. “I… I didn’t mean it like that. The reason I pointed it out… it, it compliments you, and you look more than satisfactory. I actually find it agreeable.” Erik actually spoke this aloud, and then looked away from Charles as he resisted the groan of embarrassment that wanted to leave his throat. That was terrible, and this was why he didn’t want to mix personal matters at work he thought with frustration. He didn’t know how to. And it was even more difficult when Charles was so damn sexy with his stubble that Erik want to rake his teeth over… lick that scrumptious rasp that had rubbed against his glands so erotically while Charles has kissed his neck, causing his whole body to flame with an exquisite pleasure.

His face burned as he began to tap the main senor display to start up a second bought of scans and he felt Charles at his side again, and he wished he didn’t want Charles quite so persistently at the moment.

“You’re sweet.” Charles murmured from beside him, and Erik’s brow creased.

Did he heard that right? Charles was calling him sweet. A title that he acquainted with young children and old omegas, not a stoic and somewhat heartless Starfleet officer who had his fair share of crying alphas under his belt. Mostly ensigns, but it remained at the back of Erik’s mind as a reminder of the effect he held over alphas…

He looked over at Charles, and startled due to his sudden proximity. Without a word he was resting his cheek on Erik’s shoulder while wearing an expression that betrayed his state of peace. Erik mused suddenly, as he looked at Charles’ soft face… It looked like he was in the presence of something soothing, such as a waterfall, or a stream… one running in the spring as the birds chirped in the distance and greenery quivered in the wind, causing the freshly veined leaves to shimmer in the soft glow of the sun. It struck him as odd that his mind went to this place, yet the sight of moving water was a comforting memory for his childhood, and also a carefree time for him, and for whatever reason Charles elicited these memories in him…

Relaxing into the welcoming weight, he felt Charles do the same… and Erik found it difficult not to scent Charles when they were so close. Charles smelt heavenly and Erik was intoxicated by his musk, and he knew it was because of this morning. Charles’ musk had intensified with his arousal and now that’s all Erik could smell on the man, if it was there or not.

Erik waited for his desire to spike, but it turned out his hunger was at bay for the time being. It made no sense to him, but Erik couldn’t seem to divert his thoughts from those of his youth. Perhaps it was the vigor for life that Charles infused in his work life, and personal life, but it reminded Erik of all that his youth had encompassed: discovery, excitement, happiness, indecision… and belonging. A time that was precious to him.  His parents were still alive and so Erik cherished the years they shared together. This wasn’t the norm, when people were vocal about trying to forget their teenage years, but that wasn’t an option for Erik. If he did that he’d be forgetting his parents. It was his adulthood which proved to be the worst time in his life… but perhaps the horizon was turning. Erik felt that same connection with Charles that he’d missed from years past. This moment right now was more of comfort then sexual desire… something he’d avoided at all costs with other alphas. He couldn’t accept it though… Erik considered how fine a line he treading between fantasy, and reality and he couldn’t accept that this was anything more than a passing bought of insanity on both their parts.

_I’ve never needed an alpha for more than a one night stand, until now._

Misery has a way of focusing a man into a desperate situation, and Erik couldn’t say if that was what had happened last night. It was too soon for him to view their interactions with clarity, but he was suspected it would come after sex… _Yes, sex_ … Perhaps his feeling would change entirely, and this would end in the bedroom like all of his previous liaisons. And yet this thought still didn’t stop him from admiring Charles.

He _was_ a fantasy Erik had entertained over the years when he was alone. It was hard not living with love, and looking at Charles reminded how long it’s been since it felt like someone really cared for him, genuinely like his parents had. Charles had made him feel like that last night, and right now…

Charles’ eyes were still closed and his face was so serine like a child’s, and Erik thought absently that he was so young and beautiful when they were almost the same age…

Charles sighed suddenly in content, and Erik wasn’t prepared as he wrapped his arms around Erik’s waist, and his entire body tensed on its’ own volition. This position wasn’t completely comfortable for him for obvious reasons… but looking at Charles filled Erik with an endless litany of endearment, and a wash of guilt suffused him for his earlier thoughts. Charles was different, but it was hard to move away from his old mindset of detesting the advances of alphas, which made the scenario even more impossible given his history through the years… This is what he wanted now, and he was free to change his mind he told himself as his fear lingered in the back of his mind, shrouded in the past that was impossible to ignore… He couldn’t do this at work, if they were alone he could relax and begin to accept what Charles was offering... but that didn’t seem to be a problem for Charles though. He found it telling that Charles hadn’t move away from him at his stiffness; instead a small smile played on his lips and it did something to Erik, something he’d found difficult to ignore…

Whatever this was— clingy dependence, security, and intimacy, he wished passionately he could feel comfortable with it. It was after all what he craved from Charles— Erik remembered that now... and he was pained by his own indecision. There was something clearly wrong with him, and he didn’t deserve Charles, who even reached for Erik’s hand, and squeezed his fingers again, and his adoration was so transparent…. A delicate affection ran through his heart, laced with more pain he could even begin to face.

He was reminded of Charles’ earlier comment, and it was obvious Charles was the sweet one between the two of them, anyone could see it... if they ever told anyone about them he thought resolutely. But it still maintained, that Charles was an exceptionally sweet man. The way he held Erik was one of his favorite parts about waking up this morning, and that was a gift Erik would never want forget. All of Charles’ doting, and even on that first night when he’d sought Erik out when they were still strangers for all accounts and purposes. It had been a gesture he tried to dismiss, yet deep down he’d been touched. It was more kindness then he’d received during such a difficult time for him, and even if he didn’t feel it at the time, it showed how thoughtful Charles could be… if he let him.

“I think you’re more than satisfactory too.” Charles finally whispered as his nose crinkled with his grin and his eyes opened, causing Erik’s pulse to leap.

“How generous of you.” Erik hesitantly answered, and Charles just held his eyes as he inspected Erik like he was oddity to be deciphered, and then he let Erik go yet again, and he was rattled to his core.

Charles’ posture straightened, but he kept his hand on the small of Erik’s back. “Sorry… It’s hard to behave when you look so good, sexy… and so damn professional all the time.” Charles admitted as his fingers trailed up to Erik’s neat cropped hair— petting him gently, and then he retreated like he knew he was pushing the limits, and Erik was caught off guard. He couldn’t have censured Charles if he wanted to, he was too thrown… That compliment was unexpected. He never thought that _sexy_ , and _professional_ being used in a single sentence could make him swell in seconds flat, but Charles was just so damn tempting that Erik wanted to return the sentiment, but he floundered under Charles’ lascivious gaze.

“Ahm… I… thank you Charles.” He blundered out. He wanted to wince, knowing that was a paltry response, but Charles’ gaze softened like he had just spouted something charming and far more eloquent then his stunted answer, and he supposed Charles might think him sweet again? When he couldn’t see how his bumbling could be anymore then a display of metal incompetence.

“No need to thank me…” Charles breathed sensually nevertheless, and then leaned towards Erik’s ear, and admitted a sweet confession that went the way of all of Charles’ solicitous comments, right to his groin, “I can’t wait for tonight— I know you don’t want this at work, and I’ll let you be omega, but it’s hard when you look so amazing all the time. I really can’t help myself.” Charles hushed between them, and then moved to stand beside the display wrapping his fingers tightly around his own bulging biceps, where he then quirked a challenging brow.

Erik decided this was Charles showing he was going to behave now, and he found Charles’ attempt at self-control to be admirable. It mattered to Erik that Charles was trying when he was struggling himself, he wanted to reward Charles but he couldn’t… Yet there was something so helplessly endearing about Charles and he felt the need to part with an intimate confession, so Charles knew he wasn’t alone.  

“I… I feel the same way, and you look incredibly distracting... you’re always distracting, and after this morning, I find it difficult to stop my thoughts from going there.” He admitted breathlessly, and his lapse in self-control was worth it as pleasure overcome Charles’ face, and it was the same the look he wore while they were in bed: bordering on the edge of too grateful, Erik needed it.

“So we agree.” Charles gusted, while scratching stubble and it appeared he was trying to stifle his grin and was failing.

“I think we agree on a number of things.” Erik answered, and Charles tipped his head down as he smirked conspiratorially, and hair fell over his forehead. Erik wanted to brush it back, get in close and scent the alpha again, and then seal the moment with a kiss.

“We do…” Charles said as he brushed his own hair back, and Erik was bereft that he wasn’t getting to touch Charles, but that was his prerogative.

“Isn’t it nice?” Charles went on tentatively, “It annoys me that people always want to argue their point. You don’t always need to argue about everything. It’s nice to just talk with someone intelligent who might have a different view, but not an ulterior motive to undermine you.” That was an incredibly insightful comment, and Erik took a step closer to the display, and in the process brought himself closer to his greatest temptation…

He considered the state of an alphas life, always being challenged and Erik’s life was the same, and yet there was one difference working against him, which even Charles didn’t have to deal with. He was an omega in a sea of alphas, and so he had to work twice as hard to prove himself to a group of officers whom cared more about territorial posturing, then actually garnering respect through hard work, and intelligence. It was a prime example of why he’d sacrificed so much when the Logan’s of the world were waiting for him to fail.

“It is.” Erik began simply, and he noted Charles was watching him cautiously, like he was waiting for Erik to argue his statement, and he remembered Charles saying once with gratitude in his tone that Erik was easy to talk to, and perhaps this was one of the reasons why Charles was here. Erik wasn’t in competition with him in a professional capacity. He might hold authority over Charles as his superior, but he didn’t view Charles as a threat— quite the contrary. Charles’ presence was a relief, and he’d never met a more capable officer in his life, whom didn’t need his guidance to get there first

Not even Azazel was immune to needing some guidance from Erik, yet they learned together over the years, and so their situation wasn’t the same. No… nothing he’d experienced had prepared him for Charles. 

“I’m used to men trying to undermine me… not so much in recent years, but in the past it was a regular occurrence, and I might have feared you would be the same way, but I came to see that you aren’t that type of alpha.” Erik told the monitor, then as he looked at Charles he found himself speaking from a place deep within where his affection for Charles radiated, “I suppose our mutual respect set’s our relationship apart. I’ve experienced that with only a limited amount of people in my career, but you aren’t a colleague, or you don’t act like one towards me at least, and well that is something I haven’t encountered for a number of years as well… but despite what we share you are invaluable to engineering. I feel like your past gives you a refreshing outlook on life, and therefore the job, and I envy you’re spontaneity, and your resilience. It sets you apart... A great man is always willing to be little, and your presence and effort doesn’t go unnoticed Charles.” Erik finished humbly, and he could see that his answer might not fit with the feeling that Charles expressed clearly.

Charles’ brow was pinched, and he nodded his head slowly as he digested Erik’s words, and Erik hoped Charles understood how highly he held him in regard. He didn’t think he could confide in anyone else in the manner he just had, but no one has ever striven to win his confidence like Charles has. Charles who knows how much regret follows him through life, and in correlation Erik understands how much Charles sacrificed by leaving the Xaxxel… That counted for something.

“I don’t see myself like that... but if you do, then thank you Erik.” Charles breathed in a tone that was touched by emotion, and Erik let out his own withheld breath then, because Charles did understand, and was moved… Charles walked over then and stopped beside Erik, and touched his back hesitantly, but as he should have expected it soon turned into a caress as Charles slumped against his side sighing in content like he was wont to do, which is precisely what he trying to avoid at work, and failing. Charles’ next words though, where painful for him to receive, as he looked up at Erik with reverence in his enchaining blue eyes and whispered cruelly. “I want to kiss you...”

A hot flush ran over his skin, and through his guts and his eyes flicked down to Charles’ mouth, and lips were so plump and edible— with his scruff, and mussed hair, he looked almost pornographic to Erik, and it was torture when his pulse was spiking with a palpable anxiety.

“You shouldn’t.” Erik whispered as he swallowed deeply, and tried to ignore Charles’ presence burning through the fabric of his uniform. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Charles to back off when the alpha murmured in response:

“I know I shouldn’t… but you make it so hard when you say things like that.” Charles’ tone dropped an octave lower as he looked up at Erik through his lashes with a beseeching gaze, and Erik grit his teeth because he was already struggling not to submit to his lust before his shift was through, and Charles likely knew that from his scent alone he realized, and his whole body flamed—

“I don’t know what to say otherwise.” Erik retorted conversationally, as he sucked in a deep breath that tasted like Charles, his thick alpha musk that betrayed Charles’ desire, and Erik tapped the display screen spontaneously to start another scan while his mind was imbibed with passion. “Maybe we shouldn’t work together today.”

“No we should—” Was blurted from beside him firmly, and when he looked back to Charles he was regarding Erik earnestly. “You don’t have to say anything else. It’s just, that I see you like that Erik, not me. I’m no one to envy. This is just what I was talking about— you don’t point out people’s flaws… And with all you do on the ship, you don’t boast how important you are, but you know I see how special you are... you’re so special to me.” Charles whispered as his lips began curl with affection, and Erik fought the sensation of warm helium filling him. It was like a drug being with Charles… and Erik was still trying to fight the effects.

Nevertheless, he didn’t know how Charles considered this discussions grounds that they should continue working together, yet Charles was right about one thing, he didn’t do his job to receive praise so receiving it from Charles was difficult to accept. As successful as he was in his job, it seemed that people didn’t see it fit to hand out compliments to him, and when he reflected on this abnormally he found that not only did he not want praise for his efforts, but he resented when he received them. There was no call for commendation when he was only doing what any other Starfleet officer could— if they decided to apply themselves. Charles had almost surpassed his success on the Xaxxel, with only his heart holding him back, and on the Poseidon, he still could have any position he wanted, yet it appeared the one he desired the most was to fill the vacant position in Erik’s life…

“No…” Erik whispered in humility, “I’m not doing anything you couldn’t do if given the opportunity. And you don’t need to go out of your way to praise me. I don’t require recognition, but I… I appreciate the gesture.”

A look of displeasure marred Charles’ face, and he rubbed his hand soothingly across Erik’s back like he was in need of comfort, and it reminded him of Charles’ actions in his office. He seemed to comprehend some situations as being unpleasant for Erik when they weren’t, and he found the abnormality to be disconcerting. Erik didn’t need comfort… yet he rationalized that perhaps he did and he just didn’t know what he felt anymore, and Charles’ perspective on his life might be the right one.

“It’s not a gesture. I was just telling you how special you are to me… that’s not charity so don’t think like that. Just because you might not have heard it before it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to know how important you are. Alphas are idiots when they’re threatened, but I don’t see you like that you know, or other omegas. I’m not threatened by a strong omega, only ignorance really gets to me, and Logan has that in spades.” Charles stated with sincerity, and an apologetic look, and Erik couldn’t argue with him. Charles grasped more about his situation then he let on, because Erik had voiced his struggles… that was why Charles cared. His mind was so convoluted at the moment their past conversations were alluding him. All he could focus on was getting Charles back into bed… or sending him away.

“I’m not used to having someone like you in my life, someone who cares about how I... I feel. I appreciate that you care about me.” Erik said perhaps too formally. He lacked the emotional depth that Charles easily carried out in all of his words, and mannerisms, but that didn’t mean he felt any less then Charles.

Charles’ hand slowed to more of a caress on his back, and his face softened, “Yeah I care about you, of course I care about you Erik. But it’s more than that… I’m always thinking about you, and I worry sometimes that you have too many burdens working here, and I want you to be happy. If you’re happy then I’m happy… you understand? It’s like that now. It’s my job as your alpha.” He informed Erik in the same intonation that he’d lamented his feelings to Erik while they were in bed, and Charles’ hand slid to his shoulder. Charles’ touch was already familiar somehow, and as hot as it had been during his massage, and Charles’ thumb rubbed Erik’s nape and he reached behind him to take Charles’ hand needing to distance himself from his excessive physical contact...

He’d just confessed more than Erik wanted to hear right now, and it was like every step he took forward, Charles took ten. He was Erik’s alpha now? Logically that made sense, but Erik had just begun warm up to the thought of them period. He just wished Charles would re-frame from throwing it all into his face so soon, when this was a frightening step into the unknown for Erik. Charles was to be his would be guide, but he was plunging Erik into the depths of deep space without any training, and in the one place he had requested that Charles give him a reprieve…

He knew this was **his** problem. His issues had pushed him to become the man that stood before Charles, but he wasn’t ready for all of what this alpha needed from him, though he feared if he waited until he felt ready, he’d lose Charles completely. All he could do was try to manage… and perhaps just throwing caution to the wind for a moment would be the answer, just get it over with, like ripping off a poly patch—

Spontaneously he pulled Charles by his hand, and closed those inches that separated them, that he equally desired yet despised in a vicious circle that was ending at this moment. He covered Charles’ mouth and kissed him while it felt just wrong... and the thrill of breaking his own rules added to the deliciousness of Charles’ lips. The scratch of stubble against the smooth skin of Erik’s mouth was a spark that lit his passion further, and flamed with a needy fury as he tasted Charles and breathed in his alphas comforting scent. It was a sweet musk that he wanted to bury his nose in and breathe solely until all of his existence was Charles… He’d been fighting the throbbing in his groin, and an aching in his womb and he was uncontrollably wet as Charles surged up against his lips, and every part of his anatomy called to this alpha as being his mate—Erik was brought back to his bed as Charles ground into him for a heartbeat and he felt his focus slipping, but thankfully Charles had the consideration to not be as obscene as Erik’s thoughts as his body relaxed.

They were conservative as they held one another and kissed chastely like they were back in secondary school, yet when Charles parted his lips and the soft sound of saliva met Erik’s ears, against all better judgement he slipped his tongue with Charles’ who invaded Erik’s mouth with a desperate plunge like he’d been waiting for a sign— It became apparent that Charles was more eager then he’d let on as he dominated Erik, deepening the kiss hungrily as he surged against Erik with his solid body, and he had to place his heel behind him to keep his balance as Charles took his mouth. _Short and pushy_ , he thought with a streak of manic delight, as he lifted his hand to cup Charles’ cheek, and his passion smoldered when he felt stubble. _Yet such a man, such an alpha_ … he thought as he rubbed the coarse ginger fur, and let his mouth be taken like the last uncharted quadrant in the universe.

A large arm was wrapped around his waist, and their fingers twinned restlessly at their sides, and Charles tugged him closer against his muscular frame, as he nipped Erik’s lips, and sucked on his tongue, and it would be a lie to say he wasn’t caught up in the illicitness of the moment, and he needed it— he needed Charles to remind him why the idea of them wasn’t the craziest one he’d ever entertained in his life, and yet— through all of his desperation to have Charles, his mind was strict with the order to end this lapse of control, and it intensified when Charles’ hand slid to his behind with intent to grope. He was certain of that. With a streak of guilt he pushed Charles away, though it wasn’t that easy… Charles kept kissing him; wetting his lips as licks of excitement, quivering gut turning pleasure shook through his groin and womb as his ass was pawed inappropriately, and if there was one thing Charles had gotten right in this so called relationship, it was knowing how to undo Erik with just a kiss. Though he couldn’t put all his passion’s blame all on Charles… His mouth was so addicting, that after longing to taste those plush lips for so long Erik has built up a hunger that was still not quenched. Running his hand into Charles’ non regulation length hair, Erik pressed their mouths together firmly sucking on his alphas plump bottom lip, and it was damn delectable as Charles let out a soft grunt and bathed his tongue erotically— and it became too damn much as Charles’ hands moved over Erik’s body, like he needed to touch every inch of wool covered skin— It was then the display let out a chirp upon completion of its’ most recent scan, and Erik parted from Charles as sudden as the kiss began, yet he wasn’t free as Charles rested his face against Erik’s neck, where he got one last gentle kiss as he panted laboriously, and every breath he expelled was like licks of fire against Erik’s neck.

Irrationally, he thought that might tie Charles over, and he might get a respite from this emotional landslide he was suffocating under. His nerves were so inflamed that he wanted to be completely alone suddenly, and the prospect of fleeing to his office was an attractive one, but he couldn’t when Charles was grinning at him adoringly.  

“Mmm that was unexpected.” Charles murmured as he squeezed his waist, and continued holding Erik against his strong body, and that did nothing to abate his passion.

“It was,” Erik agreed quietly, and combed his fingers through Charles’ hair needing to pull his hand away, yet he left it there in the alphas thick hair for a fraction longer. Touching Charles felt too exquisite, and he would touch now to make it through the day, until tonight... just as he’d kissed Charles to tie him over for the same event… How convenient.

“I appreciate how devoted you are Charles, but I would feel more comfortable if we continued discussion of our… relationship when we were alone later, and not in engineering. I’m not practiced with combing work with my personal affairs, so you see, for now could we not speak so personally. I’m struggling today with you so, so—”

“Close, tempting, disobedient?” Charles breathed through a smirk, biting his bottom lip, and Erik swallowed deeply, looking away from the alphas mouth. Erik wanted him, he’d never needed anyone as much as he needs Charles, and if that was all he could focus on while he was at work, how what he supposed to feel comfortable taking an alpha when he was already losing his control?

“I just want to make it through the day without any more distraction… Yesterday was arduous and I want simple right now.”

“All right. I can do that.” Charles assured Erik hastily while wetting his lips. His tongue slid across his bright flesh slowly, just as Erik looked back at his alpha, and he had to pull away as he was weak. He could still taste Charles on his tongue… but thankfully the display flashing helped to draw his attention back to his responsibilities as Chief.

Charles’ hands dropped away, as Erik was tapping the floating display to begin another battery of scans, and he sighed deeply before looking at Charles who was watching him intently with a flushed complexion, causing his freckles to fade in places, yet stand out in others like on his  nose.

“Are you okay? You’re struggling… Are you fine with us – you and me… is that the problem?” His voice was horse.

Erik sighed in exasperation, because that’s not what he’d said at all, yet Charles’ question just proved how insecure he still was. It was in part a relief because it felt like Charles was too confident in this, and Erik tried to relax for both their sake.  

“You should know you aren’t the problem Charles. This is new for me, and I am professional when I am at work, and now I am not. I have standards.” Erik said, and Charles looked away flinching like he’d been burned, which was entirely confusing to Erik who was past the point of having any control over his feelings, which were spiking with anxiety, and regret. _What have I got myself into with this delicious alpha? God he is too much— how far into ruin could I fall just for the sake of Charles… I’ll lose all respect in the name of passion. I’ve lost my self-control already. Just a kiss to tie us over. What a sham!_

Erik was still trying to remain calm as his anxiety was triggering fear to sweep through him. He had so many reservations and Charles was pushing him to compromise his values... but was that it? It was the entirety of the moment. Erik felt vulnerable and it was difficult for him to let go like this... Crippling insecurity was effecting him as he reflected on the kiss, and Charles, and how easily he had spilled details of his life, and how easily he had let Charles win. What was three months compared to ten years? It was nothing, and so he had given into the first alpha who’d shown him interest like some knot hungry whore...  

Erik sucked in deep breathes as he tapped the screen, and he looked over to see Charles watching him with a wounded expression. “So… do you think you’re lowering your standards being with me?” His voice was grin, and Erik felt like growling.

He wasn’t an emotional personal and there was point when he couldn’t take anymore, and he needed solidarity and silence, and he also needed Charles to stop forcing him to feel on top of it. To put it plainly, Erik wanted Charles to leave him alone, but not leave him...

“Why would I say that to you? Don’t misconstrue my words Charles, I wasn’t referencing you, I was referencing my position as the Chief of Engineering. My standards that I hold for myself. You have exceeded my standards if you must know.” Erik told Charles briskly, despite the bile that churning in his stomach.

Charles’ face softened as pleasure filled those caring blues, and he appeared to melt with relief. “Really... I guess I shouldn’t have thought you were talking about me, when we were just kissing...” He trailed off, and then sighed and ran his hand through his hair ending with a self-deprecating grin, “Sorry, I guess I’m not used to getting my way with you, but now that I _have_ … what are your standards by the way?” Charles asked wagging his brows as his lips began to tug at the sides, and Erik gave him an incredulous look.

Before he could answer he heard the soft fall of footsteps, and Erik looked over sharply to see McCoy approaching hesitantly, and he stopped when Erik caught his frightened gaze.

“What is it ensign?” He snapped, and Charles’ brow pulled with annoyance as he shot a look of equal disdain at the alpha who was standing inconspicuously in the corridor to the sensor tunnels.

 _Good…_ He thought, thankful that Charles wasn’t in his personal space, too noticeably.

“I’ve been sent by Commander Azazel to inform you the transport scheduled for tomorrow has signaled ahead and they will dock today Sir, and also to request the assistance of Lieutenant Xavier to assist me with the diagnostic… and r, repair of the cooling tower Sir. There’s a leak...” McCoy informed him boldly, as he stared off past both Charles and himself while standing at parade rest.

Erik rubbed his chin. There were too many issues with the cooling tower as of late, and he speculated if a full replacement might just be in order, and as for the news of the transport, it meaningless news. 

“Very good McCoy.” Erik drawled and looked at Charles who wore a repugnant expression that soured his rouge lips.

“I guess I’ll just go and deal with that…” Charles drawled acerbically, and Erik felt a sudden need for Charles not to leave, and it was maddeningly frustrating his conflicted state of mind.

“Yes… I think that’s prudent. I’ll finished up here, and meet you at the tower to see what new malfunctions it’s adopted.” Erik said sardonically, and then added, “The piece of junk.” As Charles’ eyes lightened with amusement.

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon…” Charles said with longing like he was already missing Erik, and he held Charles’ sudden yearning gaze, as McCoy stood awkwardly in the background.

“Dismissed McCoy.” Erik ordered, flicking his eyes to the lean and tall young man, whom without hesitation, beat a hasty retreat back through the corridor where he came.

“Bye Erik.” Charles murmured intimately, stroking his arm while wearing a soft grin, and Erik’s mouth ghosted into a mirrored expression of affection– and without warning, Charles stepped forward and stole a kiss, and then was pulling away and turned to leave the tunnels while Erik licked his flavour from his lips.

Charles looked back at Erik while smirking, and he watched the alpha go as a part of him felt like it was leaving with Charles… and he didn’t think it was possible. What could Charles poses already that was a part of him? _My self-respect?_ He thought cruelly turning back to the monitor… No it wasn’t something as simple he knew, and he looked back to the tunnel hoping for a last look of Charles, but he was already gone.


	19. Misster Independent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik talks to Azazel, and the strain mounts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. This is short, and you might wanna skip it and wait for more, but I just wanted to post because if I wait I'll be posting 30 pages, and then 50 pages to end off the first book, and that's a lot, and I'll have to wait longer to post. 
> 
> I'm editing competently, I think, after a year break due to school, and life shitting all over me, so I'll be updating this fic, and Paradise, just this story was further along in progression for me to post, but I will be posting Paradise. So enjoy, although It's kinda a sliver of what's to come. 
> 
> P.S.  
> Miss Independent, is Erik's theme song. XD

 

 

 

After finding no malfunctions with the sensors, Erik went to locate Azazel, feeling his presence was needed at the cooling tower so they could assess if an replacement was imminent…

Erik already knew the outcome would be bleak, but he had ulterior motives for seeing his friend that went beyond duty. Erik was in need of a distraction right now, and something as simple as conversing with Azazel was like returning to the version of reality Erik had inhabited only a short while ago, although he wouldn’t say it was better. There was something to be said for spending time with an alpha who adores you… but as his oldest friend and first in command, Azazel’s impute was crucial for him to do his job— regardless of Azazel’s animosity towards Charles.

Deep down Erik had hoped Azazel’s disdain for Charles would temper overtime, however Azazel’s behaviour contradicted this assumption, and his dislike for Charles appeared to only grow as the weeks past. Erik felt that something needed to be done to stifle his friend hatred. Charles wasn’t deserving of such unbiased prejudges, and also his importance in Erik’s world had seemingly grown overnight. That was why the lingering _non_ -sexual tension in engineering needed to be expelled, and Erik was the only one who could do it.

It was a necessary, if he wanted to be with Charles, and still had to maintain his loyalty to Azazel… It was the simple truth that he’s never had anyone else, so Azazel’s presence was mandatory. Yet still, Erik was left feeling like he was teetering on a double-edged sword.

 

Erik located Azazel by the Tekthonian drive after receiving his coordinates from the computer. The warp core illuminated the room, and Azazel was cast in that ominous red glow that appeared to span out in rippling waves, and Erik was reminded of Charles forcing omissions out of him… and he felt warm.

As per the norm with his friend, he started in on discussion of his personal life, after Erik explained the issues with the cooling tower obviously. The news was met with little to no concern. “The cooling tower is fine for now, a bitch, but fine… But did you hear about the transport today?” Azazel asked expectantly.

“Perhaps… but I fail to see what that has to do with anything. And I can’t say I agree on your choice of words, but I do believe that sums up the cooling towers’ behaviour in the last few months. Although that still doesn’t address the problem.” Erik retorted dryly, and Azazel looked disinterested with the topic at hand, yet he cocked his head and gave Erik a beseeching look— clearly impatient for Erik to comment on his not so subtle mention of the transport. Erik naturally entertained him, assuming Azazel had already done the rounds of gossiping about whomever he had arranged to bed this weekend. “But, I did hear McCoy discussing the transport now that you mention it. Why is there something happening this weekend I should know about? I haven’t been informed by Logan of any event that requires my participation. Is someone important visiting?” He guessed, humouring Azazel when he knew that wasn’t the case.

Erik’s presence was rarely required when visiting dignitaries were aboard. Only when there was a Starfleet Admiral touring the ship, was he beckoned from the peace of engineering and ordered to appear _pleasant_ , and _co-operative_ , _or else_ — and god forbid they wanted to tour engineering. It was unbearable. Their presence only caused the harmony of engineering to be sullied. But due to their current posting in the leisure quadrant of the galaxy, _Salvo_ — no active high-ranking Starfleet Admiral has stepped foot aboard the Poseidon in almost two years, and Erik was more then fine with that transgression.

“Ah, yeah I would say there is someone important visiting.” Azazel blustered arrogantly, and then he relaxed and stroked his black goatee while he appeared pleased with himself, “I may have a certain omega coming to visit me on the transport. Remember the one I spent my leave with on Scorpus 9? That mulatto beauty Ororo— who’s been stringing me along for almost six months. You know who I’m talking about? The one who sent those wild messages, and the pictures— _god_ the pictures. They are just the wickedest images I’ve ever seen.” He shuddered, and grabbed his chest like he was ill from her clearly erotic correspondence.

Erik snorted at the dramatics, and also from the memory of how put out Azazel had been when Erik refused to discuss, and in particular, view any correspondence with the omega in question, due to the pornographic nature of them obviously.

But that was secondary in his thought. Normally Erik would be entertained by Azazel’s salacious antics, yet he found that he was torn from the present as the image of Charles wearing his obscenely tight sleep wear barraged his mind... It was an inescapable image that made him hunger to see Charles already, even if he wasn’t on such blatant display at work… _like a piece of meat…_

He answered blandly as his mind lingered on the topic of Charles, and how good he looked with barley any clothes on, “Yes I remember, given how much you talked about her after the trip, and shared details that I felt were better left unsaid given the sexual nature of your stories, and images… But she is coming here to live on the ship, and be with you?” Erik asked rationally, and Azazel jerked a hand so suddenly he appeared to be seizing.

“No, no, noooo— she is not coming here to live, she is coming here to play.” He drawled, rubbing his hands together once his panic was over, and Erik snorted again at his blatant display of debauchery.

“I see. And then she’s going to leave when the ship disembarks, back to Scorpus 9?” Erik harboured a guess, as he thought of Charles once again… never leaving the Poseidon…

“Yes, and yes, she will be back, waiting for my next vacation, and whatever happens in-between is forgotten in the stars. No attachments.” He stated firmly, while looking smug at his own sexual innovation perhaps, or just that he found an omega as loose as himself to play with...

“Hmm well I suppose that’s a way to take the significance out of a relationship.” Erik drawled tartly, unable to help himself.

Azazel had changed little from the arrogant lieutenant who transferred to the ship shortly after Erik began his own career aboard, and he’d remained a firm womanizer regardless of the passing years, or perhaps due to them. It was common place in Starfleet to be promiscuous, and Erik couldn’t ethically pass judgement on Azazel for wanting to have meaningless sex.

Once upon time that was how he conducted his life, but unlike his friend, Erik was able to ignore his base human desires for a greater cause, even when it had lead to mounting years of loneliness. But Erik could say now that he’d made the right choice by denying himself so pitilessly, because of Charles. He represented something Erik never believed he was allowed to have: hope for a chance at happiness… And that was his reality up until this week, or more accurately last night. He never thought anyone would want him, but Charles had pushed, and pushed until he was in this impossible situation, and now it felt like he was expected to pretend he was fine… when he’d been miserable for years.

He wanted to believe this was all going to work out, but he struggled even with the scent of Charles trapped in his nose, and the taste of him so palpable on his tongue… and his actions that spoke of a depth of feelings which Erik had never experienced. Charles seemed to want to make everything significant, and Erik would take that over a thousand meaningless nights after experiencing this morning. How Charles made him feel... Erik had never shared that intimacy with anyone, and he felt that Azazel was missing out in a surge of pity— because he wasn’t misguidedly trying to woo an omega for a more meaningful reason when he clearly didn’t want that… And it was just as Azazel spoke that he realized how much Charles’ affection was going to his head.

“Romance! There’s plenty of romance,” Azazel insisted, but then his eyes shifted into a leer and he boasted smugly, “and all the honeymoon I could ever want. Unlike those poor saps who trap themselves by staying too long after the honeymoons over, I get out before it gets messy. That’s how you have a real relationship in these times.” He drawled introspectively, as though this was the most rational conclusion he’d come to through trial, and error, and it worked for him clearly— yet, when he turned his sights on Erik with inspiration in his eyes, he was filled with a sense of dread.

“You should try that with some willing alpha… you know, wherever he might be out there in the cosmos… I mean you obviously don’t want any baggage hanging around like Xavier, considering you’ve completely ignored him following you around like some lovesick dog for the last 3 months. Why don’t you go away to Scorpus? You gotta check out the new leisure district man. There’s something for everyone there _believe_ me. The things I’ve seen...” He chuckled provocatively, and then carried on in a thoughtful tone as he advised Erik on his life. Like his was anything to bolster about, “And I’d think you’d want some action after being cooped up here for god knows how long. I don’t think you’ve left the ship in years. You should go and have fun, or at least get your rocks off, if that’s not asking too much of you. I know how much engineering turns your crank. Maybe you can find some other work obsessed Starfleeter on vaca. You can talk about sensors and how people are always fucking with the controls.” He teased in a sarcastic tone, and Erik really didn’t absorb anything Azazel said after he slighted Charles. He was so affronted he heard a whistling in his ears.

“No, that is an unnecessary suggestion. I do not need an encounter with a stranger on a distant planet to fulfill me, and I actually wanted to discuss with you your habit of calling Charles a _dog_ ,” Erik began, as his annoyance swelled irrepressibly in the face of Azazael’s contempt.

Erik had a high tolerance for jackassery. He had to working with alphas for years in Starfleet, but Charles wasn’t just one of his officers. He was one of the most stellar Starfleet officers he’s ever met, and someone Erik holds in high esteem, regardless of the change in their personal lives… But to Azazel he was just another officer, and an ill-reputed one at that— according to hearsay, and Erik didn’t feel comfortable passing judgement on hearsay alone.

Erik had to stop his minds frenetic swirling, as it descended into that world of all of the titles that Charles had given them, and how badly he wanted to drop the news on Azazel that they were together just to wipe that smug grin off his lips. Sometimes Erik wished he wasn’t so… restrained. He couldn’t even entertain the idea of telling Azazel about them at this point. That would be committing to more than he felt comfortable with… and also, he didn’t want to lose this feeling just yet. The sense of isolation he experienced when he was with Charles, like when they were together everything fell away, and all that was left was them…

Erik swallowed as Azazel adopted a wicked expression.   

“Was he complaining? He was complaining right? Is that what you guys talk about?” His oldest friend asked sarcastically, and Erik’s anger surged, yet he was pressed to consider that Azazel was jealous of his relationship with Charles.

 _Professional relationship as far as he knows._    

“Actually no, that’s not what we talk about, and the detail that you call one of your fellow officers a dog to his face wasn’t brought up as a complaint, it came up in conversation by chance. I believe Charles has found the humour in your comments, but I can say, if I were in his place I wouldn’t be so accepting. I’m only mentioning this because I’m concerned that your dislike of Charles is… personal.” Erik stated delicately, while inside he was cringing,

“ _Really_ , personal?” Azazel chuckled, as he gave Erik an odd look, “I don’t hate him if that’s what you’re asking, he’s just easy to mess with… and I think you might be about as blind as ship without power, if you can’t see how he’s set his sights on you. But I get it. You probably don’t want to admit it’s gotten that bad when you don’t like him…” He paused for a moment, and then spoke tensely, “I heard what he said at the meeting Erik,” His eyes narrowed on impulse, and he knew who had talked to Azazel, and he was right as the man shamelessly told him who the gossiper was, “Emma told me he lost it on the captain because of you. Something about Logan not treating you with respect. That there is a massive red flag, and I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, you should say something to the guy. He’s a spaz and he might just go for it one day when you’re not expecting it…” Azazel warned, and Erik had about enough of his words of wisdom by this point.

“Commander I think that is enough. I don’t need to stand here while you slander one of your fellow crew members who I happen to believe is one of the finest men I worked with second to you— and you should know before you say anything else, I am in no way threatened by Charles, and I am disappointed to hear you actually think he would do that… _violate me_.” Erik uttered harshly as his temper was rising.

It took a lot to push him to the extremes that he actually lost his composure and reacted in anger, but Azazel was making accusations that were potentially damaging to Charles’ character, and insinuating that Charles would actually try to _sexually assault_ him!

His whole body pulsed from an acrimonious swell of indignation as he considered that this opinion had already been spread throughout the crew. And if that was the case, and Charles already appeared this repugnantly to the crew, then where did that leave him? Charles was the only alpha he’d ever felt this strongly for... He couldn’t just change his mind and pretend nothing had happened between them.

“Hey, I only label em’ hows’ I see em’, and if Xavier can’t take a hint and move on, then I’m gonna be a little worried for you Erik. And you know it doesn’t help that you keep leading him on.” Azazel lectured him, “If you spend all your time with him, and have him grovelling at your fucking boots how does that look? It makes you look like a _tease_.” He slapped the label on Erik in an accusatory tone, and Erik had never been given such a label in his life, and he never fathomed that now, after a decade of celibacy he was going to earn it.

Erik chose his words carefully before he spoke, because he had a hunch why Azazel was blowing the situation out of proportion, and he’d rather deal with that first, if it was the true source of his contempt, “Does anyone else share your opinion Commander?” He asked, choosing the diminutive title again to address Azazel.

Azazel pursed his lips, and settled on a sour expression, “No, of course not.” He grunted, throwing a hand out in frustration. “No one else see’s Xavier chasing you around like you’re an omega in heat, and that’s for the best. Everyone would probably think you two were rutting if they got a good look at you, and trust me Erik, you don’t want to get mixed up with him. You wanna talk about being trapped, I’ve met guys like him, and you give him an inch and he’ll take a mile. I mean— he’s just got not tact, and wants…” Azazel trailed off, looking aggravated as he turned away, and Erik was watching his friend very carefully.

“Wants what? To sleep with me? Knot me? I’m sure there are alphas who want to sleep with me Azazel, I am an omega after all. Or is it just that I am so repulsive to you that you can’t even say the words, let alone imagine anyone wanting me?” Erik posed concisely, using the more brash title for sex just to throw it in Azazel’s face. Although, Erik was sure that was not Azazel’s opinion of him. Nonetheless he had grown tired of being treated like he was undesirable when he knew that wasn’t true… for Charles. And he suspected for Azazel as well.

But that was just a fraction of what was wrong with Azazel’s behaviour.

Azazel shook his head, looking slightly ashamed as he held up his hand defensively, “No, _no_ — hey that’s not what I was saying. If you meet an alpha then… go for it, I just don’t like Xavier cause he can’t take no for an answer. I’m your friend and an _alpha_ , and I’m not gonna sit back while you got that weasel trying to worm his way into your bed. _And_ I didn’t want to say it, but I think he wants more than that. I see the way he looks at you. It has nothing to do with friendship. So, if you want that— you wanna get trapped with that head case for the rest of your life, then that’s your problem, go for it.” He spat defensively, and it was just more of the same rhetoric that Azazel had been spewing since Charles came aboard.

It proved though, to be a tipping point. Would Azazel ever like Charles, or accept their relationship if he was this set on proving Charles as a villain? And with that, Erik’s high from being around Charles earlier faded entirely at Azazel’s resistance… Or what it just that Azazel was jealous as Erik suspected, and nothing that he said would convince Azazel that Charles might actually be a good man, and an adequate mate?

Insecurity budded in his mind, and he couldn’t help but consider both sides of the equation. Was there something he was overlooking that Azazel could see. Some disingenuous trait in Charles he was blind to?

Erik refused to go down that dark line of thought. It was inconceivable when he knew that Charles would never lay a finger on him that would be considered out of line… Or he didn’t want secretly, he reflected, as the instance by the cooling tower came to his mind…  But the real problem wasn’t Charles, it was that Azazel was completely unaware of his feelings, and there was a very simple way that Erik could clarify this misconception, and help to reverse the animosity Azazel felt towards Charles, but Erik… he just couldn’t divulge that yet… He wanted to know this was more than idle attraction before he committed, and it wasn’t helping his willingness to accelerate their relationship when Azazel kept spouting that he was going to be ‘trapped’ with Charles if he bowed to his advances, like it was a life sentence committing to an alpha…

That was Azazel’s stance on relationship, which was fine, but he didn’t know if it was his own anymore, or if it had ever been. To date, Erik had thought his stance was to forego any attachments for the sake of his career. Charles had changed that obviously, but it still didn’t stop Erik from being afraid he was making a grave mistake, due to his own ingrained fears that had nothing to do with Azazel.

“I understand, and as your friend I’m grateful that you are concerned for my well-being, but I think there is a line between being concerned, and placing your prejudice on a situation that doesn’t warrant it. There’s nothing wrong with Charles.” Erik stated bluntly holding his friends eyes, who huffed out a laugh of ridicule at Erik’s statement, “He is a good officer and I appreciate his presence on the ship, and I am in no way threatened by his interest, which— I feel is borne out of mutual respect. And if you haven’t noticed he fits into engineering seamlessly. I really don’t know why Starfleet thought it was prudent to send us such a seasoned officer, but I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. _And_ if he is interested in more than friendship, then that topic will be broached when it’s necessary.” Erik stated as guilt consumed him.           

He was denying Charles and what they shared, but the news was clearly not welcome.

 _I should have told him so he sees Charles how he really is: a kind, and deserving alpha who genuinely cares for me, and has an allure that I can’t deny… an unfair amount…_ Erik considered, he shouldn’t share that last part with Azazel, but it still remained his silence was damaging.

Azazel was drawing out his silent disapproval as he shook his head, and Erik felt he needed to add, as he thought of the future…“I hope you can let your resentment go. I feel like we have a strong team now, and I don’t see why we should be divided when we could be working as a team. I’d say that over all Engineering is the superior department on the ship, and I intent to only further establish that fact by all of us working together, and not at cross purposes— _and_ making unfounded accusations about our fellow officers.” Erik stated authoritatively, and he hoped that the spirit of rivalry would prevail over his first in commands erroneous perception of Charles.

He was trying to remain impartial, and emotionally detached… Although he was beginning to think that mind set was errored. There was no way to completely dull your emotions when they were the reason he was in this predicament to begin with.

Azazel still wasn’t looking at Erik as he finished. He’d taken some steps as Erik spoke, and was facing away from Erik, like was a child being chastised by a parent— but that passed as he let out a sigh and cocked his head as he regarded Erik from the side. “Fine.” He said brusquely, “I’ll…” Azazel waved his hand in the air, like clearing away a fowl stench, “keep my opinion to myself, even if it’s clearer than your own.” He turned then and faced Erik, as he started in again like a Toracian gnat to prove his point. An insect that was so vicious, it bore through flesh, and bone in its pursuit to nest, away from the deathly summer heat on the Toracian surface. “You do know right that Xavier is never going to leave you alone if you keep leading him on— that’s all I’ll say okay.” He stated, while holding up his hands, and Erik couldn’t help thinking that Charles didn’t deserve this, and he was done trying to be impartial.

“And why does that matter? I don’t understand why you think I should feel offended by Charles’ interest. Are you jealous?” Erik asked seriously wanting to hear his friend say it, because it was the only logical answer. Erik knew for a fact that if the situation was reversed he wouldn’t feel the same suspicion, and malice as Azazel does towards Charles, if he were a new omega in engineering.

“ _No_ —” He retorted, as his face was flushed from the accusation, and Erik cut him off.

“ _Y_ es, you are. You don’t have to lie to me, and we don’t need to talk about it, but I can see how you would be jealous of Charles…” Erik trailed off stiffly, and Azazel looked away shaking his head like his words were unfounded.

“I am not,” Azazel whispered, as he appeared coiled like he was about to charge off, and Erik could see his eyes clouding with mirth as he spat contemptuously, “ _jealous of Xavier_ ,” as he leaned into Erik, like he couldn’t chance anyone hearing the words and speculating otherwise when they were completely alone at the moment.

“Do you find Charles attractive?” Erik asked abruptly, and fought down the smirk that was curling his lips maliciously at seeing his friend discomfort.

He wasn’t past garnering pleasure from other people’s discomfort if they were annoying him, and even Azazel wasn’t immune to his temper, especially if he was going to push Erik until he was forced to yield to his baser impulses.

“What? No, why are you asking me this?” Azazel was looking at him bizarrely, and Erik knew why. Their conversations were largely one sided, because of the fact that Erik didn’t really have a personal life… until now.

“Because Charles is attractive, and I wonder if he wasn’t so appealing you might not feel the same way.” Erik reasoned, but instead of owning up to his childish jealousy, his friend was shaking his head in denial.

“Ah no. Now you’re just talking out your ass because Xavier isn’t anything to look at. He’s fucking annoying is what he is, always kissing your ass. I don’t know how you can stand it, unless that’s why you want him hanging around, you need some ego boosting Erik?” He asked derisively, and Erik was losing the battle with his composure, as his lips began to twitch, and he fought the sneer that wanted to tear through him. 

 “Maybe I do, and if you’re not on the receiving end of this attention, then I can see how it would be annoying, and also unpleasant if you don’t find that person appealing— although you clearly aren’t qualified to judge an alpha’s desirability because of your stance on Charles. Now if the situation were reversed, you wouldn’t be opposing a new omega’s presence on the ship, and I wouldn’t be as hostile towards this new omega as you are towards Charles.” Erik finished in a clipped tone, and then added before a chagrined Azazel could retort his statement. “Have some decorum Azazel, if you keep opposing Charles’ obvious—as you say—interest in me, then people might start to think that you’re interested in pursuing me yourself, and I don’t think you want that do you?” Erik finished, as he gave Azazel a curt smile.

A humourless chuckle left Azazel in response, and then he all but growled, “Yeah I guess not, I don’t wanna look like I’m trying to get ahead by fucking the boss cause I’m too much of a burn out to get ahead on my own merit.”

Erik’s eyes narrowed at that telling comment and he never guessed his friend was this insecure, but he supposed he had reason to be when Charles matched him in skill, and surpassed him in physical merit... Although he didn’t think that matter to anyone but him.

“Well regardless of who I _fuck_ , they wouldn’t get a promotion just on their performance in bed alone. I’d need to evaluate their skills in engineering, and on top of that, have an available position to promote them too, which there isn’t. So, it’s safe to say other crew members can stop feeling resentment towards each other, if they feel there is a threat to their job—” Erik finished abruptly, and all of his humour was dissipating as he considered that other members of the crew might view him in the same light. From all of Azazel’s comments Erik sensed he’d already lost the respect of the only person who mattered the most in his life. And it actually hurt that Azazel was so instant on his opinion of Charles. Erik couldn’t help how he felt about the other man, and this was a rare occasion where Erik’s hard venire had cracked, and his feeling were exposed and he needed Azazel’s understanding instead of this…

“Whatever you say boss.” The man in front of him said contentiously, and then abruptly walked away, and Erik was left with a sinking feeling succumbing his guts.

 _Did I just lose my closest friend_? He considered as pain laced through his heart. He knew this was because of Charles, and Erik was left conflicted as he started after Azazel while wanting to scream. Strain was tearing him apart, and that’s what stopped him in his tracks. First Charles, and now Azazel… Although the strain from Charles should be a pleasant one, yet, for a man who isn’t accustomed to being loved, Charles’ advances affected him in the same manner as a friend turning their back on him due to the interest of a harmless alpha, and that’s what was wearing him down… Hanging his head, Erik held his face and tried to calm his nerves, but he knew that wouldn’t come until later… so he resigned himself to his unrelenting _strain_ , and harboured the shreds of his composure for the rest of the day.

Erik followed after a pause, letting Azazel leave on his own terms, and decided that time was all his friend needed, and the truth. _Tomorrow,_ Erik thought, _I’ll tell him tomorrow._ After he considered the night ahead of him, and how if he continued to engage in this relationship Charles has fabricated for them, there would be no turning back… There was that line again that was stuck in his head — _better to have love and lost, then to never love at all_. Erik couldn’t help feeling like this was his only chance to find happiness, or what he imagined it to be with an alpha… yet he’d never felt the need to suffer just to share a bed, so why was Charles the exception?


	20. Pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more confrontation, and the end of the work day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos. Means a lot. I'm happy people still wanna read this fic <3

 

 

 

Despite the outcome of their conversation, Azazel remained professional as they assessed if it was possible to just replace the worn parts of the cooling tower, or if a more comprehensive repair was in order. Plausibly they could just replace each section of the cooling tower by segmenting off the holding tanks. There were safe proofs obviously built into the unit to make this possible, but Erik wasn’t quite so sure it was worth all the hassle, or the cost. The expenses for the repair would be covered by Starfleet, yet they still required an estimate— and the question begged, did Erik really want to cost out the bulk of parts they would need?

“I guess I’ll work on this, and decide if we want to go through the ordeal of removing the water unit.”

Azazel was shaking his head, and sighed while rubbing his goatee, “Yeah, I don’t think we really wanna do that— _Xavier_.” He called suddenly, and Charles looked, over curiosity wrought in his gaze and grinned at Erik, yet it was Azazel who had called him.

Charles stepped away from the installation of the new plexi-pain, and slapped McCoy on the back, who looked over wearily in their direction. Charles strut over, and Erik felt a tide of comfort overcome him, knowing he was going to be near… yet instead of finding pleasure in that occurrence, anxiety touched on his mind, and he contemplated if he was willing to feel this dependent on another human being, when he had been fine alone... before Charles came.

_No you weren’t… liar_

“Yes?” Charles looked between them as a crease cut between his brow, and Erik found him to be so damnably attractive that he looked over at Azazel, just so to try to feel like the man he used to be; who was not in fear of being ensnared in a relationship; who was content with his loneliness…

“What do think about replacing the cooling unit? This one’s a bust, and we’re thinking either replace the parts, or just bring in a whole new unit, but you know what that means...”

Erik looked back at Charles to see the chagrin on his face, and he was shaking his head like they were mad for even entertaining the notion, “Jesus, replace the parts obviously. We can’t replace the unit even if we wanted to, we don’t have a strong enough heist to lift out the whole thing in one go. It’s gotta be what— 3 tons or more?”

“5.34 tons.” Erik corrected, and Charles let out a laugh as he grinned freely, as though he was charmed by Erik’s capacity to know every detail of engineering from heart “And we could do it.” Erik went on, “We would just have to dismantle each section individually and order a stronger hoist with the replacement parts... but I agree that it would be painful to carry out a full replacement, outside of a Starfleet depot that is.”

A humoured hitch of air left Azazel, and he hooked a thumb at Charles, “See he’s not just a pretty face.”

Erik took in the smirk on his friends lips, and he didn’t know if he was attempting to make a joke, or just being cruel.

“A pretty face?” Charles blurted, as his tongue flicked his lip in annoyance, and then he laughed out raucously, “I don’t think so, I think that’s your title mate, I wouldn’t want to take it from you.” He finished, and shot Erik a knowing smirk.

“Well, this was Erik’s bright idea, so maybe he deserves the title, don’t you think?” Azazel asked Charles, and Erik whole body tensed. This was past the point of being acceptable for Erik, and as much as he wanted to relax and act as though he wasn’t extremely uncomfortable with the title _pretty_ being applied to him, he couldn’t…

Still, he hesitated wanting to hear what Charles had to say.  Erik couldn’t have censured Charles if he wanted to… Something stopped him as it always does from maintaining his stoic composure around the alpha...

He met Charles’ scrutinizing gaze before he spoke, holding his striking blue eyes, and Charles smiled impishly at Erik who began to fill with affection, “I don’t know, I don’t really think pretty applies to the Chief as a whole. You could say he’s pretty good at a lot of things, but even then, can you really use one word to describe someone who’s as important as Erik on the ship?” There was conviction clear in his tone, and Erik understood why Azazel might misread Charles’ actions as grovelling, but he couldn’t bring himself to care when there was nothing he could do to change Charles… and he wouldn't want to. The man was perfect, he thought, even as he remembered yesterday’s conflict, but it was the memory of how it ended that had proved Charles worth… And the the sensation of strong hands massaging his tender muscles drifted to the forefront of his mind, along with how heavenly it felt.

“You sure about that?” Azazel countered before Erik could even begin to form words, because what Charles had said was once again _perfect_ if he was being honest. Praise of his work in Starfleet and nothing else. To him his appearance held no value, only what he could achieve with his bare hands, and his mind… And if Charles found him appealing enough to want him in his bed, then those aspects of their relationship should remain there... Or in a moment of solitude, he thought as he reflected on their stolen kiss earlier, and unsurprisingly he found himself starring at Charles’ soft mouth.

“What? Sure about thinking he’s more than a pretty face?” Charles countered, as irritation was clearly relayed in his tone, _and_ on his face as his eyes jerked and widened, and Erik chose that moment to speak before their conversation escalated further.

“Alright, that’s enough. I think we’ve establish that none of us are pretty enough to earn the title, now can we please move on gentlemen? I have about 100 parts to cost out.”

“Hey, he’s the one that started this whole pretty business, I’m just an innocent bystander.” Charles rebuked defensively, as he pointed to Azazel, and Erik knew that Charles was probably confused by his first in command broaching this topic, which had made this day all that more uncomfortable for him.

“No, you started it pretty boy.” Azazel countered, with barely contained malice in his tone, and Charles scoffed and looked at him, like he’d determined that Erik knew what had brought on this odd diversion from the norm, yet Charles didn’t ask anything of him… And Erik could only be happy for small favours, like Charles’ aptitude for knowing when to keep his mouth shut.      

“Gentleman—” Erik said crisply, “Go back to work, that’s an order, and I don’t want to hear any further discussion of this argument. It’s undignified.”

Azazel nodded, while Charles remained looking at Erik with a searching gaze that Erik couldn’t begin to respond to. Not here at least, and not when he was felt like he was better off without this disruption in his life.

“My pleasure.” Azazel drawled like he hadn’t started this, “But ah, I’m gonna go if you don’t need me. I booked tomorrow off, and since my friend is a day early, I don’t wanna leave her hanging around when there are too many _dogs_ on the ship.” He finished arrogantly, while looking at Charles, and Erik blinked at his so-called _friend,_ as his earlier resentment was souring his thoughts.

“Your girlfriend?” Charles asked astutely, and Azazel paused like he didn’t want to be forthcoming with the real status of their relationship.

“No, just a friend… why?” Azazel questioned, as he rubbed his chin, and Charles shook his head like it didn’t matter.

“Just curious, you’ve never mentioned having one. I was thinking if she was, you haven’t done a very good job trying to keep her.”

The aggression was potent in the air, and Erik was reminded of the meeting yesterday, and Charles’ inability to back down. He was confrontational and outspoken, and Erik both liked— and disliked those traits, especially at this moment… Yet, Azazel had started the hostile exchange, so who was he to tell Charles to back down? And frankly he had better things to do then break up petty fights. 

“Well she’s not, and I don’t really do girlfriends, so it’s not something I worry about. And you? You have someone you’re hiding away Charles?” Azazel sneered his name, and Erik knew what Azazel was doing.

He could only imagine how awkward this topic would be if he wasn’t already engaged intimately with Charles. Erik would be waiting for Charles to shatter the fantasy that they could be together while being resentful towards Azazel for bringing it up… And Erik looked at Charles’ mulish expression as he regarded Azazel, and he felt so grateful suddenly. He couldn’t begin to dissect how much Charles’ affection meant to him, and it made him wonder why he’d resisted for long, but the proof was before him. Alphas were bread for conflict, and this argument was a prime example. It felt like he was juggling both these men who were at odds…  _And I haven’t even slept with either of them_

“Me? I don’t have a girlfriend, and I don’t do girlfriends either, you already know that.” Charles’ tone was blunt, and Azazel glanced at Erik with a victorious glint in his eye, and that only intensified when Charles informed Azazel: “I don’t date either. It doesn’t really fit into my life at the moment.”

Erik looked at Charles who was returning the same smug expression, and he irrationally felt offended by his statement when they agreed to not discuss their personal lives at work… and he had already lied to Azazel about their status earlier, so it shouldn’t bother him...

“So, you just have fun?” Azazel posed suggestively, and Erik knew he was talking about the meaningless one-night stands that most in Starfleeters prefer.

“No,” Charles grunted in irritation, “I’m not spontaneous with the choices I make in life, and that includes whom I take to bed. But shouldn’t you get going? Don’t wanna keep your friend waiting.” Charles suggested without any spite, and he looked over at Erik, giving him an intimate grin, and it felt like Charles did this for him…

“Yes— you may go Azazel. Enjoy your time off with your friend.”

Azazel hesitated glaring at Charles for a moment and then he looked at Erik, and smiled genuinely as though he’d elicited the desired outcome from his arrogant exchange.

“Right, thanks man, and maybe I’ll see in the bar? The finals are coming up tomorrow. We got in at least, right Xavier?” He said in a manly fashion, and Charles nodded with a cordial grin.

“Damn right we did, but I won’t count on it… I might be busy.” Charles stated conversationally, and Erik tried to ignore that statement. It was so harmless, but he knew that Charles was speaking of him… He was going to be busy with Erik, and he was faced with series of heady images without his consent…

 _Charles’ heavy form trapping him to his bed, and he was drowning in that mouth, suffocating as the sensation of having an alpha finally was erasing his will as he was filled by Charles’ cock, and all he could taste was alpha… It wouldn’t be enough for either of them and there would only be one way to satisfy their hunger, and bring their status hurdling into reality— Charles tearing into his throat, marking him so everyone on the ship would know that he was owned, and no one would ever question why he was with Charles again, especially Azazel—_ and he gasped out a harsh breath as his body shuddered from arousal, and anxiety _—_ but it was easy to conceal as he coughed.

“Are you fine?” Charles asked him salaciously, as Erik put his fist to his mouth, and Azazel’s eyes were equally concerned as they touch on his own.

“Yes, just something in my throat… but I should go and start my expense report. Have a good evening Azazel, goodbye.” Erik said tightly, and glanced at Charles tipping his head, and in return Charles’ eyes were troubled but Erik couldn’t spare a moment. He needed to leave.

 

 

It was a small gift that Erik found the peace he was desperate for in his office, as he kept true to his word, and began to comprise a list of all the parts it would take to fix the cooling unit so it would stop hemorrhaging.

He lost himself in the report, and came out the other side into this frightening new world when Charles’ knocking on his door frame alerted him to the time, which meant that he was required to leave the safety of engineering with the wolf at his door…

Erik didn’t want to feel this way… frankly he didn’t want to feel at all, but it had become impossible not to be weary of what was to come, as the layers of stress built around him until he was encased in a tomb borne of anxiety, and indecision.

“Hey…” Charles spoke gently, as he entered his office, and Erik’s nerves were soothed by the affectionate cadence in his tone.

 _At least I can still find pleasure in his company,_ Erik thought, because if he couldn’t, then what would be the point of any of this?

“How you feeling?” Charles asked next, as he rounded Erik’s desk and stopped so he was standing beside him.

Erik looked up at Charles, and wanted to say: “I feel like I still can’t give you what you want”. But he couldn’t say that obviously, and he considered that he should ignore all of these doubts that kept poisoning his mind, because work was over now, and the complications that came with it would fade once they left and were alone together, and then they could rut. Like that would fix everything….  

“I’m fine.” Erik said tightly, and Charles cocked his head to the side as he let out a sigh, and bit his lip as compassion filled his gaze.

“You sure…Did something happen between you and Azazel? Why was he acting like a dick?” Charles finished in the same soft tone, yet humour edged in then end, and Erik was grateful... Almost too grateful for Charles.

He sighed nevertheless, knowing this question had been coming and he really didn’t want to answer, not while they were at work at least. “Something did happen… but I would prefer not to talk about it right now.”

“Alright…” Charles said easily, yet he hesitated as he rubbed his neck, “But um, do I have anything to worry about here? I’m not dumb, and I can tell when something’s going on.” He stated defensively, and Erik sighed as Charles’ tone turned indigent, “I’m not just a pretty face, and I've never gotten special treatment for anything— so what was that all about? And he didn't just lay it on me with this pretty business, he went after you next.” He paused, frowning, “It was weird, and I’m not impressed with his behaviour towards you Erik. He was acting like a prat and I'd like to know why.” Charles finished as his disapproval was clear in his tone, and then he shook his head while pursing his lips like Azazel had failed in his eyes.

“I think it would be best to wait to talk about this, Charles. I don’t feel comfortable discussing this topic at work.” Erik hushed under his breath, and Charles yielded to his request.

Perching on the edge of Erik’s desk, Charles reached over and patted his arm and then left it there, and Erik wanted his touch just as much he wanted Charles to keep his distance. “Okay… I’ll let it go.”

“Thank you.” Relief flooded him, and the urgency to return Charles’ caress filled him, along with the desire to lean forward and kiss his lips, and lick his teeth that were pressing into his bottom lip in a show of concern. 

“No, I’m sorry…” Charles breathed, and Erik nodded wanting to leave, yet indecision was wrought in his mind. He had no idea what Charles expected, if they were going to get right to it, or have dinner first?

He looked away rubbing his face as an aroused frustration swelled through his loins, and Erik inhaled Charles’ potent musk and his desire to have this alpha was an ferocious demand within. Erik wanted… Charles to take him to his quarters, and do what he’d promised. He… needed him now, while he was so insecure.

“So, I was thinking we could get together around five. You can come to my place for dinner… or did you want to do a light workout first? It might be good if you’re still sore?” Charles stroked his arm as he murmured the words, and Erik wasn’t sore at the moment, but that did sound like a wise idea. It would relax him if anything, and also, he might just enjoy seeing Charles working his hard body again, and his pulse spiked from the notion.

“I think that would be wise, I wouldn’t want to experience the discomfort I did last night…” He agreed, and Charles lips tugged sensually.

“But you know I wouldn’t mind getting to rub you down again… maybe later if you want? I like making you feel better… and make those sounds again.” Charles whispered provocatively, and Erik grit his teeth as his lust seared within, and it was paralleled by his outward abashment.

He exhaled out levelly as he dropped his head, and nodded, agreeing because there was no other option. He wanted it, and this time how he imagined… _After we rut_ , he thought, as his skin was flushed, and it felt like every inch of his body was heating inordinately, and spreading from where Charles’ hand burned into his arm. 

When he looked up at Charles he was even closer, boxing him in partially from his seat on the edge of his desk, while holding his arm possessively. Erik looked into Charles’ eyes and… they shifted down, gazing at his mouth Erik suspected as Charles wet his lips, and his nostrils flared.

“We should go.” Erik said in a surreptitious breath, and Charles’ eyes lifted to meet his own again, suffused with a smoldering desire as his musk was suddenly heavy with his arousal, and then he was pulling away.

“Yes, we should. Ha, what are we still doing here anyway, we must be crazy right.” Charles joked as he moved to stand by the door, and Erik glanced over, and couldn’t help the grin of pleasure tugging at his lips… because they were.

**Author's Note:**

> also check out me out on instagram. candycherik_   
> Kudos and comments welcome! :)


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